Sitemap - 2013 - Wonkette

Comedy Of Errors Of Comedy: Wonkette's Most Lamentable Mistakes Of 2013

The Year In Rightwing Media, Simplified

2013: America's Most Fabulously Gay Year Ever

The Thirteen Greatest Achievements In Throat Cramming Of 2013

2013: The Year You Stopped Loving Barack Obama

You Got Your God In My Government: The Year In ChurchState

2013's Person Of The Year: Hitler, Who Was Just Like Hitler

Larry Klayman Was Very Excellent At Being Larry Klayman In 2013: A Retrospective

2013: The Year Jan Brewer Got Back On Her Meds

Wingnuts And The Crazy Things They Said About Science: Let Us Review 2013 And Weep For The Planet

Lady Urging Boycott Of Rose Parade Over Gay Marriage Float Is Naive About Parades

Nazi Dad Just Wants His Parental Reichs

Obama Forces Israel To Abort All Babbies At U.S. Taxpayer Expense

New Hampshire State Rep. Runs Over Ducks, Apologizes, Is Suspended By A&E

Jesus And America Wept: Ani Di Franco's Genius Idea To Hold Songwriting Retreat On Plantation Is No More

Two Nice Georgians Beat Each Other Senseless In Argument Over Biblical Interpretation

Good Morning America's Robin Roberts Comes Out, Enlists in War On Marriage

New York Times' Detailed Investigation Ends Rancor Over Benghazi Forever

To The Victor Go The Spoils: We Won The War On Christmas, So Now We Get Sonia Sotomayor To Ball Hard In The New Year

Buttocks Of New Brooklyn DA Simply Too Marvelous For Words, Predecessor's Toilet Seat

As God Is His Witness, Ted Cruz Will Never Be Canadian Again

Eliot Spitzer's Hooker Forgot Their Safeword

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Thank God 2013 Is Almost Over Edition

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Homeschooled Flappers And Bootleggers

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Compost Heap Of Cretins And Creeps

A&E Decides To Keep Cashing In On Redneck Orgasm That Is Duck Dynasty Like We All Knew It Would

Toby Keith Will Not Allow Guns In His Fancy Eatin' Restaurant So The Terrorists Have Already Won

Oregon Meth Binge Generates 2013's Greatest Headline

Chinese Investors Buying All Our Surplus Ohio

Today In Dumbduckery: Alabama Legislator Introduces 'We Heart Phil Robertson' Resolution; Camo-Wearing Fans To Eat Chicken Sammiches

Deleted Emails Of The Day: 'Dave's Not Here, Man' Edition

Duck Dynasty And National Review Cruises Locked In Battle To Death To Claim Your Hard-Earned Angerbear Racist Dollars

Responsible Gun Owners Have A Banner Week (Updated)

Detroit Offers Free Houses To Writers; Wonkette Moving HQ to Detroit

Anderson Cooper, Dan Savage, Anderson Cooper's Mom, And Some Cunnilingus (No Verb Necessary)

History Shocker! Ayn Rand Helped FBI Find Communist Influence In ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’

Ben Shapiro Irate As Obama Hands Federal Employees Vast Trove Of Riches

White Man Charged With Hate Crime For 'Knockout Game'-Style Attack, Wingnuts Furious

California Lady Has Cheerful Christmas Answer To Neighbors Who Bitched About Her Rainbow Flag

UK Defense Minister Apologizes For Suggesting Wingnut Party Leader Enjoys Finger In His Bottom

Damn It Jim, He’s A Scammer, Not A Doctor: Con Man Bilked Investors For Bogus Trekkie ‘Medical Tricorder’

Texas Veterans Hospital Looking Forward To Its Death Threats Over Fox News's Dumb 'No Merry Christmas Cards' Lie

Ayn Rand Institute Head Yaron Brook Just Loves How Commercial Christmas Has Gotten

Retired Wyoming Pastor Just Too Sexy To Not Solicit Sexytimes From Undercover Cop

Nashville 'Church Member' Sues A&E And Barack Obama For Being So Mean To Duck Dynasty Star

Derp Roundup: Special Christmas Edition

Words That Say Mery Crismass From Ur Gal Me Sarah Palim

Hey Folks, Merry Christmas From Your Old Buddy Barack

I, Ted Cruz, Say You're Welcome For Your Holy Christmas Freedoms, America

Warmest Holiday-Themed Sentiments From Hillary Clinton

An Unironic Snark-Free Appreciation Of You, Our Beloved Terrible Ones

On Scale Of One To Dana Rohrabacher, How Drunk Is Marco Rubio In His Christmas Video?

House GOP Resolution Will Send Arms to Christmas, Authorize First Strike On 'Happy Holidays'

Wonkette Wishes Rick Santorum A Totally Not Ironic Happy White Santa Holidays Full Of Frothy Jesus

Surprise, Sarah Palin Did Not Read Thing

Great Britain Pardons Father Of Modern Computing And Nerd Icon Alan Turing, For Gay

Rick Perry Wants You To Be His Submissive This Christmas

North Carolina Fails In Bid To Protect Capitol From NAACP, Same-Sex Goat Weddings

NORAD To Track Santa Claus, Drive Glenn Greenwald To Write 50,000-Word Screed About Oppressive Government Surveillance

Gay Lady Houston Mayor Does Not Care One Bit About Duck Dynasty Dude

Barack Obama Signs Up For Obamacare, Arrogantly No Doubt

Here Is Your Yuletide Sexual Harassment, Of Some Ladies So It's Definitely A Democrat

Festivus Miracle: Wonkette, Washington Free Beacon Agree On 'Man Of Year,' Just Not Which Year Or Why

Ohio Judge Joins Utah Judge In Gay Rights Throat-Cram-o-Rama

Rand Paul Wars On Christmas With Festivus Grievance Tweets

Circuit Court Tells Utah Attorney General To Open His Mouth Wider So They Can Cram Even More Gay Marriage In There

Hopefully These Gay Black Prancing Dancing Santas Terrified And Confused Megyn Kelly To No End

Top Secret FBI Interrogation Manual Somehow Ended Up In Library Of Congress -- And It's A Cookbook!

Are Christian Textbooks Teaching That The Moon Landing Was Fake? We Are Only Asking.

Cracker Barrel Comes To Its Senses And Remembers Who Eats There

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Homeschooled Monkeyboys

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Night Before Night Before Night Before Christmas Edition

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Stocking Stuffer Of Stoopid

Sheriff Joe Arpaio Pays Out Millions For Loving Constitution Too Much, Jailing Journalists In Middle Of The Night

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Obama Is Bush Except Bush Was Better

Activist Judges Cramming Constitution Down Utah's Throat

Bradlee Dean Thinks New York Public Schools Are Teaching Kids To Do Sex With Animals

Scott Brown's New Hampshire Fundraiser Didn't Spark Armed Revolt Or Any Interest

Gay Thought Leader Camille Paglia Weighs In On 'Duck Dynasty' And All Other Gays Can Shut Up Now We Guess

Who Among Us Has Not Erected A Giant Billboard Honoring Nelson Mandela And Accidentally Used A Picture Of Morgan Freeman Instead?

Ohio Survivalist With Gun Hoard In Mall Wasn't Planning Race War, Just Enjoyed Listing Names, Addresses Of Blacks & Jews

Duck Dynasty Is The New 'White Santa' And Now There Is So Much Derp

Seattle Nice Time: Catholic Students Protest Firing Of Vice Principal For Same-Sex Marriage While They Still Believe In Something

Maryland KKK Appreciates Use Of Tax-Funded Building To End Obama Government's Reign Of Terror

Peggy Noonan Searches For Words, Mostly In Her Liquor Cabinet Apparently

Air Force General Was Fired For Being A Drunken Boor, Not Because Obama Was Trying To Nuke South Carolina

Nice Time: Obama Commutes Sentences For 8 Crack Cocaine Convicts; Rob Ford Moves To U.S.

Get Excited! Larry Klayman Will Now Sue CNN And Then Become Gandhi And Lead America To Freedom Or Something

Congresslout Dana Rohrabacher Missed Getting On 'Hoarders' By *This* Much

Follow The Always Sound Voice Of Rob Ford This Christmas And Give Us A Pile Of Money

'National Report' Writes Fake War-On-Christmas Story, Hilarious Real Threats Phoned In To Real School

Let's Fap One Out On The Ground For Al Goldstein Of 'Screw'

Doctor Testifies Homeless Man Kelly Thomas Killed By Meth, Not All That Beating By Police

Liz Cheney's Husband Sees Voter Fraud Every Time He Looks In A Mirror

Bush White House Legal Genius Sought To Exile All Gays To Detroit, Because Ewww, Anuses

Barack Obama Puts Duck Dynasty Guy In Free Speech Prison

Idaho's Convicted Rapist Legislator Will Resign To Spend More Time With Family, Guns

John McCain Has Mavericky New Plan To Repeal Obamacare And Replace It With Old McCain Plan No One Wanted

Al Gore Forgot To Add 'To Seven' About A Thing So Climate Change A Hoax Haw Haw

How Will Congress's New Budget Murder You And Your Children? A Wonksplainer!

Peggy Noonan Outraged Barack Obama Invited That Fake Sign Language Guy To Mandela's Memorial

CNN Tries To Be Even More Worser By Wooing Jay Leno's Chin To Make Bad Jokes On It

Wingnut Blog Shocked To Learn Corporations Give Money To Fascist Communist Muslim Socialists 'Think Progress'

Daily Caller GOTCHAS John Boehner With Tanning Lobbyist Landlord Story From 2006

Imagine A World... Where A Documentary About Abject Loser Mitt Romney Is Coming To Netflix

Comrade! Kiss Your Wife And Tell Her You Love Her, It Is Time To #WAR On This Mediaite Poll

Jerry Brown Expert Ralph Nader Says Jerry Brown Totally Running For President Against Clinton (Again)

Jan Brewer Cannot Even With This White Santa Nonsense

Make Sure We Never Forget Coffee Or Benghazi With These Practical And Stylish And Stackable Mugs

Barack Obama All Like 'Oh Yeah Putin? Let's See You Say It To Billie Jean King's Face'

In North Carolina, Home Schools Can Get Taxpayers' Hard-Earned Tax Dollars For Jesus

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise: George Zimmerman Stoled His Inspirational Flag 'Painting' From A Stock Image

Mayor Bloomberg On Homeless Children: Sometimes God's Just Sort Of A Dick Like That

Happy Birthday, New Pope! You Are Now Gay

Hot Upcoming Kevin Sorbo/Dean Cain Flick 'God's Not Dead' Brings Your Angry Uncle's Email Forwards To Life

Mike Huckabee To Save Internet With 'Huckabee Post.' 'Journalists,' Apply Now!

Republican Rep. Sean Duffy Wants Fellow Republicans To Start Being Polite And Stop Being Real

North Dakota Zoning Tyrants Will Tear Down Aryan Leader's Crappy Old House

Rob Ford Dances With Church Choir, Looks Exactly As White As You'd Expect

Radio Wingnut Neal Boortz Dreaming Of A White MLK

Larry Klayman Wins Stunning Legal Victory Over Government But Still Has Not Managed To Inpeach Obama

After Vigilantism Career Fizzles, George Zimmerman Taking A Shot At Art

Help Us Make Best Friends With Some Diamonds This Christmas

State Rep. Warns Of Armed Revolt If Scott Brown Shows His Fuzzy Carpetbag In New Hampshire

Scammy EPA Climate Science Guy Was Basically George Costanza

Italian Signorina Arrested For Raping Poor Victim Riot Cop's Face Shield With Her Lips

In Ann Coulter's New Religious Order, Ladies Will Marry Federal Government For Free Slutbortions

Mean Old Colorado Will Not Let This Hero Hindu Preacher Lady Sell You Sex And Weed

Texans Can Have Any Kind Of Lieutenant Governor They Want, As Long As He's Creationist

Hero Disgraced Texas Judge Will Prosecute You To The Fullest Extent Of The Law And Then Probably Some More

The New York Times Wants To Get Rupert Murdoch's Wizened Member Wet

Twitchy And Stupidest Man On Internet Perturbed By Obama's Graven Image In London Embassy

North Carolina State Senator Hits Nazi-USSR-Terrorist Trifecta Of Obamacare Hyperbole

Socialists At Denver Post Cover Up Indisputable Fact That Arapahoe HS Shooter Was Socialist Just Like Them

New Mexico Teacher Helps Make 'Santa Is White' Official Stupidest Meme For Christmas 2013

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Shudder-Inducing Ross Douthat Sexy Feelings Edition

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Red-Scared Homeschoolers

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Tour Of The Terrible

If Kim Jong Un's Not Careful He Is Going To Give Millennials A Bad Name

A Children's Treasury Of DC Children Drinking With Cardboard Hillary Clinton

Romanian TV Holiday Carolers Replace 'Chestnuts' With 'Jews' In Instant Holiday Classic

Disgraced Torturer Allen West Can No Longer Heart Disgraced Colin Powell Now That's He's A Total Commie

Astro Nice Time: Kid Gives His Piggy Bank To NASA, Gets Call From Real Space Man For Reals

At Long Last Democrats Have A Real Celebrity: Bowzer From Sha Na Na

On Her Majesty's Secret Snack Bowl: Police Were Ordered To Leave Elizabeth's Nuts Untouched

No, You Dumbass Hipster Dumbasses, George W. Bush Should Not Be Your New Hipster Icon

Chris Christie? A Petty, Vengeful Monster? Could It Be?

Happy Birthday Ted Nugent, You Are The Worst And We Hate You

Ted Nugent: Get More Guns Into Schools So Sandy Hook Kids Won't Have Died In Vain

No Fair -- How Can Darrell Issa Leak Obamacare Website Security Info If HHS Won't Trust Him?

