Trump Giving Rudy Medal Of Freedom For Excellence In Chram-Yanking Or Something
Colluding with Russian spies to help steal the 2020 election? Defaming Black women election workers? It could be anything!
While Donald Trump was making everybody wonder if he was half dead or all dead or kinda dead or about to become dead, and if they should make reservations at their favorite restaurant and buy some booze in anticipation of the event, Trump also put this stilted message on Truth Social this weekend. Although, to be fair, it could have been posted by his Truth Social double.
“As President of the United States of America, I am pleased to announce that Rudy Giuliani, the greatest Mayor in the history of New York City, and an equally great American Patriot, will receive THE PRESIDENTIAL MEDAL OF FREEDOM, our Country’s highest civilian honor. Details as to time and place to follow. Thank you for your attention to this matter. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!”
See what we mean? It’s got the random capitalized letters, but AI or ChatGPT or Gavin Newsom or the Nazi Barbie with the poorly done fillers — ha ha, we should be more specific, we mean Karoline Leavitt — literally anyone could have written that.
But wow, the Medal of Freedom for Rudy Giuliani. That would just about render the entire award fully meaningless, yeah? (Haha no, it was meaningless once he gave it to dead rotting Rush Limbaugh and Jim Jordan and Devin Nunes and Arthur Laffer. One day the history books, if such are allowed to exist, will put big old asterisks next to these things to signify that they don’t count if Donald Trump awarded them.)
What on earth did he do to deserve this?
Is it all the crimes and betrayals of country he committed in Ukraine trying to help Donald Trump steal the 2020 election, which fully included colluding with Russian spies?
All his “stop the steal” shit, including the hilarious press conferences at plant nurseries and whatnot, where he appeared to be leaking out of his ears and his brain?
The actual election-stealing crimes he was indicted for in Georgia and in Arizona?
And also he defamed those election workers in Georgia repeatedly and took absolutely forever to pay the fuck up when the very large judgment was rendered against him?
All of this shit which, incidentally, contributed to Giuliani getting disbarred, which is pretty much the end of the natural life cycle for Trump lawyers?
Ooh, wait, we know! Could it have been for all of this?
Or this? Excellence in discussing tits?
“Come here, big tits. Come here, big tits. Your tits belong to me. Give them to me [indiscernable]. I want to claim my tits. I want to claim my tits. I want to claim my tits. These are my tits.”
Yes, that’s the transcript of a recording taken by Giuliani’s former assistant Noelle Dunphy and included in her lawsuit against him.
Why yes, we imagine it could have been any of these things, or all of these things, that made Donald Trump believe Giuliani deserved a Medal of Freedom.
Or we guess it could be something else?
Did he touch a kid?
Trump really likes people who touch kids.
Point is, Rudy Giuliani’s Medal of Freedom will be the best Medal of Freedom since the one Trump gave Miriam Adelson as a reward for giving him so much money.
And as Trump has explained previously — and then totally unsuccessfully tried to clarify his comments — the Medal of Freedom is better than the Congressional Medal of Honor, because this one is for civilians, which means you don’t have to be a stinky [blech!] troop to get it [he hates the troops, thinks they’re suckers and losers, and he REALLY hates wounded warriors, thinks they’re disgusting].
Trump’s announcement of this Medal of Freedom came directly after Giuliani had some sort of car accident in New Hampshire this weekend. It was weird, though, because almost immediately after that news came out, people started feeling sad about it and hoping he was OK wondering just exactly how much of Rudy’s official statement about the incident was a lie. Like so:
“Mayor Giuliani was flagged down by a woman who was a victim of domestic violence prior to the accident. He rendered assistance and contacted 911, remaining on scene until responding officers arrived to ensure her safety,”
LOL what?
Did Rudy pull over to the side of the road to show somebody his chram? Was this some kind of reverse Good-Samaritan chram-showing?
Did he say the “come here, big tits” thing to her?
Is that why Donald Trump is giving him the Medal of Freedom?
Anyway, the questions just keep coming. All weekend conspiracy theories have been raging that the accident itself seemed targeted.
Roodles the Wonder Clown is out of the hospital, because you know how it is when you’re 81 and you’re seriously injured — broken vertebrae! — in a car accident on a Saturday, they let you walk right out of there on Monday. This information came from the New York Post, via Giuliani’s gross and homely son Andrew, who is even ickier than a Trump son when it comes to ranking offspring. (The latest reporting also has some info from the New Hampshire state police on the accident, but the details in their account about why he allegedly stopped still appear to be reported by Roodles, so fuck that.)
Young ugly Andrew also reveals more about why Trump is giving his father the Medal of Freedom, and surprise, it at least implies that he’s being rewarded for all the crimes he’s committed for Trump:
“For everything your father did for New York City, for going after the mob, for his leadership on September 11th, and… for being right about everything over the last five years, I want to award him the Medal of Freedom,” Andrew Giuliani recounted of Trump’s comments.
See? Implied. And definitely up-and-up reasons for giving people Medals of Freedom, which, let’s face the facts, is probably meaningless forever now.
We’re giving funerals with military honors to domestic terrorists, we’re giving Medals of Freedom to Rudy Giuliani, can you imagine who else will be “honored” by Stupid Hitler’s regime or the Couchfucker one that comes after he bites it?
Can Kennedy Center honors for Epstein and Ghislaine be far behind?
(He really loves kid-touchers.)
[New York Post / New York Post]
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"Rudy Giuliani, the greatest Mayor in the history of New York City"
"Bitch, please!"
- Fiorello LaGuardia
🎶 The hills are al𝘪𝘪𝘪𝘪𝘪𝘪𝘷𝘦 with the sound of 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘶𝘶𝘶𝘶pid🎶
The US is going to have to ask the whole world for their pardon and maybe a do-over, the Worst President Ever's era is going to rank down there with unjust wars and slavery.