It All Seems So Stupid It Makes Me Want To Give Up. Wonkette News One-A-Day, May 13, 2026
As we approach the lazy hazy crazy mayonnaisey days of summer, things just seem to be getting weirder and dumber all the time. Or maybe everything is fine and we’re the nutty ones, but we don’t think so!
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We began the day with Tabs, and there was a cute llama!
Wonkette Alum Liz Dye dropped by to fill us in on Todd Blanche’s ingenious “indict everyone Trump hates” strategy for becoming the real AG
Tennessee is running full tilt into One-Party rule, and it just might not be the brilliant strategy Republican House Speaker Cameron Sexton hopes.
Former Oklahoma School Superintendent Ryan Walters spent his entire time in office trying to force the Bible down kids’ throats, and now his marriage is coming very un-Biblically apart. Doesn’t he know that he can’t get divorced?
Kash Patel beclowned himself at another Senate hearing, and Chris Van Hollen only had to give him a little nudge to set off a great big hissy!
![Here's Your Video Of Kash Patel Humiliating Himself Before Congress, His Family And [Hic!] Trump](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!WT7Y!,w_140,h_140,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffb3ff9a1-7c40-4ba0-8f0c-103e8b91a3d1_2734x1468.png)
As the headline says, we are in a Depeche Modey mood. But why should we give up when it all seems so stupid? We’ll see you tomorrow, and maybe things will be less awful.
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Bonus: We Swore We Hit “Send” On Yesterday’s Stupid Newsletter But We Didn’t, So Here It Is Now!
This is the stupid one-a-day that should have gone out yesterday, stupid us:
As ever, we began the day with Tabs, this time with Chonkers the great big sea lion trying to explain to all the smaller pinnipeds why Jack never could have gotten onto that piece of flotsam with Rose. Stupid explanation if you ask us.
The Stupid Supreme Court rubber-stamped Alabama’s stupid new racial gerrymander, because of course it did.
Republicans in South Carolina made over-the-counter ivermectin sales legal for stupid people, but they will still need a stupid pharmacist to dispense it.
Samuel Alito, who is stupid but also evil, will allow telemedicine prescriptions for mifepristone to continue, but only until the entire Stupid Supreme Court shadow-dockets the abortion pills into oblivion. Or not, it’s hard to tell, though the odds are clear enough. And other abortion news!
Donald Trump’s Stupid War is driving up gas prices, leading to inflation outpacing wage growth for the first time since 2023. Worse, the full inflationary effects of the higher oil prices probably haven’t hit the economy yet. Also, Trump’s stupid steel tariffs are raising grocery prices, because America only produces 20 percent of the steel used to make cans for tuna, cat food, and even non-cat-related canned goods.
🎯 - A main reason malignant narcissists behave in such stupid & triggering ways is to get good people to just give up & walk away, so they can then do whatever they want. Sound familiar?