Your Small Children Will Likely Pack Up And Leave Home If You Give Them This Ted Cruz Coloring Book

Pat Robertson Saves Caller's Kids From Lifetime of Subaru Ownership, Comfortable Shoes

Help Us Feel All Grifty This Christmas With This Gorgeous Sarah Palin Gold Coin

Nice Time: New Pope Doesn't Understand Simple Economic Concept Of 'I've Got Mine'

Obama Killing All Birth Certificate Cover-Up Related Witnesses In Desperate Attempt To Distract From Obamacare

Patriotic Senators Boldly Stand Up For Oppressive Religious Majority What Wants To Be Anti-Gay

Michigan Will Save All The Fetuses With Exciting New 'Rape Insurance' Law, For Freedom

Australian Supreme Court Sodomizes Capital's Gay Marriage Law

John Boehner Sobers Up Long Enough To Notice Conservatives Are Crazy People And Also Liars

WaPo Tries To Bogart Our Fapping Strip-Clubbing Underwearing Minneapolis Mayoral Candidate

Idaho Republicans Thinking About Maybe Considering The Idea Of Forcing Out Their Convicted Rapist Colleague, Possibly

Matt Drudge Not Even Trying To Hide It Anymore

Sign Language Guy At Mandela Memorial Wasn't Channeling Sarah Palin, He's Just Actually Mentally Ill

Once Again Mark Twain Right About A Thing

Fox News' Megyn Kelly OK With Inclusiveness But Santa And Jesus Are Definitely White

Deleted Comments Of The Day: You Trashy Racist Bitchsluts Need To Say 'Merry Christmas' Or Else

Lamar Alexander's Aide And The Lighter Side of Child Porn Allegations

Let's All Watch Some Douche Yell At Kathleen Sebelius

Possibly Fake Sign Language Guy At Mandela Memorial Was Pretty Much Just Signing Sarah Palin Speeches

Magnificent Tech Star Wonders Why Human Garbage Have To Clog Up SF, Is Not Actually Talking About Other Tech Stars

Bryan Fischer Has Magic Constitution That Says First Amendment Is Only For Christians

You Won't Believe This Rich Kid's One Weird Successful 'Twinkie Defense' Oh Wait Actually You Will

Wisconsin Declares War On Cuddling

Ted Cruz Shows Dumb Old President Obama How To Be Respectful At A Funeral, And That Is To Walk Out Of It

WND Smart Man Erik Rush Wishes People Would Remember Good Sides Of Apartheid Too

Oklahoma Legislature Will Save Christmas From Whoever Keeps Doing War On Christmas

Christian 'Insurance' Company Will Not Cover Your 'Un-Biblical Lifestyles,' Like Having Boobs

Colin Powell Just The Godless Kenyan Muslin Nazi Marxist Socialist General You Always Thought He Was

Shrieking Meth-Rage Banshee Michelle Malkin Selling Twitter Rag 'Twitchy' To Some Dumb Idiots

Awesome 'Christian Education' Quizzes About As Challenging As You'd Expect

Wonksplainer! How Losing $11 Billion On GM Stock Is Actually Reasonably Awesome

Obama Touches Raul Castro's Communist Fingers At Mandela Funeral, Wingnuts Outraged

Michelle Obama *Pissed*, Y'all

There Is No Better Song In The World For Nelson Mandela's Funeral Than Toto's 'Africa' Except For All These Other Ones

Republican Says It's 'Immoral' To Give Health Care To Gays Because Then They Use It Like A Bunch of Gays Using Health Care

Texas Wingnut Steve Stockman To Primary John Cornyn For Senate, Tila Tequila To Primary James Inhofe

Tila Tequila Doesn't Hate Jews, She Just Loves Hitler And Would Like Some Attention, Is That So Wrong?

Dan Rather Still Thinks It Matters That His Bush Story Was True

Responsible Kentucky Gun Owner Wounded In Heroic Shootout With Toilet Paper Dispenser

The Top Two Hottest Disgraced Priests Who Went And Married Female Ladies

Satanists Generously Offer To Build Monument Next To Oklahoma Statehouse's 10 Commandments Display

'Women's Christian Temperance Union' Still Thing That Exists, Now Opposes Reefer Madness

Please Stop Raping Rush Limbaugh With Your Gazongas

Moonie Family Values: Rev. Moon Made Washington Times Publisher Raise His Secret Adultery-Baby

Sorry Rick Santorum But You Are Not Nelson Mandela Because Larry Klayman Is Nelson Mandela

Newt Gingrich So Mad At MSNBC For Forcing Conservatives To Be Racist About Nelson Mandela

Daily Caller Warns: Liberals Gonna Claw Out Men's Eyes So They Can't Stare At Boobies

Guess Who's Leading The Congressional Delegation To Nelson Mandela's State Funeral?

Phyllis Schlafly's Niece Is Back With Brand New Message For Ladies: Quit Your Jobs, Have More Babbies

CNN Confused: How Could Nelson Mandela Influence Barack Obama If They Only Met One Time?

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special How Do We Get A Christmas Card From John Waters Edition

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks To Smite The Dreaded Hun

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Mission Implausible

Killer Brains, Gamma-Ray Fungus, And Octopus Selfies, All In This Week's Sci-Blog

The War On Christmas Just Got Surreal With This Screaming Nightmare Fuel Ad (Updated)

Marcus Bachmann's Christian Counseling Practice Has New Name, Is Surprisingly Still In Existence

New Funnybook Features Barack Obama Taking On Zombie Bunnyrabbits

Who Are The Obamas Insulting By Attending Mandela's Funeral?

Sarah Palin Dumbsplains To Lamestream Media That 'A Plastic Jewish Family' Is The Reason For The Season

Unemployment Rate Falls To 7 Percent, Proving We Must Repeal Obamacare

A Children's Treasury Of ALEC Protester Funtimes

Rick Santorum Says Rick Santorum Is Nelson Mandela

Free Enterprise Answer To Diner Serving Free Meals To Homeless: Get Stuffed

Rep. Louie Gohmert Still Yammering About Christian Countries Or Whatever

Hey Please Make Us An Elizabeth Warren And/Or Hillz Clinton Cup Design For Christmas, Okay, Thanks

Ben Shapiro Saw Chris Matthews And Barack On Teevee, K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Ted Cruz To ALEC: 'Stand Your Ground.' ALEC To Ted Cruz: Whatchoo Talkin' 'Bout?

Why We Will Miss Nelson Mandela In A Feministy Way

McDonald's Helps Employees Get Wealthy With Advice On What To Tip The Au Pair And Poolboy

Nice Time: Here Are Some Excellent Stories To Read About Nelson Mandela

The Time My Dad Compared Himself To Nelson Mandela In The Only Possible Acceptable Way To Compare Oneself To Nelson Mandela

Please Buy Us This Artificial Hymen So We Can Be Pure Again

Conservatives Turn Out In Support Of Poor Beleaguered Rapacious Fast Food Corporations

Obama Did A Lie About Kenyans

Celebrate The 80th Anniversary Of The Repeal Of Prohibition In Style With Your Happy and Wonkette Writers

Millennials Pretty Sick Of Mean Old Perfesser President

John Boehner Throws Straight And Male America Under The Bus

Fox Business Analyst Super Sure Obama Might Resign, Maybe, Because Math And Nixon

In 2014, GOP Tries New Tactic Of Not Being Dickish To Women, Again

An Exegesis Of Gawker's Trove Of Bill Clinton's Hacked Doodles, By A Professional Art Critic

Phyllis Schlafly & 'Obama's Army Of Blacks' Guy: Liberals Giving Your Kids To Teh Gheys As Sex Toys

Hero Christmas Defenders Besiege School After Fox Runs Fake 'War On Christmas' Story

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why You Gotta Be So Mean To Movie That Lovingly Bashes Evil Atheist Schools?

Hero Lobby Group ALEC Seeks To Tax Sunshine

Bill O'Reilly Pretty Confident Jesus Wouldn't Feed Kids If Their Parents Were Druggies

Martin Bashir Resigns From MSNBC Just For Saying He Wanted To Make Turds In Sarah Palin's Mouth

Arizona Kind Of 'Forgot' To Investigate Some Child Abuse Reports. About 6000 Of Them. Is That Bad?

Sure, Barack, Your Dream Job Is To Host 'SportsCenter,' You Regular Guy, You

House GOP Committee Holds Quiet Little Casual Meeting About (Stage Whisper) Impeaching Obama

Obama's State Department Full Of Gutter Alcoholics

Old Handsome Joe Biden Asks If Japanese Ladies' Husbands Gave Them Permission To Get Jerbs

Dick Cheney Surprised That Some Lady On Facebook 'Attacked' His Daughter Liz on Gay Marriage

Scott Walker Would Be Racially Transcendent Except For Those Meddling Racist Aides

Is New Pope Sneaking Out At Night To Do Undercover Poping? You Bet Your Sweet Chasuble He Is

Peanuts To Publish Books With Right-Wing Imprint, Destroy Yet One More Cherished Piece Of Our Childhood

Golf Sponsor Decides What To Do With Own Money, Glenn Beck Fans Outraged

Washed-Up Sports-Ball Player John Rocker Simply Does Not Care For 'Draft-Dodging Muslim' Muhammad Ali

Gun Fun Roundup, American Exceptionalism Edition

Have You Ever Noticed That Ladies Are So Dumb And Stupid? The Washington DC Metro Has!

Wall Street Is Your New Landlord, Please Pay Your Rent Or The Economy Will Crash Again, Thanks!

John Boehner Hates Free Enterprise Private Insurance, Thinks It Is Mean

Donald Trump Shares His Money Secret: You Gotta Be SMRT!

American Kids Not Getting Dumber, But Not Getting More Smarter Either

Fox & Friends Will Not Let Muslim Girls' Swim Class Destroy America With Aquatic Sharia

Hero California Republicans Do Their Part For Constituents With Fake Obamacare Site

'Jesus Was A Capitalist' Is Really The Title Of This Tea Party Nobody's Rant Against The Pope

NRCC Pretty Much Full Of Liberals As Recently As 2010, According To NRCC

Deleted Comments Of The Day: You Got Your Red Herring All Over My False Flag

Today's War On Christmas Casualties: Lights In Orange County, T-Shirts What Are All Sold

John Boehner's Crying Again, Everyone Drink!

Tea Party Nation Says Defending Obamacare Is Exactly Like Excusing Rape (Which Obamacare Is Worser Than)

The Reverend Paul Crouch Riding That $49 Million Jetplane Straight To The Kingdom Of Heaven

How Did You Celebrate World AIDS Day? (Buttsechs)

Lady At (Penis!) Archie Comics Sounds Like (Penis!) Loads Of Fun To Work For (Penis!)

Racism Over: Black Boys Arrested For Waiting For A Bus

Erik Estrada Throws His 'ChiPs' In For Movie About Atheists Oppressing Sad Christian Schoolchildren

Rick Santorum: Stop Imposing Your Values On Me While I Am Imposing My Values On These Ladies And Their Slut Pills

First Black President Thinks He Is Rosa Parks Of Presidenting, What A Dumb Jerk

Allen West's 'EPA Is Doing Gun Control' Column Isn't Just Loony, Tin-Foil-Hatty, It's Also Very Plagiarized

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Life's Really Really Really Rich Pageant Edition

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks To Shield Your Homeschooled Darlings From Dangerous Modern Thinking

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Index Of Idjits

Nice Time / Cry Time: Illinois Judge Orders Expedited Gay Wedding For Lady With Terminal Cancer

Michigan Pastor Was Only Praying For Lady Who He Watched Doing Sex

Obamas Have 9 Kinds Of Pie For Thanksgiving, Wingnuts Outraged

Sorry, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Has Never Been A Celebration Of The Pilgrims' Triumph Over Socialism

Wholesome American Guts: Your William S. Burroughs Thanksgiving Prayer 2013

Now We Shall Repost Ken Layne's Repost Of Juli Weiner's Writeup Of Betty Ford's Boozy Chocolate Cake

Christian School Just Wants Black Girl's Hair To Be Less Black, What Is So Wrong With That? (Updated)

Georgia Jurors Don't Have Option To State Occupation As 'Slave' Anymore, Obamacare Probably To Blame

Hero Happy Wonker Saves Foo Fighters Song From Inclusion In Crappy Conservative TV Show

Fringe Catholic Screamer Bill Donohue Wants Bill Maher Fired Because He Let Dan Savage Remind People That Priests Raped Kids

Rick Santorum’s ‘Christmas Candle’ Brings You The Miracle Of A TV Movie On The Big Screen

How Will Republicans Bungle Away Their New 49-47 Generic Ballot Polling Advantage?

For This Beautiful Holiday, Dinesh D'Souza Makes Us Thankful We Are Not Dinesh D'Souza

Southern Baptist Leader Has Had It With These Single Moms Keeping Their Babies

Alec Baldwin Allegedly Fired From MSNBC For Basically Being Jack Donaghy

Alleged Rapey GOP Chair And Gropey Mall Santa Go To Jail Go Directly To Jail

'I Killed Breitbart' Review: What Chris Faraone Saw at the Revolution

Heritage Foundation Releases Hi-larious Anti-Obama Thanksgiving Cards That Are Not Remotely Hi-larious

Christian Patriot Guy Graciously Offers To Kill President, Ensures Himself Holiday Visit From Secret Service

Rick Santorum Has Learned Lessons of 2012: If He Had Won, He Wouldn't Have Lost

Whatcha Doin', New Pope? Oh, Nothin', Just Killing Capitalism, For Real, No Big

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Knows Who Is 'Smart,' And That Is Young People Who Don't Buy Insurance Because They Will Never Get Sick

Texas Rep. Steve Stockman Isn't Only A Wingnut Buffoon; He's Also Got A Mystery Income Of $350,000

Could This Be America's Rob Ford? Drunk Small-Town Mayor Wreaks Havoc On A Clock

Deleted Comments Of The Day: If You Love Vaccines So Much, Wonket, Why Don't You Go Put Some On Your Ice Cream?

Obama Appeases Heckler As If Heckler Were Iranian Mullah Or Something

Liz Cheney Is Really, Really From Wyoming, Again (This Time With Dick Cheney Grandspawn)

Nice Time! Atlanta Hotel Rewards Homeless Guy For Wallet Return, Doesn't Smash His Belongings Or Anything!

Tony Blair Denies Putting His Danglybits In Wendi Deng Murdoch's Vengeful Chasm

Terrible People Who Helped Cover Up Steubenville Rape Indicted For Being Terrible

Noted Cultural Critic Allen West Reviews Macklemore's AMA Acceptance Speech, Gives It Two Thumbs Down

So Far, Only Hookers Seem To Like Obamacare

Your Handy Wonkette Guide To How You Should Feel About The Iran Nuclear Deal

Hey Ladies, Phyllis Schlafly's Niece Says Get Yourself A Hubby Because 'You Can’t Take Your Paycheck To Bed With You'

Retired Generals Have Great Idea: Force Obama Out And Give All Power To The Military, What Could Go Wrong?

Time To Go Vote: Some Cyberpunk Edging New Pope In Time's Person Of The Year

Hey New Pope, Maybe You Could Ssshhhhhh About The Mafia, Thanks

Darrell Issa Takes Fake Obamacare Hearings On The Road, The Better To Exclude People Who Love Their New Insurance

Strange Man On Horse Yells About Impeaching Obama (Video)

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Ross Douthat Thinks Big Lazy Thoughts Edition

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Free Enterprise No Matter What

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sleaze

Oregon Bigots Would Like Special License To Hate Gays Even If It Is Illegal To Do That Because Freedom

John Boehner Embraces Kenyan Socialism, Signs Up For Free Government Handouts Of Birth Control

Alex Jones Saves Dallas JFK Commemoration From Being Alex Jonesless, Shouts Self Hoarse, Gets Punched

McDonalds' Holiday Advice For Workers: Maybe You Could Sell Your Second Kidney?

Walking Failure Darrell Issa To Investigate Census Bureau Now, Why Not

Tough Guy Mitch McConnell Gonna Punch All Those Tea Party Bullies POW Right In The Nose

Pals Of Oil & Gas Industry Will Rescue Texas Kids From Lies Of Environmental Science Textbooks, As Soon As They Find Some

A Children's Treasury Of Larry Klayman & Friends Inviting Barack Obama To Go Sharia Himself

Stupidest Man On The Internet Can't Accurately Read A 4th-Grade Library Book

Bipartisan Nice Time: House Members Try To Stop Global Violence Against Women

BREAKING Wonkette EXCLUSIVE: John F. Kennedy Was A Democrat Actually

Florida Cops Arrest Black Guy 62 Times For 'Trespassing,' Mostly At The Store Where He Works. Wait, What?

