Matt Gaetz AG Nomination Is Just Dear Leader Trump Trying To Consolidate Power

Also elaborate trolling.

It has become abundantly clear why Donald Trump demanded prospective Senate majority leaders roll over, show him their lipsticks, and promise he’ll be allowed to bypass them entirely and recess-appoint his Cabinet. And it’s abundantly clear why Trump doesn’t want his nominees to have to endure the indignity of FBI background checks that might find out if they’re sexual abusers or foreign intelligence assets or anything else the libs are always being so fucking judgmental about.

Hello, Trump attorney general nominee Matt Gaetz.

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NBC News reported after Trump’s announcement that Republican senators were
“baffled” by it. Lisa Murkowski of Alaska obviously doesn’t represent the bulk of bootlicking Republican senators, but she was right out the gate, saying, “I don’t think it’s a serious nomination for the attorney general. That’s Lisa Murkowski’s view.” She added, “We need to have a serious attorney general. And I’m looking forward to the opportunity to consider somebody that is serious. This one was not on my bingo card.”

But it wasn’t just Murkowski. They all kind of sounded like Donald Trump had mailed them a wreath made of human turds for Christmas and was waiting for his thank you. “He’s got his work cut out for him,” said Joni Ernst. John Cornyn, who as NBC News notes is on the Senate Judiciary Committee, said they’d “have to consider any nominee by the president seriously, but we also have a constitutional responsibility.” He added, “I don’t know the man, other than sort of this public persona.”

Also:

Asked about Gaetz’s being investigated by the House Ethics Committee over allegations of sexual misconduct, Cornyn deadpanned: “Well, that might come up.”

“I don’t know whether there’s any basis to it or not,” he added. “So yeah, I’m sure we’ll be asking a lot of questions.”

Yeah, that might come up.

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Thom Tillis is pretty sure the investigations into Gaetz will come up as part of his confirmation. Susan Collins is concerned. “Obviously, the president has the right to nominate whomever he wishes, but I’m certain that there will be a lot of questions,” said the concerned senator, concernedly.

Katie Britt of Alabama wouldn’t even comment on it. Kevin Cramer of North Dakota just said the quiet part loud:

[Cramer] said Gaetz's confirmation prospects were “a long shot,” adding that it’s “very possible” Trump is testing the limits of how far he can push the Senate.

Of course, bootlickers gonna lick boots, so NBC News was able to get at least Ron Johnson on the record saying “the president gets to pick his nominees.” And dumbest cowfucker senator ever Tommy Tuberville is of course threatening to have any senator who refuses to rubberstamp Dear Leader’s wishes primaried. That giant earthquake-y sound you hear is probably everybody on both sides of the aisle in the Senate doing major jerkoff motions at Tommy Tuberville.

So not everybody is laughing and/or horrified at this nomination. (All Democratic senators are, and House Republicans, who actually serve with the man and know him best, aren’t being any nicer.)

We Have Questions!

In response to this nomination — or maybe not in response to it at all — Speaker Mike Johnson announced yesterday afternoon that Gaetz had gone ahead and resigned from Congress, effective immediately. You know, how all Cabinet nominees do, they just immediately quit their jobs at Congress or Big Lots or whatever, in anticipation of getting confirmed in a couple months to their new jobs. (Especially when your party’s majority is as eeny-weeny as Johnson’s, in this Congress and in the next.)

You betcha.

But then yesterday afternoon it was also reported that the House Ethics Committee was fixin’ to release its long-awaited report on Gaetz on Friday. Spoiler, it doesn’t reportedly make Gaetz look very good. “Highly critical,” says the New York Times’s Republican source.

So was Gaetz’s resignation even related to his nomination?

And is this a serious nomination, or is something else going on?

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Hold Your Nose, House Ethics Committee Probing Matt Gaetz Again

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We don’t know, but here’s a video of former House speaker Kevin McCarthy on April 9, saying, “I’ll give you the truth why i’m not speaker, it’s because one person, a member of Congress, wanted me to stop an ethics complaint because he slept with a 17-year-old.” So that’s a little flashback to the great speaker-oustering of 2023, which Gaetz orchestrated!

Now Allow Us This Quick Conspiracy Theory That Honestly Probably Isn’t A Conspiracy Theory

Picture it:

The Ethics Committee report on Gaetz is about to come out, and it’s like “Whoa hey whoa hey! Sexual abuse! Sleeping with 17-year-old! Drugs! So forth!”

So Gaetz says to Trump, “I’d like you to do me a favor though,” and it’s to nominate him as AG (or for something else, literally anything). Then yesterday afternoon he offers to resign, like all (none) Cabinet appointees do four seconds after their names are announced.

Now, the report will not come out (at least not officially) because the House Ethics Committee doesn’t have jurisdiction over people who are not even in Congress. Why was the Ethics Committee even investigating Matt Gaetz in the first place? He’s just some guy who looks like Jocelyn Wildenstein’s gay interior decorator who happens to be Trump’s AG nominee! He’s not a congressman!

But it gets better. Because Gaetz is not even Trump’s actual pick to be the AG. He could be the AG, but it’s not necessary. Also, Trump is not the one doing Gaetz a favor, because he’s getting something out of this quid pro quo too. It’s a test. Democratic Senator Sheldon Whitehouse called it “the crawl test.” He said, “Autocrats like to make minions crawl. Gaetz and Gabbard nominations will test Republican senators’ willingness to crawl for Trump. Should be interesting.”

In other words, Trump’s testing the Republican Senate to see if he can defang them entirely, if he can — again — make them roll over, show lipstick, and voluntarily give up their constitutional advice and consent role to the new dictator. Can he force them to render themselves as pointless as the Russian Duma, to demonstrate that he and only he is the government? If so, then Gaetz becomes AG, which is great with him, because Matt Gaetz is probably the only person with an equal burr up his ass toward the Justice Department, considering the Justice Department’s previous investigation into him for allegedly sex-trafficking minors. Is he a kindred spirit to adjudicated rapist Donald Trump or what?

So if Gaetz gets through, the Senate has ceded its power and Trump now knows he can get away with appointing Hitler, or anything else he wants to do.

If not, well then, Trump has figured out where some kind of guardrail to his potential for absolute power exists, and he needs that information too. (The fact that Senate Republicans defied Trump’s and Elon Musk’s wishes and elected John Thune majority leader instead of Rick Scott is interesting. Scott was the only one who immediately started wagging his tail and displaying his genitals in response to Trump’s demand for recess appointment power.)

So that’s our extremely educated guess as to what’s happening here. Autocrats, authoritarians and dictators always are looking to consolidate their power early and often. Prove us wrong.

Also, that Matt Gaetz ethics report needs to leak, like today. America can’t wait to read it.

[NBC News]

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