But You Are Blanche, You Are In That Chair!
What ever happened to newest (acting) AG Todd Blanche?
Oh Pam Bondi! She lied her shellacked face off for Trump, and did her very best to cover up those Epstein files in which he’s credibly accused of child rape.
Now out on her bony behind! Voters did not forget about those Epstein files, none of Trump’s enemies got locked up, and she’s off to do her grifting in the private sector. And she has the extra indignity of being replaced, temporarily for now anyway, by her deputy and Trump’s former(?) personal lawyer, Todd Blanche, though Lee Zeldin’s name has also been floated as a potential replacement. Imagine if Biden had elevated an AG who’d defended himself and his criminal buddies! Or one who had dropped FOUR TIMES as many criminal cases as his predecessor, like Bondi did. Headlines every day!
Many in Trump’s orbit started out crawling with fleas and all compromise-reeking before he adopted them from whatever pound. He likes it that way, strays appreciate it when they’ve been rescued! Maybe they took money lobbying for a foreign government, like Bondi and Qatar or Ed Martin and Russian TV, or had Epstein contacts, like Treasury Secretary Howard Lutnick. Or they’re dumb, greedy people who would be relative nobodies without Trump’s affirmative action program for amoral and mediocre whites, your Hegseth, JD Vance, Lindsay Halligan, Alina Habba, or Markwayne Mullin-ses.
Not Todd Wallace Blanche, though! He didn’t have to choose the MAGA life, yet he jumped on with both Florsheims. He once had a stellar reputation as a lawyer, first as a criminal prosecutor in the SDNY before joining the oldest law firm in New York City, Cadwalader, Wickersham & Taft. The Caldwalader was the assistant secretary of State under President Ulysses S. Grant, the Wickersham was then-future-president William Howard Taft’s attorney general, and the Taft was William Howard’s two-years-younger brother Henry Waters Taft, that’s how venerable it is! Blanche made partner there in 2017, and could have gone on to have a comfy career helping swells out of minor hometown jams like Freddy Button in The Bonfire of The Vanities.
But fate intervened when his path crossed with the likes of Paul Manafort, Rudy Giuliani, Igor Fruman, and Lev Parnas. Surely you remember them!
Blanche did so well with all their mishegoss that Trump called on him to defend him for that Porner Peener Payoff trial, and Blanche answered.
Said Hadassa Waxman, one of his then-former colleagues at the SDNY to New York magazine at the time: “I love Todd, but I think what he is doing is crazy and I told him myself. [...] If, God forbid, Trump becomes president again, we can thank Todd for bringing down the Republic.”
Call her Miss Cleo! Wonder if they are still friends.
Neither Todd nor his co-counsel Emil Bove — now a federal appeals court judge, wheeee! — did great at that porner peener trial. Both were too pussy to cross-examine Stormy Daniels themselves about her NDA-worthy encounter with Trump, so they sent a lady lawyer, Susan Necheles, to do that job.
Who let Daniels go all on with lurid details of Trump’s MO that night, like him getting spanked with a rolled up magazine, promising her dinner and there was no dinner, promising her a job when there was no job, and then lounging himself on the bed between his suite’s bathroom and door by way of foreplay. Followed by a brief, sad roll under his mushroom! Details that jurors and the rest of us possibly arguably did not need to hear to decide about the election fraud part, and will never unhear. But Blanche, Bove, and Necheles forgot to argue to keep it out.
THEN YOU REMEMBER WHAT NEXT!
Trump got convicted of 34 felonies, and prison next to Epstein’s old cell block was starting to sound like a real possibility.
But on to the next crimes, Trump’s stolen classified documents. And if Judge Aileen Cannon hadn’t done her gosh-darndest to keep rescuing Blanche, Bove, and Evan Corcoran from their loose-lipped client who would not quit bragging to anyone who would listen about his flagrant crimes, Trump might have owed some federal time too, and right now President Kamala Harris would be considering if she should pardon him.
But all along Blanche, Bove, and friends never needed to win anything, only turn down the gas and jam some peanut butter in the ignition switch until a sympathetic judge (or certain six) or wealthy mysterious benefactor rode along to rescue Trump, Rudy, or whoever’s biscuits were burning.
Will Blanche be any better than Bondi? Oh Boopsie, no, he’s at least as evil and politically driven, with less respect for due process, civil rights and human dignity than a pit bull guarding a junkyard. Don’t let his sleek sportcoat or skinny-cut trousers fool you, he spends his all day sharpening his teeth on old truck tires.
Is this B smarter or better at strategy than the last one? Facts not in evidence, as that whole prison transfer to puppy prison and interview with Ghislaine Maxwell was reportedly his idea, an attempt to unalive the subject by Maxwell calling Trump a Perfect Gentleman.
But Todd is loyal in the Stalinist sort of way, so. From the NYT:
During an appearance at the Conservative Political Action Conference in Texas over the weekend, Mr. Blanche bragged to an audience of Trump supporters that the F.B.I. director, Kash Patel, had “cleaned house” at the bureau, firing everyone who had touched a Trump case.
“There isn’t a single man or woman with a gun, federal agent, still in that organization that had anything to do with the prosecution of President Trump,” he said.
And he’s all for ICE goons lurking around polling places, so presumably he’s down with all the midterm-election-stealing rest, whatever the details end up being.
What might Todd personally think of Trump’s 91 felonies, the Epstein files, the client who sleeps through his own trial? Probably the same thing everyone around Trump does: He’s the Lord’s Flawed Vessel for means to an end. Todd bet on the right horse, and sure enough that nag came in.
Now a ride to legal infamy, and beyond!
[New York Magazine archive link / Palm Beach Post / New York Times gift link]
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OT: US strikes a bridge in Iran. After first responders get to the bridge to deal with the people hurt during the first bridge strike, the US attacks the bridge again.
It is just one of hundreds of war crimes committed by the US alone.
A Dolt Shitler is still in office.
TRUE FACT!!
Bette Davis was born and raised in Lowell MA
I currently live in Lowell MA
Coincidence?
Yes, it's a coincidence.