Liquidating Rudy Giuliani Exhumed To Scream That Biden Should Be Hung*
*Hanged.
In your fervor about Mark Robinson posting on a porn forum about getting peed on by his sister-in-law, did you forget about pants-dropping pervert Rudy Giuliani? Well, he’s back! Kamala Harris might have Oprah, Meryl, Taylor and Billie, but Donald J. Trump’s got star endorsements too! And he dug up Rudy to yell at supporters in Uniondale, New York. You’re welcome, America! And that disbarred, multiply indicted, bankrupt, horny Scotch goblin is still a howling nut.
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Trump still owes Roodles at least $2 million for legal fees, but apparently he’s fine with working for free. Hey, remember last year when FBI agent Johnathan Buma told the Senate Judiciary Committee that Giuliani was compromised by Russian intelligence, and maybe got “a large payment directly from a Russian asset,” and that Buma’s investigation into those ties got thwarted? Remember all those years Giuliani spent acting like a fucking Russian agent, and Giuliani’s years of intensive efforts to not even let his own accountants look at his books? But we are off on a tangent again!
Anyway, Tuesday night Trump had Roodles on as his hype man before his performance in Uniondale, New York, where Rudy rattled his horse dentures by hollering some Hunter Biden election fraud lies, claimed Biden got $21 million from “Red China,” based on who-knows-what, and strongly suggested Biden should be hung*, for good measure.
“They were cheating with the hard drive and fixing the election! Biden was elected on a fraud! They hid the fact that he and his family got $21 million from red China! What are we doing with a man in the White House who got $21 million from our biggest enemy?! Imagine if … Reagan got $21 million from Russia. We would've hung ’im!”
Biden hid it so well this is the first time anyone’s heard of it, apparently!
RooGoo ended in a complete froth, screaming, “No more attacks! No more attacks! No more! Stop it. If there's anybody behind it, I’ll find them. I did it to the mafia, I can do it to them!”
Sure you can, disbarred Jan.
Why was Trump campaigning in New York anyway? Harris is up by 13 points in the polls there, so shouldn’t those two be working their hustle in some swing state? Also, is it going to be good for their many respective civil and criminal cases to be out publicly hanging together? Guess if Trump or Roodles were still sane enough to be able to appear to be sane, they would've done that a long time ago.
Like dog poo stuck on the tire of a Trump bus, old Rudy keeps coming back. Things haven’t been going too well for him. As usual. When we last embedded a sad horn noise for America’s Mayor™, his bankruptcy case had gotten thrown out, because he wouldn’t cooperate in the filing that he, himself, had asked for. So liquidation time began! The financial kind, not the shoe-polish-down the temple kind.
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Before that, he got served an indictment for his role the Arizona fake-electors scheme at his 80th birthday party, where he’d asked guests to buy him a sleeper chair, cologne, and ceiling paint, and other stuff that most grownups getting at least $43k a month just order for themselves on Amazon. (Here is the link you use when ordering for yourself on Amazon to give Wonkette a small commission.)
BANKRUPT! ALL THE WAYS!
And, after nearly a year of his legal fuckerooney, his creditors, Ruby Freeman and Shaye Moss, those Georgia election workers whose lives got ruined by Giuliani’s lies, have filed to collect. They want his bank accounts, and those of Giuliani Communications, LLC, along with his 1980 Mercedes, 26 watches, and:
New York Yankees World Series rings, signed Reggie Jackson and Joe DiMaggio memorabilia, a claim for “about” $2 million in “never paid” legal fees for his work on behalf of the 2020 Donald Trump campaign, “cash accounts,” and his “interest” (“1,430 shares of stock”) in his multi-million dollar Manhattan apartment.
Also they want the proceeds from that coffee brand he tried to hide from the bankruptcy court, Rudy Coffee, which has a rich aroma of old Scotch and COVID farts. Good to the last drop!
Then there’s the Arizona fake electors case. Giuliani’s lawyers want it thrown out, of course, whine whine. Buona Fortuna! His sidekick, Jenna Ellis, the gal who was the assistant riding his pooter-toot express, has flipped and is presumably quite willing to testify against the old ghoul.
LIKE SO!
And on Monday, Rudy’s federal lawsuit against Joe Biden for calling him a “Russian pawn” and “facilitator of Russian disinformation” got tossed out, because he filed it in New Hampshire, where neither he nor handsome Joe live or do any kind of business.
So can you blame him for incoherently screaming, sweating, and screaming some more?
Well, yes, of course. He could’ve taken his retirement money, stayed in Florida with his married mistress, and simply left everybody else alone. Maybe had some cash to leave to his kids! Trump won’t pay his legal bills, but maybe he at least bought him that cologne from his wish list?
*Pictures are hung, people are hanged. This has been your pedantry for the day.
Rudy says Biden should go to the gallows, but mostly sounds like he's been hanging with the Gallos — Ernest and Julio.
Noun. Verb. Chapter 11.