Which Of Trump's Dumbest Lawyers Are In Big Trouble With The Bar Today?
Lindsey Halligan and Ed Martin, currently tied for first dumbest lawyer in the whole Trump regime.
Meet the newest candidates for the Rudy Giuliani Award For Excellence In Getting Disbarred For Committing Crimes And/Or Violating The Constitution For Donald Trump!
Who will be the first lawyer in Trump Regime 2.0 to fully throw away their ability to practice in their chosen career for the sake of that liquid-shitting orange fistula in the White House? Who will be the next Trump idiot to one day hear Satan utter the words “You’re not licensed to practice law in hell either!” just like Trump’s original mentor/ethically bankrupt lawyer Roy Cohn did, on the day he went through freshman orientation in hell?
We don’t know, but it could be the former US Attorney from Baywatch Lindsey Halligan, because she’s under bar investigation in Florida. Or it could be needy tryhard and breathtaking dumbass Ed Martin, who has failed out of so many Trump regime positions we can’t even keep up anymore. He’s in big trouble with the DC bar.
Let’s start with the dingus Lindsey Halligan, since her latest news of shame happened first. Has it been almost two whole months since Lindsey Halligan stormed out of the Eastern District of Virginia shouting “YOU CAN’T FIRE ME TWO MONTHS AGO, IIIIIIIIIII QUIT”?
Well here is the latest good news for her mom and dad to put in their family “what happened this year” letter they send to relatives at Christmas.
Halligan is under investigation by the Florida Bar, because remember, she wasn’t some kind of important DC lawyer or any kind of important lawyer before all this. She was a Florida insurance lawyer. The nonprofit Campaign for Accountability filed complaints against her in Florida and Virginia, and Florida’s response back was basically oh, we know.
This of course stems from all Halligan’s bumblefucking clownshittery at EDVA, making up imaginary cases against James Comey and Letitia James to serve her master Donald Trump; telling the grand jury God knows what to trick them into delivering indictments (“fundamental misstatements of the law that could compromise the integrity of the grand jury process,” said magistrate judge William E. Fitzpatrick); and then that small matter of how she kept signing her name “Lindsey Halligan, Superlawyer Esquire US Attorney For A Real District In America!” even after she had been gently but firmly gavel-splained that her appointment was unlawful and she wasn’t any such goddamned thing.
Now, this isn’t like she’s going to get disbarred next week or anything. This is a very early step. But, as the New York Times notes delicately, “the prospect of Ms. Halligan losing her license could serve as a check on administration lawyers who have been accused by judges of pushing the boundaries of the law or intentionally misleading the courts, which has happened frequently in recent months.” It also could make it more difficult for them to get new hires at DOJ, which is, uh, not going well already.
“Working at DOJ used to be prestigious! Now it’s for total dipshits, and you might get disbarred or go to prison for crimes one day, and also government salaries are shit. INQUIRE WITHIN!”
So that’s Halligan.
Then there is Ed Martin, pictured here with George Santos’s camel toe and oh my god are those Donald Trump’s favorite cheap-ass Florsheim dress shoes he is wearing?
Shoe identification inconclusive.
But the DC Bar is in the process of sanctioning Ed Martin!
What’s he in big trouble for this time? Ohhhhhh, he is so stupid.
They have filed disciplinary charges against him because last February 17, year of our Lord 2025, when he was acting US attorney in DC, he sent a letter to Georgetown Law (a better school than he went to), accusing them of doing aggravated DEIs, without even trying to define “DEI” or explaining how they had done this. A whistleblower had told him so!
And in that same letter — he was always a fan of writing these bitchy letters that were supposed to be threatening, also of going on Russian state TV 150 times — he told Georgetown that he was going to go ahead and sanction them, and that “no applicant for our prestigious fellows program, our summer internship, or employment in our office who is a student or affiliated with Georgetown law school will be considered until this is resolved.”
