Oy, Guvnah, Trump Took 'Is Show Across The Pond For A UK State Visit!
Melania right chuffed!
What with all the barmy jiggery-pokery going on stateside, like President Donald J. Trump threatening TV stations’ licenses on his plane ride back home, we nearly forgot to mention how last week the old bawbags and his missus flew to England to bottom-burp into the cushions of Windsor Castle, Chequers and the Royal carriages!
Trump is the only American leader to have been granted the honor of a UK state visit twice, because he’s the only one to have needed so much talking to to try to convince him to honor the US’s promises. And with Stephen Miller, JD Vance and the rest of the dream team tending to business back home, why not have a little getaway for a royal ego massage?
King Charles had been urging Trump to come visit from the minute he got elected, because Charles knew, like everybody, that he meant nothing but trouble for the UK and Europe, what with Trump willing to give Russia a pass to do whatever.
Last month NATO leaders even flew to DC to make an a unprecedented personal appeal to Trump to take a harder line, any line, against Russia, but he would barely put down the phone with his boyfriend Vladimir Putin long enough to listen to their pleas. Throw it all on top of all the other disrespect he and the regime have heaped on Europe and every other country in the world that doesn’t rhyme with Smusha, ever since his first term.
And nine months after saying Russia would get new sanctions in two weeks if they didn’t “VLADIMIR, STOP!” with their bombing of Ukraine, still no Trump endorsement of any new sanctions or penalties against Russia. Now emboldened, Russia has been bombing Ukraine harder than ever, and Russian fighter jets have even flown into European airspace three times recently, and got escorted out.
Trump’s aggressive, self-sabotaging disrespect to our European allies, and the rest of the world, is wild. But authoritarianism is not about logic! Just consolidation of power at all costs, and isolation is always in the formula.
There was Trump making mouth-noises about wanting to take over Danish territory/NATO ally Greenland, and going so far as to send his dumbest son, friends, spies, trollbots, and JD Vance up there to try to stir the turd for MAGA revolution.
And of course there’s been his naming of non-serious ambassadors, like Matthew “Meatball McPeenerToilet” Whitaker as NATO ambassador, and his (Trump-pardoned) felon-in-law Charles Kushner as ambassador to France. (To name just two horrifying and ridiculous examples out of many.) Or his naming of “no ambassadors,” as he’s left 60 other ambassadorships vacant without even a nominee, while loyalty-purging all the foreign service workers who are left.
And who could forget JD Vance lecturing European countries that they’re not letting neo-Nazis do free speech hard enough, and his chimp face smirking that the UK and France were like, “some random country that hasn’t fought a war in 30 or 40 years”?
And then, the months of hokey-pokey about sending funding, weapons and other military assistance to Ukraine. Will he? Won’t he? Money on, money off! And it’s only been nine months. This is gonna be one ugly baby!
MAGA blurbles all the time about how Western Culture is Best Culture, and communism is The Worst, something something free trade! But when actual European culture is being encroached on with tanks, child kidnappings and drones by Soviet culture? Yawn! It’s really starting to seem like when they talk about “Western Culture” there’s only one particular culture they have in mind, and it’s not the one that won World War II.
But as everyone knows, Trump has a weakness, besides grabbing pretty young ladies, and that is a particular fondness for kingly treatment, with all its trappings. And so duty to home and Europe called for King Charles and the family — in spite of his own cancer and his daughter-in-law Kate’s in remission— to go all out with the royal razzle-dazzle to charm Trump and his sad, strange wife.
Though other people had cheekier ideas.
Like that projection of a narrated nine-minute documentary short of the friendship between Jeffrey Epstein and Trump. Thousands of other people also had things to say about the visit, and they brought along signs and diaper-baby balloons, of course:
The other welcome, the ROYAL one, came with tooty-toot horns; 1,300 military personnel; a fancypants parade; a clippity-clop horsey-carriage ride for Trump and the King (whatever did they talk about?) and a carriage for Melania and Queen Camilla; a gun salute; an inspection of the guard; and a trip to Queen Elizabeth II’s tomb to lay a wreath with Dean of Windsor, the Rt. Rev. Christopher Cocksworth. (No snickering!)
Did the British government put one over on Trump by convincing him it was best to have all those royal honors done to him basically behind closed doors? It would appear possibly!
Regardless, everywhere there were trappings of real gilt, legit wealthy wealth, instead of crypto and spray-painted moldings from Home Depot. And plenty of dress-up photo ops with the wife, though she showed up with her face hidden under a lampshade-like hat and did not curtsy.
But then, whoa, Princess Kate Middleton thawed Melania out, making her first-ever solo royal appearance to give some Scouts their badges. Melania looked happier and more at ease than she has ever been in her entire life, except maybe the times she met Justin Trudeau and Gavin Newsom.
Then, after a spoonful of sugar, the happy couple were choppered to Chequers for some do-the-right-thing medicine from UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer. He’s center-left, but Trump appears to like him, maybe because flattery sounds so good in his accent. They came to some kind of technology agreement. We can also guess one thing that was maybe notably not discussed: on Sunday the UK, along with Australia, Canada and Portugal, broke with the US and formally recognized Palestinian statehood for the first time, “over provisional borders, based on 1967 lines with equal land swaps, to be finalised as part of future negotiations.” Big deal!
Seems that by indulging Putin’s every whim, and making such a fast and furious show of being an unreliable partner/relentless liar, Trump gave US influence away. By shanking allies and ignoring agreements, he has no more cards to demand other countries stand quietly by until he builds Trump Tower Gaza.
But back to the visit! While children were starving in Gaza, Trump, Rupert Murdoch(!), some tech bros and the King all enjoyed the schmanciest of dinners at Windsor Castle, and Trump showed up in his dark orange foundation and pale lips, see above, and the wife bared shoulders, and Trump read a speech like he was giving a book report.
Notably absent, and getting extra double sanctions unlike Russia, was Jeffrey Epstein’s next closest bro-buddy — after Trump broke up with him for getting arrested or whatever — Elizabeth II’s failson, guy who settled a child rape lawsuit three years ago, tooty-toot of horns, Prince “Randy Andy” Andrew! He’s in trouble with the royal firm again now, after a court filing disclosed he had an assistant who was kicked out of the country on evidence of being a Chinese spy. That messy Andrew!
ROYALS!
Anyway, maybe the charm offensive on behalf of Europe courtesy of our former colonizer worked a little, for now. Once home, Trump said the visit was “one of the highest honors of my life,” and he praised Prince William as “remarkable” and “amazing,” and Kate, “so radiant and so healthy, so beautiful,” like a couple of prize pigs. And King Charles might come do a state visit, and plant some much-needed new White House trees.
And Trump told reporters the US would come to the defense of Poland and the Baltic states if Russia keeps on faffing around in their airspace.
But on the other hand, the guy says a lot of stuff, and nobody anywhere in the world but the MAGA cult believes what comes out of his gulliver any more.
And that is the end, ta ta!
[BBC]
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𝗧𝗿𝘂𝗺𝗽 𝗦𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝗘𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝗨.𝗞. 𝗧𝗿𝗶𝗽 𝗧𝗿𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗙𝗶𝗴𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗢𝘂𝘁 𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗛𝗲 𝗞𝗻𝗼𝘄𝘀 𝗣𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗔𝗻𝗱𝗿𝗲𝘄 𝗙𝗿𝗼𝗺
https://theonion.com/trump-spends-entire-u-k-trip-trying-to-figure-out-where-he-knows-prince-andrew-from/
Possibly hot take: I liked Melania's hat, because it obscured all of her face and I approve of anything that makes me see those two less.