2023, The Year George Santos Truly Became President

He's still less pathetic than Kevin McCarthy.

It’s been a little over a year since we first learned that George Santos wasn’t who he said he was. He’s lied on levels never previously seen in US politics, an impressive achievement on its own, let alone in a timeline that includes Donald Trump. The now-expelled Republican representative from New York’s Third Congressional District took us on a wild ride and rarely gave us a chance to catch our breath and ask, “Hey, where’s my wallet?”

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Santos astounded us early with his gall, which lacked any mitigation. When The New York Times broke its (belated) story about how Santos had invented his entire back and front story, we expected that he’d quietly resign. We were so naive. George Santos (if that’s his real name) doesn’t back down! He’s a fighter for prevaricators everywhere. He issued a defiant statement through his attorney, who probably billed a lot of hours this year:

“It is no surprise that Congressman-elect Santos has enemies at the New York Times who are attempting to smear his good name with these defamatory allegations. As Winston Churchill famously stated, ‘You have enemies? Good. It means that you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.’”

Winston Churchill never said anything like this, not even in a meme. That’s when we knew we were dealing with a master of the lie. Remember when George Costanza dramatically quit his job but returned to work the following Monday and pretended as if nothing had happened? Santos was actually sworn into Congress while pretending that all his lies were perfectly normal. He used the word “embellish” a lot: “I'm embarrassed and sorry for having embellished my resume,” he told the New York Post. “I own up to that … We do stupid things in life.”

That was spectacular. He’s not the liar. We’re all liars. We don’t have space or the stomach really to list all his lies, but here are some of his lowest hits:

• Falsely claimed he was Jewish and that his grandparents “fled Hitler.” Later joked that he’d just told people he was “Jew-ish.” That was a lie.

• Said in an interview that he had “tragic memories” of the 2016 mass shooting at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Florida.

• Claimed his mother “survived” the events of 9/11, when she wasn’t in the country at the time. He also suggested that she might’ve died from a 9/11-related illness. That was another lie.

• Boasted that he was a volleyball champion at Baruch College, which has no record of his attendance.

• Said he was a producer on the infamous Broadway disaster Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark. I’m surprised he didn’t claim he was the Green Goblin. They have a lot in common.

Santos didn’t just tell whoppers at the barber shop like that old coot who claimed he knew Frank Sinatra personally. He was also a corrupt, remorseless swindler who preyed on the vulnerable. He was charged back in 2008 with stealing a checkbook from a man his mother cared for in Brazil and writing fraudulent checks. He allegedly set up a GoFundMe page for a disabled Navy veteran’s service dog and then ghosted with the $3,000 intended for live-saving surgery. The dog would later die. This is when Santos transitioned from comical con man with possible redemption arc to outright sociopath like Tom Ripley but without the sex appeal. (You might personally find Santos sexy. That is your right as someone with horrible taste in everything.)

Keeping with the “Seinfeld” theme, George Costanza would later refuse to leave a job after it was discovered that he’d faked a disability (sort of a mid-range lie for Santos). The company did everything possible to make him leave but he wouldn’t budge. That was the entirety of Santos’s congressional career. He tried cozying up with fellow Republicans at the State of the Union and was roundly rebuffed. A disgusted Mitt Romney said, “Given the fact that he’s under ethics investigation, he should be sitting in the back row and staying quiet instead of parading in front of the president and people coming into the room.” Santos doesn’t exist to stay quiet. He lives for the parade.

The law would later come for Santos: He was indicted in May on seven counts of wire fraud, three counts of money laundering, one count of theft of public funds, and two counts of making materially false statements to the House of Representatives. (He was apparently acquitted for the sweater vest/blazer combos.) He still refused to go. In October, the Eastern District of New York added 10 more charges against him, including conspiracy to commit offenses against the United States, wire fraud, aggravated identity theft, access device fraud, false statements to the Federal Election Commission and falsifying records to obstruct the commission. He shamelessly stole campaign funds from his donors for Botox and OnlyFans — he also allegedly kept charging their cards for thousands of dollars in unapproved transactions — and while his donors are Republicans, this is still against the law.

Santos was expelled from Congress finally on December 1. We’d almost come full circle. I won’t say we’ll miss George Santos — mostly because he hasn’t actually gone away and has a new grift going — but it is only fair to note that his congressional career lasted longer than Kevin McCarthy’s speakership.

PREVIOUSLY:

House Votes To Expel Last Living Civil War Vet George Santos

Nobel Prize Laureate, Purple Heart Recipient George Santos Indicted On Federal Charges

Thank You, George Santos, For Reminding Me I Willingly Saw 'Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark'

George Santos, You Dirty Dog

You'll Have To Drag George Santos Out Of Congress Bracelets First

Who Is George Santos Today?

George Santos, If That Is His Real Name, Won't Let New York Times Defame Him By Exposing All His Lies

GOP Rep-Elect George Santos Might've Made Up His Resume, Whole Life

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