James Comer Begging Jesus To Put His Biden Impeachment Investigation Out Of Its Misery
E'en so, Lord Jesus, quickly come.
Poor James Comer. We reckon it’s time for the House Oversight Committee chair to fold up his Biden impeachment investigation and go back to Kentucky to sell honey, free from the frustrations of a big city world he is clearly not cut out for.
To truly understand where our brain is when we say that, watch this clip of Congressman Pigfuck fighting with Democratic Oversight Committee ranking member Jamie Raskin last week. About 10 seconds in, Comer yells, “I SELL HUNNY!” in the most amazing Kentucky falsetto, his stupid head shaking to and fro as he yelps his impotent frustration at Raskin’s impertinent questions.
Comer was explaining what he does for a living, comparing it to why he’s confused about what the Biden family does for a living. “I SELL HUNNY!” said Comer. Fuckin’ Winnie-the-Pooh no-pants-wearin’ motherfuckin’ redneck tryin’ to take your money with his sticky fingers.
They fought like this for 10 minutes, as Democratic Rep. Jasmine Crockett explained while she was live-tweeting it and falling out laughing. “I’m in tears sitting in Oversight. Comer is losing his SHIT!”
Comer lost his shit a long time ago. So it’s endlessly funny that CNN is reporting today that Comer secretly wants to get off this wild ride on Hunter Biden’s wangle-doodle, by which we mean Comer’s looking for an offramp from his perpetually failing Biden impeachment investigation.
[A]fter 15 months of coming up short in proving some of his biggest claims against the president, Comer recently approached one of his Republican colleagues and made a blunt admission: He was ready to be “done with” the impeachment inquiry into Biden, according to the lawmaker who relayed the conversation to CNN.
“Coming up short” is one way to put Comer’s adventures in stapling his own dick to the wall.
He’s frustrated. He wants to “tactfully [wrap] up his work” in his impeachment investigation.
Maybe he could be the governor of Kentucky someday! Maybe he could just sell some hunny!
“Comer is hoping Jesus comes so he can get out,” one of the GOP lawmakers who spoke to Comer told CNN. “He is fed up.”
Doubt Jesus would want to interrupt one of Comer’s excellent Biden impeachment hearings. Our Lord might even want to watch. Those things are a real hoot.
When pressed on whether he would have done anything differently, Comer – who has defended his handling of the Biden probe – told CNN, “Not that I can think of.”
He could have tried to find evidence of something Joe Biden did wrong and maybe led with that?
And a House Oversight Committee spokesperson maintains that “the impeachment inquiry is ongoing and impeachment is 100% still on the table.”
Okeydoke. We will liveblog the shitfire out of any impeachment hearing that committee holds, they are such hilarious national embarrassments.
To be clear, Comer is very mad his entire committee’s work has turned out to be such a time-wasting, evidence-free failure, therefore he is yelling at CNN like it’s their fault:
Asked whether any of his Republican peers had privately voiced frustrations to him about the inquiry, Comer grew defensive and took a swipe at CNN, echoing complaints sources say he has made privately to colleagues about the media coverage.
“I don’t even want to talk to you,” he said. “If you don’t think they were influence-peddling, there’s nothing to say. My God.”
BRB, just need to …
OK that’s better.
It’s a whole long article. There’s armchair quarterbacking from the most mouthbreathing members of the Republican caucus, like Anna Paulina Luna, as if freshman MAGA amateurs really could have done a better job.
There are Republicans anonymously talking about how Comer is full of shit and always was. They’ve been leaking to the press about how much they hate him for ages. The way he would go on Fox News every five minutes, promising he was gonna deliver the goods very soon, but he never did. The fact that (like we said above) he completely forgot to find any actual evidence of wrongdoing by Joe Biden.
CNN goes through a brief tick-tock of the twists and turns in Comer’s sad fail-show, then explains Republicans’ dumbstruck confusion about what to do now with their investigation, which was over before it began, and which uncovered no crimes or impeachable offenses. Some of them say “criminal referrals!” as Comer has been saying for a while now. But for what?
Ha ha, they do not know.
It ends with this quote from the Raskin/Comer fight we started with above:
Raskin posited, “You have not identified a single crime. What is the crime that you want to impeach Joe Biden for and keep this nonsense going?”
“You’re about to find out very soon,” Comer replied.
Bless his heart, he’s so stupid.
And Jesus isn’t coming to save him.
OPEN THREAD!
[CNN]
PREVIOUSLY IN THIS IDIOT AND HIS DICK AND HUNTER BIDEN’S DICK TOO!
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
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Yr Lizard's exam score came back. It's....it's good. Objectively very good. I'm a little disappointed because I'm an overachieving little reptile and it's a little lower than my last practice test, but what I got is above the 90th percentile, and that's of medical students in the US so that's a pretty competitive pool. It's good.
Might actually get out of the southeast.
That smells good, is that beef? Excuse me, I can haz cheeseburger?
https://substack.com/@ziggywiggy/note/c-54708411?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=2knfuc