Politico Puts Michelle Obama In Mommy-Wars/Bad-Feminist Jail

PornGhaziGate! Guy What Photographed Naked Ladies Also Took Pictures Of Barack Obama This One Time

Feds To Colorado: You Rubes Believed Us When We Said We'd Respect Your Pot Law? Hahaha, Ya Busted

BREAKING: Cheap Moocher Joe Biden Begs For Cash To Buy Sandwiches IMPEACH!

Fox's John Stossel: Jesus Wants You To Stop Giving Money To All These Fake Homeless People, Like John Stossel. Again.

Rape Porn To Be Banned In Britain, Joining Pamela Geller And A Bunch Of Old George Formby Songs

Costco Persecuting All The Christians Again, Labels Book About Talking Snake Handing Out Fruit As 'Fiction'

Sad Bob Woodward Would Have Journalismed Edward Snowden Way Better Than That Dumb Glenn Greenwald

What Is Even Going On With This Nuclear Option Balls-Out Filibuster Vote Thingie

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Outraged That Oprah Winfrey Would 'Undermine Racism' By Discussing Racism

Stupidest Guest Blogger On Internet Unaware That Punctuation Can Denote 'Sarcasm'

Mary Cheney Not Supporting Liz Cheney's Senate Bid, Liz Plots Revenge At Prom

Gulnara Karimova, Dictator’s Daughter, Getting Dicked Around By Daddy

Other North Dakota Nazis Won't Play Reindeer Games With Nazi-Town-Guy Craig Cobb Now That He Is Black

Extra Rich Nice Time: Civil Rights Hero's Grandson Gets $2.6 Million Payday After Years Of Working For Crap Racist

Deleted Comments of the Day: Didn't You Guys Notice Martin Bashir Is An Ay-Rab?

Ohio Nice Time! Creationist Science Teacher Stays Fired, Will Have To Lie To Kids On Own Time

Extra! Extra! Clarence Thomas Was Black Panther Paperboy!

Terrible Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin To Gay Soldiers: Fine. Now Nobody Gets Spousal Benefits. Happy Now, Hmmm?

Scalia Wrote Supreme Court's Order Allowing Texas Abortion Law To Remain In Effect, Is A Dick

George Zimmerman Domestic Violenced His Girlfriend Because He Has PTSD From Killing That Kid That One Time

Guy Who Dissed The Troops Five Years Ago Writes About Something Else, Wingnuts Outraged

Loretta Lynn, Gloria Steinem, Some Other People Whatever, Getting The Presidential Medal Of Freedom

Hey Ladies! Scary Old Rupert Murdoch Is About To Be Single Again

Old Handsome Joe Biden It Is Your Birthday

Missouri Wingnut Wants To Impeach Governor Over Gay Tax Returns: No Taxation Without Procreation

Coked-Up 'Hip-Hop Conservative' Congressman Trey Radel Is The Rob Ford America Has Been Waiting For

Time Traveling Obama Made Lincoln Remove 'Under God' From First Draft Of Gettysburg Address, Also Didn't Even Kill Hitler

Super-Fun Not-Racist 'Catch An Illegal' Game Canceled Because Of Mean Satanic Feminists, We Guess

Washington Times Op-Ed: Investigating Scott Walker Based On Leads From Six Criminal Associates Is 'Political Terrorism'

Sad George Zimmerman Just Wants 911 Operator To Understand George Zimmerman Is A Really Great Guy

Hero Hawaii Democrat Going Around Smashing Homeless People's Stuff, Because They Are 'Disgusting' -- Wait, What?

The Day Everything Changed: Maria Bartiromo Will Make Sweet Love To Wall Street On Different Network

Texas Gay National Guard Members Get The Shaft, But Not In Good Way

Cher Said A Cuss About Sarah Palin

Campus Conservatives Planning Awesome Fun 'Catch An Illegal' Game At U of Texas

Absolutely Super-Straight Wingnut: Jesus Wasn't No Girly-Man, Jesus Had A Ripped, Buff Bod!

How Can You Help Your Wonket Today?

What Is The Second Amendment Coming To When North Dakota Nazi Guy Can't Even Terrorize His Neighbors With Guns?

Kanye West Will Tell You About President Obama Hurting Fee-Fees Of Very Important Person Kanye West

North Carolina Cops Interfere In Foster Parents' Innovative Dead-Chicken-Based Discipline Program

When PETA And Cattle Ranchers Fight, Joan Jett And America Lose

Rob Ford Tires Of George Zimmerman Getting All The Attention, Knocks Down Old Lady On Camera

Walmart Associates Run Thanksgiving Donation Drive So Co-Workers Can Eat People Food

Not News: George Zimmerman Arrested In Domestic Violence Call; News: Apparently There Is A Woman Dating George Zimmerman

Daily Mail Accurately Reports That Barack Obama Attended Sportsball Game, Gets Everything Else Not Right

Terrified Parents Will Protect Precious Children From Terrorism, 'Common Core,' By Keeping Them As Stupid As Possible

Hot New Conservative Teevee Talk Show Thing Will Fill Your Life With Laughter As You Mock It Relentlessly

Only 1085 Days Left Until The Next Presidential Election, Let's All Go Die

MSNBC's Martin Bashir Wants To Feed Sarah Palin A Dookie

Extra Extra: Hot Hot Cheney Sisters Carpetbagger Versus Carpetmuncher Fight

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Your Homeschooled Imperialist

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Little Tommy Friedman Book Report Literary Edition

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Dose of Dumbth

Larry Klayman's Lawsuit Against CityPages Dismissed Because He Is Bad At The Law

Peggy Noonan Very Triumphant Now That Major Law To Help People Not Die From Treatable Illnesses Is In Trouble

Vermont Socialist Sen. Bernie Sanders Will Save The Post Office With Booze And Fishing Licenses

US Department Of Justice Indicts Those Riddler And Penguin Dicks, Thanks Batkid!

North Carolina Man Accidentally Discharges Gun In Body Shaming Store While Discussing Finer Points Of Second Amendment

Total Non-Homophobe Alec Baldwin Has A Gay Hairdresser, Everyone, Call Off Your Dogs!

Rob Ford, Who Did Not Have Culinary Relations With That Lady's Va-Jay-Jay, Gets TV Show Of Course

Total Taker Allen West Wanted Free Handouts From Makers, Because He Is A Bolshevik And Probably On Welfare

Mitt Romney Acknowledges He Did Not ‘Speak Openly And Effectively To Minority Populations,’ Fails To Note Wetness Of Water

Michele Bachmann Frogmarched Before Obamacare Death Panels, Or 'Has To Buy Own Insurance,' Same Thing

Totally Sane Chicago Bishop To Exorcise Demons From Same-Sex Marriage Bill Signing

House Nutball Caucus Files Articles Of Impeachment On Eric Holder, Elliot Richardson Still Dead

'Roll Call' Dude Goes All Tim Gunn When He Discovers Janet Yellen Sometimes Wears The Same Outfit

President Of Creation Museum Is Just Like Oppressed Civil Rights Leaders Of 1950s Selma, Obviously

Secret Service Ruining Blowvember With Creepy Hotel Antics

O, Happy Day: Cool New Religious Motivational Speaker Dude Justin Lookadoo Is Your New Bradlee Dean

How Is Barack Obama Ruining America's Perfect Health Care Delivery System Today?

Weekly Standard: Barack Obama And Joe Biden Held Hands So They Are Definitely Doing Gay Sex In Each Other's Bottoms

Rob Ford Neither Licked Nor Sucked On That Lady's Vengetable, Rob Ford Says In Best Press Conference Ever

Liz Cheney Ad: Hey Wyoming Did You Know I Really Really Really Am From Wyoming? Also: Wyoming.

Wonket White House Pen-Pal Funtimes!

Wingnut Blogger Sad Lee Stranahan Will Teach Us How To Blog About Politics And Maybe How To Love

Dianne Feinstein Joins Colleagues In Undermining Affordable Care Act, Thanks Obama!

Orly Taitz Has Found Her Soul Mate, But Will They Live Happily Ever After?

Rep. Louie Gohmert Is Just Asking If Obama’s Secret Obamacare Army Is Being Trained To Kill, That's All

Idaho Republican Rapist Real Unhappy His Concealed Carry Permit Is Revoked Just Because He Lied About Being A Rapist

Radical Feminazi Sen. Richard Blumenthal To Introduce Abortion Bill That Actually Protects Women For A Change

CBS News Bases Obamacare News Report On Lying Liar Darrell Issa, Because Who Needs Journalism Anyway?

Rush Limbaugh Doesn't Think You Are A Human Come Sock; That Guy Over There Thinks You Are

The Time Phyllis Schlafly Incited A Riot

Deleted Comments Of The Day: But Who Will Censor The Censors?

Oh, Remember When Congress Hit That All Time Approval Rating Low? Yeah, Guess What

Sarah Palin Calls Chris Christie Big Gross Fatty, For Sisterhood; Also, Pretty Suspicious Of This Commie New Pope

Racist Yellowstone County Treasurer Wants Gubmint To Pay Him Year's Salary For His Awesome Racism

Lady Republicans To Advise Menfolk On How To Not Suck So Hard With The Ladies Again Some More

'Secretary Of Explaining Stuff' Bill Clinton Now Concern-Trolling Obamacare, Explaining Stuff With Lies

The Cover Of Allen West's New Book Is Terrific, We Can't Wait To Laugh At The Mere Idea Of Reading It

So This Is The One That Is Finally Going To Get Richard Cohen Fired From Washington Post, Right? RIGHT?

Three Possible Reasons All These People Are Fleeing The New York Times

Pardon Us If We Are Mistaken, But Might Darrell Issa Possibly Be Trying To Sabotage Efforts To Fix Obamacare Website?

Townhall Reporter Katie Pavlich Still Unclear On Concept Of 'Slavery'

Ladies, Mitt Romney's Former Economic Adviser Thinks Your Vagina Is Just Like A Garage

That North Dakota Nazi-Town Guy Is A Little Bit Black, So It Is True That Black People Are The Real Racists

Sarah Palin Tells Someone Who Is Not Sarah Palin To Get A Clue, Plus Like Three Other Things Jesus She Will Not Shut Up

Hey Wonkers, It Is Time For You To Score Us This 'Politics' 'Fellowship' From These U Chicago Douches, Thanks

Angry Gavin McInnes Has New Rules For Radicals About How All Liebruls Are Dumb, Not Just The Lady Ones

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Walk On The Vile Side

Wingnut Wants Homeless Veterans To Stop Being Low-Lifes Milking Sympathy, Be Upstanding Like Him

Pine Bush, New York, Jews Forcing Normal Kids To Beat Them Up By Being Jewish

When I Am An Old Lady I Shall Be Ungrateful, And Several Other Most Excellent Outbound Links!

Woman Says CIA Got Coked-Up Murderer Obama Into Elite Prep School, Also Why Are All These Spiders Crawling On Her?

It's Not A Rerun, It's A Tradition: Fine Here Is Your Bloody Kurt Vonnegut

Return Of The Revenge Of The Bride Of The Son Of Benghazi The Sequel Part Eleventy

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Big Advice From Big Brains Edition

Sundays With The Christianists: Smallpox-Infested American History Textbooks For Your Homeschooled Savages

Killer Typhoons, Low-Information Congressmen, And Giant Snakes, All In This Week's Sci-Blog

Good News: Prosecutor Does Time For Misconduct! Bad News: 10 Days When Victim Rotted For 25 Years!

Election 2013 Loose Ends: America Elects A Whig And A Klingon

Sun Rises In East, Darrell Issa Lies About It

CBS, Lara Logan Apologize For Fake 60 Minutes Benghazi Report, Fire Dan Rather Again

NRCC Calls On Everyone Who Didn't Vote To Kill Obamacare Over 40 Times To Apologize Too

Texas School Latest To Adopt Zero Tolerance Toward Hungry Poor Kids

MSNBC Millionaire Dylan Ratigan Has To Spend Extra $4,000 On Health Insurance, Doesn't Even Get Any Subsidies, Inpeach!

Barack Obama Apologizes For Slaughtering Millions With Private Companies' Insurance Cancellations, Refuses to Kill Obamacare

Scenarios For The Inevitable Rob Ford Biopic

New Ms. Marvel Is A Muslim Teen Girl From Jersey City. Can America Handle A New Jersey Superhero?

Canadian Senator Ted Cruz Cordially Invites President Of United States To Stay Out Of Texas

GOP Shutdown Final Tally: $2 To $6 Billion Which Was Worth It Because Obamacare Was Totally Repealed

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Will Tear Off Your Head And Do A Poop Down Your Neck, For Drug Money Probably

Why Can't The Real Gays Be All Outlaw Exciting Like Daily Caller's Patrick Howley Wishes They Were?

Pinko Hippie Fired From 'Guns & Ammo' Magazine For Suggesting 'Gun Safety' Might Be A Good Thing (Updated)

Girls' Basketball Coach Fired For Boobs That Are Too Touchable; Football Coach Fiance Gets High Five Probably

Ron Paul Says He Wants A Revolution, Rand Paul Takes Money From People With Minds That Hate

PC Police End Hero Praying Bus Driver's Mission To Save Muslim Children

Old Handsome Joe Biden Calls Every Martin Walsh In Book, Gets New Boston Mayor Eventually

Sarah Palin To Celebrate Poor Hippie Socialist Jew's Birthday By Not Finishing Tour To Sell Her Crappy Book

Terrible Columnist Richard Cohen Shocked To Learn That Slavery Was Really, Really Bad

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Oops, We Mentioned Bristol Palin Again!

Perfesser Journalism Rand Paul Will Start His Own Journalism Licensing School, Of Which He Will Be President And Sole Member

Weird 'Historian' David Barton Has Science Figured Out: Abortion Did Climate Change

Senate Wants To Exempt Churches From ENDA To Protect Their Right To Hate Gays For Jesus

Tennessee Mayor Steals Toys For Tots' Christmas Funds, Jing Tinglers, Floo Floopers, & Even Roast Beast

Kids These Days Will Love Shopping At These Hip New Stores With All The Fetuses

Unless You Like Traffic Stops With Cartman-Style Anal Probes, Do Not Roll Through Stop Signs In New Mexico

Some Things You Could Read If You Like Reading Things, In This Morning's Outbound Links!

Conservatives Thrilled 'SpongeBob Squarepants' No Longer A Sissy Welfare Mooch

Your Off-Off-Year Election Rounderp: All The Results You Already Know, Plus Weird Stuff

In Outbreak Of Editorial Judgment, Washington Times Drops Rand Paul's Column Because He Can't Stop Copying

We Asked, You Told: Wonkers' Election Day Reasonably Free Of Irregularities ... THAT WE COULD SEE

A Children's Treasury Of Barack Obama Getting His Socialism All Over Terry McAuliffe

Reince Priebus Celebrates Opposite Day By Blaming Obama For 'Culture Of Hatred'

Despite 'Don't Panic' Cufflinks, Chris Christie Has No Idea Where His Towel Is

Bamz Is Going To Be All Up In Your Teevee Selling You Obamacare And We Have A Sneak Peek At The Scripts

Oh, OK, Rob Ford Smoked All The Crack.

