Epstein Files, Get Your Fresh Epstein Files!
Featuring cameos from Bannon, Elon and the Dersh!
With the backdrop of Reps. Thomas Massie and Ro Khanna in the House on the verge of getting to 218 signatures for their Epstein Files discharge petition if Mike Johnson doesn’t delay swearing in newly elected Democratic Rep. Adelita Grijalva, let’s catch up on the latest Epstein slop that’s dropped!
There’s an insider report via the Wall Street Journal about hot Epstein summer panic at the White House, more from Bloomberg’s Epstein Yahoo email cache, and a Friday afternoon document drop from the Epstein estate, freshly redacted and uploaded by the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee!
Lookie what we’ve got: evidence that Epstein lunched with JD Vance’s sugardaddy / Lord of the Rings fan / Palantir databaser / store-your-facer Peter Thiel in 2017. He was already known to be one of Epstein’s biggest investors, with a ground-floor $40 million that grew into the $170 million that it is today, as Thiel never divested. Also, there’s record of a 2019 breakfast with Trump’s then-former first White House strategist Steve Bannon, just months before Epstein was arrested a second time. Salacious!
And oh hey, there’s evidence of a trip being planned by Elon Musk to Epstein’s island in 2014! What a surprise, all of those guys seemed so wholesome. Wonder if Musk and Epstein shared notes on the spermination farms they both hoped to build to spawn a master race of themselves? So many shared wonderful secrets!
Also Prince Andrew is listed as a passenger on Epstein’s aircraft, and there’s evidence of payments from Epstein to masseuses on behalf of an individual identified as “Andrew.” Epstein did once say that Andrew was the only man whose pussy obsession exceeded his own. ‘Tis quite the elite cabal, innit!
And, on Wednesday, the Wall Street Journal put out a behind-the-scenes of Epstein-related freakouts at the White House, when for the very first time Trump seemed to be losing control over his conspiracy-theory-hungry base. He’d stoked them up for years about the EPSTEIN FILES DEMOCRAT CABAL, up to and even after the election. But then, uh oh, a thousand FBI agents combing and spreadsheeting for thousands of hours found Trump’s name all over the Epstein Files. What do!?
Trump seemed genuinely surprised that his followers weren’t satisfied with the fake-out binders of already-public information labeled EPSTEIN FILES that Pam Bondi had handed out to select sucker-cultists, and that some had gotten still madder after Kash Patel and Dan Bongino told Fox News that there WERE no Epstein Files to be released, and Epstein DID kill himself, investigation over!
Who does he think he is, The Wiz? Dance break!
And Trump was surprised when Laura Ingraham asked a Turning Point USA rally, “How many of you are satisfied — you can clap — with the results of the Epstein investigation?” and got assailed by boos.
Meanwhile, internally, Trump never disputed that he’d been up to any underage-girl monkey business. Instead, he fumed that he didn’t understand why people were still so “obsessed” with the treat he himself had been dangling before them, and groused to aides that “people don’t understand that Palm Beach in the ‘90s was a different time.”
Ah, the ‘90s! It was the age of the sylphlike supermodel, and attempted modeling had become all the rage for young girls. Barbizon and John Casablancas modeling schools were flourishing, along with teen model contests, and beauty pageants on television with girls as young as 14 competing in bathing suits. And Trump eagerly joined in to try and profit off of ogling and judging teenage girls like sides of beef. He even started his own teenybopper model-management agency! Very normal for 50ish-year-old-guy. Didn’t your dad have one?
Also in the ‘90s, HONKA HONKA radio-morning-show hosts were slobbering with countdown clocks for starlets like Britney Spears turning 18, and starting in ‘93, Trump was going on Howard Stern regularly, laughing along with the running “joke” that he was a predatory poonhound. He embraced it! Here he is getting all excited when Lindsay Lohan turned 18 in 2004.
What do you know, he and all the the creeps knew that having sex with somebody younger than 18 was illegal, as much as they may have disliked that inconvenient truth.
And in 2006:
For Trump, the ‘90s never really ended.
Anyway, to Trump’s shock, in July a faction of the base rebelled; even Tucker Carlson, Laura Loomer, and Elon Musk (ahem) chafed at the lack of transparency. So Trump screamed at everybody in his yell zone to FIX IT, and his lackeys blew off onto the winds to try.
Kash Patel, who was by then getting blamed by the base after being scapegoated by Bondi for bogarting those files, pushed for the administration to release another statement over July 4th weekend, that there was no “client list,” and that nobody else was going to be investigated or charged, so everybody would get off his back. And boy howdy was THAT a mistake. Even Susie Wiles said so!
