Happy Trump Sentencing Day!
For what it’s worth.
It’s now extra-official: Former and future president Daryl Dongerson will be the first convicted felon to fart up the Oval Office, with a sentence of Big Fat Nothing.
It sure has been a long, grody ride with that porner-peener-payer-offer’s case, in which he and his then-lawyer Michael Cohen made every dumb effort they could think of to get Stormy Daniels to not talk about her disgusting, rawdog sexual encounter in 2006 with the then-sexagenarian father of five who had a wife and newborn at home.
If voters had known, Trump very well might not have won in the presidency in 2016. A month before the election when the grab-em-by-the-pussy tape came out, the fallout was bad enough that the GOP was already contemplating dumping him and replacing him with Mike Pence. Back then, evangelicals could not have been solidly counted on to come out for a thrice-married guy with a gold crapper. Maybe he would have still won! Voters were deprived of the choice, and we will never know.
But back then Trump really did not want anyone to hear about him getting spanked with a rolled-up-magazine, or his pathetic false promises to put Daniels on his crappy game show, or how he told her “you remind me of my daughter,” like that was supposed to be some kind of turn-on, SHUDDER, or his claims (presumably true) that he and his wife never slept in the same bed. He especially did not want voters to hear how he was “posing on the bed” in what Daniels said looked like Hugh Hefner’s pajamas, or how he implied she had to submit to his missionary-style bonings “if you ever want to get out of that trailer park,” which would not have played well in the trailer park. And Trump really did not want anyone to know how he briefly poked her with his pathetic little mushroom while she stared at the ceiling, wishing she were elsewhere.
But hear all about it we all did. And by this election, evangelicals had fallen head-over-heels in love with Trump and the way he embraced their two favorite things, taking abortion rights away from the sinful women and white supremacy, so it did not matter.
But he is still a 34-times felon, and this morning the peener-payer-offer appeared by Zoom at the side of his crying-little-shit lawyer Todd Blanche, to ramble-gripe about his sentence of NOTHING. Incredibly, there is audio, so you can hear it all yourself!
First, the felon got to complain about the unfairness of it all, as is his way.
“This has been a very terrible experience. I think it's been a tremendous setback for New York and the New York court system, this is a case that Alvin Bragg did not want to bring, he thought it was, from what I read and what I hear, he thought it was inappropriately handled from what I hear, a gentleman from an outside law firm came in and acted as an attorney, and he was a criminal ... Legal expenses were put down as legal expenses, they did not put them down as concrete work or electrical work… the top legal scholars that are quoted all the time on television… have said, every one, haven’t seen any to the contrary, not one, they all said it was a case that should not have been brought, Jonathan Turley, David McCarthy… Alan Dershowitz [he listed a bunch of people] … think about it, legal expenses, I get indicted for business records, it’s been a political witch hunt done to damage my reputation, so I’d lose the election…”
He bragged he won the swing states. He complained and complained: “Terrible, unbelievable, this man [Michael Cohen] was disbarred and allowed to talk like he was George Washingon … First president under a gag order, I assume I’m still under a gag order … totally innocent … there are cities burning to the ground … I won the election in a massive landslide … I’d like to explain that I was treated very very unfairly…”
Blah, blah, blah. Then the peener was forced to listen while prosecutor Joshua Steinglass detailed what a guilty, disrespectful asshole he is. Steinglass noted how Trump was found to be in contempt 10 times, which is how few fucks he gives with respect to our justice system.
“Instead of preserving, protecting and defending […] a constitutionally established system of criminal justice […] the defendant has engaged in a coordinated campaign to undermine its legitimacy. Such threats are designed to have a chilling effect to intimidate those who have a responsibility to enforce our laws in the hopes that they will ignore the defendant’s transgressions because they fear that he is simply too powerful to be subjected to the same rule of law as the rest of us.”
He noted today’s sentence “cements” Trump's “status as a convicted felon” and “gives full effect and respect to the jury's verdict.” I guess.
Then Judge Juan Merchan explained his reasoning for the sentence. Ordinary citizens would never get treated this way, but citizens decided that Trump should get the supremacy clause and the presidential immunity that goes with. So Merchan has concluded that the only lawful sentence that didn’t encroach on the supremacy clause was to let him get away with everything.
“It is my obligation to consider all aggravating factors, already in my Sandoval ruling and other rulings. The protections afforded to the office of the president are NOT a mitigating factor, but they are a legal mandate. Unconditional discharge has been affirmed as appropriate. I impose it.”
As we knew he would.
Still, Trump had appealed to the Supreme Court to try to save him, and even rang up Sam Alito on the moan-o-phone Tuesday, probably to try to Art O’Deal his way out of it, though Alito claims the call was just about Trump making Alito indebted to him by Doing Him A Favor, Though, and hiring his former law clerk, WHICH IS STILL NOT PROPER in multiple ways, but nothing matters any more.
The buttering-up may have worked on Alito, but the Supreme Court still held 5-4 that the sentencing could go on, in what should have been a simple 9-0.
After all, he wasn’t the president when he was doing the porner-peening, or the pseudonymous paying off, and he is still not the president yet. This is a state case, which should be none of SCOTUS’s business, and again, he is getting sentenced to NOTHING. Still, Thomas, Alito, Gorsuch, and Kavanaugh all would have let him delay sentencing on account of the 20-minute Zoom call, but Roberts and Barrett came through.
Why did any of this take so long?
Former Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance had all the information to indict Trump, and said the Southern District of New York was the speedbump. He explained to NPR in 2023: “we were asked by the Southern District of New York to stand down. We did stand down for probably over a year. And then it got to the point where Michael Cohen was indicted and pleaded guilty, and then it stopped.” Vance later said he’d hoped the Feds would indict Trump, and then they didn’t. To his credit, Vance did pursue the tax fraud stuff, even though he inexplicably let the Trump kids off the hook for fraud in 2012.
And then there was Alvin Bragg, who former prosecutor Mark Pomerantz says dragged ass on indicting Trump, for reasons still unknown, that may be forever unknown.
Just one of the many many failures to hold Trump accountable for anything, and most surely not the last. But this is what you wanted, idiots of America! This felon is all yours!
Well at least it's a funny consolation prize.
Of course, expect revenge against New York State once the pricktator assumes power again. Because Americans cosign this.
We hear you loud and clear though America. A 34-count felon racist carnival barker is more suitable for being elected President than a talented Black woman. I'm glad I don't have to wonder anymore.
America Sentenced to 4 Years in Hell