From Mics To Polls, Trump Sure SEEMS Like He's Going Down
This man is not OK. But we are ... what is it? Nauseously optimistic? Sure why not!
Hawk tuah, spit on that thang! Yes, it really happened. Donald Trump simulated fellatio on a microphone stand in Milwaukee. And not like Prince or something. He did it ANGRY and NOT SEXY.
He is OUT OF HIS MIND.
We are not medical professionals, or psychic, though at least one of us spent a summer in college working at Dionne Warwick’s 1-900-psychic hotline, learning to “read energy.” AKA vibes. Dare we even say out loud that it feels like Trump is going down on Tuesday on more than just that microphone?
NO, WE DAREN’T, AND WE MUSTN’T!
The full clip from Milwaukee is so much worse. Poppy Treason was just out here babbling, rambling, riffing and blowing fumes, with a “TRUMP WILL FIX IT” sign on the stand and a few waving in the background.
Even Trump doesn’t seem like he wants to be here anymore. Why even is he? Oh, right, he doesn’t want go to prison and/or get bankrupted, like those thousand dumbfuck yokels he sicced on the Capitol.
Is this his brilliant oratorical “weave” he’s always talking about?
TRUMP: Fix the mic, uh oh, you’ve got to be kidding. Do you wanna see me knock the hell out of people backstage? You wanna see that? I don’t mind if they want to come up a little forward or something, but it’s a pretty stupid situation, but that’s okay I get so angry I’m up here seething. I’m seething! I’m working my ass off with this stupid mic. I’m blowing out my left arm, now I’m gonna blow out my right arm, and I’m blowing out my damn throat too because of these stupid people. I’ll make you a deal, pretend you’re listing to it perfectly, and I’ll come back and do another one, okay? So stupid. And you know, the only thing I ask, for, I don’t care about lighting, I don’t care about teleprompters, cause I never read the damn things anyway. By the way isn’t it nice to have a president who doesn’t need a frickin’ teleprompter? But I don’t ask for much, I don’t ask for much, the only thing I ask for is a good mic. And this is the second time today that this happened, so now if I was in, if I were the president, and a dopey guy like this Kelly, the guy’s a total moron, and that happened, I’d fire him and everybody would say ‘gee, I’m such a bad person,’ ‘You’re not bad, you fire people, for instance the generals that destroyed us in Afghanistan, every one of them should have been fired, should have been fired, hello, hello, I don’t think so, hello, is that better? IS THAT BETTER?! That’s terrible. Is that better back there? Is that yes or no? Ah, what crap. The only thing I ask for is a mic, you don’t have to give me, I don’t even need a stage, I don’t give a damn, give me a good mic, and I went through two of these today, and it knocks the hell out of your throat, but so far I’m doing okay. Right? Okay? Is that better? And did you notice I also came in today, and I said uh, and this is after four of these things, and in all fairness, I’m a human being, right, I come in and here’s the problem.
Then he pretended to give the thing a blowjob like the rent was due.
Is this dementia?
TRUMP: Way too low, so I walk in like this and I was bending over like this, and they’re saying he’s cognitively impaired and physically impaired…”
Huh.
At this point is it even worth mentioning that there were teleprompters right there in front of him? Or that he was president for four years during Afghanistan and didn’t fire any of those generals, though many of them left, including John Kelly, reportedly exhausted by his deployment in “Crazytown”? RELATABLE. But at the time Trump said Kelly was “a great guy,” and “I appreciate his service very much.” Does any of that stuff even matter any more? No.
Let’s turn from that sad spectacle and check out these uplifting polls instead!
Let’s start with THAT SELZER POLL.
Ann Selzer is a pollster out of Iowa, and 538 calls her the “polling Cassandra of Des Moines.” Her secret sauce is not using past election activity of registered voters to try to project “likely voters,” but instead weighting her polls with population parameters, like, let’s ask the angry white men AND the angry old white ladies, in a demographically representative sort of sample! She’s extremely, extremely good at figuring who this year’s electorate is going to be, as opposed to modeling based on past years.
