Tommy Tuberville’s Babbling Alabama Translations Of Russian Propaganda Are The Duolingo Course Literally Nobody Asked For
Oh hey, Putin! Tubs got a college football analogy about your war on Ukraine, y'wanna hear?
Alabama’s Stupidest Export Tommy Tuberville has no problem spouting off Russian propaganda, whether or not he’s aware he’s doing it. He’s an incredibly dumb fucking idiot, and we imagine any Russian spy within 100 miles of Tuberville’s morning cheese grits would be more than eager to drop Father Putin’s message in his bowl to see how eagerly he’d lap it up.
Last month, even as Tuberville has been playing “Keep Away” with America’s military and national security because he thinks his small god is mad about Joe Biden’s abortion policies, Tuberville came up with the most cleverest football analogy for Russia and Ukraine, it was really the cleverest, you wanna hear it? Heh heh heh heh heh, you’re gonna get tickled by this one.
He called it “the regime’s war in Ukraine,” blurting out Russian propaganda that Joe Biden is somehow responsible for Vladimir Putin driving tanks across the Ukrainian border and starting a baby-raping genocide. He said of Ukraine that “at the end of the day, it’s a junior high team playin’ a college team. They can’t win!”
You know, because durrrrr durrr durr! Durr!
Oh sorry, did we just entirely stop typing words there and replace them with babbling hick sounds? Imagine what the squirrels who live in Tuberville’s brain have to listen to every day.
Here’s his new one he just told Larry Kudlow on Fox Business. It’s got a lot in common with his last one, in that he yet again heard somewhere from somebody that it would be reasonable to blame Joe Biden for Father Putin’s unhinged masturbation fantasies that Ukraine is rightfully his personal and God-ordained property. Don’t know where Tubs got that or who he’s been hanging out with after class, but they are not a good influence.
Video and transcript below the jump:
TUBS: We heard a year-and-a-half ago from President Biden or Pinocchio Joe, whatever you want to call him, that it was gonna be a small incursion.
Haw haw haw, Tuberville has a little nickname for Joe Biden! Haw haw! Did yew hear his little nickname? Giggle giggle squirt squirt! He made up a little name! What a funny guy Tubs is!
But wait, does Senator Cowbrain really think Joe Biden invaded Russia? What in the absolute hell is he babbling about here, referring to Biden saying it was only “gonna be a small incursion”? Goddamn, there has never been a man further out of his league.
TUBS: And we all know now there has been hundreds of thousands of people killed over in Ukraine – both Russian and Ukrainians, but the Ukrainians are getting slaughtered.
Like a junior high football team, right, Tubs?
TUBS: We hear every day from the mainstream media that that’s not happening, but you don’t fire your minister of defense if things are going well, it’s like firin’ your defensive coordinator, something’s goin’ wrong!
Really hate it when coaches to try to teach real classes. Really really really.
TUBS: They’re gonna ask for more money. Uh, I don’t know what they’re gonna spend it on, because we don’t have anything for them to buy. We don’t have anything to send, you even heard that from the president of the United States, we’re out of equipment, we’re out of munitions.
Did Joe Biden say that or is that something Putin’s ignorant useful idiots in the Republican Party think they heard Joe Biden say and now they repeat the lie every chance they get?
Anyway, it’s rich coming from Tuberville, considering how much he’s currently personally skullfucking our military readiness.
TUBS: We’re propping up their government as we speak. We’re paying all their pension funds. We’re paying all their government employees. American people need to understand, this is not just going to the war. It’s going to the 51st state, which is Ukraine.
Imagine that, the richest country in the world helping the country fighting on the front lines of democracy against the most genocidal apeshit dictator currently alive — helping our ally, which the genocidal apeshit dictator attacked unprovoked — and not even telling them to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps.
That must be confusing for pigfucks like Tubs.
TUBS: This was not going to end up well for Ukraine. We pretty much kicked this can down the road and got Ukraine into this mess. We can’t get ’em out. Somebody needs to go to Russia, like Joe Biden, and talk them out of what’s going on and get this thing settled before we get into a world war.
Oh go fuck yourself, you bumbling dumbass.
Again, has there ever been a man more out of his league, sounding out words he clearly doesn’t understand? We have no idea where he gets these ideas directly from, who’s personally turkey-basting them into his impressionable brain, but we know where they originated, and that is the bowels of the Kremlin. Who just loves concern-trolling about world wars? Putin. Makes him feel big and all-powerful, like everybody’s making their decisions based on how scared they are of him that day.
Of course when Tubs delivers these lines they sound like absolute gibberish. Maybe some Russian words and phrases just don’t translate precisely into Tuberville’s Alabama Biscuits ‘n’ Gravy ‘n’ SEC College FOOOOBAAWWWWW language.
Probably best if he just STFU.
[h/t JoeMyGod]
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Sometimes Russia pays people to echo their pro-regime talking points. The nice thing about American exceptionalism is that they have assholes that'll do it for free, just out of political spite and stupidity.
What a moron.
The critical thing that Tuberville doesn't understand is that Ukraine is going to fight until either every Ukrainian is dead or the Russians leave. The best Russia can hope for is conquering a Ukraine that has been burned to ash.
So why? Even if Ukraine can't possibly win, why would they fight? Because fuck Vladimir Putin, that's why. Russian soldiers committed a practically uncountable amount war crimes and atrocities, and when that happens to you as a nation, you would rather die than submit to Putin's rule.
Sen. Tuberville doesn't understand any of this because he's a spineless coward. He'd much rather submit to Putin than face danger himself, and because of his cowardice, he doesn't understand why the Ukrainians aren't making the same decision he would.