President Pedo Pal Says Tulsi Gabbard Way Hotter Than Mike Johnson, She Caught Obama Being ‘Sedatious’
Donald Trump's cankles have spread to his brain. Or his brain has spread to his cankles.
On the one hand, Donald Trump thinks he is being strategic here, trying to find everything he can find to hurl at the wall like his anger ketchup, to see what successfully sticks. And by “sticks,” we mean to say, “distracts the American people from discussions on whether and how much the files say Trump helped his best friend Jeffrey Epstein attain the title of World’s Most Famous Pedophile.”
Those questions? Not going away. Never going away. Not even after Trump’s pig thug fixer Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche goes to visit Ghislaine Maxwell in jail and says, “Hey, will you make up some lies about how Trump isn’t in the files in exchange for a pardon?” and she says “Yes, I prefer to be in un-jail,” and Pam Bondi comes out with a breathless announcement that she invented Post-Its the pedo-enabler child sex trafficker Trump just pardoned says Trump ain’t never done anything wrong.
Maybe the totally unprompted and highly respected Ghislaine Maxwell announcement will even say Epstein Island was basically a Democrats-only affair, and that they always suspected Hero Trump was there as a spy, for Jesus!
Of course, there’s another way the DOJ’s meeting with Maxwell could go next week:
Yes, it could go that way.
What’s important is that the American people are making fun of the Blanche/Bondi meeting with Ghislaine Maxwell before it’s even happened. Keep it up, Americans, we all have a part to play in keeping Donald Trump’s cankles inflamed!
Regardless of all this being an obvious distraction strategy from Trump, the fact remains that his brain is pudding that’s been left outside during a heatwave and devoured/fucked/pissed in by syphilitic raccoons.
Wonkette already chronicled many of the brain raccoon syphilis moments Trump had yesterday trying to explain his new/old conspiracy theory that Tulsi Gabbard discovered Barack Obama putting Wire Tapps in his bottom and doing coups to steal the 2016 election from Hillary Clinton to give it to himself so he could give it to Trump at the last minute but in a sinister and very stinky way.
You see, Obama’s “orders are on the papers” and Obama signed the papers and they sent the papers to be “highly classified” but now they’re released and “it’s criminal at the highest level” and Obama “started it and Biden was there with him and Comey was there” and this is the room where it happened, the room that is now elegant and gold and MAAAAAHBLE COLUMNS, unlike how it looked when Obama was giving the orders on the papers [insert 12 minutes of dialogue about how Trump covered the Oval Office with gold spray paint].
And there was so much more than that!
You’d think after all that, Trump’s handlers would have tranquilized his voluminous ass, placed him atop his golden toilet for his nightly dumps and then put him to bed, but no, he wasn’t done.
Because last night, as he honored Republican lawmakers at the White House with a reception — yes the same Republican lawmakers who are quitting all work right now so they can’t be forced to vote on releasing the Epstein files — he had vast praise for Tulsi Gabbard, his clownfucking director of national intelligence who fabricated this Obama “intelligence” for him. And because he’s Donald Trump, Jeffrey Epstein’s Pube Artist, it was gross and perverted.
“Where’s Tulsi? She’s like, hotter than everybody. She’s the hottest one in the room right now. Because she found out, we certainly, I think we knew it before in all fairness, Tulsi, but now you have certainty, she has all the documents, she has everything that you need, and she found out that Barack Hussein Obama led a group of people and they cheated in the elections and they cheated without question. It’s not even a question, would you say there is evern a little question there, Tulsi? She says no. And uh you found things that nobody thought we’d ever find and very happy and very honored to have you with us. She’s right now, by far, Speaker, she’s hotter than you right now, Speaker! She’s the hottest person in the room right now, Speaker!”
Tulsi, she’s so hot right now. Tulsi.
She’s hot like America. Before Donald Trump was president, Tulsi was totally dead. But now Tulsi is the “hottest” and most respected DNI anywhere in the world!
PREVIOUSLY ON THESE TOPICS!
Trump may think this Tulsi thing is working on people who aren’t complete sister-humping mouthbreathers, but if last night’s Colbert is any indication, hahaha go fuck yourself, President Pedo Pal.
Watch 11 solid minutes of Colbert clowning on Trump:
“The Jeffrey Epstein scandal just won’t kill itself!” Colbert gleefully explained.
But it was great when Colbert and others played a clip of Trump babbling about what exactly discovered Obama doing, or what he thinks she discovered.
“They caught President Obama […] This isn’t like evidence, this is like proof! Irrefutable proof that Obama? Was SEDATIOUS.”
“Wow,” said Colbert. “I mean, it takes extraordinary confidence to call a former president ‘sedatious,’ because that is not a word.”
“Yes, it is! He was ‘sedatious.’ He would sedate everyone around him with those long pauses of his, and then boom, he and Michelle would come in and steal the election with a series of thoughtful Netflix documentaries.”
So that happened.
And then Colbert made fun of Trump for five more minutes. And that was just in the monologue, on that show. (Told y’all Colbert’s final 10 months are going to be scalding hellfire for Trump.)
Meanwhile, CNN just dropped a whole bunch of new pictures and footage of Epstein at Trump’s wedding and there’s a clip of Trump on Howard Stern going around talking about how he wouldn’t fuck a 12-year-old (Colbert made fun of that too) and here’s Rep. Ilhan Omar calling the GOP the “Pedophile Protection Party” and that’s a name that is NEVER fucking going away, just like the Trump Epstein scandal is never fucking going away, no matter what lies Todd Blanche and Pam Bondi get credible lady Ghislaine Maxwell to tell:
Have a nice day, President Pedo Pal and your Pedophile Protection Party! You’re all nailing it.
Evan has a side project called The Moral High Ground, you should check it out and subscribe there too!
Follow Evan Hurst on BlueSky!
Are you guys on Instagram? Let’s get that going.
Follow Evan on Facebook.
Mugatu: "Whole-cloth fabrications that soothe my ego in the hopes that everybody forgets I'm a pedo are so hot right now!"
20, 20, 24 hours to go
I wanna be sedatious
Nothin' to do, nowhere to go, oh
I wanna be sedatious
(Well, SOMEBODY had to do it)