Michelle Obama Now Ruining White House With Foreign Godless Pagan Un-Christian Hindu Festival Of Light

Send Us Your Anecdotal Reports Of Isolated Voting-Day Irregularities, America!

Rand Paul Denies Plagiarism: 'I Am Not A Crook'

Quien Es Mas Macho? Your Late Morning Outbound Links!

Super Awesome Cool Guy Arms Pre-Teen Son And Self For Fun-Times Trip To Airport, What Could Go Wrong?

Levi Johnston Has Filed A New Custody Suit Against Bristol Palin, Media Attention Will Likely Be Pretty Low Key

Anti-Gay Anti-Girl Crackpot 'Quiverfull' Leader Resigns Following Affair, And Also It's Tuesday

These My Little Pony Plushies Will Watch Season 4 With Us In Manly Splendor

U.S. Bishops Urge Senate To Protect Religious Freedom To Discriminate Against Gays

Virginia GOP: If It Wasn't For That Dumb 'Participatory Democracy' We Could Totes Win Tuesday's Election

South African President's Failures On AIDS Nearly Drove Jimmy Carter To Manly Dudgeon, Fisticuffs

Reddit's '/R/Politics' Moderators Continue Awesome Streak Of Dumbness

Kathryn Jean Lopez Stole Peggy Noonan's Laudanum, Is Seeing Demons Errrrrewhere

Fox News' Chris Wallace Discovers Huuuuuge Problem With Obamacare: Too Many Poor People Will Get Medicaid Now

The Taliban Getting Pretty High And Mighty About Daily Beast's Crimes Against Journalism

Nevada Sen. Dean Heller (R) Will Support Gay Non-Discrimination Bill 'ENDA' So It Can Go Die In House

Why Not Breathe New Life Into Your Minneapolis Mayoral Campaign By Wearing Nothing But Saran Wrap?

Weird Youtube Proves High School Teacher Didn't Call Trick-Or-Treaters The N-Word, Despite Media's Evil Lies

60 Minutes' Benghazi Dude Kind Of Lied About Benghazi Throughout Benghazi Story; Thanks Obama!

Texas Governor Candidate Greg Abbott Wanted To Keep Cheats Like 'Gregory W. Abbott' From Voting, Even If They're White

Hey Reddit /R/Politics Refugees, Have You Considered Annexing Wonkville?

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Scaling New Heights Of Wedding Absurdity Edition

Sundays With The Christianists: In Great Artist Jon McNaughton's Novel, Wingnuts Finally Win Every Argument

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Cache Of Crazy

Bryan Fischer: Founders Wrote Christmas Into Constitution In Invisible Ink Only Bryan Fischer Can See

Retired Wingnut Gen. Boykin Says Military Would Like To Kill Obama, But Guesses It's Not Constitutional Though

According To Ted Nugent, Ted Nugent Is Your New Rosa Parks, America

Global Wine Shortage Could Spell Doom For Dinner Parties, Street Living

'Double Down' Campaign Book: Mitt Romney Made Fun Of Chris Christie For Being Big Gross Fatty

Appeals Court Rules That Obamacare Slut Pills Are Unnecessary, Burdensome, And Mean To People Who Don't Understand Jesus

Obamacare Shocker: Prostitutes And Other People Wingnuts Don't Like Can Get Insurance!

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Will Not Resign Until You Pull His Crack Pipe From His Cold Dead Hands

Defense Secretary Hagel Rams Gay Servicemember Benefits Down National Guard's Throats

Superhero Lawyer Captain Justice Explains To Government That They Have To Be Called The Government Because That is Their Name

5th Circuit Reinstates Awful Texas Abortion Regulations, Coat Hanger Futures Skyrocketing

Minnesota County Republicans Pull Hilarious Slavery Joke From Facebook Page

Tennessee Rep. Marsha Blackburn Defends Sacred Right To Buy Cheap Shoes, Crappy Insurance

Peggy Noonan Visits Chris Christie, Learns To Love Again

Derp Roundup: All Hallows' Eve Edition II: The Quickening

Wonkette Chatcave Creeps Would Totally Bone Nancy Pelosi Circa 1961

Fox's Jon Stossel Applies Science To Obamacare, Says Ladies Should Pay More Since They're Always Faking It

Senate Welcomes Cory Booker With Traditional Obstructionism

Family Research Council Fears Preschool Education Camps Where Tots Will Learn Shapes, Colors, Atheism

Your Ears Appear To Be Lacking In Blood. Let's Fix That By Listening To Sarah Palin Read Her Christmas Audiobook!

Barack Obama As Terrible At Halloween As He Is At Everything Else

Shaquille O'Neal Says A Lie In This Chris Christie Campaign Ad, Fouls Out

George Zimmerman Left A Subtle Message For His Estranged Wife. What Could It Possibly Mean?

'Michelle Obama' Has Thoughts On Kanye West, And Other Outbound Links!

Hallmark's Ugly Sweater Ornament Does War On Christmas, Wingnuts OK With It Because Some Gays Complained

New Wingnut Fear: UN Will Seize The Alamo, Take Guns, Murder Freedom & Cancel Christmas

Blogger May Wish To Rethink Calling Rep. John Lewis Disgraceful Slaver Who Turns Fire-Hose Of Obamacare On America

Liveblogging Our DVR Recording Of Bamz's Affordable Care Act Speech In Boston

Is This The Stupidest Thing On The Internet Today?

That's Some Catch: Missouri Supreme Court Denies Survivor Benefits Because Missouri Wouldn't Let State Trooper Get Married

GOP Way Too Busy To Fix $5 Billion Food-Stamp Cut

Fox's Greta Van Susteren Does Actual Journalism On Junk Insurance Story

Derp Roundup: Special All Hallows' Eve Edition

Kanye West Wants Michelle Obama To Stop Classisming Poor Little Kim Kardashian

A Children's Treasury Of Children Injured By People Who Care About Children's Safety

Supreme Court May Decide If You Can Heart Boobies

Wonkette Special Investigative Report: The Lost Republican Obamacare Ads

Hey, Jim Newell Is Live-Blogging The Sebelius Hearings, And Other Outbound Links!

Instead of Trying To Be Funny About Ted Cruz Lecturing Trayvon Martin's Mom, Here Is A Stand Your Ground Painting Instead

Senate GOP Rolls Up Sleeves, Gets To Work Blocking Every Obama Appointment

Sandra Day O'Connor Does Gay Wedding At Supreme Court, Republic Still Stands

Phyllis Schlafly Has Had It With People Thinking Statue Of Liberty Welcomes Immigrants

Rand Paul Endorses Butt-Sex-Banning Virginia AG Ken Cuccinelli For Gov With 'Gattaca' Wikipage Plagiarisms

Obama's 'You Can Keep Your Plan' Failed To Anticipate How Much Americans Love Cheap Crappy Plans That Cover Nothing

Bradlee Dean Makes Up History Again, Says Dirty Commies Invented The Word 'Racism' So There's No Such Thing

Nevada Pol Was Definitely Just Joking About Hypothetically Voting For Slavery, So Shut Up Already

GOP Produces Hilarious Mac/PC Obamacare Commercials That Are Not At All Full Of And Based On Dumb Lies

Grover Norquist & Company Go Full Mean Girl On Ted Cruz

Vatican Culture Minister Tweets Lou Reed Tribute, Downplays The Whole Heroin Thing

Federal Judge Murders Worst Part Of Texas Abortion Law, Remaining Parts Still Terrible

North Carolina State Legislator Tells 2009's Funniest Birther Joke

Chrissy From 'Three's Company' Should Not Be Your Source Of Information About Obamacare, People

Deleted Comments Of The Day: I Guess This Is Your Idea Of 'Creative Writing?'

Peggy Noonan Says Swear Word, Tells Obama How To Be Reagan, Skips Dessert

'Nice John McCain' Temporarily In Charge, Compliments Hillary & Biden; Surly Johnny Hungers To Taste Flesh Once More

New Portrait Of All Four Female Supreme Court Justices Kicking It Dutch Masters Style Is Super Sassy Nice Time

Tips For Doing Halloween Blackface Right, By The Guy Who Went As Dead Trayvon Martin

Marco Rubio Fights To End Tea Party Migration To Other 2016 Candidates

Benghazi Must Be A Huge Scandal After All Because They Did A '60 Minutes' About It

Small-Town North Dakota Tyrants Will Force Aryans To Follow Building Codes Just Like Common Negroes And Jews

Mitch McConnell, Ya Burnt

Reagan's Daughter Patti Davis Worries About Obamacare, Book Sales

Global Nice Time: Saudi Ladies First People In History To Use Rosa Parks Analogy Correctly

Here Is Your 'Ex-Gay' Anthem, America

Dick Cheney Denies Ever Liking Mike Enzi, Who Probably Has Cooties Too

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Tips For The Wealthy Edition

Sundays With The Christianists Special Report: Great Artist Jon McNaughton Wrote A Novel About God, Angels, And Good Posture

CNN Shows How Hard It Is For Wisconsin Poors To Sign Up For Obamacare, 'Forgets' To Mention Scott Walker's Medicaid Cuts

Derp Roundup: Your Weekend Wade Through The Wasteland

Hey, St. Paul Mayor Chris Coleman, Seems Everything Is Funny To You

More Non-Racist Politicians Have To Resign After Saying Non-Racist Stuff Out Loud

Former NSA Head's Private Conversation Revealed When He Shouts It On A Train

Peggy Noonan Declares Obamacare Fit For A Watery Grave

Sad Whore Website SeekingArrangement.com* Can Do Better Than Sydney Leathers As Its New Spokesbaby

Texas Rep. Joe Barton Being Dumb Again, Obamacare Edition

Dick Cheney: Why Wasn't Hillary Clinton As Good At Foreign Policy As Dick Cheney?

Sarah Palins In Glass Houses Shouldn't Throw Pregnant Fainting Lady Conspiracy Stones

Nice Lady Prophet Explains How Her 6-Year-Old's Tummy Ache Stopped God From Assassinating Ronald Reagan

House GOP Blames Obama, Lack Of Desire To Do Hard Work In Refusal To Take Up Immigration Reform

Mississippi Senate Candidate Just Can't Quit All These Neo-Confederates

Gay Obama Gonna Make The White House Pink Tonight, For Gayness, Breast Cancer, Whatever Same Thing

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why No Sympathy For Suffering Of White Slaves, Who Had It The Worstest?

Ted Nugent To Help Republican's Race For Texas Ag Commissioner, Obama Rodeo Clown Unavailable We Guess

Capitalist Running Dogs Rand Paul And Alan Greenspan Will Teach You Dumb Liberals About Capitalism

Obama Is Going To Take Away All The Man-ness From Man Marines By Making Them Wear Fancy Lady Hats

Polish Archbishop Knows What Causes Pedophile Priests: Divorce, Porn, And Those Slutty Abused Kids

Ann Coulter Writes Book, Risks Liberal Contamination by Visiting Washington DC

SHOCKING: Bill O'Reilly Calls Liberals Commies, Then Lies About Debt, Obamacare, Color of Sky

Philadelphia Cops Indicted For Violating Civil Rights, Being Gross Wankers

If Harry Reid Doesn't Have Anything Nice To Say, Come Sit By Us

Texas Lt Gov Candidate Rejects Secession. Instead, Let's Kick Out All The Liberal States.

Very Nice, Helpful McDonald's Helpline Lady Explains To Employee How To Grift Off The Government

Rejoice, Wonkers! Demon-Obsessed Preacher Guy Gordon 'Dr. Chaps' Klingenschmitt Running For Colorado Legislature

Obama Makes Minor Tweak To A Deadline, IMPEACH THE BOY KING OBAMA!!!!

NYPD Arrests Black Kid For Buying Nice Things With Own Money, Proving Value of Hard Work

Pat Robertson Can't Believe This Terrible Mother Can't Even Heal Son's Deafness Through Prayer

Ohio Pro-Lifers Sue To Make Sure 300,000 Poors Don't Get Medicaid, Because 'Life'

Glitchy Obamacare Websites Basically Like That Time George Bush Mission Accomplished Iraq And Also Katrina

Missouri Man Confesses To Arsons At Mosque, Planned Parenthood Office, Is Definitely Not A Terrorist Because 'White'

We Thought We Were Joking About That Obamacare Fainting Lady, But Apparently We Were Not Joking

GOP Rep. Renee Ellmers On Obamacare's Success In Kentucky: La La La I Can't Hear You Failure Disaster Dur Dur La

Herman Cain Has Found The Real Groper, And It Is 'The Devil'

Allen West Wishes Barack Obama Would Try Being More Black For A Change

Pope Suspends Bishop For Pimpin' It Too Hard, Yo

Sad Aging Beardo Hipster Gavin McInnes Is No Longer Relevant And It Is Definitely Feminism’s Fault

White House Staffer Fancies Himself Another Wonkette, Now Has Plenty Of Time To Prove It

North Carolina Rep. Renee Ellmers' Family Loves Guns So Much They Shared An AR-15 With Whoever Stole It

We Are All Going To Feel Pretty Stupid When Barack Obama Really Does Nuke Charleston, South Carolina

Bring Your Trumpets, We Are Having A New Orleans Style Funeral For 'Comedian' Steven Crowder's Fox News 'Career'

Ted Cruz Birther Too Stupid Even For Erick Erickson's RedState

Maine Governor Paul LePage Sure Wishes Entire State Wasn't Filled With Lazy Unemployed Human Garbage

Reverend Billy Graham, Devil-Expert Charlie Daniels Totally Sure The Rapture-Christ-Pocalypse Is Near, For Real This Time

League Of The South President Not Worried That Blacks Might Oppose Secession, Since They Won't Be Allowed To Vote Anyway

Carol Burnett's Mark Twain Prize Proves Once Again Ladies Aren't Funny

Ben Shapiro Rides To Rescue Of Donald Trump, Whose Wife Is Waiting For Him To Die

Wingnut Radio Preacher Kevin Swanson Begs You To Boycott Girl Scouts And Their Commie Lesbo Abortion Cookies

David Vitter Throws Totally Non-Hypocritical Temper Tantrum About Lack Of Federal Money Coming To New Orleans

In Shocking Twist No One Could Have Predicted, Daily Caller Does Not Like Book By Angry Ladies At Jezebel

New Jersey Senate Loser Steve Lonegan Would Have Won If It Weren't For That Darn Government Shutdown

Sexxxy Hot Pix Show How Scarlett Johansson Is Going To Help Obama And Planned Parenthood Murder All The Babies

Texas Rep. Steve Stockman: Why Can't Obamacare Website Feed Pizza To Ghosts Like Super Mario Bros Or Whatever?

