So Long, Bacall’s Mercedes! Rudy Giuliani Has To Give You And EVERYTHING ELSE To Nice Ladies He Defamed!
Finally, Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss will own his assets.
Bad news for everyone’s favorite butt-dialing sleep-paralysis demon, Rudy Giuliani! Federal Judge Lewis Liman has ruled that next Monday, a receiver will take over most of his tacky assets, and soon-after transfer them to former Georgia election workers Ruby Freeman and Wandrea “Shaye” Moss.
That includes Roodles’ $6 million-something Upper East Side penthouse co-op, his cash accounts, that 1980 Mercedes SL 500 that once belonged to Lauren Bacall that he sat in and pretended to be Humphrey Bogart, his collection of used sports jerseys, 26 gaudy watches, some Scotch-fart-scented furniture, and even his TV.
They’re also getting Rudy’s interest in $2 million of legal fees that Trump refused to pay him, even after broke Rudy went to Mar-a-Lago to kiss his fat little feet and beg.
PREVIOUSLY!
All of that has been officially ordered to be placed in receivership, by next Monday the 28th! Trick or treat!
The fate of Rudy’s Palm Beach, Florida, condo is TBD, pending a hearing also next Monday, as well as the World Series rings that his lamprey-faced son Andrew claims were given to him as a gift, though he does not seem to have any evidence of that other than a picture of himself holding them, and Rudy already listed the rings as a personal asset in court documents.
America’s Mayor (TM) could have gifted Andrew or daughter Caroline any of his tchotchkes, or added their names to the title to one of his homes years ago, if he had been so inclined. Rudy is 80, after all, and how many rings can a man wear all at once, in how many condos can a person live? One of those rings could’ve bought a grandkid a year or two of college, at least at a state school! But too late now.
Anyway, after Freeman and Moss fumigate the cigar smoke, Dumpster the admissions-office-at-a-New England-boarding-school decor, and sage out the specters of FBI agents carrying out search warrants, the penthouse at 45 East 66th Street has got great bones!
The condo’s got no deck. But a great location, right by the Central Park Zoo. And it’s surely more secure than where they were living in Georgia, where they were terrorized by Trump and Rudy’s (alleged) co-conspirators, including Kanye’s former publicist Trevian Kutti, former Trump campaign aide Harrison Floyd, delusional Lutheran minister Stephen Lee, and other assorted psychotic cultist trolls.
In case you forgot, Roodles was Trump’s personal lawyer since 2018, after his previous fixer and porn-peen-hush-money-payer Michael Cohen got thrown under the bus. And after Trump lost the 2020 election, Rudy took charge of the former president’s clown car KRAKEN law team. He and Trump shooed all of the official executive-branch White House lawyers out of the White House, and instead brought in big brains like Sidney Powell to come up with some basis to try to throw out as many of the 7,059,526 votes that Joe Biden won by as possible.
The legal strategy Rudy came up with was dripping hairdye from his temples at the Four Seasons Landscaping Company, unzipping his pants for actress Maria Bakalova, farting a case of COVID on co-conspirator Jenna Ellis, buttdialing reporters, fixating on Hunter Biden’s dong laptop being evidence of something something Joe Biden, harassing various state officials to just say Trump won, and also claiming that two hardworking Georgia elections employees who were just trying to do their jobs were doing fraud instead.
Or, as Rudy told (now former, obviously) Arizona state House Speaker Rusty Bowers, “We’ve got lots of theories — we just don’t have the evidence.” LOTS! Sixty-three bullshit lawsuits with evidence-less claims of fraud, in fact! None of it worked. Though bystanders including Freeman, Ross, and Rusty Bowers got terrorized by Trump’s band of bloodthirsty troglodytes. And that, children, is part of the reason Rudy is now disbarred in DC and New York, indicted in Arizona and Georgia, and no longer has a penthouse or Mercedes.
RECEIPTS.
But don’t feel too bad for him. He’s still getting $43,000 a month from Social Security and retirement accounts that bankruptcy can’t touch. That will still rent a furnished condo in Boca, even if his kids and Trump will never ever come to visit.
Last word to Ruby Freeman!
Your Honor, won't you give us Rudy's Mercedes Benz?
We were slandered and libeled; he must make amends
Worked hard all our lifetimes, no help from our friends
Oh, Judge, won't you give us Rudy's Mercedes Benz?
I hope Freeman and Moss have a good financial advisor, so they don't end up like people who win big lottery jackpots and regret it.
If I were them, I'd:
* Sell Rudy's assets (I doubt they'd actually want to move into his condos)
* Buy nice homes somewhere they can resume anonymity
* Invest to guarantee a stable income for the rest of their lives
* Donate to worthwhile charities
* Make sure the kids and grandkids get good educations