Megyn Kelly Been ON ONE This Week, Bless Her Heart
WHY CAN'T DONALD TRUMP JUST ACT FUCKING NORMAL? Megyn Kelly asked, about Donald Trump.
Megyn Kelly, she is this up-and-coming right-wing podcaster. Very cranky, very hateful, very dutifully and permanently esconced in Donald Trump’s ass, even though one time in 2015 he accused her of having “blood coming out of her wherever.” She was mad about that, once. But hey, if you can’t beat the adjudicated rapist fascist little Hitler, join the adjudicated rapist fascist little Hitler, that’s what we reckon Megyn Kelly always says!
Plus, she’s one of those disturbed right-wing women who has made hating trans people her entire personality, and that trumps all other considerations for her.
The other day, Kelly announced that she didn’t really want Donald Trump to drop a nuke on Iran, but hey, if she had to pick between that and being talked down to by Michigan Senator and well known total bitch Elissa Slotkin, she would pick bombs. (Because that’s the choice: scoldings from Elissa Slotkin, or murder civilizations with bombs. Truly it is the “Cake or death?” of our time.)
She explained on Monday on her Sirius XM show:
KELLY: All I think about when I think about the Democrats is those very unattractive people in Minneapolis. When I think Democrat, that’s what I think.
That’s what she thinks. Know what we think?
We think Megyn Kelly comes off as the prototypical basic blonde popular girl you went to high school with. Never was the prettiest, nor the most popular, of course — and certainly not the person who had that status because of merit, or because she was genuinely well-liked by everyone — but she was the sidekick to the sidekick to the ones who were. In other words, a mean girl.
She’s not one of the stars of Bring It On, nor is she credited in a supporting role, but she’s probably kind of in one of those cheerleading pyramids, somewhere.
The ones who sit at the lunch table with the very most popular girls, who feed off their energy, but don’t actually have an “it” factor that comes from within.
Those are the kinds of people who look at a protest made up of people banding together to protect their neighbors from being kidnapped, human trafficked, and murdered and start ranking them by hotness.
(Goes without saying that every person who’s protested in Minneapolis is more beautiful than Megyn Kelly on the inside, and some of ‘em are hotdishes on the outside too, dontcha know.)
KELLY: I think them, and I think crazy Elissa Slotkin lecturing Pete Hegseth, like, ‘I know, I know, you’ve done your genuflection.’ That smug, arrogant, I’m better than you, I look down my nose on you, even though you’ve done three tours of duty. Like, eff you.
OK, let’s not act like Pete Hegseth’s three tours were something special, there’s a reason we call him the Secretary of Hairstyles, and it’s not because he used his time in Iraq to become some kind of military expert. He’s unqualified trash. (Also when Slotkin goes after Hegseth and makes him her little bitch, it’s wonderful and hilarious.)
Here’s where Kelly chooses bombs:
KELLY: That to me, I could never vote for, never. I mean, honestly, Trump could drop a nuke and I’d still vote Republican over those people because honestly, what they want to do is nuke our own country.
You know, it’s like the open border, what they’re doing to children, all that stuff is still — they would do it all if put back in power. I think most Republicans know that.
No telling what she means “what they’re doing to children” oh wait, just kidding, we know. Remember how hating trans people is Megyn Kelly’s entire personality? She’s one of those lunatics who thinks schools are literally forcing kids to become trans in the guidance counselor’s office, and then offering free after-school gender confirmation surgeries as an extracurricular.
That’s what she means when she says “what they’re doing to children.”
Yeah, it’s kinda weird when you consider how much time she spends standing up for Donald Trump and his Pedophile-Protecting Party, but like we said, she is a lunatic.
OK, so that was Monday. Then there was yesterday, before Donald Trump made his Big, Beautiful Deal with Iran to surrender to Iran in exchange for nothing in return.
Kelly, bless her heart, was really having a rough go of it with Trump’s declarations that he was going to massacre the entire Iranian population if they didn’t kiss this ring he just put inside his butt. Earlier in the week she was willing to trust that Dear Leader had a brilliant strategy, that he was just keeping the Iranians guessing, that maybe he was doing A Tactic.
But yesterday? Not yesterday:
KELLY: I mean, I don’t know about you, but I am sick of this shit. I’m just — I’m sick of it. Can’t he just behave like a normal human?
I mean, honestly, like the president — 3D chess, just shut up, fucking shut up about that shit. You don’t threaten to wipe out an entire civilization, we’re talking about civilians, just casually in a social media post. You know?
Hahahahahahahahahahaha, amazing.
KELLY: Like, I am the first to try to understand Trump and his strategy and to not freak out over his weird social media posts and language that is loose and incendiary.
Like literally one day before!
KELLY: Truly, I've lived with it for ten-plus years. I learned it the hard way when I was on the receiving end of for nine months. And truly, I think that was a gift to me in many ways because it helped me really come to understand what he does with his social media.
When Trump said Kelly was bleeding out of her wherever, he was giving her A Gift!
KELLY: But, this is completely irresponsible and disgusting. This is wrong. It's wrong. He should not be doing it. I don't care that it's a negotiate — his negotiation tactic is to kill an entire country full of civilians — men, women, and children? An American president? So that the Strait Of Hormuz will be open? It's just wrong. It's not hard to say it. It's not hard to recognize it. I wish he would stop doing this.
We’ve got some bad news.
KELLY: Like, he can’t negotiate without doing this? What does that say about him? What does that say about the the position that our country is in right now in these negotiations? He’s got to say this? He can’t be a dignified, strong leader without threatening a bunch of war crimes?
Um, well, we’d answer those very good questions, but we’ve been answering them for approximately 11 years, so if Megyn Kelly would like answers, may we refer her to the homepage of Wonkette dot com? We promise not all of our posts are about how we think it’s cool when Elissa Slotkin is super mean to fascists and MAGA trash, though some of them are.
KELLY: He’s like — what is he? Genghis Khan? Like, what is he trying to do? And why can’t he do it with strength, threats — sure go for it — that don’t diminish and demean the United States Of America in this way.
Yeah LOL it was just yesterday that Trump diminished and demeaned the US. Before that he was just nailing it, a picture of dignity and decorum!
We don’t know what Megyn Kelly is saying today, now that her Dear Leader has humiliatingly lost a war he started by declaring victory, but we are sure she’s found her way back up his ass where she belongs, so fuck it.
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The rats are considering fleeing the Trumptanic as it bobs, waterlogged, in Arctic waters. You’ll be back, girl… you ain’t got no damn pride. Bring your water wings.
<All I think about when I think about the Democrats is those very unattractive people in Minneapolis.>
I dunno, Mary Richards could turn the world on with her smile.