Wonkette's THE SPLIT
What happens when a fun young bartender in the Confederation of Conservative States of America after a one night stand finds herself with fruit in her womb? Some plot! Some satire! Some underground railroad to the USA! And so many explosions and guns! Think Carl Hiaasen mixed with … something else you like. Like maybe Wonkette!
Will Lorinda Moon reach the USA, the promised land of (reproductive) freedom? I don’t know, it’s a serial novel! They haven’t given me those chapters yet!
"The Split" by Ellis Wiener and Steve Radlauer is free to read — but you can always put your money where your eyeballs are. All donations go to the authors, 100 percent.
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Chapter One. In which we meet our heroine and her dainty little gun.
Chapter Two. In which Lorinda demonstrates her bartending virtuosity.
Chapter Three. In which our heroine receives a promotion and prepares to celebrate.
Chapter Four. In which our heroine proves herself an immoral citizen of the CCSA.
Chapter Five. In which our heroine goes to church.
Chapter Six. In which Lorinda contemplates her future, ignores Pastor Doug, and gets something unexpected from Emmie.
Chapter Seven. In which Lorinda learns something that threatens her big dream.
Chapter Eight. In which our heroine freaks out.
Chapter Nine. In which our heroine says the forbidden word as an unwelcome visitor arrives.
Chapter Ten. In which two unpleasant men perturb our heroine.
Chapter Eleven. In which our heroine seems to have found a solution to her problem.
Chapter Twelve. In which that black truck follows our heroine all the way to Austin.
Chapter Thirteen. In which Lorinda lashes out.
Chapter Fourteen. In which our heroine gets a taste of life in the big city.
Chapter Fifteen. In which our heroine meets a fellow bartender and has a drink.
Chapter Sixteen. In which Lorinda once again takes a swing with her little pink gun.
Chapter Seventeen. In which our heroine prepares to escape.
Chapter Eighteen. In which our heroine gets in a truck with a couple of slightly scary strangers.
Chapter Nineteen. In which our heroine learns that she’s got a long way to go.
Chapter Twenty. In which our heroine spends a night in a gas station.
Chapter Twenty-One. In which our heroine learns about the enclaves of the CCSA.
Chapter Twenty-Two. In which our heroine learns way too much about the enclaves of the CCSA.
Chapter Twenty-Three. In which our heroine experiences liberty run amok.
Chapter Twenty-Four. In which our heroine’s escape is disastrously derailed.
Chapter Twenty-Five. In which our heroine finds herself back at the gas station.
Chapter Twenty-Six. In which Stimpy, on the road to Revelation, reveals Ren’s real name.
Chapter Twenty-Seven. In which our heroine manages not to crash the car as she learns more about CCSA enclaves.
Chapter Twenty-Eight. In which Lorinda and Stimpy enter Revelation.
Chapter Twenty-Nine. In which our heroine has pizza for the first time and readies herself to be an old fogie.
Chapter Thirty. In which our heroine finally gets to experience the Rapture Ride.
Chapter Thirty-One. In which our heroine’s long-awaited Rapture Ride experience is interrupted by some unwelcome visitors.
Chapter Thirty-Two. In which our heroine triggers the Rapture…or something.
Chapter Thirty-Three. In which Lorinda and Stimpy slip out of Revelation under cover of pandemonium.
Chapter Thirty-Four. In which our heroine trades arms for freedom.
Chapter Thirty-Five. In which our heroine does a bit of tactical shooting.
Chapter Thirty-Six. In which our heroine heads for the greens in a chartreuse truck.
Chapter Thirty-Seven. In which our heroine hears a ghastly story on the way to the enclave of golf.
Chapter Thirty-Eight. In which our heroine begins a crash course in the plutocratic lifestyle.
Chapter Thirty-Nine. In which our heroine continues her crash course in the plutocratic lifestyle, then crashes.
Chapter Forty. In which Lorinda and Stimpy tour the President Donald J. Trump Memorial Christian Golf Resort and Beautiful Residences.
Chapter Forty-One. In which our heroine has to leave the Donald J. Trump Memorial Christian Golf Resort and Beautiful Residences right quick.
Chapter Forty-Two. In which our heroine hurtles toward another scary place.
Chapter Forty-Three. In which our heroine remains under a bedspread as her fame grows.
Chapter Forty-Four. In which our heroine finally emerges from under the golden bedspread.
Chapter Forty-Five. In which our heroine unexpectedly encounters her nemesis.
Chapter Forty-Six. In which our heroine is set free, then captured again.