Trump Knows '86' Is A Real Death Threat, Like '23 Skidoo' And 'Why I Oughta!'
Donald Trump is the oldest man who ever lived.
It has been oft discussed in the august pages of Wonkette that Donald Trump is the oldest man who ever lived, not to mention the oldest president. He is so old that his brain stopped functioning in approximately 1989, when his brain had simply reached an age when it was nonfunctional and unable to download regularly scheduled updates that would tell him new things about the world where he lives. He was born old. His old ugly dead dad and mom with their stupid hair and ugly faces? He was born the same age as they are, which must have been a real experience for his mom’s vagina, birthing a fully grown man, especially one so ugly. What a disappointment that must have been!
So it stands to reason that Trump really seems to think that the slang term “86” means to kill someone, as he explained yesterday that he’s seen it in the movies, the moving pictures, the talkies! Back in his day it was just a nickel to go to the picture show, and they had a double feature, and you could take your sweetheart for a soda pop afterward, boy it was swell.
(It has also been long discussed how Trump thinks movies are real.)
Below is a clip of Trump in the White House yesterday. Does Trump really think James Comey was threatening him with a picture of Instagram seashells, as the Trump Department of Justice hilariously wants us to believe, like we’re stupid? And if so, tell us the steps you took to become such a fucking pussy, sir.
TRUMP: Well if anybody knows anything about crime, they know 86, you know, 86, it’s a mob term for kill ‘em, you ever seen the movies?
Ever seen the movies? he asked.
He continued:
TRUMP: 86 ‘em! The mobster says to one of his wonderful associates, '86 ‘em, that means kill ‘em! It’s uh, I think of it as a mob term, I don’t, people think of it as something having to do with disappearing, but the mob uses that term to say, when they want to kill somebody, they say “86 the son of a gun!” I’m trying to keep the language nice and clear, they don’t use that term “son of a gun” they use another term, but that’s a mob term for kill ‘em.
It’s been pointed out that it’s entirely possible Trump is confusing “86” with “deep six.” After all, this is the man whose brain turns “people asking for asylum at the border” and mangles it into “THEY’RE EMPTYING OUT THE INSANE ASYLUMS,” another pant-shitting fear fantasy that only the oldest man in the world would invent. (Also something we’re pretty sure he saw in a movie.)
And hey sure, maybe some mob movie Trump watched as a child used “86.” It makes sense, of course, that the mob boss president would be clinging to references like that. Because he’s old. And sad. And his brain is expired.
Continuing to live in a black-and-white mob movie only he remembers, and continuing to be the oldest man who ever lived, Trump kept babbling to the people in the Oval Office, which is labeled with comforting gold letters to remind him where he is. He probably thought they were there to change his bedpan, but he kept talking to them:
TRUMP: Comey is a dirty cop, he’s a very dirty cop, he cheated on the elections, he tried to help Hillary Clinton, as you know …
Yes, Comey cheated on the elections so hard he reopened the investigations into Hillary Clinton’s emails less than a month before the 2016 election, which gave Trump and Russia and Paul Manafort the reacharound they needed to squeak out the Rust Belt “win by losing” strategy that changed the course of American history.
But then Comey, then the FBI director, told Trump about the rumors that there was a Russian pee tape of Trump watching a lady pee-pee show in Moscow, and Comey investigated him for “this Russhur Russhur Russhur thing,” and Trump has hated him ever since.
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Trump doubled down on Truth Social last night, when he should have been sleeping, but people his age don’t usually wake up from sleeping, so we can see why he’d avoid it:
Um, no. But since people are doing journalism on the topic now, let’s see how Trump’s brain is full of dementia, how this is more evidence that Trump thinks movies are real life, and how his brain is of absolutely no use to anyone in the modern world:
Zach Jensen, content development manager for the Mob Museum in Las Vegas, said he’s not aware of the term’s being used in mob movies, but there’s a line in the film “Casino” in which Joe Pesci’s character talks about bodies being buried in the desert on the outskirts of the city.
“There’s this rumor that 86 means driving 80 miles out and burying a body 6 feet under. Another is 8 miles out and 6 feet under,” he said, but “it’s, like, a modern urban legend.”
“That’s part of mob lore in Las Vegas,” but there’s not “any documented evidence of the term emanating with organized crime,” Jensen said.
“86-ing somebody has been used as a reference to murder in the late ’60s and ’70s,” but it wasn’t common, and it didn’t begin there, he said.
That tracks with when it might have imprinted on Trump’s extremely old brain, though.
As anyone under the age of 1,648 knows, though, the actual meaning for “86” is the way people in the restaurant industry use it. “86 Big Macs!” they will say, because a shitting man on a golden toilet at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue just ordered all of them.
In related news, the Comey team will challenge his latest fake indictment as vindictive prosecution, said his lawyer Patrick Fitzgerald in court yesterday. This means they will ask the judge to 86 the charges, a legal term that means they will ask the judge to let James Comey smother the charges to death with seashells.
![Kash Patel Spent 11 [Hic!] Months Investigating Comey’s MURDERRRRR Seashells](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!hG4F!,w_140,h_140,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F198a54ba-d61e-4ee6-b9ec-af53667d82df_974x540.png)
At press time, everybody was posting “23 skidoo Trump” on the internet and Kash Patel was arresting them for it, because that there is a REAL threat.
[NBC News]
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Perhaps the funniest thing about all this is that the personification of warm cheap American beer in can, Kash Patel, said that they have been investigating the seashells for nine or ten months. If true, that's some real quality use of taxpayer funds right there. Also, it's not true and they should really be ashamed and embarrassed.
I guess doing anything about that pain would require giving a shit?
Aaron Rupar
@atrupar.com
Tim Scott: "Let me just say for the average person in the country -- President Trump loves you. Thank God almighty that President Trump understands the pain and misery of employees, independent contractors, and small businesses too."