You know that thing Donald Trump does when he starts to lose confidence in somebody, where he begins calling everybody he’s ever met, from crime friends to former Miss Teen USA contestants, to ask whether he should fire them? Starts polling the nurses’ station at the hospital when he goes for his dementia test?
He’s doing it with Pete Hegseth.
And you know that thing Trump does when people find out he is making all these phone calls, like senile Roy Cohn in Angels In America babbling on his landline phone about La Cage Aux Folles tickets, when reporters ask him about it and he says “No, no, I have full confidence in that person, they’re great, it’s all love!” and everybody knows he’s lying?
Oh man, Pete is so fucking cooked. He better pray to his sicko little god that Marsha Blackburn really is stupid enough to appoint him to her Tennessee Senate seat.
Of course, if he thinks he’s being humiliated every day now, try life in a Senate where Abdul El-Sayed bullies you and calls you “habibi” every day in the Senate gym.
Oh well, whatever. The war criminal needs something to do between now and The Hague, since his God won’t be saving him from that. Also the House can’t impeach him from the Senate. (Doesn’t mean it can’t still have lots of loud, embarrassing investigations!)
There’s also the fact that Trump needs somebody to blame for the midterms bloodbath, since he won’t be able to conceive of the possibility that his babbling about Jon Husted’s ass and his obsession with tacky-ass, new money arts and crafts and home renovations and starting stupid wars literally every other president was smart enough not to be conned into starting had anything to do with it. Lord, even JD Vance is making public Twitter posts blaming Trump’s stupid war.
Mr. Trump was asked Wednesday afternoon whether he was considering replacing Hegseth, and he told reporters, "No, I think he's doing a very good job." The president was also asked if he'd like to see Hegseth appointed to fill the seat that will be vacated by Tennessee Sen. Marsha Blackburn when she takes office as governor. “I actually think he'd be very popular if he did that,” Mr. Trump said, “but I haven't heard that at all.”
So. Fuckin’. Cooked.
Pete better find somewhere to hide, though, because all these Republicans are coming for his (allegedly) dry-drunk ass. CNN reports that Republicans in Congress (all six of ‘em who will be left) are looking for a scapegoat for the midterms, and they’re settling on the Secretary of Hair and Makeup who doesn’t know how to fight any war but a culture war.
They’ve been very disappointed in him for quite a while now, of course.
Republican Rep. Thomas Massie told CNN he’s already going to force an impeachment vote on Secretary Shitfaced in the House right now, like next week, and it may just fuckin’ pass, according to CNN’s Republican sources. They’re maaaad. That dumb son of a bitch Fox News host told them he could win a war against Iran by banning pronouns in foxholes, goddamn him! And he finds a new way to fuck it up with every day that passes, which means those gas prices ain’t goin’ down never.
And it’s not just in Congress, it sounds like this is just the general Republican chatter around Washington:
“If the president is serious about anyone taking responsibility for it, it’s Pete Hegseth,” one Republican close to the White House said of the electoral thrashing. “Pete has been either dishonest or incorrect — neither of which are acceptable — about timelines, goals and objectives since the beginning.”
It’s true, the Atlantic reported just before the Midterm Massacre that Shitfaced Von Disappointment has been lying to Daddy about how well the war is going. That’s a betrayal of Daddy. Why does Shitfaced betray Daddy by lying to him? When people lie to Daddy, Daddy doesn’t know what’s going on and he has to lock himself in the White House residence with Natalie and rage and scream like he did on election night, because everybody had lied to him and told him he was going to win the midterms. All those people are also betrayers of Daddy.
And Trump reportedly knows Hegseth has lied to him about how the war is going.
So what will really happen here?
Well, the latest headlines are that White House Chief of Staff Susie Wiles, also desperate to protect her own ass, is pushing blame onto Hegseth, and also JD Vance and Marco Rubio and anybody else but her, for the shitty Iran war situation, and for the midterm bloodbath.
The latest Axios headline says Hegseth is going to fall through the “thin ice” he is on, according to a Trump adviser. An “administration official” (that you, Susie?) tells them that “I believe you'll ultimately see POTUS hold Pete Hegseth accountable, and that will play out in the lame duck.” Another “US official” (that you holding your finger over your lip like a mustache, Susie?) says, “Somebody's gotta take the fall, and Pete is moving to the top of the list.”
Will he get fired? Will he resign on his own like the real man he isn’t? Will his slurring and begging Marsha Blackburn to let him drunk all over her Senate seat work?
The question with that is whether Blackburn, who was just barely elected governor of a state that actually hates her, is politically stupid enough to give it to him. It’s possible! But maybe not. It’s not like she has a Senate legacy to be concerned about, she’s always been kind of a useless windsock wearing a hairsprayed wig — skills she’ll take to the governor’s mansion — but even so, she may not be stupid enough. “It’s not a conversation for today,” she told reporters curious what she was going to do. So that’s not a resounding endorsement for Shitfaced. (Rep. Tim Burchett also very much wants the job.)
Of course, CNN is reporting that Republicans in Congress “privately bristle at the prospect of Hegseth serving” there, so that’s funny. Goddamnjesus, nobody wants that fucking loser around.
Let’s see, any other new headlines related to Hegseth?
Damn. Add that to the fact that over half the military would like to quit early because of what that prissy little hemorrhoid has done to it, and we’d say, yeah, that piece of shit better find somewhere to hide, and fast.
Remember all those people in the Pentagon who just absolutely cannot wait to spill their guts about everything they know about Secretary Shitfaced to a new bright and shiny Democratic-controlled Congress?
Tick tock, motherfucker.
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Again, Senate Dems are sooooo ready for this. And they already have Tillis and Murkowski with them (and Fetterman has yet to defect specifically on Hegseth). There are allegedly a lot more GOP Senators being quiet til they can set him on fire and not be caught with the match.
The media is letting the "escape by being a Senator!" Plot get credibility it shouldn't have.
1. He CAN'T be Senator until January. The job is still filled.
That's two months (people are saying 6 weeks of actual House Business) where they can impeach him.
2. Resignation is no bar to impeachment. They can still drag him in, put him on trial and permanently ban him from any office.
3. If they have the votes to Covict and Remove/Ban, guess what? Its the same number of votes in the Senate to *refuse to seat him*.