JD Vance Worried NFL Refs Will Let Kansas City Win Out Of Love For Taylor Swift
And other butthurt, happiness-hating MAGA news!
It is time to toast with MAGA tears the engagement of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce!
Taylor Swift has been a white nationalist obsession for a decade, she and what she does with her lady bits. Their message boards used to wank with slobbers about how she was their “Aryan goddess,” with “Nordic blood” and praising her restraint for not “having gang-bangs with colored gentlemen.” And Daily Stormer founder Andrew Anglin (whatever happened to him? Still in hiding, it seems!) often lavished praise on her “sculpted Aryan form.”
Also once-appreciative, noted perver upon younger women Donald John Trump, who in 2012 took to his Twitter to weigh in on the subject of her dating Conor Kennedy, a very normal thing for a man in his 60s to be thinking and Tweeting about, and to gush how happy he was that she would be co-hosting a Grammys nomination special.
But then MAGA’s blue-eyed-genes princess kicked them in the nuts. In 2018 she spoke out against Trump and gross homophobic ghoul Marsha Blackburn, calling her “Donald Trump in a wig,” over the objections of her security team and father. And she shamed them to the dirt over their fake Christian values, to boot.
“It’s really basic human rights, and it’s right and wrong at this point, and I can’t see another commercial and see her disguising these policies behind the words ‘Tennessee Christian values.’ Those aren’t Tennessee Christian values. I live in Tennessee. I am Christian. That’s not what we stand for.”
She never liked MAGA, and she was not going to marry one of them, or have their white babies. And Trump and the rest have been taking it hard ever since, ever moreso after she endorsed Kamala Harris and Tim Walz with a dig about JD Vance’s “childless cat ladies” chuntering.
But, as it turns out, speaking out against MAGA didn’t halve the number of people who came to her shows or dent Swift’s sales one bit. She’s just kept on getting even bigger over the past decade, even while she kept on flicking at them, such as with the ditty “You Need To Calm Down,” a video full of fun cameos.
Why you mad?
When you could be GLAAD? (You could be GLAAD)
Then she became a billionaire, her Eras tour became the most attended tour of all time, and she twirled in rainbow sparkle fringe surrounded by dancers as diverse as a Benetton ad, being led through their paces by a round and zesty Black gay guy. Her fame shot to an even higher, more stratospheric international level, rivaled only by Michael Jackson in his boy-sleepover days!
And instead of abandoned chimps and lawsuits, Swift left joy and friendship bracelets and food bank dollars in her wake! And it sticks in Trump and MAGA’s craw, that the most beloved white woman in America has rejected them. Remember how he was SO obsessed he posted an AI Taylor Swift endorsing him? Pathetic.
Then he posted he HATED her. And he was just ranting about her some more earlier this month.
“Sydney Sweeney, a registered Republican, has the ‘HOTTEST’ ad out there. It’s for American Eagle, and the jeans are ‘flying off the shelves.’ Go get ‘em Sydney! On the other side of the ledger, Jaguar did a stupid, and seriously WOKE advertisement, THAT IS A TOTAL DISASTER! The CEO just resigned in disgrace, and the company is in absolute turmoil. Who wants to buy a Jaguar after looking at that disgraceful ad. Shouldn’t they have learned a lesson from Bud Lite, which went Woke and essentially destroyed, in a short campaign, the Company. The market cap destruction has been unprecedented, with BILLIONS OF DOLLARS SO FOOLISHLY LOST. Or just look at Woke singer Taylor Swift. Ever since I alerted the world as to what she was by saying on TRUTH that I can’t stand her (HATE!). She was booed out of the Super Bowl and became, NO LONGER HOT. The tide has seriously turned — Being WOKE is for losers, being Republican is what you want to be. Thank you for your attention to this matter!”
As it now happens, awkwardly, Travis Kelce has also lent his genes to a collab with American Eagle, reportedly signing on long before the recently failing company’s desperate Sydney Sweeney cooked-up “controversy.” Whatever, get that bag, Papi! A footballer’s career is brutish and short, and at 35 Kelce is considered geriatric.
