Buffoon Navy Secretary Replaced With Other Buffoon. Is This About Hegseth’s Daddy Issues?
We bet this is about Hegseth's daddy issues.
Donald Trump and Pete Hegseth — his dumb unqualified Fox News primadonna with severe masculinity issues and unremarkable military experience, who took a sobriety pledge to Megyn Kelly to get the job as Defense secretary, and who clearly desperately wants to be Trump’s fourth son — are in the middle of a stupid and ill-advised naval blockade of the Strait of Hormuz that’s going approximately as well as all Trump’s other decisions go.
So obviously it was time for Secretary Sobriety-Faced to fire the Navy Secretary!
The news came out suddenly last night that Navy Secretary John Phelan would be leaving his job immediately. Sean Parnell, asslicker to Trump’s asslicker, announced it on Twitter like it was the most normal thing in the world:
Uh huh. So that’s bullshit, obviously.
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The real news started to come out fast, because Hegseth’s Pentagon leaks like a sieve because no one who’s good at their job respects the Secretary of Hairstyles, Makeup and WAR!
The Wall Street Journal reported that Phelan hadn’t quit, he had been fired, “after months of simmering tension with Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, according to U.S. officials.” Uh oh, drama with the queen bee!
Pentagon officials told congressional aides on Wednesday that Hegseth fired Phelan because he and [Deputy Defense Sec Steve] Feinberg felt the Navy secretary wasn’t moving quickly enough on President Trump’s shipbuilding priorities, according to two people with knowledge of the discussions.
Trump agreed with Hegseth that it was time for new Navy leadership, according to a senior administration official.
You mean that weird obsession where Trump thinks he knows how to design ships and make them as ass-ugly as his homes and his ballrooms? OK. “Fire the Navy secretary! He isn’t letting Dear Leader build his beautiful gold-plated boats!”
Gotta be more to this. Here’s some more:
Phelan’s firing comes after a rocky tenure under Hegseth and Feinberg, including tension over Phelan’s close relationship with Trump, according to three people familiar with the internal discussions. Phelan regularly chats with Trump at his Mar-a-Lago club, just down the street from his own Florida home, and told lawmakers last year that he exchanges texts with the president about shipbuilding in the middle of the night.
The top Pentagon leaders were particularly annoyed last fall when Phelan pitched the idea for a modern battleship directly to Trump, bypassing Hegseth, the people said.
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha OK SO!
As we have discussed many gabillions of times, and as we have alluded to in this very post already, Pete Hegseth has obvious, severe, and incurable masculine insecurity issues, probably because he’s known from a young age that he’ll never be more than a total pussy.
But he also has severe daddy issues, which are obviously related to the other thing. Part of it is the authoritarian sicko version of Christianity he’s part of, which is at its heart just a hierarchical system to make white conservatives feel safe by telling them exactly which men they are the boss of and which ones are the boss of them.
Put those together, and you get Pete Hegseth’s body language every time he’s sitting next to Trump at Cabinet meetings, the way he talks tough but just below his skinsuit is a simpering little boy who’s terrified daddy is going to beat the shit out of him the second he gets home.
Basically he’s what conservatives think manly men are supposed to be like.
So it’s entirely plausible that the Secretary of Needing Constant Affirmation got JELLY JELLY JELLY of Daddy talking to the prince of the Navy about boats by themselves in the middle of the night without even including him. The Wall Street Journal says Trump “agreed” it was time for new Navy leadership, we are guessing because Hegseth told him Phelan said Trump has stinky boat ideas or something.
Anyway, the WSJ reports that it just has been DRAMA between those two boys the whole time. You know, just like there is drama between Hegseth and pretty much everyone, because he’s not masculine leadership material.
I mean:
It is just the latest example of friction between Hegseth and some of his senior Pentagon staff. The defense secretary has fired nearly two dozen senior military officers, including most recently Gen. Randy George, the Army chief of staff, and has been feuding with the Army secretary, Dan Driscoll, since early last year.
Yeah.
