There’s been some stupid “Pete Hegseth Is A Failure With Severe Masculine Insecurity Issues” news this week, like there is every week.
Did y’all see him show up at the Iowa State Fair in country western lesbian mom jeans, looking like, well, see below?
In this video, he thinks he’s being clever, but really he’s just being a mouthbreathing bigot whose only really true job qualification is lifting things (but not well), telling an Iowa audience that at his Pentagon, they do “training, not tr*nnies,” which, on top of being simple red meat hate speech for inbred Americans, doesn’t even make sense. Are those two things mutually exclusive? Is the charge that during the Biden administration two roads diverged in a wood and Joe Biden decided to cancel military training in favor of Transgender For Everybody, like his syphilis-brained boss believes?
OK, Secretary of Hair and Makeup.
We get it, Pete’s manliness and power are threatened by literally everything and he lashes out. He’s also losing the only big boy war he ever got to start, he lost it on the first day, like a little bitch, and in record time it disproved his theory that if only he got all the non-white, non-straight, non-man, non-Nazi people out of the military, then testosterone-dosing losers like him could win every war on the strength of their untreated anger and abuse issues.
Guess not. So he’s lashing out at trans people.
Seriously, check out those girl jeans, though, because by the looks of it — click that link, that’s the money shot — he lifted them off an alcoholic Republican Second Amendment lesbian in the front row at the Morgan Wallen concert.
Her name is Bev, and she’d probably like her britches back.
But yes, Secretary Shitfaced was in Iowa this week campaigning for Republicans, instead of handling one of the million crises he’s created, like the lost Iran war or the carrier and other ships that don’t have supplies. He appears to have tried to cover up the real reason the USS Abraham Lincoln couldn’t be resupplied, according to MS NOW’s David Rhode, namely that Iran destroyed a key Navy resupply base in the Gulf of Oman, which forced the Navy to move its resupply ops far, far away to the tiny island of Diego Garcia, in the Indian Ocean.
You know what might have prevented that base getting destroyed, and all the American troops who have been killed and injured in this lost war, and all the little girls who lost their lives at school the first day because of Pete Hegseth’s incompetence? If a couple fewer people had told Pete that God loved him and had special plans for his life. You have to be careful filling Christian conservative boys’ heads with shit like that, they get ideas.
Shitfaced’s trip comes amid speculation, according to the Washington Post, that he’s laying serious groundwork for a 2028 presidential run, speaking of boys being lied into believing they can do all things through Christ who strengthens them. The Pentagon said he was going to the Iowa State Fair to campaign for Rep. Zach Nunn “in his personal capacity.”
Yes, a greasy, washed up Fox News weekender host who was never promoted to the first string of talent, who literally isn’t qualified to pick up your dog’s shit, whose military experience and expertise are laughable, and whose only other qualifications for the role are untreated Daddy issues plus a preternatural obsession with hairstyles and shaving, reportedly thinks he’s presidential material.
Sure, Pete, go for it. We can’t imagine him failing harder than he’s failed up to this point, but he’s never not taken the universe up on that challenge.
Of course, if Shitfaced is obviously scheming for a presidential run, won’t that make Daddy mad? Does he really think he could ever be Daddy’s first choice?
Also, would he have to bring his wife as a babysitter if he was president, to make sure he doesn’t drink or try to follow around women so he can, if certain reports are correct, prey on them?
We ask because another article has come out, certainly not the first of its genre, about how Pete’s third wife is the most involved Defense secretary’s wife in history, just bizarrely and disturbingly at his side at all times, because Pete can’t be trusted to be by himself, because he’s a failure as a man.
You think this Natalie Wiping Donald Trump’s Ass stuff is creepy? Well check out Pete Hegseth’s need for constant parental supervision by mommy!
“It’s bonkers that a defense secretary would involve his wife in his sensitive official duties, including sharing details of an impending military operation, and face zero consequences,” said John Ullyot, who left the Pentagon as chief spokesman after three months working under Mr. Hegseth and has been critical of his leadership. “Any president deserves better judgment from his national security leaders.”
“This is not normal,” Senator Chris Coons of Delaware, a senior Democrat on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, said last year on MSNBC during the uproar over Mrs. Hegseth’s inclusion in the chat and high-level meetings. “Secretary Hegseth has one of the highest levels of classification access. He can’t just hand that to his wife and say, ‘Here, honey, hold my beer, and hold my classified information.’”
Does she have a security clearance? Nobody knows! Does she need one? Perhaps!
One person familiar with Mr. Hegseth’s thinking said that the defense secretary likes his wife to travel with him to keep him out of trouble. Mr. Hegseth, who has a history of heavy drinking, has himself made clear he needs his wife at his side. He often credits his “two J’s” — Jennifer and Jesus — with transforming his life.
Whichever “J” is making his decisions, they’re fucking it up, but we wouldn’t be shocked if their name was “Jack.”
In related news, there’s a new story about how the Navy is talking about renaming an aircraft carrier that was set to be named for a heroic Black sailor who fought in World War II. (The ship is still under construction.) Clearly Shitfaced and his white supremacist boss can’t have that, so they’re thinking of naming it for Trump instead.
Ooh, maybe Daddy will let Shitfaced run for president if he names a big boat after him!
You betcha.
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Imagine a Democrat, any Democrat, admitted in public that they couldn't function without their spouse there to keep them out of trouble. Every pundit at Fox would be dead, exploded from outrage orgasms.
Evan this is epic - Whichever “J” is making his decisions, they’re fucking it up, but we wouldn’t be shocked if their name was “Jack.”
I do have a request. Instead of going with your norm of bitch, big girl panties, and other female references could you exchange a few of those with the male versions. Males are many time worse than females and need to be called on that rather than strapping them with a female version. Equal opportunity and all that.