Trump Pretty Sure Whatever Put Rudy Giuliani In Hospital, The Liberals Did It
Condition critical, as always.
President Donald John Trump’s former personal and now-disbarred lawyer, one Rudolph William Louis Giuliani, AKA indicted co-conspirator Number One times at least two, was taken to a Florida hospital on Sunday with a serious case of driven into apoplexy by liberals!
Trump typed it, thus, therefore, ergo, it is the TRUTH:
There isn’t much more specific information, so we guess we’ll have to stick with Trump’s report that Giuliani is suffering from an acute case of Being Best Warrior and Right About Everything Yet Still Treated So Badly, Sad.
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While whatever is happening, let us reflect on Rudy’s various earthly debts, sins, and enduring shared secrets. Like, how, where, from whence and whom did Rudy get a satisfactory-enough part of that $148-million-plus-interest debt of his paid off to Ruby Freeman and Shae Moss? In 2020 and beyond, Rudy ruined the lives of two innocent, hardworking Fulton County, Georgia, election workers with his wildly delusional racism-slathered lies and rants, and then played a years-long game of hide-their-Snausages with his owed loot, which got so intense it allegedly involved lying to even his own accountants, ending with no CPA worth their calculator willing to touch him.
Will we ever learn where that secret settlement money for a shut-up deal came from for those women, so miraculously right before his pal Donald got sworn in? The Holy Spirit(s) sure do(es) work in mysterious ways!
But, really, and see if you can try to not make the baby Jesus cry with your answer, was it the radical left Democrats and those election workers, judges, his former assistant Noelle Dunphy and her power-knockers’ lawyers, Borat, were they all the imps from heck who sadly treated Rudy so badly, pressed him so hard that his Real Black Just For Men hair-juice started sweating off of his face, or made his COVID-farts pump out of his rectum into the face of underlawyer Jenna Ellis?
Ah, Jenna. If it behooves you to feel any kind of shred of sympathy for any of these bug-juice-guzzling cult suckers, it is maybe she. Giuliani’s Fulton County co-conspirator did at least make contrite weepy noises in court to get to keep her own law license, and later agreed to cooperate in the still-pending case against Rudy in Maricopa County, Arizona, for which Trump later attempted to “pardon” him. But durrrrrr, it is a state case, and Rudy also technically still remains to this day an indicted co-conspirator there.
Look upon Rudy, ye mortals, indeed! Oh hey, did Trump ever pay Rudy his millions for all of the legal and media relations work he did on his behalf for a decade at least? He did everything from greasing wheels behind the scenes to keep Trump’s porner peener payments under wraps ahead of the 2016 election, to helping Trump try to steal the 2020 election by demon-dialing up state legislators in swing states and demanding they emergency convene to award their state’s electoral votes to Trump, because Rudy had dug up some secret peepstone-evidence on golden plates he found buried in his backyard that showed Joe Biden did fraud. And he was going to show them and the rest of world the proof of that any minute now, you bet!
Spoiler, there was no earthly evidence, Giuliani had lied to the people of earth, and worst of all for the sake of his own hide, lied to many judges in many earthly courts, from the libel to the disbarment to the bankruptcy ones, and lost his law license and any shred of credibility he may have had left. He kept hollering 9/11 for the rest of his career, but …
And as is the MAGA-world way, when consequences for his own actions came calling, Rudy responded by stalling and dragging his alleged victims for every legal bill and moment of their lives he could vampire out, such as in the case of the lawsuit that claims Giuliani basically chased his assistant around the table like a drunk Benny Hill. Congratulations, Rudy, you have now almost surely scored yet another postponement in that ongoing $10 million hair-raiser of a case.
Regardless of whether or not this is the end for Rudy, his heydays are over, him and his crusty, drunk old weirdo friends all left over from Trump’s turn-of-the-century Epstein-wingman partying days.
As old Billy Joel and our Robyn have noted, there appears to be no statistical correlation between longevity and a virtuous life. Or like Jewish bard Paul Simon once noted, “God only knows, God makes [their] plan, but the information’s unavailable to the mortal [hu]man.”
Thoughts and prayers, speedy recovery, etc.
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Just waiting for the funeral service at Four Seasons Landscaping
Here's a man who, unjustly, had a good reputation thrust upon him and all he had to do to be known forever as "America's mayor" is retire gracefully and keep his yap shut until he died.
And he couldn't do it. He couldn't stop himself from flashing his disgusting chram to the entire world and showing us who he really was.
To which I say, "Thank you for torpedoing yourself, Roodles. Say hi to the devil when he comes for his due."