Cory Booker Marries All The Gays, Destroys Good Christian Heckler In Two-Fer Of Evil (Video)

Ken Cuccinelli Flings Santorum All Over Virginia

Oregon Obamacare Communists Cut Number Of Uninsured By 10% In Two Weeks, Probably With Death Panels

Some Fine Art For Your Christian Home To Remind You Jesus Is Watching When You Have Sex With A Tiger

Obamacare Now Sickening Anyone Who Even Hears Its Name

Pope Francis Says Rigid Christian Ideology Is An 'Illness,' Presumably Still Believes In Invisible, Omnipotent Sky-Man

'Debilitating' Back Injury Didn't Stop Hero Scout Leader From Getting His Rocks Off

Texans Spend Eight Minutes In Heaven With Ted Cruz; Rest Of Nation Barely Resists Urge To Vomit

Weather Channel Founder Says Polar Bears Doing Great Because Eskimos Stopped Being Savages

Sen. Jim Inhofe, 79, Says Socialized Medicine Would Have Killed Him; Irony Not Covered By Medicare

Complaints To FCC About 'The Simpsons' About What You'd Expect From People Who Hate 'The Simpsons'

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Old Man Yells At Clouds Edition

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Junior Strikebreakers

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Aggregation Of Aggravation

Deleted Comments Of The Day: 500-Vet March Was Awesome Fun, Were You There?

Mean Kansas Supreme Court Says Ex-A.G. Phill Kline Cannot Terrorize Doctors Ever Again

Sign Up Now To Learn How To Be A Better Homemaker For Jesus!

On A Scale Of Peggy Noonan To John Boehner, How Drunk Was Sarah Palin On Megyn Kelly's Show Last Night?

Hero Boy Scout Leaders Protect Hypothetical Children, Destroy 20 Million Year Old Rock Formation

Women Who Knew E.W. Jackson Say He Exaggerates Foster Family's Poverty; Tale Of Daring Escape From North Korea Also Dubious

Los Angeles Councilman Jose Huizar Absolutely Did Not Harass That Employee He Boned

Tom DeLay Ex-Consplains How Real Americans Totally Heart Hero Ted Cruz Actually

Chris Matthews Basically Sexually Harassing Ronan Farrow Now, Come On, Like You Wouldn't

Arnold Schwarzenegger Seeks Permission To Outsource White House To Foreigners

At Tea Party Unity Event, Anti-Gay Loons Dream Of Class Action Lawsuit Against Homosexuality

Peggy Noonan Conducts Seance, Or Perhaps Depraved Ether Binge, It's Hard To Tell

Michele Bachmann Has A Sad Because Government Reopened

MoveOn.org Demands Boehner And Cantor Be Arrested; Wonkette Demands Piper Perabo Be Washed And Brought To Our Tent

Your Evening Nice Time Open Thread: Old Handsome Joe Biden Handles Your Muffins

Nice Time: Falsely Convicted Man Uses Settlement For Scholarship To Make More Bleeding Heart Defense Lawyers

Stupidest Guest-Blogger On Internet Condemns Lazy Federal Workers And Their Wasteful Shutdown Vacation

The 5 Worst Political Husbands From New York And New Jersey In Reverse Chronological Order

Luke Russert Kills U.S. Congressman

Sarah Palin Doubts Barack Obama Has Ever Pulled Lemonade Out Of His Bootstraps

Harry Reid Is Your New Grandmaster Of Senate Chess

Professor Barack Obama's Outrageous 'Get Your Butts Back To Work' Speech Divisive, Hurtful, Professor-y

Meet Idaho Senator 'Jim Risch,' Who Apparently Exists (And Voted For Default)

Cory Booker Draws Short Straw, Must Serve Minimum One-Year Sentence In U.S. Senate

John McCain Doesn't Afraid Of Any Dumb Louie Gohmert

House GOP No Longer The Craziest People In The House

Our Long National Nightmare Put Off A Few Months As Debt Ceiling Raised, Government Funded

Ted Cruz Aide Whinesplains At You Why Her Still Having Good Health Insurance Is Actually Bad

Lobbyists' Lobby To Drop 'Lobbyist' From Its Name, In Best Rebranding Since 'Xe'

Terrible No Good Very Bad Vet Tells American Hero Sarah Palin She Is An Idiot :( [Video!]

We Will Never Pay The British One Red Cent For Parking Because We Are Proud Americans

Rielle Hunter Is 'Sorry' She Fell In Love With Your Husband, Ghost Elizabeth Edwards

Income Inequality Called A 'Problem' In Wall Street Journal, Temperature In Hell Dropping Rapidly

New York Rep. Michael Grimm Says He Did Not Sex That Lady In The Toilet

Ted Cruz Declares Victory Over Obamacare, Gives Up

Darrell Issa To Investigate How Republicans' Government Shutdown Is Totally Obama's Fault Somehow

GOP Consultant Alex Castellanos: Ted Cruz Is Doing Bestiality On Poor Little Bunnies

Lindsey Graham Sorry, So Sorry, Please Accept His Apology

Constitution Hero Antonin Scalia Sagely Explains 14th Amendment Not Only For 'The Blacks' Anymore

Former San Diego Mayor Filner Pleads Guilty To Criminal Horribleness, Aggravated Jerkosity

Sarah Palin Has 'Unimpeachable' Logic (GET IT?) About Why We Should Impeach The President

Texas Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst Finds Campaign Issue, Calls For Obama Impeachment

Your Morning Default Wonkdate: If You Have Not Yet Laid In A Supply Of Survival Seeds, You Should Probably Do That

New Fukishima Mascot, Fukuppy, Is The 'New Coke' Of Japanese Rebranding

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why So Skimmy, Wonkette?

Nice Time! Colorado Hemp Farmers Boldly Grow Where No Man Has Grown Before

Your Happy Nice Time Sounds From The Default!

States Paying To Re-Open National Parks Wish Feds Would Bring All That Oppressive Money Back

Daily Caller Exposes Native American Activist As Total White Guy Or Something, Rendering DC Sportsball Team's Name Inoffensive

Daily Caller Shocker: Carpetbagging Cory Booker Does Not Even Live In Newark Maybe, Conspiracy Goes All The Way To The Top

GOP Loves Democracy So Much They Change House Rules So Only GOP Can Participate

White House Vegetable Garden Going To Seed, But Where's The March For That?

Values Voter Summit Speaker Dr. Ben Carson Calls Obamacare Slavery, Because Of Course He Does

Pro-Obamacare Terrorists Vandalize New Hampshire GOP Office With Jesus Grafitti

At Long Last, You Get To See Paula Deen On Your Television Again

Kentucky State Representatives: If These Ladies Were Embarrassed By Harassment, Why'd They Go and Tell Everyone, Huh?

Minneapolis Finally Gets A Mayoral Candidate That Will Only Masturbate At Home Like He Is Supposed To

Hero Laura Ingraham Uses Car Rental Line As Opportunity To Deliver Obamacare Lesson

Bigots Demand Their First Amendment Right To Ex-Gay You For Your Own Salvation And The First Amendment

No, Idiots, For The Last Time You Do Not Get To Use National Parks When They Are Closed

Organizers Of 'Million' Vet March On DC Memorial Shocked -- Shocked! -- It Turned 'Political'

Louie Gohmert Will Impeach Obama Right In The Face If He Lets Republicans Destroy America

Indiana Attorney General Sues To Protect Indiana From Tyranny Of Health Insurance Subsidies

Abandoned Research, Lost Opportunities, and Closed Labs, All In This Week's Government Shutdown Sci-Blog

Nice Time: Cory Booker Is A Better Human Than Any Of Us Edition

Heavy Metal Preacher Bradlee Dean Warns Of Obama's Plan to 'Eradicate The Hispanic and Negro Race'

A Children's Treasury Of All The Lunatics At Sunday's Million Vet March

Wingnut Can't Wait For 2016 To Tell Everyone What A Lezzie Slut Hillary Is, And Bill Is Not Even Chelsea's Dad Either

After Awesome Rally, Teabaggers Winning Shutdown Showdown, Say Teabaggers

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special We Are Terrible At Healthcare And Public Art Edition

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Young Robber Barons

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Compendium of Cads, Creeps, and Crazies

Our Long National Nightmare Is Over: Mitt And Ann Romney Get Their Car Elevator

Why Doesn't Cory Booker Sexually Harass Women Better, Asks Dude Fired Just For Being Normal And Straight

Peggy Noonan Not Impressed With This Obamacare And Its Fancy Computer Machines

It Is Eleanor Roosevelt's Birthday And We Have Discovered The Best Website Ever

Deleted Comments of The Day: How Many Stereotypes Can You Fit Into One Paragraph?

New Bush-Cheney Postmortem Shows The Lighter Side Of Gross Incompetence And Corruption

Ted Cruz Thinks He Is Better Than Old Handsome Joe Biden, Is Incorrect

Sassy Gay Friend Now Apparently In Charge Of WaPo Twitter Account

John McCain Is Not Having Any More Of Your Foolishness, Fox News!

Dozens Of Truckers Show Up To Completely Shut Down DC; Constitution Likely To Survive Anyway

Joe Scarborough Divorce Papers Confirm Joe Scarborough Is A Rich Jerk

Fox News Takes Credit For Making Americans Less Likely To Blame Republicans, Yay!

Government Shutdown Hits Something Really Important: Beer

California A.G. Kamala Harris Will Sue Your Worthless Made-Up For-Profit College Out Of Existence We Hope

Shutdown Saga Maybe Possibly Coming To An End, Ha Ha, Just Kidding Dummies

New 'Drunk Dial Congress' Site A Poor Substitute For Actual Drinking

Fox News & Sarah Palin Too Smart For High School Teacher Trying To Sneak Death Panels Into Sociology Class

Rush Limbaugh: Obama Reached Back In Time To Create Bad Economy Before He Even Took Office

Deleted Comments Of The Day: President Jesse Ventura Meets Poe's Law

Government Cuts Won't Hurt Anyone, Except Maybe When A 12-Year-Old Dies Because Her School Had No Nurse

College Grad Makes Up Stuff About Obamacare Raping Her Future, Becomes Wingnut Hero

Elizabeth Hasselbeck So Mad About All These Gross Lazy Poor People With Their Fancy 'Television' And 'Cell Phones' And 'Food'

California Congressman Goes Hollywood, Shoves Reporter Like A Boss

AP Retracts Story Claiming Terry McAuliffe Did A Fraud Because He Did Not Do The Fraud

Bipartisan Nice Time: Lawnmower Man Cleans Up DC Memorials His Own Damn Self

Ted Cruz Not Wrong About Shutdown Strategy, Says Ted Cruz

Science: Jerks Don't Understand Sarcasm, Explaining 95 Percent Of Our Letters To The Editor

Janet Yellen To Be First Woman To Lead Shadowy Cabal Of Central Bankers, Jews At Insidious 'Federal' 'Reserve'

Republican Party's Favorability Hits All-Time Low, Proving That We Must Repeal Obamacare

If This South Carolina Rep. Doesn't Pay His Bills, Why Should The U.S. Government?

Mitt Romney Still Flip-Flopping ... From *Beyond The Grave*!!!1!

Poor Idiot Democrat Has To Wash His Own Towels At His Taxpayer-Funded Gym Boo Hoo

American Apparel Invites You To Wear This Menstruating Vagina On Your Chest

Arizona, Kansas Follow SCOTUS Voter ID Ruling With Narrow Vote Suppression Plan, Announce 'La-La-La I Can't Hear You'

Wannabe Texas Governor Greg Abbott Declares Himself Great Feminist, Unlike Dumb Old Wendy Davis

8 Legislators Arrested Protesting For Immigration Reform, Conservatives Outraged First Amendment Not Shut Down Yet

Ted Cruz's Insane Jihad On U.S. Government Totally Validated By This One Meme He Saw

Erick Erickson: People Only Hate Us A Little More Than They Hate Democrats, So We Win The Shutdown!

Federal Workers: Free Marital Aids Because You Deserve Love Not Money

Mormon Boy Band Thinks 'You Are So Beautiful' When You Don't Dress Like A Whore

Brave Warrior James O'Keefe Says Conservatives Should Be Brave, Have Big Balls Like Him

Let John McCain Berate And Shame You, Especially If You Are A Republican

John Boehner Lying Again

Glenn Beck Has A Scoop That Will Completely Blow Your Mind This Time For Sure, Once He Tells You, Hey Come Back!

'Hey, Why Can't I See Wonket On My iPhone Or iPad?' An Important And Thrilling Programming Note

This Christmas Movie Will Fill Your Stocking With Santorum

Running Out Of Original Bad Ideas, Congress 'Goes Green,' Recycles Failed Ideas From 2011

Americans No. 1 At Not Being No. 1 At Reading Good, Doing Mathy Things, U-S-A U-S-A!

Nice Time! Here Is Your Elizabeth Warren Going Full Jimmy Stewart On Why Government Matters

Arizona Wimps Out, Decides Not To Starve Poors During Shutdown After All

John Boehner Declares Congressional Gym Essential, Head Start Not So Much

GOP Shutdown Saves Economy From Too Much Prosperity

Wingnut Truckers Now Pledge To Arrest Congress Or At Least Clog The Beltway For Entire Weekend

Scalia Strews Seeds Of Sanity Among Mountains Of Madness In New York Magazine Interview

Arizona Legislator Will Stop 'De Fuhrer' Obama From Sending Parks & Monuments To Gas Chambers

Daily Caller Terribly Upset By Production Of Vagina Monologues That 'Outlaws White Vaginas'

Analogy Fail: Republican Rep. Compares Shutdown Fight To Gettysburg

Shep Smith Steps On His Own Deck

SNL Gave Us Gay John Boehner And Sexy Michele Bachmann And We Don't Feel Good

Nebraska Rep. Lee Terry Sings The Very Sorry Song For Liking His Gummint Money So Much

Ben Shapiro Will Boycott Ritz Crackers Because Al Sharpton, Makes Sense To Us

Darrell Issa Gets Dressed Down By Federal Court Judge For Being Stupid, Arrogant Whiny-Baby

Fox & Friends Falls For Dumb Fake News Story Saying Obama Funded Muslim Museum Himself

Hilarious Buttons At California Republican Convention Highlight Hillary Clinton's Fatal Unsexiness

Elected Teabaggers Astonished That Not Everyone Loves Teabaggers

John Boehner May Have To Murder Economy After All To Save The Economy

Shutdown, Week Two: Wingnut Civil Disobedience Reaches Peak Hilarity

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Call For Class Warfare Edition

Kiss Your Precious 'Experiments' And 'Research' Goodbye, Eggheads: A Government Shutdown Edition Of Your Sci-Blog

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Slog Through The Slushpile

Here Is How John Boehner Can Save Christmas

Peggy Noonan Unseals Crypt Of James Baker, Mistakes Gaseous Emissions Of Decay For Smart Political Analysis

STOP IT. STOP SETTING YOURSELVES ON FIRE ON THE NATIONAL MALL.

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Liberal Veterans Are Fictional Edition

Porn Band Videos Nekkid Bass Player On Westboro Baptist Church's Lawn, Shocking No One

'Hush That Pretty Lyin' Mouth Of Yours,' Hero Congressman Tells Dumb Old Journalist Lady

GOP Representatives Need Their Gummint Money, So Stop Your Whining (Updated!)

