Reason For Navy Sec Firing Maybe Even More Pathetic And Hegseth-y Than We Knew
All these people out here making Whiskeydick Pete feel like a very tiny and impotent WAR SECRETARY indeed!
No sooner had we published our first piece on the bizarre firing of Navy Secretary John Phelan in the middle of the naval blockade of the Strait of Hormuz — and the replacement of him with the contemporary Christian version of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Oh no, is Monterey, California, a HELLMOUTH, Buffy? — than more news began to break about the real reasons Secretary Shitfaced “Pete” Hegseth fired him.
Hegseth’s pathetic Daddy issues leading to possible jealousy over Trump and Phelan — who are neighbors and friends — sliding pictures of big hard boats into each other’s DMs at night and not including him? Yep, we had that. Just general drama between Hegseth and Phelan relating to Hegseth’s devastating masculine insecurity, which renders him unable to lead troops like a real man? Duh, that’s part of every story about Hegseth and the United States military under his control.
And then at the end, we asked:
One more final thought about what this likely means if our spidey senses are correct. If it’s not just Hegseth’s drama queen daddy issues — which it might be! — then it’s highly likely that Phelan, who was secretary of the Navy in the middle of Trump’s and Hegseth’s naval blockade, and during Hegseth’s ongoing murder spree with the so-called drug boats, knew that Hegseth and Trump were giving illegal orders to commit war crimes, just like folks like Mark Kelly and Elissa Slotkin have been warning about. In which case Phelan might have decided he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life buried alive underneath Gitmo or the Hague once patriotic Americans beat back this fascism and start holding motherfuckers accountable. And let’s be clear, at this point everybody should understand that we are absolutely going to win.
Oh golly, were we over the target!
Come Fox News’s Jennifer Griffin, the real news reporter who makes all of MAGA so angry, because she reports real news, even when it conflicts with Republican/Russian propaganda. She confirmed something the Washington Post had alluded to earlier in the day. They said there had been “tension” between Shitfaced and Phelan over whether Senator Mark Kelly should be punished for making that video where he and other patriotic members of Congress who have served told troops that their loyalty was to the Constitution and their oaths, not to little bitch Pete Hegseth or his traitor boss, and that they had a duty to refuse illegal orders. Phelan was supposed to “review” what Kelly had done and make a recommendation for how Kelly could be punished.
Griffin’s report last night was more explicit:
“Hegseth and Phelan reportedly butted heads when Phelan refused to ignore a recent federal judge’s ruling that said punishing Senator Mark Kelly for making a video in which he reminded military officers of their constitutional duty to not to not follow illegal orders would violate his First Amendment rights,” Jennifer Griffin, Fox News’ Pentagon correspondent, reported on Thursday.
“Hegseth wanted Kelly, a retired Navy captain and former astronaut, brought back onto active duty and stripped of his rank,” Griffin said.
Ohhhhhhh. Well there it is.
Phelan, an art collector and Trump fundraiser with no military experience, nonetheless was not stupid enough to ignore the Constitution to try to go after Dear Leader’s enemies for reminding them that Dear Leader is not actually Dear Leader, and he wasn’t willing to be a party to Hegseth using the Uniform Code of Military Justice like his own personal drunken cum towel.
Yep, that tracks.
Prefer a non-Substack subscription? The button below will take any amount of your choosing at Paypal — let me know if you want the newsletter subscription too! they’re separate! — or we have a Patreon too.
Meanwhile, the Wall Street Journal has another followup on Phelan’s firing, this one focused on Phelan’s efforts to save his own job.
Phelan reportedly waited an hour at the White House on Wednesday night, in order to hear Donald Trump personally tell him he had been fired, and also to try to keep that from happening. Clearly he didn’t want to take it from Whiskeydick Pete, because who would take anything that guy says as the last word on anything? But Trump backed his greasy and wayward little ugly duckling of a former Fox News personality, likely because he knows he is Daddy to him, and that Pete worships him as such.
And also Hegseth had gotten to Trump that afternoon with his story about how John Phelan didn’t want to help him build ships, beautiful ships, marble ships with golden curtains like nothing you’ve ever seen!
“He’s a hard charger and he had some conflicts with some other people, mostly as to building and buying their ships. I’m very aggressive in the new shipbuilding, and somehow he just didn’t get along with them.”
And who does President Sundowner agree with? Say it with us, class: the last person he spoke to.
So we think we understand now.
The real reason Phelan was fired was all his drama with the Secretary of Hairstyles and Makeup, most prominently that he wouldn’t help punish Mark Kelly for slicing Hegseth’s balls off, undercutting his pathetic sense of his own authority, and making him look like a very tiny WAR SECRETARY! indeed. The real reason was about Hegseth’s masculinity issues.
And to accomplish that, he manipulated Daddy by telling Daddy the mean man doesn’t want Daddy to build his elegant beautiful boats, and you know who wants to build elegant beautiful boats? Daddy does.
Hegseth is desperate to please Daddy, but he also knows how to play Daddy to get what he wants.
Want to read more Evan than just what’s at Wonkette? Visit The Moral High Ground and subscribe to it!
Follow me on Instagram!
And on BlueSky!
And on Facebook!
Shit, things must be really bad on the Trumptanic.
They actually fired a white guy.
They need to start watching "Judgement at Nueremberg" on Mar A Lago movie nights, as it is increasingly likely to become their reality.