Monkey Fight! Reps. Cory Mills, Nancy Mace Battle To Be House's Second-Weakest Link
Ah, the smell of fresh poo in the afternoon.
UPDATE: Florida Democratic Rep. Sheila Cherfilus-McCormick just resigned, minutes before being sanctioned by the ethics committee for dipping into COVID funds, putting the current balance at 213 Democrats including one John Fetterman, 217 Republicans, and one Independent. (The NY Post notes, the “independent, Rep. Kevin Kiley (R(?)-Calif.)[sic?], changed his registration from the Republican Party earlier this year, but continues to caucus with them.”)
Don’t you love it when the worst people in the world spark joy? Trump may have his UFC and Joe Rogan, but over here at the Mommyblog we relish little more than watching a couple of Republicans cage-fighting it out like Shia LaBeouf and Maddie Ziegler, and, but whoops, double Shia LaBeoufs!
In the ring today, dinga ding, Babadook of the Low Country Nancy Mace versus Florida Rep. Cory Mills. Could there be TWO knockouts? Unlikely! But it does mean that now Democrats lost someone else, one of those two could be on the block. Both Nancy Mace and fellow Republican Rep. Cory Mills are under ethics investigations by the House’s subcommittee, and now NOTUS reports Mills is pounding out one of his own against HER, reportedly based on that groinked-out tantrum she pitched, suing the TSA and American Airlines for forcing her to have a screaming, cursing meltdown at Charleston airport agents after they neglected to meet her at the curb (she was in a different-colored car than her staff had told them), which was bad enough to even make Lindsey Graham and Tim Scott publicly rebuke her. She is now being represented in her lawsuit by Larry Klayman, the greatest lawyer in the world, and is blaming her spectacle on her fear of assassination by transgender people. Very hinged, see you in court!
That’s tight, tight, tight, tight, sparking mosh pit shit because the fight’s so hype!
Who is the weaker link should one need to be sacrificed for the good of the herd? Our contenders:
Weighing in at 90 pounds soaking wet, Mace has been under a House Ethics Committee investigation since January for taking $9,500 more of taxpayer’s lodging-reimbursement bucks than her actual expenses, based on a referral from the nonpartisan OCC, over a place she was also allegedly AirBnB-ing and making her staffers clean up. And yes, it’s the same property that was the subject of that roiling potboiler of alleged blackmail followed by a legal battle between her, her former fiancee, and three of his friends that’s now been going on for more than two years.
REFRESH!
Mace’s weapons cache includes an ear-splitting screechbox capable of forcing any camera cell phone within 500 feet to point and film the vibrations from her cephalic cloaca. She can also reverse-weaponize sexual abuse against women as a force field to protect Donald Trump and Pied-Piper other women voters towards him, plus her big blue eyes pinwheel to draw in rich and sociopathic Republican men who think she is misunderstood and they can change her. And if not, like Donald Trump once said about then-17-year-old Lindsay Lohan, crazy equals hot in the sack, gag barf vomit!
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But since Mace’s campaign for South Carolina governor launched last August, her polling has ranged from abysmal to maybe, and we all know what that means: Time for a diva to step out from her damp hiding place in the House women’s bathroom and snatch some headlines with her siren song, warrior for women, warriors, come out to play-yay!* She is determined to protect women from every male creep on earth, except that one in the White House. Unless it comes down to a battle for domination between her and him, that is!
In the other corner, Florida Rep. Cory Mills, who has the full power and force of misogyny, and therefore default favor with Big Daddy Pussgrab even before Mills supportively preened and ranted outside his Porner Peener Election Fraud trial.
And just look at him! Double power points for capturing male best-in-show with Trump’s preferred MAGA-male aesthetic. Never mind those accusations of faking a Bronze Star, who cares, not Trump, not when a man has a beard like that.
Mills probably even earned extra mushroom-energy from Trump for reportedly cheating on the Iraq-born wife he’d married before an Islamic Mufti, including with 17-years-younger Sarah Raviani, co-founder of the group Iranians for Trump, who police reports claim he roughed up enough that he was headed to the DC clink until then-interim US Attorney Ed Martin intervened to save him. That’s what Trump would call stopping, starting, and stopping at least two wars! Though Mills does claim that he and his wife were separated at the time. And for this bout, Raviani says she is backing Mills.
