Russian Media Jizzing With Glee Over Trump's America-Destroying Idiot Cabinet Picks
Especially Kash. That guy's a whole different level of stupid.
As Donald Trump began naming nominees for his Cabinet in his second term — especially the national security, defense and intelligence sectors — it was clear that those happiest with his selections would be his sponsors back in Russia.
Oh boy, these people were such freaks, incompetents, and compromised agents, the Kremlin would have to declare a national holiday for giving itself golden showers in Red Square and yelling “Da! Da! Da! Da! Da!” (That’s how you express joy in Russia, you make pee tapes and give them to the government for its archives.)
Pete Hegseth, who is still the nominee for secretary of Defense despite his utter lack of qualifications for the job, his credible rape allegation, and his mother’s email about what an abuser of women he is, is but one example. That stuff is just bonus material for Russia, which is likely most excited by the fact that Hegseth believes Russia was totally justified in invading Ukraine for zero reason, because Hegseth believes it’s Vladimir Putin’s “give me my shit back war.” Hegseth buys Putin’s Russian propaganda version of history, because we guess he wasn’t educated well enough to know any better. Hegseth buys Putin’s version of the truth about NATO, because, again, he’s too uninformed to have any other better ideas.
Then there’s nutbag conspiracy theorist Tulsi Gabbard, an actual Russian stooge, who has never encountered Russian propaganda she didn’t ask for seconds of, who Russian TV has already described as “our girlfriend Tulsi.”
They lost Matt Gaetz, but that’s OK, because God closes Matt Gaetz door and opens Kash Patel window! Oh no, Russia, do not let Kash Patel fall out of Kash Patel window! Silly Russian goofs always falling out of Russian windows and/or off the fifth stories of Russian buildings.
The point is that Russian TV is officially spooging its way through St. Basil’s over Trump’s Cabinet, specifically because they’re so excited that these people will finish America off for good. (America is Russia’s sworn enemy, for any MAGA readers who might not know the first thing about anything.)
Excellent Daily Beast reporter Julia Davis, who always has the best reports on what Russian TV is saying, she’s got one of ‘em!
Davis reports that early in the Trump nomination process, Russian state TV host (they’re all state TV hosts) Olga Skabeeva said, “All of them are totally wonderful!”
Davis reports that Skabeeva’s state TV host/state husband agreed:
Evgeny Popov, Skabeeva’s husband and the co-host of Russia’s 60 Minutes, concurred, describing Trump’s picks as his “radical dream team” and gleefully noting, “All of them personally despise Zelensky.” He cautiously added, “They aren’t friends of Russia, except for Tulsi Gabbard.”
“Except for Tulsi Gabbard.” The rest are just useful idiots, we guess. Tulsi, though? The one who is supposed to be director of national intelligence, with eyes over all America’s secrets? They know her. (On top of calling her their girlfriend, pundits have even called Gabbard Putin’s “agent.”)
But Davis reports that it is fuckbonkers batshit conspiracy theorist children’s book author with Little Man Syndrome Kash Patel who really has Russia hard this week.
Not because he’s on secret Kremlin Christmas card list or anything — how you say allegedly! — but because he is so thoroughly incompetent that Russian pundits are sure he’s the perfect guy to help Trump hasten America’s demise. Vladimir Solovyov, host of “The Evening With Vladimir Solovyov,” which Davis says Putin loves to watch — guess it is like his “Fox & Friends” — said this on Sunday:
“What an excellent team is coming along with Trump! Not with respect to Ukraine, but as far as everything else goes. If they are allowed to get in, they will quickly dismantle America, brick by brick. They are so great!” he said.
After airing a clip of Patel threatening to upend the FBI’s operations, Solovyov continued, “Trump’s nominee to head the FBI, Kash Patel, is simply on fire... He’s tremendous! Really, really good.”
Note that he didn’t say Trump’s people would then rebuild America brick by brick. Just the dismantling. Tremendous! Really, really good!
Davis offers another quote from a Russian pundit in 2023, who was jonesing for Trump to get re-elected because he is a “destroyer of America.” In case you thought Davis (who is fluent in Russian, because of how she is a native speaker of both Russian and Ukrainian) might be losing something in translation, or getting it wrong.
She reports that Russian pundits actually aren’t that excited about Trump when it comes to Ukraine, because it sounds like they fear he’s not on the same page with them when it comes to wiping the country off the map entirely. Read her full report for more details on that. But for our purposes today, they’re most excited about what these absolute morons and losers will do to destroy their number one enemy without Russia having to lift a finger.
It’s worth noting that there are many more incompetent appointees for Russian pundits to be excited about. Like, say, the convicted felon who’s the father-in-law of Trump’s daughter, who will be ambassador to France even though he doesn’t speak French. Or the campaign donor who’s never been in the military he’s picked for Navy secretary. Or his other daughter’s father-in-law, who gets to be “Arab and Middle Eastern adviser.”
It’s fine, though. When you understand that these Russian pundits are exactly right, and that Trump’s goal is to destroy the country that won’t stop laughing at him, all these nominees are perfect choices.
It’s a Russian Christmas golden shower miracle!
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