And The Men Had Tears In Their Eyes And They Said ‘Sir! Nobody Grabs ‘Em By The Pussy Like You, Sir!’

Greatest 'sir' story ever?

Dec 11, 2023

Reminder: a “sir story” is a story Donald Trump tells that is an obvious lie, and one of the primary reasons it’s obvious is that the imaginary friends in these stories all call him “sir” and give him respect he desperately craves but isn’t worthy of. Often in these stories big strong men, military men, truckers, police officers — macho, macho men, the types of men Donald Trump would like to be — break down crying in front of him.

Out of all the pathetic ways Trump compensates for all the ways he’s deficient, these are the oversized tires on his F350. And he told a doozy of one this weekend.

At the New York Young Republicans Club — what an embarrassing venue — Trump spun the tale:

“A general, who’s a fantastic general, actually said to me, ‘Sir, I’ve been on the battlefield. Men have gone down on my left and on my right. I stood on hills where soldiers were killed. But I believe the bravest thing I’ve ever seen was the night you went on to that stage with Hillary Clinton, after what happened. And then that woman asked you the first question about it.’ And I said, locker room talk! It’s locker talk! What the hell?! What are you talking … Locker room talk!”

Oh man, that fake “sir” story has everything.

The general is a fantastic general. He’s not a weak and sad general, or the kind Trump accuses of treason, like Mark Milley.
The fantastic general has war stories about people dying in battle. Reminder: Trump thinks troops who have died for America are suckers.
The fake general in Trump’s story apparently does too, because he says the bravest thing he’s EVER seen was when Trump went on stage after the pussy tape and THAT WOMAN asked him about it. The bravest! No one hits like Gaston, matches wits like Gaston, grabs ‘em by the pussy and takes ‘em furniture shopping like Gaston …
What the hell? Locker room talk!

Good god. Again, we know it’s a fake story because in the first sentence, somebody called him “sir.” It’s a shame he won’t tell these fantasies to a therapist.

Unsurprisingly, considering the deterioration of his brain, Trump is confused about the historical facts he cites in the story he made up. As JoeMyGod notes, it was Anderson Cooper who asked him about all those things after the pussy tape came out. Not Megyn Kelly, as he’s probably angrily hallucinating.

So that’s cool.

Elsewhere in the same speech, Trump went on one of his extended dementia babbles about New York Attorney General Letitia James, wherein he blamed her for Exxon Mobil moving out of New York to Dallas.

“Business are fleeing our country,” Trump said at the event Saturday evening. “It's business-unfriendly and they're going to other places.” […]
Trump also appeared to blame New York Attorney General Letitia James for Exxon's departure, despite the fact that the company announced it was relocating its company headquarters to the Lone Star State back in 1989 — 30 years before James became New York attorney general.
“Great job, Letitia,” the former president mocked, going on to reference James' prosecution of a case against Exxon Mobil in 2019, her first year in office.

Over 30 years ago.

We have a theory, and it’s that oftentimes inside Donald Trump’s brain it’s still the 1980s. Whether he truly has zero contact with reality, and doesn’t know what year it is, we don’t know, but there are things he will say that suggest that sometimes he looks around and it’s still the 1980s, back when people still told him he mattered, and when he thought he understood how the world worked.

Remember that time recently when he bitched that migrants have cell phones, and wondered if American veterans even have cell phones? That question would make a lot more sense if we were talking about that brick phone Zack Morris had on “Saved By The Bell” or the ones on “Miami Vice.” Those were a luxury!

Some have argued that Trump’s understanding of crime, and trade, and immigration, and so many other things, are basically time-warped in the 1980s, because he has for all practical purposes been a cultural hermit since then. (That link, from 2017, suggests convincingly that Trump is basically just the clownfuck main character from The Bonfire Of The Vanities.)

So it makes sense that Trump’s brain would jumble together things that were happening then with things that are happening right now, things that are true with things that are imaginary. Exxon moving out of New York in 1989, Letitia James bringing civil charges against him and very possibly ruining him financially in 2023, the “American carnage” he talked about in his inauguration speech, generals calling him “sir” …

Think of all that while you watch this video. Look how confused he is:

On top of how he’s indicted for 91 felonies, stole classified documents from the United States, tried to overthrow the Republic and incited a terrorist attack to overturn the election he lost, it’s stunning the Republican Party wants to make that deluded jumble of metastasized cells president again.

Clearly they don’t know what year it is either.

[The Messenger / videos via Acyn]