In 2016 she saw white men who were young, dumb, and full of come-on-and-vote for Trump. And now Selzer’s numbers portend that 2024 will be the year of the pissed-off crone. Yay!
Her latest poll for her clients Mediacom and the Des Moines Register portends that Kamala Harris will win Iowa by three points, driven mostly by women over 65. So, grown enough to remember life before Roe v. Wade in January of 1973. In June, the same poll showed Trump had an 18-point lead over Joe Biden in Iowa, then on July 29, Iowa implemented a six-week-abortion ban. By September, Trump’s lead, now against Harris, had shriveled to four points.
Everybody’s like WHOA IF TRUE, and this could bode well for Harris in places all over. Don’t count it out! You know the old ladies are turnt this year. Rizzed! Jazzed! Pumped!
And LOOK AT THESE TIMES/SIENA POLLS!
Harris is up in North Carolina, Georgia, and Wisconsin. Yes, the same poll also said that Hillary Clinton would win, though that was before James Comey’s BUT HER EMAILS letter that came out five minutes before the election. But Times/Siena also adjusted their methods after that, and in 2022 overcompensated for Republicans, predicting a red wave that didn’t happen. But there’s also this Marist poll showing her up two in Pennsylvania.
But even if all of the polls are worthless, and maybe they are, look out of your eyeballs. Behold all the Trump rally empty seats, streams of the confused and weary filing out.
Trump’s microphones are even telling him to shut up.
It seems like a lifetime since last week, when Trump held his racist hootenanny in Madison Square Garden.
So much has happened since! Trump struggled feebly with the door of a garbage truck, and rode in it. He fantasized about guns being pointing at Liz Cheney. Oh, and author Michael Wolff released tapes of Jeffrey Epstein saying “I was Donald’s closest friend for 10 years,” and talking about how Trump had a special thing for fucking his friends’ wives. Remember when Howard Dean said “argh”?
He is so exhausting.
Meanwhile, Harris went on SNL and urged us all to keep Kamala and calmdownala. Is this what happiness someday might feel like?
Dare we suggest that our third eye senses a blowout?
NO, WE DAREN’T, AND WE MUSTN’T!
Who needs the Washington Post, LA Times or USA Today? Not 250,000+ subscribers, anymore, and not Harris. Harris has picked up endorsements from LeBron James (53 million Twitter followers), Han Solo, Jennifer Lopez (250 million Instagram followers), Bad Bunny (46 million Insta followers) and Cardi B (36 million Twitter followers). She’s got three Stevies — Nicks, Wonder AND van Zandt.
In further signs of Trump maybe not feeling great at the moment, he’s held three rallies in North Carolina over the past week, in Gastonia, Greensboro, and Kinston, and has Raleigh on the schedule for Monday night. The last couple elections, North Carolina has frustratingly stayed in the “R” column, but does the Trump campaign think so anymore?
The GOP has a slight edge in turnout in early voting in the state, as of the data through October 31st: 1,306,879 registered Republicans and 1,256,454 Democrats. But also 1,273,131 Unaffiliated voters, and 12 percent more women, 56 to 44 percent. And now the New York Times/Siena poll shows Trump losing North Carolina by two points, a state where he beat Biden by 74,000 in 2020.
And the campaign is already squawking about “voter fraud” in Pennsylvania.
Forty-one percent of all eligible voters have cast their ballots already.
GO VOTE SO WE CAN SAY IT FOR REAL.
I can't wait for this thing to be over.
Not least b/c of all the anti-trans bullshit, although the biggest reason is still 280 pounds and orange. Gah. Luck to us all.
One sure-fire way to get your AV support team to perform their best is to constantly malign them and threaten to fire them. But even putting aside the probable don't-give-a-fuck'ing going on with the campaign support for Team Tangerineey Tinkletush, he's just gotten more unhinged and more boring. You've got to be pretty deep in the cult to still believe he's a good choice for leading the richest and most powerful country on the planet.
In the meantime, Kamala's rallies are so well organized, it's amazing. And she had three months to do it. I bet she's hired actual professionals and is paying them well.