Secretary Of Playing Dress-Up Calls Sailors On USS Abraham Lincoln Liars
Christ, what a fuckup.
Secretary Pete Shitfaced Hegseth, who is at this point a worse Glamour Shot cosplayer trying to emulate a real grown-up man with a tuff guy job than Kristi Noem ever was, explained yesterday that reports of horrible, piss-poor conditions on the USS Abraham Lincoln, the main aircraft carrier servicing Hegseth and Donald Trump’s forever-lost war against Iran, are fake news. Moldy, rotten food, broken toilets, lack of clean water, lack of basic living supplies, sailors trying to hurl themselves overboard, all of it.
Since those reports are coming pretty much solely from sailors and their families, guess that means Hegseth just called them all liars.
Hope people didn’t think we were exaggerating when we said Hegseth clearly thinks they’re suckers and losers just like Trump does. He just thinks it in a different way, in that we guess he resents every member of the service who’s better and smarter and stronger than him, which at this point looks like it’s literally all of them.
Maybe that carrier has just gotten infected with the woke, transgender agenda! Maybe they need to shave! Maybe if he just said LETHAL and KINETIC STRIKE and WARFIGHTER!111!!! some more, then his Daddy will love him they’ll start winning this war!
Here is Hegseth explaining that the sailors telling their loved ones what’s happening on the USS Abraham Lincoln are liars. “Completely misrepresented,” he began. “Listen,” he continued:
“We make sure every ship, every crew, every captain has everything we can provide them at every single moment,” Hegseth said to reporters while on a visit to Panama. “Some deployments are longer than others and I have more respect and gratitude for those sailors than anybody. What they do in those high seas in those austere conditions with fewer port calls — it’s incredible.”
If Pete Hegseth is more appreciative of those sailors than anybody, who needs enemies?
The headlines just keep coming out:
‘The boat is finally getting to me’: Wife of USS Abraham Lincoln sailor who jumped overboard shares texts — MS NOW, which adds, “The sailor’s wife told MS NOW her husband expressed his mental health concerns to leadership during his long deployment on the aircraft carrier in the Iran war, but was brushed off.”
Desperate Texts From USS Abraham Lincoln Sailors Reveal They’re Served Rotten Food: ‘Navy Does Not Care’ — Mediaite.
Dire conditions reported aboard USS Abraham Lincoln as sailors try to jump overboard after longest deployment-ever at sea — Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post.
Rotten Meat, No Milk: Troops Detail Life Aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln — MeidasTouch.
Guess all those sailors are telling their families lies, or their families are just trying to make Donald Trump look bad. Guess all the hundreds of sailors’ families that have been meeting with Navy leadership this week, in person and virtually, are just paid agitators. Maybe Marco Rubio can designate them Antifa as part of his worldwide junta against imaginary left-wing terrorists.
There is one story out there that’s pretty obviously fake, of a brawl on the Lincoln that left seven dead. Snopes says it’s Iranian media bullshit. Surprised they’re even bothering, since Hegseth and Trump can obviously skullfuck the US military all by themselves.
Not the others, though.
Speaking of fake things, though, news is now coming out, in the Washington Post among other places, that the so-called “assassination threat” that led Donald Trump to waddle on to a catering truck so he could be left to shit his pants in peace on a different plane on the way out of Turkey, was probably bullshit, and US officials knew it. One US official called it “Israeli-derived, not U.S.-generated, and viewed as low confidence.” Marco Rubio knew about it, got on the plane anyway:
It “fit a broader pattern of Israeli intelligence reporting that some officials see as designed as much to shape presidential decision-making as to inform it,” the former official familiar with the matter said.
This person said he understood that Secretary of State Marco Rubio was briefed on the Israeli threat intelligence, as well as the subterfuge planned by the Secret Service, and nonetheless opted to board the legacy Air Force One, which presumably would have been a target for Iran.
You know, to keep some perspective on why a lot of those people probably just stayed on the plane, because they know people make up Iranian assassination threats to startle Trump and manipulate him.
And, of course, it worked.
But anyway, back to Hegseth and his lost war. While this was all happening out at sea, Hegseth found time to prissy-prance around Panama like a real Army guy, playing dress-up and saying ooga-booga words about what we are going to do to cartels and anyone else Hegseth considers a bad person, which, again, seems to be pretty much everyone. (Especially if they trigger his deep masculine insecurities, we reckon!)
“We do bad things to bad people,” he said. We’re sure it seemed threatening when he rehearsed it in front of the mirror before he went in to hair and makeup.
As for the sailors on the USS Abraham Lincoln, senators like Richard Blumenthal and Ruben Gallego and congressmen like Mike Levin are demanding answers and access to the carrier.
But now, at least allegedly, the sailors on the Abraham Lincoln will be getting a reprieve eventually, as the Wall Street Journal reported yesterday that the USS George Washington will be coming from Japan to the Persian Gulf to replace it.
We guess it’s their turn to get royally fucked and called liars by Trump and Hegseth.
[The New Republic / Washington Post]
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Why do Republicans hate our troops?
Aaaannnd, right on time, to distract instead of solving the fucking problem;
"The Navy could end up spending billions to satisfy a new demand from President Donald Trump to rip out the high-tech electromagnetic systems it uses to launch jets from its newest class of aircraft carriers in favor of older, steam-powered catapults." He "commanded" this yesterday.
Better still was the response from an actual aviator, Mark Kelly;
“I’ve launched off the front of aircraft carriers hundreds of times, have a Master’s degree in aeronautical engineering, and am a test pilot and even I wouldn’t suggest to the Navy how to engineer specific systems on its ships. Donald Trump should stick to what he knows best — ballrooms, bankruptcy, and bullsh*t,”