Hunter Biden Showed Up To Testify In Public Today, And BOY Are These Republican Losers Mad!
Cry more.
Today, Hunter Biden stuck with his stated desire to only speak to vile fascist MAGA Republicans in a public setting, where they can’t immediately run to the Fox News cameras and lie about what happened behind closed doors. He was supposed to show up for that deposition today. He did not.
This morning in a press conference, Biden explained that James Comer, Jim Jordan and Jason Smith — Oversight, Judiciary and Ways and Means chairs, respectively — have pathologically spread “distortions, manipulated evidence and lies” about him and his family, and that there is no “fairness or decency” in what they are doing. “They have lied over and over about every aspect of my personal and professional life.” They make up pretend lies about Joe Biden getting a prosecutor fired in Ukraine because of a bribe, when the historical record clearly shows Biden was simply enacting the stated policy of the US and the entire western world in demanding the firing of that corrupt prosecutor.
(You know who knows that? Every Republican who was in Congress working on foreign affairs at the time.)
They showed naked pics of Hunter Biden in Congress. (Because let’s be clear, MAGA Republicans are obsessed with his dick. They just are.)
“They have taken the light of my dad’s love, the light of my dad’s love for me, and presented it as darkness. They have no shame.”
But yet Hunter Biden said all these words from Capitol Hill, a golf ball’s distance from those shitbags’ offices. He was there for that public hearing, the one Comer, Jordan and their third wheel Smith refuse to have, because they’re scared Hunter Biden will humiliate them. He was right there. “What are they afraid of?” he asked. (That’s a long list.)
“Where’s Hunter?” he asked. “I am here.”
“Here I am, Mister Chairman. When you said ‘we can bring these people in for depositions or committee hearings, whichever they choose.’ Well, I’ve chosen. I’m here to testify at a public hearing today, to answer any of the committee’s legitimate questions. Republicans do not want an open process where Americans can see their tactics, expose their baseless inquiry, or hear what I have to say.”
Biden had a lot more to say, about how his dad wasn’t involved in his businesses, but his parents saved his life from addiction, and how grotesque and amoral it is that these MAGA scumbags are trying to use this as grounds for an impeachment inquiry. (Republicans are set to vote on that today.)
He came off really, really well, as this clip from Fox News demonstrates:
Comer, Jordan and Smith — and Marjorie Taylor Greene and the rest of the Republican gutter trash — were furious Hunter Biden had the audacity to stand in front of those TV cameras and tell the truth about them. And he didn’t even come inside for the closed-door deposition they needed for their propaganda lies!
Escaped wrestling coach Jim Jordan threatened today to hold Hunter IN CONTEMPT. It’s funny because Jordan, a rank seditionist who helped make January 6 happen, famously defied a congressional subpoena from the January 6 committee. (“You fucking did this,” Liz Cheney said to him that day as the Capitol was being attacked by foul-smelling MAGA terrorists, as she smacked his tiny unworthy hand away to prevent it from touching her.)
Ohhhhh, Jordan had some bitchin’ to do.
“Mr. Biden’s counsel and the White House have both argued that the reason he couldn’t come for a deposition was because there wasn’t a formal vote for an impeachment inquiry. Well, that’s going to happen in a few hours. We think it’s going to pass. We think the House of Representatives will go on record with a power that solely resides in the House to say we are in an official impeachment inquiry phase of our oversight. And when that happens, we’ll see what their excuse is then. They should have been here today, but once we take that vote, we expect him to come in for his interview, for his deposition. And frankly, we’ll also, I think, look at contempt proceedings as we move forward.”
OK little buddy, you bet.
There was also an official statement from Jordan and Pigfuck McHeeHaw AKA James Comer:
“Hunter Biden today defied lawful subpoenas and we will now initiate contempt of Congress proceedings,” said House Oversight Chair James Comer and House Judiciary Chair Jim Jordan in a joint statement. “We will not provide special treatment because his last name is Biden.”
Comer also said today, “I don’t know anyone in more trouble than Hunter Biden, and he just got in more trouble today,” and if we don’t finish this paragraph now, our laughing is going to give us an aneurysm. (Who wanna compare and contrast Hunter’s pissant indictments with the trouble Donald Trump is in?)
At the end of the Republicans’ presser today, Marjorie Taylor Greene chimed in to demand why nobody is asking Hunter Biden about sex trafficking. We guess that’s some stuff she learned by clicking too many pop-up ads on AOL, but even Comer looked at her like she was a moron.
The Republican House is expected to approve a formal impeachment inquiry against Joe Biden this afternoon, not based on any evidence, because they don’t have any — Senator Chuck Grassley admitted that again today — but because their ejaculatory devotion to Donald Trump requires them to do everything they can to distract from Trump’s two impeachments and 91 criminal charges and swindle the American people into thinking both sides do it and that it’s all political.
Also, Trump gave them an order to impeach Biden, and what their lord and savior demands, their lord and savior gets.
Walking toward the Capitol today, GOP Rep. Troy Nehls was asked what Republicans think they’ll gain from this impeachment inquiry. He responded, “All I have to say is Donald J. Trump 2024, baby.”
As Democratic Rep. Jim McGovern just said on the House floor, the Republicans are doing this because they’re mad the terrorists didn’t finish the job on January 6.
That’s what this is about.
Good luck, pigfucks.
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[videos via Aaron Rupar / CNN]
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“We will not provide special treatment because his last name is Biden.”
The ONLY reason he's being investigated is because his name is Biden. It's ALL "special treatment."
“They have taken the light of my dad’s love, the light of my dad’s love for me, and presented it as darkness. They have no shame.”
This is how you know Republicans are broken inside. Completely and utterly. They simply cannot comprehend a father's obvious love and care for his addicted son; it doesn't track, it doesn't make sense to them. And we all know that when something doesn't make sense to them (basic human compassion, empathy, a sexuality beyond under-the-covers missionary between a born man and born woman, a woman's body, a non-white skin color, a book, the list goes on) it scares the shit out of them and needs to be dealt with as an immediate threat to their lives.