Shutdown Saga: Obama Administration Desperately Trying To Pull Defeat From Jaws Of Victory

John Boehner Hopes He Won't Be Lashed Too Severely If He Rescues Economy From Default

I Braved The Tucker Carlson/Uncle Speculum Party For You, Wonket

Ways In Which Letting Your Daughter Get Health Care Is The Same As Being Raped By Bikers, By Bill O'Reilly

Glenn Beck Exposes Obama's Sinister Plot: WWII Memorial Closure First Step Toward Shooting Everyone Dead

Donald Trump Likes Hillz For 2016, If She Lives That Long, Poor Dear

Harry Reid: I Already Compromised With Boehner On Amount Of Funding, In Private, Like A Gentleman

Texas Rep. Randy Neugebauer Finds Park Ranger Responsible For Shutdown, Gives Her What For

Astonishing! Ted Cruz Turns Out To Be A Thin-Skinned Whiner-Boy!

Breaking: Shots Fired At U.S. Capitol, Lockdown In Progress, Wonkette Editrix On Scene

Sarah Palin's Facebook, GOP, So Mad About Memorial They Shut Down

Debt Ceiling Dangles Like Giant Turd Over Global Economy

If You Squint Right, Toll-Free Number For Obamacare Health Insurance Marketplace Spells A Swear

Jesse Ventura/Howard Stern 2016 Is Your New Presidential Dream Tag Team

Here We Made You These Pictures Of The Back Of Rand Paul's Head From His Dumb 'Bipartisan' Coffee Nonsense

Salon Explores The Mind Of Congressman John 'Let's Roll' Culberson, Finds Rust And Spiders (Updated)

Man Who Slapped Black Baby On Plane Pleads Guilty, Still Definitely Not Racist

Ann Romney Continues To Write President Romney Fan-Fic

Ghost Andrew Breitbart Terribly Whiny Over Furloughed Government Workers' Free Lunch

Harry Reid Won't Negotiate, Won't Cure Childhood Cancer, Won't Quit Being Awesome

Fox News Says There's No Government Shutdown; Federal Government & WIC Recipients Just Dieting

Darrell Issa Will Burn Down Obamacare With Brand-New Obamacare

Ann Romney Not Worrying Her Beautiful Mind About Neighbors' Unhappiness With Grotesque Beach Mansion

Drudge Sirens! Twitchy Discovers That Executive Branch Runs Parks, So Shutdown All Obama's Fault

Donnie Wahlberg Hanging Tough While Fellating Boston PD

Tom Clancy Killed By Death At 66

On Scale Of One To Dana Rohrabacher, How Drunk Is Dana Rohrabacher In This Video?

House Republicans Adopt New 'Cakes We Like' Strategy For Funding Government

Sen. Mike Lee Loses The Script, Admits GOP Is 'Holding Government Functions Hostage'

Rick Perry's Wife Says Thing About Abortion, Is Immediately Corrected By Loving, All-Knowing Husband

Government Shutdown Leaves Sad Klansmen Unable To Desecrate Gettysburg Battlefield

'Unskewed Polls' Guy Figures That Since Obama Is Gay, He's Probably Not A Muslim

If Chris Christie Were King of America He'd Fix This Shutdown Nonsense Fast, By Yelling At It Probably

Conspiracy O' The Week: Erik Rush Says Obama Did Navy Yard Massacre So He Wouldn't Be Arrested For Plan To Nuke DC

Screw The National Zoo's Panda-Cam; Here Are Five Animal-Cams That Aren't Shut Down

The Super Awesome Government Shutdown Blame Game Has Begun

Reasonable GOP Obamacare Delay Demands Would Have Been So Reasonable, Not A Disaster

Caption Contest? Or Face-Punching Contest? You Decide!

Your Hot Hot Hot Washington DC Shutdown Party Drinky Thing Pixxx

Breaking: Old Man Vets Go Kamikaze On WWII Memorial Over Bad Barack Obama's Government Shutdown, Not Even Kidding

Obama Sends 'Dear John' Letter To Federal Workers: It's Not You, It's Congress

Food Stamp Recipients Worried About Government Shutdown, Wingnuts Outraged

Sarah Palin Makes A Dick Joke

Did Wonkette Out Wyoming Senator John Barrasso In 2008? Maybe, We Cannot Tell!

Your Morning Wonkdate On Congress's Continued Fight For Title Of Most Embarrassing National Legislature

Deleted Comment Of The Day: 'You' People Take A 'Dump' On 'Real' Americans!

Thank You, Code Pink, For Stopping The Attack On Syria

Government Shutdown Saga, Part Eleventy-Flurve

Michele Bachmann Will Save America From Obama And His Crack Cocaine Of Health Insurance

House GOP Does Not Stop Obamacare Again, But Will Probably Shut Down The Government Pretty Good

Ted Cruz Doesn't See Why Democrats Won't Accept His Reasonable Plan To Only Kill Obamacare A Little Bit

U.S. Chamber Of Commerce Suddenly Very Worried The Tea Party Lunacy They Fostered Might Shut Down Government

Leaders Of Greek Neo-Fascist Party Arrested, May Be Sent To FEMA Camps

I Did Yoga With Ben Bradlee's Daughter-In-Law And She Didn't Even Take Off Her Top

Tyrannical Justice Department Will Sue To Force Its 'Let Everybody Vote' Agenda on North Carolina

Texas Rep. John Culberson Wants To Do 9/11 On Obamacare, For Freedom

Cosmic Fireballs, Water On Mars, And Why House Republicans Are Like Stoned Kids, All In This Week's Sci-Blog

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Countdown To Doomsday Edition

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Unreconstructed Homeschoolers

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Compendium Of Contemptible Contretemps

Bad Minnesota Lutherans Cancel Community Theater Production Of 'Inherit The Wind,' For Freedom

Mitt Romney Lends Expert Advice To House Republicans: Don't Crush That Obamacare, Hand Me The Pliers

A Quick Reminder Of Wonky Drinking, In DC, This Saturday Night!

Poll Suggests Ari Fleischer's Nifty Twitter Conspiracy Theory Just Might Catch On Among Republican Voters

Ted Cruz Now Speaker Of House Of Representatives

Jenna 'The Drunk One' Bush Hager Goes Mommyblogging

McCain Aide Very Very Sorry He Unleashed Sarah Palin 'Freak Show' Upon U.S. America

PSA: We Should Not Call Republicans 'Terrorists'

Texas Will End Teen Pregnancy By Spending $1.2 Million Telling Teens To Keep It In Their Pants

Florida Woman Who Got 20 Years For Shooting Wall Gets New Trial

Allen West Canned Or Something For Calling A Lady A Jew

Virginia Lt. Governor Candidate E.W. Jackson Pretty Sure That Old Restraining Order Against Him Was Bogus

‘Atlas Shrugged’ Producers Launch Kickstarter To Finish Their Self-Reliant Epic

Hero Heteros Fight For Straight Rights On Campus

Former Senator Alan Simpson Explains: Lynne Cheney Is A Filthy Liar

Kentucky Republicans Post Gotcha Vid Of Senate Candidate Riding In Back Seat Of Own Car Like Some La Dee Da Princess Lady

Wendy Davis Decides She Will Be Next Texas Governor, If That's All Right With You All

Attempt At Building White Supremacist Enclave In North Dakota Bedeviled By Flag-Thieving Native American Grandmas, Poop Crisis

Wonkette DC Partytime, Excellent!

During Fake Filibuster Senators Dick Durbin And Ted Cruz Derpbate Motel Maids On Medicaid

Report: Sad Bradlee Dean Has No More Ministry Maybe :(

Ted Cruz Bravely Joins Senate In Passing Bill He Yammered Against For 21 Hours

You're Good Enough, You're Smart Enough, And Dog-Gone It, Joe Biden Likes You

Nice Time! George HW And Barbara Bush Attend Same-Sex Wedding In Maine

Larry Klayman Calls For March On White House To Arrest President, Also Demands Baseball Get Rid Of DH Because Why Not

Who Invited The New York Times To Our 'Cory Booker Flirted With A Stripper' Party?

Comedian-On-Journalist Violence Is Real And Spectacular

'Home Grown' Jihadis And Invisible Gorillas About Equally Dangerous To U.S. Americans

Some DHHS Report Says Affordable Care Act Even More Affordable Than Expected. It's Also Better Than Ari Fleischer's Twitter Math

Chris Wallace Won't Listen To The Voices In Tucker Carlson's Head Telling Him Obama's Racist

Ted Cruz Is Not The Darth Vader Impersonator You Were Looking For

Are We There Yet? Ted Cruz FINALLY Shuts Up Whining About Obamacare

Wingnuts Outraged At Lack Of Respect For Ted Cruz's Fauxibuster, Unlike That Time Everyone Hearted Wendy Davis's Actual Filibuster

Colorado State Sen. Kent Lambert Exposes 'Mind Control' Technology Behind Civil Unions, Then Spontaneously Combusts

Florida Man Tries To Pay Water Bill With Crack Cocaine; Coke Dealer Puzzled By Money Order For $28.36

Texas Voter ID Law May End Octogenarian's 60-Year Vote Fraud Spree

Jesse Jackson Shows Ted Cruz How 'Green Eggs And Ham' Should be Read

Ted Cruz Has Fake Filibuster To Create B-Roll For 2016 Campaign

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Stop Betraying Ur Native Soil!

GOP Terrified That Obamacare Will Make It Easier For Poors To Vote

Missouri House Staffer Leaves Loaded Gun In Public Restroom, Location of Cannoli Undetermined

AIG CEO Upset At Being 'Lynched' By Taxpayers, With Words

Hero Tennessee Parent Discovers 'World Culture' Elective Includes Islam, Hijinks Ensue

Prop 8 Crew Getting The Band Back Together To Save California From Scourge Of Transgender Restrooms

Lynne Cheney Is Basically A Mob Boss Now

In Coincidence Utterly Devoid Of Cosmic Irony, Dick Cheney's Rifle Malfunctions During Hunting Contest

Ex-Smoker Obama Turns Into Giant Smoking Scold

Pennsylvania School Administrators' Texts Not All Racist -- Some Were Sexist, Too

'Captain Underpants' Series Stars In This Year's Banned Book Week; Suck It, '50 Shades'

Forbes Contributor Attempts Math, Finds That Obamacare Will Steal $7,450 From 'Typical Family Of Four'

'Sons Of Anarchy' Creator Auditions For Wonkette With Awesome Swear-Filled Missive To Human Scold Brent Bozell

Fun & Games, Congress-Style: Government Shutdown Edition

Ted Cruz, Humble Man Of The People, Refused To Study With Anyone From 'The Lesser Ivies'

Rand Paul: If John Roberts Loves Obamacare So Much, He Should Gay Marry It

Today's Totally True Story From The New York Post: Hillary Clinton To Huma, 'It's Weiner Or Me'

Gretchen Carlson's Pants, Gretchen Carlson's Pants, Gretchen Carlson's Pants

Nice Retired GOP Rep. Is Nice, A Hippie, Not A Jerk

Colombian Politician Deliberately Overdoses On Boner Pills, Loses Caucus

Sarah Palin Threatens Senate Run If Obamacare Isn't Defunded

Ted Cruz Has Cunning Plan To Stop Obamacare: Shut Down Military For Freedom Or Something

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special All-You-Can-Hate Edition

Sundays With The Christianists: Letters To Yr Humble Editor, Confederate Flag Envelope Edition

Derp Roundup: Your Weekend Mixtape Of Rightwing Noise

It's Getting Hot In Here, Starbursts, Lady Squids With Balls, And More In This Week's Sci-Blog!

Wendy Davis Announces She Will Announce Something, Possibly About Cute New Shoes

Tom DeLay Can't Wait To Conceal His Weapon Again, For Old Times' Sake

Wingnut Truckers Will 'Shut Down America' In Order To Save It From Corruption, Obama's 'Fuel Policy' (?)

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Leave Bristol Alooooooone

Ghost Breitbart Outraged: Obama May Blame Republicans If Republicans Shut Down Government

Civil Rights Legend Ted Yoho Vows To Honor MLK And Rosa Parks By Killing Obamacare

Ted Cruz's Guide To Unmake Friends And Alienate People, Part Infinity

Skeevy Pastor Arrested After His 'Healing Hands' Groped More Than 20 Women

Oh SNAP Also! Sarah Palin Steals 'Clever' Highbrow Joke From Her Aunt Billie, Twitchy Swoons

Excellent Judge Of Character Rand Paul Wants GOP To Be More Like Charlie Sheen, We Guess?

California Rep. Jackie Speier Waves Steak And Vodka To Make Totally Clear Point About Cutting Food Stamps

Iowa Congresscritter Steve King Says Illegal Immigrants Doing 9/11 To America All The Time

Benghazi, Part Eleventy Billion: The Return Of The Revenge Of The Bride Of Benghazi

Glenn Beck Previews New Leonardo DiCaprio Flick, Gives It Zero Stars Before It Actually Exists

Virginia Teabagger Tells Hi-larious Joke About How Jews Like Money, Hardy Har Har, Vote For Ken Cuccinelli!

Forbes' Randroid Columnist Tells 99% To Stop Whining And Help The Rich Already

(Another) South Carolina Republican Group Officially Censures Lindsey Graham For Insufficient Wingnuttiness

Holy Nice Time! New Pope Has Crazy Ideas That Church Should Not Be 'Obsessed' With Gays, 'Bortions And Slut Pills

Ted Cruz Will Not Destroy America To Stop Obamacare, GOP Wingnuts Miffed

NH Senate Candidate Jim Rubens: Mass Shooters, Serial Killers Just Standing Their Ground Against The Matriarchy

New York City, We Will Be Marching On Your 'Drinking Liberally' Tonight

Perfectly Believable Gennifer Flowers Says She And Bill Would Be Sweetly Married Today If Not For That Hellbeast Chelsea

MSNBC's Chuck Todd Explains Media Don't Need To Show You No Stinking Facts On Obamacare

Scary Uncle Sam Monster Will Impregnate You With Rosemary's Child In Hot New Anti-Obamacare Ad

Giant Baby Congresscritter Throws Tantrum Over Paltry $172K Salary

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Stop Being Ugly And Vile

Red State's Erick Erickson Goes Gynecological On GOP And Obamacare

Appeals Court Says Catholic-Owned Business Still Has To Pay For Slut Pill Insurance

Bristol Palin Wants To Singlehandedly Murder Planned Parenthood, With Her Vagina

We Were Told There Would Be No Math In Your Gun Fun Times Roundup

We Are In Dirty Hippie Love With This Oregon Health Exchange Ad

CJ Cregg Does 'The Jackal' Again, Like It Is Still 2002 And We Still Love Our Fake Liberal President

Tyrannical Virginia Gun Law Kept DC Shooter From Buying AR-15

Terrible New Orleans Prosecutors Behave Terribly And Ensure That Terrible New Orleans Cops Get New Trial

Signs And Wonders: The Dudepocalypse Is At Hand

Mitch McConnell's Hero GOP Challenger Will Protect Your Constitutional Right To Beat Your Wife

Sorry Right-Wing Media But Gun-Snatching Bill Clinton Did Not Cause DC Navy Yard Shooting

Massachusetts Congressional Candidate Carl Sciortino's Campaign Ad May Increase Diabetes Risk

Flawless Victory! Maine Gov. Paul LePage Spends $700,000, Catches 45 Cases Of Welfare Fraud. Maybe.