Raviani:
“First and foremost: I am not a victim of anyone or anything. What is harming me now is Congresswoman Nancy Mace attempting to use my private life as a pawn for political gain – without my permission, without my consent, and without any regard for my wellbeing. [...] I was extremely jet-lagged, overwhelmed, and intoxicated. We continued drinking later that evening in Washington, DC, which only exacerbated my poor state of mind and decision-making. The [bruising] and marks referenced in the report were from ordinary travel-related activities as well as pre-existing, benign medical factors that had absolutely nothing to do with any wrongdoing [...] Weaponizing women, weaponizing victimhood, and dragging my name into political theater helps no one, least of all me. I ask that my privacy be respected and that my own words, not someone else’s agenda, be taken as the final and accurate account of what occurred. As for the alleged ‘phone recording’ claiming I was instructed to lie — that event never occurred. What is happening now is a poor attempt by Nancy Mace to manufacture a narrative that simply does not exist.”
Praise be to the ghost of Joan Rivers that we are no longer 27 and trying to regain a sense of personal control after being lured into a position to get mistreated by some loser shitheel, with a side of Nancy fucking Mace not helping! Hope Raviani realizes sometime before she is Mills’s age what a user and shitty human being he is. With 17 more years of life and boozing experience on her, it was on him to be the more mature person he is and de-escalate a bad situation. And while Mills may have been her significant other, his cock-carousel spins faster than a Gatling’s!
Because, it would appear, at the very same time or very close to it, Mills was also pitching woo to Miss United States Lindsey Langston, inviting her onto the well-worn mattress at the $20k a month condo he was later sued for eviction from for nonpayment, and then threatening to release revenge porn of Langston if she did not get back together with him, and to harm anyone else she might date. He also considerately gave her enough evidence of his bullshit that she got a restraining order from a judge in Florida.
And mid-Atlantic blue cities are not Florida! There are deep benches of seasoned judges who have usually seen enough to know not to play with stalkers and shitass violent abusers, and want no association with whatever horrors they might go on to get into. If Rep. Cory Mills keeps his word to Lindsey Langston and pesters her or anyone in her orbit again, odds are Washington DC will keep its and Florida’s word to Cory Mills, that any time he decides to push his luck with a drive-by peep or send a “friendly” birthday card to his ex, Jeanine Pirro will then have to go try and break him out of the clink. Might that make a GOP dealbreaker in these trying and Ep-stained times?
Mills has been under investigation by the House Ethics Committee since November of 2024 over the alleged sexual misconduct/dating violence, and he has told the House to fuck themselves with their asks for transparency with his finances as the law requires since day one. Given that rent nonpayment, his checkbook does not sound tidy, and given his arms-dealer past, could be way worse there than some sloppy overspending to impress younger women!
The OCE Investigative Subcommittee seems to think that not only did he not disclose his investments, he may have also violated campaign finance laws in 2022 and 2024, improperly requested or received gifts related to official travel sponsored by a private group, and “Received special favors by virtue of his position and misused congressional resources or status.” Gee, wonder who all his little secret friends are?
But Mace seems extra-disliked by her colleagues, and a lame duck. Tired of re-creating her ideal humid, sulphuric habitat in the bathrooms of Congress, she is ready for an upgrade. Why deal with assholes in the House if one could be the Queen of all of South Carolina! Her House term is up in January of ‘27 anyway, so she’s got all the power of a tube-television poltergeist, just show up, moan, and stay mostly in her box. And while Trump is no longer enthused about her, he has not withdrawn his endorsement, either.
Who will lose? Not us! Everyone’s a winner when these scumbags fight.
Stay tuned!
* PS. Did you know Lin Manuel Miranda did a Warriors concept album?
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J Edgar Boozer
Mills is my Congress critter. He FINALLY held a town hall a few months ago and was as dickish as you'd expect. His staff is just as dickish as he is, which is why I enjoy calling his office every day to ask if he's abding the terms of his restraining order.