Anyway, here’s future brother-in-law Jason Kelce hyping her up, and her whole adorable podcast appearance to announce her 12th album, right before she and Travis got engaged. Look how sweet and in love those two are, a matched pair of hammy goofballs! Some good tips to woo a woman in there too, boys!
Her appearance broke podcasting records too, of course.
It would take the most shriveled of Grinch-hearts not to be charmed by Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce, or Traylor, as Lil Wayne has christened them. But shriveled little prune hearts are what MAGA has got!
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There’s white nationalist misogynist Christian fascist stranger danger Charlie Kirk, who was first to hop on his broom and shriek “submit to your husband, Taylor. You're not in charge!”
And LOL, withered child star/evangelical children’s book author Kirk Cameron is raging that Taylor Swift normalizes sin!
“What do you get when a billionaire pop star releases an album with provocative artwork, lyrics that mock God, glorify rebellion and celebrate explicit sin? You get the most powerful sermon that America’s youth will hear this year. She mocks God in her lyrics. She normalizes sin, she glorifies lust and rebellion as if this was womanly empowerment. Her songs are not just music. This is discipleship. She doesn’t have any kids of her own, but raising kids is hard. Why get into all that when she can just disciple your kids and train them up in the way that she would like for them to go?”
Taylor Swift will raise my kids for me? Sold! Oh, and Kirk Cameron would also like you to entrust your monies to a new Christian bank that he’s hawking, click the link above and give them your routing and account numbers now!
No comment from Kelce’s teammate/Kansas City Chiefs kicker/evangelical beardo weirdo Harrison Butker yet, you know, that shitass tight-pants guy who had the gall to go to a Catholic college run by the Benedictine sisters of Mount St. Scholastica (literally) and try to set all of those nuns and graduating ladies straight that the highest calling from God is to be a wife and mother. Then he lectured them that priests were getting too chummy with the laity, quoting Swift’s song “Bejeweled” in the most awkwardly wrong-context kind of way:
“As my teammate's girlfriend says, ‘familiarity breeds contempt.’”
Yet some MAGAs are fantasizing that Kelce should make him a groomsman. Sure.
And JD Vance is sure there’s gonna be a conspiracy with the refs favoring the Kansas City Chiefs over the Bengals because they’re so happy for Traylor or something. Those famous Swifties, NFL refs. Is there anything he can’t make up a culture-war conspiracy theory about?
WAH WAH she was a liberal lonely cat lady that nobody wanted to marry, but now she has the handsomest football star of her dreams that she’s longed for ever since she was in her sneakers on those bleachers, while all my wife does is scowl no matter how many times I take her on vacation!
And upon news of their engagement, former fan Trump sniffed that he wishes them “a lot of luck.” Goodness knows he himself has had not much, and his third wife can barely stand to be next to him.
By the way, 76 percent of women say a man being MAGA is a turnoff. What, forced pregnancy doesn’t excite you? And so the MAGA male loneliness epidemic rages on. Meanwhile, Mark Zuckerberg just got busted by Reuters stealing Swift’s name and AI likeness, along with other female celebrities, to make a “flirty chatbot” that “produced photorealistic images of their namesakes posing in bathtubs or dressed in lingerie with their legs spread.” HORK. And a Meta spokesman says that it’s fine, because the bots are labeled as “parodies.” Yeesh. Maybe Traylor should not keep blessing Instagram with their presence?
Anyway, congratulations to the couple! May your joy be so great that it brings misery to MAGA forever.
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Hey, JD - cool post. Can we see the Epstein files now? ALL of the Epstein files?
Epstein.
Epstein.
Epstein.
Epstein.
Epstein.
Epstein.
Epstein.
Epstein.
Go, Taylor!
“She normalizes sin, she glorifies lust and rebellion”
Has this guy ever listened to any pop or rock music?
I guess we’re all supposed to put on long pants and frocks and sing “Jesus loves me this I know” with our hands clasped in front of our stomachs.