The backlash was such that Bongino had a nervous breakdown and threatened to quit. And after the screamer between them, Bondi went on TV to say that when she’d said the files were “on her desk,” she didn’t mean that she’d actually read them. She released that edited Epstein-cell-block video, which made the covering-up even more suspicious. And later in the summer Bongos got a babysitter co-deputy.
Mike Johnson pitched in, grinding the House to a halt to prevent a vote on Epstein Files transparency.
Todd Blanche got Ghislaine Maxwell a plushy spot in a minimum-security prison that she didn’t qualify for, some Chik-Fil-A, and an international platform to try and clear her name by repeating the same I knew nothing lies that had gotten her charged with perjury twice and convicted of child sex trafficking, in exchange for nothing but her money quote: Donald Trump was a gentleman in all respects.
And Blanche filed some performative requests to get grand jury transcripts of Maxwell’s trial unsealed, and got rejected and tongue-lashed in court, because those, too, contained no new information.
Meanwhile, a rattled Trump “helped” by hereby commanding the world to quit talking about the Epstein Files, then still talking and digging himself and his crew in deeper. He rambled that JOE BIDEN had planted his name in the FBI files that Kash and Bongos had just said did not exist, said that anybody who even cared was STUPID and not real MAGA, and oops, confirmed that Epstein poached employees from his spa.
And JD Vance got on shows to blame Biden for not doing anything about the Epstein Files, which Biden planted and also do not exist and are also full of Democrats. Firehouse of bullshit, activate! Everybody’s helping!
An aside, interesting that Rupert Murdoch’s WSJ is putting out this internal-drama story. In spite of all of the administration’s warnings against it, seems the drama is still leaking. Trump is SUING Murdoch’s paper for $10 BEEELYON dollars over that first Epstein birthday-book report. Yet, at the same time, the world’s most vindictive man got Murdoch an invite to his state dinner with King Charles, and Murdoch will reportedly soon wet his beak in the TikTok government takeover. What an odd and co-dependent relationship those geezers have.
Anyway, finally there’s Bloomberg, and the drips from a cache of 18,000 emails they somehow got from Jeffrey Epstein’s Yahoo account, spanning all of the way from August 2007 up until 2022. It’s a trove of messages from enablers and suck-ups, with ick details that corroborate previous reports, like Ghislaine Maxwell planning to make a baby with Epstein’s sperm (as Virginia Giuffre had claimed), and future fired Ambassador to the US Lord Peter Mandelson hankering for island rendez-vouses.
There’s academics eager for grants, and Merrie Spaeth, former White House Director of Media Relations under Ronald Reagan / adviser to John Kerry Swiftboaters / crisis communications consultant for Epstein lawyer and former Bill Clinton-Whitewater-and-BJs Special Counsel Ken Starr (RIP), who helped Epstein draft a public apology which was never issued. Apologies were not Steve Bannon’s PR wheelhouse, we guess!
And creepy old Alan Dershowitz, Epstein (and Trump) lawyer and self-proclaimed friend, accused of rape by Virginia Giuffre, though she later said she may have been mistaken. But with or without his underpants, he was a confirmed island visitor, Lolita Express flyer and acknowledged massage recipient (though all of it very innocent and nonsexual, he promises). Here he is hard-selling prosecutors in Florida to give suffering insomniac Epstein a good deal:
“These girls are self-described prostitutes, they don’t feel harmed, and they’re out for money,” Dershowitz said, according to a memo […] that said it paraphrased his notes. Epstein “is decimated already. He hasn’t slept in months. I want to leave here and tell him we’ve got this resolved. Why can’t we figure something out today?”
And also Dershowitz reached out on Epstein’s behalf to his friends in 2006:
“I am writing this letter to Jeffrey’s close friends as one of his close friends, not as a lawyer. NO, there was never any underage sex. Absolutely none. We all know Jeffrey is extremely smart, and in fact a little ‘complex.’ However, he is not self-destructive. I know that you wish him well, and I’m sure that as this too will pass, we can all help him bring this difficult time to a forgiving close. When the full story finally comes out, the world will learn what we already know—that Jeffrey is a good person who does many good things.”
His ghost is giving Donald John Trump and a bunch of billionaires and well-connected creepers extra hemorrhoids, at least.
And ps. Alexander Acosta testified behind closed doors last week, where he offered no new information and said that while mistakes were made with that illegal secret plea deal with Epstein behind dozens of underage victims’ backs, he did it because something something vague “evidence problems.” In other words, nobody had to bribe or threaten him to give Epstein that deal, as Acosta had never believed the victims were credible to begin with.
That is enough for now.
Stay tuned!
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