RAWR! CPAC Speakers Fantasize About A Michelle Obama-Kamala Harris Catfight
That's ... weird.
CPAC, the big yearly right-wing conference that bills itself as “Where Woke” … and reason, apparently … “Goes To Die,” is happening this week. I know, you’re probably sad that you forgot to go. It used to be a big draw, but these days it’s dwindled down so much that they decided to take away the press passes of “anti-Trump” media and force them to buy tickets instead and Ben Shapiro is just standing around looking all mopey and singing “Empty Chairs at Empty Tables” from Les Mis to no one in particular.
Sadly, this means that there was likely not the crowd there should have been for the panel “CATFIGHT!: Michelle v. Kamala” in which Monica Crowley, Larry O’Connor, Kurt Schlichter and Matt Boyle discuss an imaginary plan for Democrats to replace Joe Biden at the last minute with either Kamala Harris or Michelle Obama.
Former Assistant Treasury Secretary Crowley, identified as one of the first people to claim that the Democrats just might “parachute Michelle Obama in at the convention,” explained that she knew this because there has to be a plan, because “they’re communists and communists always have a plan to seize power.” Not very good plans, apparently, as we’re just about the last developed nation on earth without universal healthcare.
She is very sure that this is the plan and is concerned that people will believe that Michelle Obama is nonpolitical when she is, in fact, political.
Town Hall columnist Kurt Schlichter disagreed, on the grounds that Michelle Obama is too busy hanging around on Leonardo DiCaprio’s yacht to be president (this does not appear to have ever happened outside of Schlichter’s imagination).
Talk show host Larry O’Connor was also Team Kamala, but said that they would make Dr. Jill Biden Secretary of Education so that the Bidens could hold onto power.
But Crowley stuck to her guns and went on a weird tangent about how the “imperial media” (is that a new thing?) is biased for not staking out the Obama’s residence and following Michelle around everyday demanding to know if she is running, just because of how she isn’t running.
The primary barrier to this, the group seemed to agree, was that neither Biden nor Harris would give up all that delicious, delicious power and so therefore would not leave the White House.
Schlichter said this was a possibility, because Joe Biden is not as noble as Richard Nixon and has to stay in office in order to pardon himself and his whole family of all the crimes in the world.
“The difference is Richard Nixon had respect for norms and the United States of America,” he explained. “Joe Biden is the capo of a criminal organization, The Biden Family. He doesn’t care about the country. All he cares about is himself. I could see him the day after his next inauguration or the day before Donald Trump’s Inauguration, god willing, him pardoning his brother, son and himself.”
Yes, if there is one thing I think when I think of Richard Nixon, it is “respect for norms.”
After considering the possibility of Hillary Clinton making another go of it, Larry O’Connor noted that if Bill Clinton was our first Black president (eyeroll), that would make her our first Black woman President, adding that Kamala would also be the first Black woman president, and then adding “and Michelle …” quite possibly leaving that unsaid in reference to the bizarre rightwing meme that Michelle Obama is a man.
The next theory, posited by Crowley, was that Joe Biden would let Kamala takeover now in order to put her in a good position to win — while also maintaining that she would still lose to Trump. She then said she hoped she was wrong about Michelle Obama, as she would be the toughest to beat, owing to the fact that she is “iconic” and the “wine moms” would vote for her.
Who won the catfight? Not clear! Especially since it is a catfight that is only happening in the fevered imaginations of right-wing pundits on a CPAC stage who apparently don’t have anything real to talk about.
PREVIOUSLY:
I am on no way a therapist/psychiatrist or doctor of any kind.
But I will say, these people are not well.
They forgot to mention Pres. Michelle now has the no. 1 hit on Country charts with her new song Fuck Ted Cruz.