New Year, New Lawyer, Same Old Rudy Giuliani!
Everybody's just very confused, your honor!
Oh boy, it’s time for an update on disbarred, Scotch-soaked fart demon Rudy Giuliani, what a treat! We’d hoped that maybe Friday he’d get a zesty stomp from the pointy shoe of justice, and it was not to be. Yet! But like a cockroach nibbling your toothpaste, you just can’t take your eyes off him.
Friday he was back in federal court in New York before Judge Lewis Liman, forced to Rudysplain why he hasn’t complied with just about anything the judge ordered him to do, pursuant to paying that $145-million-plus-interest tab he owes the Georgia poll workers he defamed and will still not quit defaming every other time he unsnaps his mandible.
Did he turn over the condo deed to the ladies? Did he turn over the title to Lauren Bacall’s Mercedes? Did he turn over cash from his hidden banks? Did he turn over memorabilia from the Yanks?
No, that Rudy, he still did not comply.
A mere six months ago, Rudesferatu decided the $3 million Florida condo was his real permanent residence, right before he fled from bankruptcy court into liquidation-land. But oops, he’d already testified during his bankruptcy proceedings that his New York apartment was his main residence and that he spent at least 70 percent of his time there. And whoops, he’d already claimed a homestead exemption for the New York condo. But he’d planned to move to Florida sometime, your honor, he swears, and the fact that Florida has one of the most generous bankruptcy homestead exemptions in the United States is surely a total coincidence!
Everything’s such drama with that messy divo. Thursday, AKA the day before the hearing, Roodles had moaned to Judge Lewis Liman that he should be able to appear by Zoom because of “medical issues with his left knee and breathing problems due to lung issues” that were “attributable to [Defendant] being at the World Trade Center site on September 11, 2001.” Because he’s always gotta slip that in. But he had no medical documentation for those medical issues, and was ordered to show up in person anyway. So he did, coughing and limping like Tiny Tim. But he still had the strength to bark at sketch artist Jane Rosenberg: “The last time you made me look like my dog!”
Priorities!
America’s Mayor™ has a trial scheduled on January 16 for the judge to consider that Florida residence issue, and also if some World Series rings were a gift to his lamprey-faced idiot son Andrew. So it would seem to be in Roodles’ own interests to turn over some evidence persuasive of that nature, should it exist, ahem.
Accompanying R-Dog was his Staten Island divorce lawyer, Joe Cammarata. His last set of lawyers, Kenneth Caruso and David Labkowski, either quit him or got fired because they refused to answer Giuliani’s phone calls, depending on if you believe Giuliani or court filings, common sense and/or your lyin’ eyes.
Staten Island Joey kicked off his debut on a high note last month, insinuating that the judge was a Democrat plant and was biased because hizzoner’s father once represented clients Giuliani’s office prosecuted when Rudy was a US District Attorney, a very long-winded way of saying I am already at the bottom of my barrel of ideas and scraping as hard as I can.
In court, Joey and Roodles went back to the strategy of trying to blame his former lawyers for why still nobody turned over the stuff, or records. Rudy testified that he demanded his former lawyers remove themselves from his case because they didn’t return his phone calls, and that he didn’t know the lawyers that he fired were withdrawing until he read about it in the newspapers. Some bold alternative-fact-ing and under-the-bus-throwing, considering the lawyers told the judge last month exactly what was going on when they asked for permission to withdraw from the case.
Consistency, Rudy’s not big on it. As it happens, he sat for a deposition December 27, as in just a week ago, which is a hoot to read if you are into 438 pages of that sort of thing.
It’s rich with even more creative excuses as to why he can’t comply with the court’s orders, and fun facts: He can’t tell the court his email address, because it’s “frankly none of your business.” He never got a driver’s license, because “I have fatwas issued against me by the Ayatollah, personally.” Really, THE Ayatollah?! PERSONALLY?
Rudy’s villain origin story is standing behind the velvet ropes at Studio 54 in the ‘80s, whining don’t you know who I am?
He asserted that Florida was the home where his tobacco-tar-clogged heart was, insisting that even though he’d referred to the Florida condo as a “vacation home,” really it was more like a “winter residence.” That does not equal a “permanent residence” either, but,
“I just happen to like [Florida] better. The staff — the staff is nicer and the people are wonderful. I mean, I've lived in many different places and they're just wonderful people. I mean, I have a balcony and I used to smoke cigars — used to smoke cigars here, too, in the courtyard — and they never complained. In New York, my gosh, if I even took a cigar out, they would complain.”
Case closed!
But he’s got more evidence that he was intending to make Florida a permanent residence, you betcha! Like how he told his friend and alleged altar-boy-groper Monsignor Alan Placa many times over the years that it was his plan. Also the producer on his payroll, Ted Goodman, and Michael Ragusa, a corrections officer who ran for Manhattan City Council before he was accused of forging signatures, and is now Rudy’s head of security. Yep, two guys on the payroll and a guy with, ahem, other credibility issues.
But the plaintiffs’ lawyers came to show contempt, and unlike Joey Divorce Lawyer, they didn’t start the job last month. Oh, and here’s an email from Rudy’s fired/quit former lawyer saying, “Defendant has informed us he will not image his devices.” Why did he not provide his lawyers any emails? Because, says Rudy, emails are documents, not communications. They had a credit application where he asserted he lived and worked in New Hampshire. And where are Rudy’s calendars? Well, his assistants kept his calendars on notes and then threw them away. Why didn’t Rudy request a copy of the car title? He outsourced the job, because “I had other things to do.” When did he make a request to Citibank for cash? He doesn’t know. Did Rudy see that order to turn over the Reggie Jackson and Joe DiMaggio jerseys? Yes. Didn't your friend say he saw the DiMaggio jersey in Palm Beach? “My friend was 100 percent wrong.” He’s confused, they’re confused, everybody’s confused but Rudy, Judge!
Understandably exhausted after more than three hours of this, Judge Liman decided that the hearing will continue Monday, with Roodles being able to dial in from Palm Beach like Mayzie the Lazy Bird, instead of being trucked in from the can like a common Horton, the way he so richly deserves.
So, that’s a disappointment, but, to be continued!
[Inner City Press/ Giuliani December 27 deposition/ New York Times archive link]
Why is justice so weak when it comes to these shitheels and so hard and fast on the poor?...
He never got a driver’s license, because “I have fatwas issued against me by the Ayatollah, personally.”
Mint.
I don't even care how the Ayatollah influences US driving infrastructure.