John Phelan wasn’t qualified for the job or anything, this isn’t like when they fire people who were there when they got the keys to the building. He’s a huge Trump fundraiser, a private investment guy, an art collector, married to a former Cowboys cheerleader. He has approximately the same level of military expertise as Pete Hegseth, and that was another dig at Hegseth if you didn’t catch it.
Perhaps Phelan’s greatest qualification to serve in the Trump administration was that he’s in the Epstein Files as a passenger on the Epstein plane.
And then there’s the guy who’s getting Phelan’s job, at least in an acting role. Hung Cao, witch hunter, alleged king of stolen valor, election loser.
He actually served in the military, which is more than you can say for the dildo up there who texts Trump pictures of big long hard boats late at night.
Of course, you can’t talk about Cao’s military service without talking about the stolen valor accusations. When he was running for and losing a Senate seat to Tim Kaine in Virginia, he claimed he had been “blown up” in combat. He said it a lot.
“I’m 100% disabled, you know, because just from being blown up in combat many times and everything else, you know, knee, shoulders,” Cao said on April 22, 2022. “I’ve got more surgeries than you could possibly imagine.”
And yet …
Yet the Navy service record for Hung Cao, who won the GOP primary in June, does not show a Purple Heart award, the commendation given to troops who have suffered wounds from “direct or indirect result of enemy action” that required medical attention. Nor does his record indicate that he received the Navy’s Combat Action Ribbon, which requires that a sailor “must have rendered satisfactory performance under enemy fire while actively participating in ground or surface combat engagement.” USA TODAY obtained Cao's record from the Navy.
Uhhhh. Now, to be clear, he never claimed to have those awards. It’s more that people who get “100% disabled” from all the times they got “blown up in combat” tend to receive awards like that. Which at the very least suggests he’s full of shit.
So the military might end up respecting this fucking son of a bitch even less than they respected the last guy. Though we doubt they’ll ever disrespect Cao as much as they disrespect Hegseth. Doesn’t seem possible.
But there is more to know about Hung Cao!
Because here is a thing he said about drag queens during his debate when he was losing to Tim Kaine:
“When you’re using a, you know, drag queen to recruit for the Navy, that’s not the people we want,” Cao said. “What we need is alpha males and alpha females who are going to rip out their own guts, eat them and ask for seconds. Those are young men and women that are going to win wars.”
Well, you can see why he gets Hegseth hard. No word on how people who just ate their own guts can win wars, but maybe RFK Jr. can take a field trip from HHS to the Pentagon to show everybody, he’s probably got a few fresh animal penises he wants to show off anyway.
And then there is the thing about how Cao is a witch-hunting hunter of witches, who ran for Senate in Virginia to protect it from getting stolen by witches from Jesus, the way they had done to Jesus in California.
Please enjoy this clip of the guy who is in charge of the Navy now, explaining how Monterey, California, is a “very dark place” now that the witches have taken over and Jesus has been banned:
Neat guy.
So we’re going to call Phelan getting fired and replaced with Hung Cao a … lateral move? Sure fuck it why not.
One more final thought about what this likely means if our spidey senses are correct. If it’s not just Hegseth’s drama queen daddy issues — which it might be! — then it’s highly likely that Phelan, who was secretary of the Navy in the middle of Trump’s and Hegseth’s naval blockade, and during Hegseth’s ongoing murder spree with the so-called drug boats, knew that Hegseth and Trump were giving illegal orders to commit war crimes, just like folks like Mark Kelly and Elissa Slotkin have been warning about. In which case Phelan might have decided he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life buried alive underneath Gitmo or the Hague once patriotic Americans beat back this fascism and start holding motherfuckers accountable. And let’s be clear, at this point everybody should understand that we are absolutely going to win.
If that’s it, what were they asking him to do?
Motherfucker needs to be in front of Congress and in front of TV cameras spilling it, now.
OPEN THREAD!
[Wall Street Journal / USA Today]
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If I didn't know better, I'd swear John C. Phelan and Hung Cao were the names of vintage 1980s gay porn stars.