To which Georgetown Law Dean William M. Treanor replied that ACTUALLY, bitch (he did not say bitch), the First Amendment says you can’t tell Georgetown what to teach AND MOREOVER BITCH (he did not say moreover bitch), refusing to even consider applications from Georgetown students was a violation of their constitutional rights.
And Ed Martin, Stupid Man, just kept doubling down. (Remember those heady early days of the Trump administration when universities were still taking these buffoons seriously? Oh wait some of them still are? Jesus Christ, dude.)
The DC Bar explains that Martin violated the First and Fifth Amendments of the Constitution, and that he “knew or should have known that.” Which is a funny way of implying/saying explicitly that he’s stupid.
Oh yes, then he tried to obstruct the investigation into this, the complaint says.
And yes, he could be disbarred for this if it doesn’t go his way.
Ed Martin, you’ll remember, was originally supposed to be where US Attorney Jeanine “Boxwine” Pirro is sitting and hilariously fucking everything up. Her most recent fuckup, you might remember — or the last one we wrote about, God knows what she’s done in the last six days — was quietly having to declare victory and stop trying to indict Joe Biden and/or his associates for “autopen,” since “autopen” is not actually a crime. And who started that Mr. Wizard Inspector Gadget investigation into “autopen”? Who was that stupid? Ed Martin, obviously, when he was the acting US attorney for DC, before the Republican-controlled Senate couldn’t keep a straight face long enough to confirm him.
In other words, same timeframe when he was sending these dumbfuck letters to Georgetown.
Then they shoved Martin over to Pam Bondi’s DOJ to lead the “Weaponization Working Group,” which Bondi named after a full day of reading 1984 on the toilet, allegedly. Investigate the investigators that “weaponized” DOJ against Trump, just by investigating his billions of crimes!
It wasn’t a real job, he’s too stupid for real jobs, even in this administration. (Of course, at least he was still in the DOJ building, wait just kidding before that was over they moved him to an office in a whole different neighborhood, far away from whatever passes as real professionals at Trump’s DOJ.)
Martin did that for a whole year and came up with nothing. So DOJ Number Two Idiot Todd Blanche quit-fired Martin from being the boss of the Weaponization Working Group, but let him still be the “pardon attorney.”
Can a special new busywork job laundering Kristi Noem’s fuckblanket at her new job at new fake agency “Shield Of The Americas” be far behind for blessed Edward?
Martin is of course all over Twitter screaming WITCH HUNT! and WEAPONIZATION! and what-have-you. What else is he going to scream? “I’m only employed because I never stop looking Donald Trump in the eyes while I’m giving him rimjobs”? Doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, and neither does Donald Trump’s butthole, does it, Ed?
He is also trying to pretend they’re only going after him because they fear him, something something, he’s got ‘em right where he wants ‘em!
Every one of these loser is so irredeemably thirsty.
Todd Blanche, who is, let’s be honest, also a fairly yappy and stupid lawyer, is also chiming in on Twitter, accusing the DC Bar of being a “blatantly Democrat-run political organization,” and adding, “Thank God I’m not a member, and trust me, I never will be.” Which is kind of like bragging that you refuse to join the “I’ve Had Sex Before” club.
Todd Blanche, it should be noted, thinks that every bar association that doesn’t want to join him and Ed Martin with their tongues up Donald Trump’s fascist hole is an activist woke liberal bar. Which is pretty much of all of them.
The New York Times notes that the DOJ is currently trying to threaten/bully state bar associations out of investigating its lawyers, a demand these numbnuts lacks the standing to even utter with their stupid mouthholes, but that tells you how desperate they are, and how scared of these state bar associations.
One might even say these bar associations are right over the target.
OPEN THREAD.
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I believe George Santos is also guilty of cornichon smuggling. Yes that is a tiny dick joke.
I am wondering if my landlord approved the pet elephant my upstairs neighbors seem to have adopted.