For April Fool's Day, Wonkette Is Serious And Sober. Your Srs Bns Wonkette One-A-Day For April 1, 2026
If any big corporations tried any spectacularly bad April Fool’s Day jokes that ruined their reputations, we have yet to hear of it. But there were plenty of ordinary damn fools in the news already.
We began the day with Tabs, as ever, and a real story about Melania Trump and a “teaching robot” that we just wish was made up.
The US Supreme Court today heard arguments on whether a president can change the meaning of the Constitution with an executive order and make birthright citizenship go away. This was also not a joke.
Donald Trump can’t seem to decide whether he wants a forever war in Iran or not, and is pretending that US allies are now responsible for cleaning up the mess he made. This is darkly funny, but in no way is it a joke.
A federal judge put the kibosh on further construction of Donald Trump’s big perfect grift ballroom, ruling that the White House is not a sandbox for a president’s personal property, to be torn down or added to at whim. And even thought the ruling included a surprising 17 exclamation points (not all in one place), it was not a joke. (The ballroom, however, is a joke.)
A bunch of the insurrectionists who stormed the Capitol on January 6, 2021, are suing the Capitol and DC Metro Police for being mean to them, and while it’s surreal, it’s not a joke.
Two rightwing social influencers who are gay actually find some vicious homophobes on the Right pretty charming and likeable, and are willing to agree to disagree with them. Even when the homophobes say gay people cannot ever be tolerated, not even rightwing gay people. “And honestly, I love his honesty,” said Dave Rubin as he was led away to a boxcar. We are joking about the boxcar; Rubin was not joking about the refreshingly honest bigot.
We’ll be back tomorrow with more on the unfolding crisis, without even the hope that it might be an elaborate prank.
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