In Which Donald John Trump Goes To The Cankle Dentist
It could be a conspiracy if the patient would only shut up!
What more can be said about the 79-year 11-month and nine-day old decaying human form of US President Donald John Trump that has not already been said by The New York Times about Joe Biden? No secret to loyal readers of the blog or anyone with eyeballs that the man’s mental acuity has been slipping since his first term — when he was already very stupid, boy howdy.
MAN, BOAT, PUDDING.
Now another secret Donald John Trump medical event, a seemingly unplanned trip to a cankle dentist! On Saturday, down in Florida, he unexpectedly disappeared for what the White House press pool was told was for a “scheduled dental appointment” with his dentist in Florida, though the event did not previously appear on the press schedule. A schedule the Office of The President makes sure to keep the media briefed about, so there will always be a photographer around to capture the moment in case there is a fourth attempt on his life, or some other Significant Presidential Event.
And he also pulled the same sneako-10th-dentist move back in January. Curious!
Every other president has made use of the convenience of having their very own world-class dentist right in the White House, or even traveling along. Like on June 23, 2023, when Joe Biden got a Presidential root canal for a hurty tooth, and cutie press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre (SIGH) briefed the media about the relative comfort and moisture of his jaw-socket all day long. So why does Trump not want the world to know about him getting a whitening treatment, or whatever? It is almost like there is some kind of massive medical cover-up conspiracy going on, but the patient can’t keep his tooth-hole shut about it.
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Many eagle-eyed wags noticed that on Trump’s way headed south, his presidential socks looked stuffed as a pair of occupied sleeping bags hanging on to his calves for dear life, as if his ankles were veritably bursting with tumescence, his trotters overspilling in his loafers like proofing loaves of sourdough. Click through to the Daily Beast archive link, for a photo-spread that is somewhat like Met Gala fundraiser coverage, but only for Donald Trump’s cankles! Or just watch his path from plane to limo.
If we tried to summarize just a few hours of the man’s crazy, we would already be at 20 pages. See also Heather Cox Richardson’s basic accounting of 30 minutes of his Friday posts! Or just look at this one picture he posted, worth a googolplex of words.
Yeah, one can’t help but to speculate wildly about all of this, given how Donald Trump has been so secretive and superstitious about his health, while clearly mentally and physically decaying in front of our very eyes, as is the human condition of a man of his age. The swerving, the leaning, the repeated, very repeated bragging about passing this test, and how Obama or Biden could not do it, as if the symbols are so hard.
Lion of Judah, raging boner, cigarettes.
Still, White House spokesperson Davis Ingle insisted to the Daily Beast, “President Trump is the sharpest, most accessible, and energetic president in modern American history.” However, The Beast also noted that the president is overdue for his annual physical; his last one was on April 11, 2025, though it was declared that he was in “excellent health.” Sure, sure, but even so, shouldn’t the President of the United States of America get more checkups than the bare minimum for a family Golden Retriever?
But we all know what happens when certain old entitled white men decide they are not going to think about a thing. It simply ceases to exist! And if it does exist it was not so bad, and you deserved it. And if it was bad, and you didn’t deserve it…
BIDEN DID IT!
Is Spirit Airlines broke because Donald Trump’s war with Iran made the gas expensive? Spirit Airlines is not broke, and if they are it is their own fault for being bad at airlining. See, Sean Duffy gets it! Is inflation up? No it is not, but if it is…
Then, if your Trump-type does not intend to do anything about a problem, then the answer is to wait for it to fix itself! Unless a guy just feels like blowing some shit up, in which case, then that is the correct answer. If you want a cheat code, just picture Francis Buxton in his bath in Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, or the current mess Trump has made in Iran. Only Trump can fix it!
Donald John Trump does not want to think about how many heartbeats away a 48th President JD Vance might be. Still, setting aside the entire presidency, the fate of the Western world, his vigor, shouldn’t a man of his age and crumbling facilities be off relaxing at The Villages?
Donald Trump thought so too, so that is where he went last Friday, to make a cameo at The Villages under a banner reading, “Golden Age for your Golden Years,” soon after touching down for a weekend at his Doral roach motel and putt-putt palace. And he gave a triumphant and rousing speech at very front of the line of God’s waiting room, so his elderly peers can cheer him for making them all rich, rich, rich, and giving (billionaires) the largest tax break in history!
Some residents of The Villages organized a golf cart parade in his honor, and others a protest. Except that unlike all those people, and President Obama, he is not old in his brain, of course.
The entire speech was more than 90 minutes of such rambling garble that the usual places that post transcripts did not attempt to generate one, like that other perfect phone call to Fox News on Iran. You can view the AI transcript in YouTube though, or let’s just let the Washington Post pull some quip-bits, because that is what we pay the library to pay Bezos for.
Headline: “Trump returns to public events, delivering profane speech: In his first public speech since the White House correspondents’ dinner, the president mocked transgender weightlifters and the ‘medical crap’ an adviser was telling him.”
“We have a man here who knows more about Medicaid, Medicare, medical crap than any human being. Where’s Dr. Oz? Where the hell are you, stand up,” Trump said, referring to Mehmet Oz, the administrator of the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services. “It’s the most boring trip I’ve ever made. He’s telling me about Medicare, Medicaid. All I want to do is take care of you, I don’t care. I said, ‘You work out the details.’”
He performed his impression of a transgender weightlifter that he said first lady Melania Trump had begged him not to do.
“She hates it when I do the thing on weightlifting, she says it’s so unpresidential,” Trump said, before pivoting to his affection for dancing to “Y.M.C.A.,” a song by the Village People. “And she hates when I dance to what’s sometimes referred to as the gay national anthem.”
Trump also teased Phil McGraw, a TV personality and Trump ally, saying that he was “sort of doing him a favor” by agreeing to appear on the “Dr. Phil Podcast” in 2024.
“I said, ‘I’m hotter than he is, why the hell should I do his show?’” Trump said.
[...]
“They’ve got one good line of bullshit,” the president said, blaming Democrats for policies that he said had led to inflation. Trump also polled the crowd on which nickname he should use to mock former president Joe Biden, who Trump said had “set a record, most falls in history.”
A narcissist’s projection never lies. Watch Trump again falling over as dozens of Secret Service, the Secretary of Defense, etc. all impotently watch or are too busy scrambling to evacuate their own selves.
Then he dozed off in front of Dr. Phil.
God’s waiting room is open for Rudy Giuliani, and it is open for Trump, and he sure knows it.
Well, good thing Joe Biden and/or Kamala Harris aren’t at the helm. Otherwise we’d all be worried the live-long day about Joe snoozing off in his beach chair and dropping his half tuna, half chicken salad sandwich from Lori’s Oy Vey Cafe, then maybe a dab of mayo dropping onto some Destroy Something app on his phone and nearly murdering some innocent fishermen, starving some Cubans, or vaporizing a school full of little girls before Kamala Harris could come cackling in on her broom to save us!
Sigh.
[Daily Beast archive link / The Independent]
Good day to everyone except the people gobbling up Internet clout and clicks by saying Joe Biden is old. There is nothing in the skull of America's Pilonidal Cyst here except a morass of frayed wires and raccoon urine-soaked insulation. Even the feral raccoons in his brain have left the chat. And yet he has a death cult at his very whim.
Once this decrepit, moldering dullard shuffles off his gaseous, shambling mortal coil, the subsequent power struggle is going to be intensely ugly. It'd be like a mound of bedbugs were forming a mating ball.
Murc's Law is one hell of a protection.
Am I still alive? Just checking.