Florida Gov. Rick Scott Discovers True Cause Of 2008 Recession: Previous Florida Gov. Charlie Crist

Michigan Fighting To Keep Ban On The Gay Marriage 'To Regulate Sexual Relationships' Like That's A Good Thing

Deleted Comments Of The Day: The 'League Of The South' May Never Love Us, We Fear

Dana Loesch's Desk Is A Joyous Celebration Of Violence

You Finally Have A Chance To Get The Sexy Jesse Jackson Jr. Swag You've Always Dreamed Of

North Carolina Cops Shoot Dangerous Black Man Running Toward Them For Help After Crash

What Are The Christianists Saying About Getting Kidnapped By Satanists Today?

Fearing Witchcraft, House Republicans Pull Proposal For National Science Laureate

The Courtship Of Jessa Duggar Is Here; Also Here, Your Vomit

A Children's Treasury Of Measured, Thoughtful Reactions To The Navy Yard Shootings

Obama Reminds Republican Losers They Are The Losingest Losers Who Lost Like Losers

Not Much Known About Washington Navy Yard Shootings, But Guns Definitely Not To Blame

Sporting Nice Time! Famous Mormon Sportsball Man Tells Gay Mormon Group He Thinks Gay Mormons Are Nifty

Michelle Obama Wants Kids To 'Drink Up,' Conservatives Now Hate Water

Global Nice Time: Fewer Kids Dying Of Horrible Diseases, Hooray!

'Death Panel' Inventor Betsy McCaughey Warns Obamacare Will Force Doctors To Ask You About Buttsex

Nice Time! All Californians Will Be Rich Now With $10 Minimum Wage Hooray!

Pam Geller Converts Routine FBI Bulletin Into Warning That Scary Muslims Will Blow Up All Our Oil

Here Are Your Happy Nice Time Launch Party Pictures Of Spilled Beer And Vomit

Did Mitt Romney Model Bugle Boys In This Old Value City Ad?

Sad Breitbart Reporter Will Truthsplain To You About Truth And The Liberals Who Won't Tell It

Summers Vs. Warren Banking Committee Cage Match Canceled As Larry Summers Craps Out

Peggy Noonan Does Not Care For This Impertinent Cossack Vladimir Putin

David Vitter Demands Senate Democrats Go Probe Themselves For Reminding Us Of That Time He Used To Screw Hookers

Sweet Irony: Wendy Davis 'Too Stupid To Be Governor,' Tweets Longtime Rick Perry Strategist

Fox News Psychiatrist Keith Ablow Quacksplains: We Elected Obama Because We Are Hijacked Captives, Obviously

John McCain Asks One More Time If We Can Please Bomb Syria, Pretty Please?

Minneapolis: A Mayoral Candidate In Every Lake And A Coffee Cup In Every Hand

Want To Write About Rich People And Their Rich People Mansions? The Wall Street Journal Wants YOU!

Here Is A Non-Comprehensive List Of The Rapacious Billionaires Who Are Ruining America

NSA Chief Used Replica Of Set From Popular 'Star Trek' TV Program To Impress Congresscritters, Win Support For Spying

Tina Brown As Bad At Charity As She Is At Running Magazines And Websites

Old Handsome Joe Biden Slanders Neanderthals With Comparison To VAWA Opponents

It's A Happy Nice Time Party Who Could Ask For More?

Fear Not, Lovers Of Chaos And Dysfunction: House GOP Is Full Speed Ahead On Shutdown, Debt Default

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Yr Wonkette Stands Accused Of Advocating 'Southern Genocide'

Wingnuts Figure Islamic Terrorists Are Better Explanation For Wildfires Than Global Warming, Carelessness, Lightning (Updated)

Florida Pastor Terry Jones Arrested For Improperly Storing And Transporting Kerosene In 2998 Korans

Congratulations, Congress! Americans Hate You Slightly Less Now

Usual Sleazy Liars Would Love You To Believe That 'More Than Half Of All SNAP Benefits Are Used to Buy Sugary Drinks'

Hello! It Is I, Vladimir Putin!

OK, So Maybe Nobody Really Bought 'Female Pleasure Machine' For Michele Bachmann. But Why Not?

Ted Cruz's Teabag Oprah Fantasy: You Get A Jesse Helms, You Get A Jesse Helms, Everybody Gets A Jesse Helms!

Alex Jones Warns Of Obama's Plot To Replace Humanity With Cyborgs, Is Somehow Not Taken Seriously

Aryan Retailer Abercrombie & Fitch Owes Damages To Muslim Girl They Fired For Choosing Religion Over Brand Identity

New Pope Insists On Being Nice To Atheists & Driving An Old Renault

Donald Trump Keeps The 'Me' In 'Memorial'

Sydney Leathers' New Boobs Bounce Importantly Into Anthony Weiner's Concession Speech

Tina Brown To Leave Daily Beast, Now Free To Ruin New Publication

Never Forget (Except For The Stuff They Wish We'd Forget, You Can Go Ahead And Forget That Stuff)

Marriott Offers Limited Time 9/11 Memorial Muffins, Because YOLO

NRA Fires Two Colorado State Senators For Doing Their Jobs And Voting On Stuff

A Children's Treasury Of Bitching About Obama's Syria Speech

Ken Layne Interviews The Devil About 9/11, Stuff

Florida Congressthing Ileana Ros-Lehtinen Killed Anti-Child-Bride Bill, Because Abortion

Instapundit Glenn Reynolds Will Now Dumbsplain Why Barack Obama Is Like A Black Neville Chamberlain

Glenn Beck Turns Hippie Peacenik, 'Cause War Is A Progressive Trip, Man

White House Will Happily Pretend Yesterday's Syria Breakthrough Was Their Plan All Along

Dozens Of Neo-Confederates Plan Rally To Save Southern Whiteness

Tuesday Nice Time! Tennessee Town Finds Perfect Answer To Wingnut 'Family Values' Dude

Michele Bachmann Prays God Will Stop Hillary, Also Make News Slower So She Can Keep Up

Solemn Duty Of Killing A Prisoner Rescheduled To Fit Florida A.G. Pam Bondi's Important Campaign Schedule

Wisconsin Golf Course Gets Lots Of Free Publicity, Death Threats, With Awesome 9/11 Special

Obama, Kerry Are Idiot Savants Of Foreign Policy As Syria Agrees To Surrender Chemical Weapons Like Soonish

Sarah Palin Has Answer To Syria: 'Bomb Obamacare'

Free Speech For Tech Dudes Is Dead In America Because You People Can't Take A Joke

New Iowa Law Lets Blind People Carry Guns In Public, Because Of Course It Does

Mike Huckabee Offers Creative Renovation Advice For United Nations Building

Meghan McCain Has New Teevee Show To Save The Republican Party, And The World!

Secession Is The New Orange, Which Is The New Black: Maryland Edition

George Zimmerman Stays Out Of Jail Again

Tonight! Crossfire Returns To America's Airwaves, Twitters, Facebooks, MySpaces, and Sonograms

Did Tampa Port Chief And Slumlord Get Public Funds For His Filthy Hovels? Would You Believe 'Yes'?

Five Things George Zimmerman Might Have Been Doing When He Got Arrested With That Gun (Updated)

Kentucky Tea Party Will Murder Public Libraries, For Freedom

Washington D.C. Poors Who Somehow Managed To Purchase Homes Still Getting Royally Boned

Strap It On, It Is T-Minus-Four Days To Launch Of Wonket's Holy Media Empire

Breaking Bad Legos-Not-Legos Toyset Greatly Outrages Perennially Outraged Daily Mail

Congresscritters Bachmann, Gohmert, & King Love Egyptian Coup, Think Muslim Brotherhood Did 9/11

Poor Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Just Could Not Stop All Those Women From Sexing Him

DC To Tyrannize All These 'Sons Of Liberty' Bikers, Make Them All Stop At Stoplights :(

New York's Peter King Yells 'First!' In GOP 2016 Comment Thread

New Jersey School District Will Teach These Parents Responsibility If It's The Last Thing Their Kids Ever Do

World Election Roundup: Australia To Remain Free Of Rule By Crazed Post-Apocalyptic Road Gangs A Little Longer

Relive The Cold War In Your Very Own Underground Apocalypse House

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: The Everything Is Really Sad, Even The Good Things, Edition

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Homeschoolers Marching Through Georgia

Moon Rockets, Space Brains, And Vampire Squid, All In This Week's Sci-Blog!

A Children's Treasury Of Derp: Your Weekend Roundup Of Dumbth

John McCain Just Wants To Get Hiiiiiiiiiiigh

New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg: Why Must Racist Bill De Blasio Have A Black Wife And Son?

Pat Robertson So Mad About Accurate Documentary On His Terrible Rwanda Charity Scam

Bill Kristol: Bomb Syria So We Can Bomb Iran So We Can 'Constructively Criticize' The President For Doing It All Wrong

CDC Says Teen Pregnancy Rate Is Falling, Blames Obama

Angry Town Hall Mob Explains To John McCain That Doing Nothing In Syria Is The New Doing Something In Syria

Catholic Bishop Explains How The Church Has Handled That Sexual Abuse Thingy Quite Nicely, Thanks

Pat Buchanan Wants To Know 'Just Whose War Is This?' Spoiler Alert: The Jews The Jews The Jews (And The Saudis)

John McCain Might Need To Impeach Obama For Giving Him The War He Always Wanted

Mike Huckabee Has 'Not Ruled Out' Losing To Hillary Or Ted Cruz In 2016

Fox's Eric Bolling Has Innovative Idea: Save Money By Encouraging Prison Suicides

USDA Finds Farm Subsidy Waste, So GOP Will Cut Food Stamps

Minnesota In-Laws Just Can't Quit Accidentally Shooting Each Other; Drinking Somehow Not Involved

Colorado Republican Just Can't Let This Fried Chicken Thing Go

Donald Trump Accidentally Right About A Thing

Shooty Screamy Pennsylvania Police Chief To Team Up With Shooty Screamy Tactical Guy To Shoot, Scream, Fight Crime

Rush Limbaugh's Cool New Book For Kids Stars Rush Limbaugh And Is Better Than A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving

Newsmax Guy Wishes Blacks Would Shut Up Already

Gun Rights Group Will Shower Your Neighborhood With Weapons And Candy

Sorry, Republicans, But Socialist Jobs-Killing Just-Like-The-Holocaust Obamacare To Be Cheaper And Better Than Predicted

National Review: Hispanics Triumph In American Dream Of Lifetime Working At Walmart

Team Romney Quite Sure You People Must Wish You'd Voted For Mitt By Now. Right? RIGHT?

End Times Fetishists: Blowing Syria Off The Map Is Cool Because Israel Has To Fight Russia Sometime

Joe Wilson Wants To Know Why Obama Cares More About Gassed Children In Syria Than Benghazi & IRS Atrocities

Florida Man Cites 'Bush Doctrine' After Shooting Neighbors; Judge Undecided On Whether Dick Cheney Can Testify

Kansas GOP Jealous Of Congress Hogging All The Ways To Shame Poor Hungry People

Nikki Haley Locks Self Out Of Governor's Mansion In Robe Like Classic Sitcom Housewife

Today's Gun Fun Times Roundup: Let's Pretend Anything We Do Can Make A Difference!

Anthony Weiner Innocent! (Of Being A Schmuck To That Jewish Guy, Not Of Everything Else)

Marco Rubio Would Not Like To Try Your Sample Of Obamacare Thank You Very Much

Republican Hearings Just Asking Questions, Definitely Not Trying To Sabotage Obamacare, No, Never

Anthony Weiner Rings In Jewish New Year With Talmudic Debate About Whether He Is A 'Scumbag'

Boston Mayor Will Show Detroit How Much He Loves It By Blowing It Sky High

Sure, Might As Well Give Two U.S. Senators To Northern California County Too

Rush Limbaugh’s Hot Syria Fanfic: Obama, Rebels Behind Chemical Attacks So Obama Can Have The War Obama Doesn’t Want

Liz Cheney Is Your New Winston Churchill, Will Stop Obamacare From Annexing The Sudetenland

New York Times Breaks Story Of Astonishing New Trend: Women Have Lunch Together, Eat Salads, Discuss Stuff

Radio Wingnut Sandy Rios Worries That Obama Will Gay Up Our Beautiful Missile Attack On Syria

John McCain: Poker? He Doesn't Even ... Oh Never Mind

Texas Fertilizer Plants Say No Thanks To Fire Inspections, Fire Marshal Sorry To Have Bothered Them

Anthony Weiner Dances Badly To Indecipherable Song About Shooting Gays In The Head, Like All Other Dancehall Songs

Sad Old Navy Preacher Has Cunning Plan To Protect Innocent Wedding Photographers From The Gays

Texas Oil & Gas Regulator Getting Ready For 'Independence.' You Know, Just In Case.

Glenn Beck's The Blaze Making Sense Again By Reminding Us That Everyone Reclines

Bigoted Bakery Goes Buh-Bye

GOP Done Being Mad Obama Isn't Asking For Permission To Bomb Syria; Now Mad ... You Get The Idea

Neverending Nice Time: Aussie PM Kevin Rudd Smacks Down Bible Guy On Gay Marriage

Your Official Wonkette Editorial Policy On Syria Is Here And We Regret to Inform You It Involves Talking About Louie Gohmert

Richard Cohen Thinks Miley Cyrus Raped That Poor Girl In Steubenville

Mitch McConnell Opposed Violence Against Women Before He Was For It

More Nice Time! Socialist Boston Schools To Give Free Lunches To Every Kid Including The Poors

Nice Time: Here, Planned Parenthood, Old Billionaire Coot Ross Perot Will Give You One Million Dollars

A Children's Treasury Of Derp: Your Labor Day Loonworld Roundup

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: The Phoning It In Holiday Weekend Edition

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Homeschoolers In A House Divided

All The Brainz That's Fit To Eat, And More In This Week's Sci-Blog!

Radio Wingnut Kevin Swanson Explains How Demons Guided Mark Twain

Even Nicer Nice Time! Ruth Bader Ginsburg To Do Some Gay Marrying

Responsible Gun Owners On Parade

Liz Cheney Is 'Not Pro-Gay Marriage'; Is, However, World's Worst Sister

Wingnut Reveals Awful Truth About Chris Christie's Sex Cult

Heritage Foundation Czar Jim DeMint Says Majority Of Americans Are Socialist Un-Americans For Liking Socialist Un-American Healthcare

Nice Time! Christian School That Gave Creationist Quiz Is Mercifully Euthanized

George Zimmerman's Wife Second Amendmented Their Marriage Night Before He Shot Trayvon Martin

How Many Lies Did Bill O'Reilly Just Put Into His Own On-Air Correction?

