Trump's Cognitive Decline: OH NO THEY BANNED FLYPAPER! Edition
Also said he's willing to go to jail if it'll make America a democracy again.
Our eyes today have been on Washington and the pathetic failures of Jim Jordan. But Jordan’s mentor, hero, lord and savior Donald Trump has been out there running for president, at least between his court dates (he’s back in New York today), and he’s revealing some terrible things in the process. Not real things, of course, just things being bandied about by the syphilitic raccoons who live in his brain.
For instance, Trump explained in Iowa last night that he doesn’t like flies, but he can’t say he doesn’t like flies, because if he says he doesn’t like flies, he’ll get accused of animal cruelty, and also did you know they banned flypaper?
TRUMP: I didn’t know you had flies in Iowa.
He didn’t? Where perchance did he think the flies were if not in the cow butter corn prairies of the Midwest?
TRUMP: I hate flies! Now I’ll get in trouble for saying that. Cruelty to animals. No it’s true. You know, I said the other day I was at a place and it was a beautiful place, but they had like, flies. And I said, get flypaper! They said, “Sir, they’re not allowed to sell it anymore because of cruelty to animals.” They actually said that! I don’t know. Can you get flypaper? Used to be great, right? But they said, “You can’t do that anymore, sir, it’s cruelty.” What the hell is going on with this country?
Two things here:
Flypaper is not banned, as many on the internet have pointed out.
Also, the story Trump told? Did not happen. Know why we know that? Because the people in his story called him “sir.” Those are imaginary stories.
In the same appearance, Trump said he’s willing to go to prison if that’s what it takes “for our country to win and become a democracy again.”
And the crowd went wild!
It was part of an extended bitch session about Judge Tanya Chutkan, the one who slapped the limited gag order on him yesterday in DC. Trump, because he’s a fucking moron, told the people at his rally, who are also fucking morons, that a “gag order” is something that means “[y]ou can’t speak badly about your opponent.”
Which … no. But anyway.
Obviously Donald Trump is absolutely terrified of prison, but hey, let’s hold him to it. For country to win and become a democracy again, it would be great if Trump went to prison.
Other evidence of Trump’s recent cognitive decline includes him praising Hezbollah as “very smart.” And saying windmills are detrimental to whales’ mental health. And asking if US American military veterans even have cell phones. And bragging about the dementia test he (says he) aced in 2018. And saying he has a better body than Joe Biden. And that you have to have an ID to buy bread. And, apropos of nothing, that he’d rather be electrocuted to death than sharked to death. And that electric cars make people schizophrenic. And that the “Obama administration” has it “in their stats” that Trump built 500 miles of border wall. (Not the only time recently he’s seemed confused about who’s president right now.)
Something something Joe Biden wears tennis shoes, both sides do it, the end.
OPEN THREAD.
[videos via Acyn]
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
@evanjosephhurst on Threads!
I have profiles those other places but I think I forgot how to log on.
If you're shopping on Amazon anyway, this portal gives us a small commission.
And through the tears in my eyes I said “Sir, if your going to jail is what makes America great, you should definitely do that.”
Did you know that Mike Pence’s head is 80% fly paper?