Ted Nugent's Wife Accidentally Second Amendments DFW Airport

Uh Oh, Peggy Noonan Has Thoughts On 'Work'

Total Hippie Eric Holder Says Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em, Washington and Colorado

Georgia Insurance Commissioner Proudly Explains How He's Screwing Up Obamacare To Help Everyone

Important Updates Regarding Where Your Wonket Empire Launch Party Will Be, And What Kind Of Beer Will Be Free

Man, CNBC So Ready For You To Make A 'Killing' Off Your Upcoming Syria War

Yale Daily News 'Still Learning' About 'Irony'

Washington Man Shooting Pot Arrows At Jail Was Just Trying To Get The Squirrels Hiiiiiiigh

Non-Elitist Washington Times Very Unhappy Government Elites Invented 'Honey Boo Boo'

Today We Celebrate Five Years Of Laughing Our Asses Off At Sarah Palin, But We Will Probably Quit By Noon Also

Striking Fast Food Workers Hope To Be Treated As Well As Lab Animals Someday

Pro-Tip: Don't Be Or Ever Have Associated With The Former Lover Of His Most High Sun God Or Whatever Of North Korea

Pennsylvania GOP Governor Logically Compares Gay People To Dumb Little Children

NY Post Says Anthony Weiner Faked It. Crowds, At Events, That Is

Wonkette Completely Destroyed By Cenk Uygur's Blistering Logic Bombs

Liveblogging Barack Obama Pretending Martin Luther King Jr. Was A Liberal

Feminists Hysterical

You Will Definitely Believe How Racist This Daily Caller Article Is

Deadbeat Dad Joe Walsh Rewrites 'I Have A Dream' Speech To Count The Ways Black People Suck

Howard Kurtz Appoints Himself Chief Constabulary Of The Islamic Religious Police

Liberal Institute For Policy Study Lies About Rich People With Clever Use Of 'Math'

Congresscritter Gary Miller Knows Immigrants' Pain, Because He Moved From Arkansas To California

Did You Know Homosexuals Commit Half Of All Big City Murders? It Is Probably 'True'

Cosign Ditto RT This ----> Very Good Idea From 'Climate Name Change'

Oral Roberts University Bald Eagle Smacks Window, Is Unaccountably Not Considered Omen Of Doom

Texas Swears It Didn't Make Up Jars Of Feminist Poop, Will Prove It, Or, Uh...

Pat Robertson Educates About Murderous Intent Of Gays Like Shepard Smith

Breaking! Exclusive! Must Credit Snipy! Shocking Story About Snipy's Departure!

Cory Booker Refuses To Douse Hopes That Everyone Can Sleep With Him Maybe

The Wonkette Empire Strikes Back

Arizona Wingnuts Simply Do Not Care For John McCain's Sex Affair With All The Mexicans

Tucson Hero Saved Gabby Giffords's Life But Is Unacceptably Gay

Mike Huckabee: Kill Obamacare By Increasing Government Funding For Healthcare

Laura Ingraham Frets: Liberals Are Trying To Act Like Martin Luther King Was Some Liberal Or Something

Fox: Why Are Women So Greedy, With Their Breast And Ovarian Cancer Costing Men All This Money?

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Our Aggression Against Golf Will Not Stand, Man

Missouri State Legislator Nabbed With Marijuana, May Also Listen To BeBop, Cavort With Hussies

Non-Racist Alex Jones Wonders Why All These Racist Blacks & Hispanics Keep Attacking Him

Kathleen Parker: MLK Jr. Would Want Racist Obama To Stop Talking About Race Already, Sheesh

'Pro-Lifers' Save Women From Specter Of Open Health Clinics

Oregon War Memorial Explosion Has To Be Atheist Terrorism, Because Duh, Atheists

Are You On The NYPD's List Of 'Demographic Americans'? Are You Brown? Then Yes!

Nice Time! Let's All Watch This Former U.S. Attorney Yelling At James O'Keefe!

Bobby Jindal Explains: Racism Is Stupid Because Aren't We All Christians Anyway?

Why Did All Those Racist Ladies Burn Creeper San Diego Mayor Bob Filner's Body And Hang Him From A Tree?

George Will Explains How Single Moms Make Martin Luther King Jr. Cry

Sarah Palin Too Busy Grifting To Serve We The People In The U.S. Senate Dontcha Know You Betcha Also, Too

Donald Trump's 'University' Kind Of Scammy, Believe It Or Not

In San Diego, 'Jacking It'

Millionaire Golfer Phil Mickelson Feels The Pain Of The Underclass: The Poor, Poor CEOs

Wonkette's Teen Korner For Teenz: Best Palz Edition

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: The Edition That Made Us Feel Good In That Special Way

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Confederate Homeschoolers

History Nice Time: Jean Shepherd On The Radio Right After The March On Washington

Kickass Telescopes, Newly Discovered Mammals, And Welcoming Our New Insect Overlords, All In This Week's Sci-Blog

A Children's Treasury Of Derp: So Much Crazy, So Little Time

Buzzfeed Pimps Out Anti-Abortion Lies Because It Is Terrible

Mean Old 'The Media' (Wonkette) Is Oppressing Cenk Uygur, Please Send Him Money To Dry His Tears

In Completely Unforeseeable Coincidence, Anti-Vaccine Church Hit By Measles Outbreak

Disgruntled Republican Sues GOP For $50 Or 90 Million, A Law School Education, A Secure 'Boarder' And A Meeting With Meghan McCain

FishbowlDC May Call Tucker Carlson As A Character Witness Or Something, Seems About Right

Race War Roundup: A Children's Treasury Of Loveable Rogues

Lindsey Graham's Teabag Opponent Calls Him A Big Ol' Princess Lady

Brave, Totally Not Homophobic Oklahoma Senator Fights For Equality Of Straight Soldiers

Eliot Spitzer's Comptroller Race Just Got A Lot More Frottage

Let's All Listen To Texas Lt. Governor David Dewhurst Calling Police To Get Niece Out Of Pokey

Cato Institute Says Welfare Is Awesome!

You Guys, Let's All Give M. Joseph Sheppard A Dollar (Or Not)

Senator Tom Coburn: Obama Is My Friend, Let's IMPEACH!

San Diego Mayor Bob Filner To Resign, Pursue Private Sector Opportunities In Sexual Harassment

Aaron Sorkin, Media Critic

New York Times Copyeditor Is Not An Ally

Senator Roy Blunt To Ensure Global Religious Freedom, For Certain Values Of 'Religious,' And 'Freedom'

Why I, United States Senator Ted Cruz, Don’t Want to Be Canadian Anymore

D.C. Proposes Welfare Reefer For Poor Jazz Criminals

Charles Krauthammer Wants To Get Hiiiiiiiigh

Tennessee Church Harshes Nice Time, Shuns Mom For Holding Gay Daughter's Hand

Syria: Come For The Bloody Civil War, Stay For The Sarin Gas

Colorado Senate Lady Serves Up Healthy Word Salad About Diabetes, Fried Chicken, Armed Robbery, The Usual

Ron Paul Doesn't Hate Jews, He Just Speaks To Groups That Hate Jews

Today In Gun Fun Times: Eat Hot Lead With That Pumpkin Scone, And Other Dumb Gun News

Nice Time: Good Guy With A Calm Voice Stops A Bad Guy With A Gun

Republican Plan To Prove Abortion Is Dangerous And Bad Proves Exact Opposite, Oops!

Forget 'White Hispanic'; Daily Caller, Fox, Find White Teen Who Is 'Black'

Michigan Congresscritter Bravely Didn't Vomit Near Obama, Will Impeach Him Just As Soon As He Figures Out How

Dumb Texas Governor Rick Perry Hates Obamacare, Would Like Some Obamacare Please

San Diego Gets Own Nuclear Debacle As Fukushima Pees Radiation Into The Sea

The Daily Caller Reveals: Barack Obama Is A Lady, With Oves And Fallopes And A Vagina And Everything

How Is Maureen Dowd Committing Journalistic Malpractice Today?

Kentucky Katfight: Mitch McConnell And Matt Bevin Scratching Each Other's Eyes Out Over LinkedIn Profile

Louisiana Republicans On Federal Response To Hurricane Katrina: Thanks, Obama!!!1!

Wingnut Convinces Self That Yr Wonkette Consorts With Demons, Muslims

ShockerScandalBreakingAndWhatNot! DC Rep Eleanor Holmes Norton Asks Someone For Money (In 2010)!

Deleted Comments of The Day: Birthers, Purity Trolls, And More!

Herman Cain's Internet Home For Giving Herman Cain Money Is A Mere Shell Of Its Former Shell

Wingnut Texas Congressional Candidate Tries This 'Reddit' Thing, Gets Laughed Off Internet

Oh Yeah, We Should Definitely Give An Extra Two United States Senators To 'Northern Colorado'

In Gift To Headline Writers, Feds Bust Romanian Princess's Oregon Cockfighting Ring

Obama Just Might Defund Obamacare Like GOP Wants, Says Insane GOPer Jim DeMint

Hero Republican Legislator Will Protect Son From California's Transgender Restroom Tyranny

BREAKING: Sarah Palin Does Not Have A Future, Says Last Guy In America To Realize That

Radio Wingnut Kevin Swanson Warns Boy Scouts Want To Cannibalize Your Sodomy Badges

Canadian Ted Cruz Shocked -- Shocked! -- To Learn He Is Canadian

Tyrant Obama Smashes Constitution Again, This Time With $4 Cell Phone Fee

Ancient North Carolina Lady Resigns Senate To Personally Register Every Voter Herself

Obamas Acquire Adorable New Focus For Wingnut Outrage

Newest Wingnut Fad: Obama Decrees That 3 X 4 = 11

Radio Wingnut: Gays Are So Empty Inside They Must 'Absorb' Another Person -- Right Through Their Spunk!

Anti-Abortion Plan Funded By Fracking Billionaire About As Ethical As You'd Expect

Slap-Happy Newspaper Publisher Just Can't Stop Slapping People In The Face

Tucker Carlson's Daily Caller Simply Does Not Care For All These Whorish 'Teachers' Whoring It Up

Scott Brown To Simultaneously Run for President, Governor, Senate, Homecoming Queen

CIA Admits It Waterboarded Noam Chomsky At Area 51 While Planning Iran Coup

Canada Breathes Sigh Of Relief As Ted Cruz Denies Canadian Citizenship

Glenn Greenwald Gives British Government A Right Jolly Rogering, Will Probably Never Shut Up About It

Russian Athletes Get Kissy Facey, May Or May Not Be Protesting Stupid Anti-Gay Law

West Virginia Judge Indicted After Trying To Live Out Bad Noir Movie Plot

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: The Friedman-Free Edition We've Been Longing For

Nice Time: MRC Posts 'Gotcha' Video About California's Transgender Locker Room Law, Accidentally Fills It With Nuance And Thoughtfulness

A Children's Treasury Of Nazi-Themed Signs At Jim Hoft's Sad Dumb Los Angeles Teabag Thing

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Books To Shield Homeschoolers From Heresy

Hitherto Undiscovered Wingnut Sarah Hoyt Makes Strong Wonkette Debut With Kirk Douglas Fanfic

Wonkette's Teen Korner For Teenz: Earnest Anti-Racism Edition

Remember, Los Angeles Wonkers: Today We Tell The Stupidest Man On the Internet To #Payup

Friday Nice Time: WWE Wrestler Exits Closet, What Are You Gonna Do About It?

Fox News: These Polar Bears Aren't Starving Fast Enough! Starve, Polar Bears, Starve!

Why Won't Barack Obama Just Shut Up About This Rodeo Clown Already?

Chris Christie May Or May Not Protect New Jersey's Very Ill Youth From Scourge Of Medical Pot

Sarah Palin: Get The Government Out Of Our Government Farm Subsidies

If You Like Dumb Things That Are Wrong, You'll Love Jennifer Rubin's Latest Column

Black Off-Duty Indiana Firefighter Should Have Been In Uniform Before Waving At Cops

Which Gay One-Legged Iraq War Veterans Are We Booing In San Antonio Today?

Listen To A Bunch Of Idiots On San Antonio Councilwoman's Staff Try To Figure Out: What Makes A Gay?

Wingnut Radio Host Bryan Fischer Still Nattering On About The Pixels, The Pixels

Should Gay Marriage Be Outlawed Because Gays Can't Sex Each Other In Missionary? Your Wonkette Investigates

Texas Defends Voter Redistricting Plan With 'Hey, We Could Be A Lot More Racist About This'

Stupidest Man On The Internet Warns Obamacare Storm Troopers Will Come For Your Children

Obama Coming To Your House To Ram Birth Control Pills Down Your Throat, Probably

Rush Limbaugh Moderating GOP Debates Will Solve Party's Problem With Unwelcome Sane Voters Left Clogging Up Their Rolls

Will No One Stand Up For WaPo's Poor Pitiful Jennifer Rubin?

Fox News Says Ashton Kutcher Is Your New Ayn Rand, America! (Seems To Have Forgotten To Read Its Ayn Rand)

Herman Cain's Website Knows Who Can Beat Hillary. It Is A Big Surprise! Named Sarah Palin! (Spoiler Alert)

Did You Know The Clintons Were Always Threatening To Murder Linda Tripp? It Is Probably 'True'

Tennessee State Sen. Stacey Campfield Saves Christmas From Nonexistent Threats

Nefarious Homosexual Lobby Gets Megyn Kelly A Better Fox News Time Slot, Makes The Bigots Sad

Whom Is The Daily Caller Casually Libeling Today? (Hint: It Is Former L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa!)

Texas Congresscritter Steve Stockman Invites Racist Rodeo Clown To Sit On His Lap

Michelle Obama Terrifies Nation With Hippity-Hop Love Songs To Vegetables

Hippies At Seattle P.D. Will Feed You Snacks For Your Trip On 'The Pot'

Florida Man With Private Arsenal Just Wanted To Stand His Ground Against Obama, Own Family

Republicans Vow To Cut Food Stamps In Areas Full Of Lazy Republicans

Reggie Love Spills The Beans: Obama Played 'Spades' While Singlehandedly Not-Murdering Osama Bin Laden

Jesse Jackson Jr. Goes To Prison, Wonders If The Pacific Is As Blue As It Is In His Dreams

Third-Rate Teevee Preacher Tells All: Obama Is Possessed By Demons And That's Why We Have The NSA

Cory Booker Deflects Bullet Of Emo Liberal Peevishness, Will Leap U.S. Capitol In Single Bound

Glenn Beck Worried Progressives Coming To Smother Your Kids With Metaphors

Gun-Toting 'Pro-life' Thugs Want Abortion Clinic Shut Down To Keep Away Gun-Toting 'Pro-life' Thugs

White House Telegraphs Support For Egyptian Military; Tweets Picture Of Joe Biden With Joe Camel

Obama Must Make Sweet Love To That Racist Rodeo Clown, Peggy Noonan Mumbles Into Her Morning Pick-Me-Up

Iowa Rep. Steve King Wins The Morning With Anti-Immigration Rally For Crowd Of Tens

Paula Deen's Long National Whitemare Finally Over (Partly)

Donald Trump, Other Birthers Totally Peachy With Canadian Anchor Baby Ted Cruz To President Us

Sorry, New Jersey Man, You Forgot To Pay Your Insurance Carrier's 26 Cents, Please Go Die

World Savior Ron Paul's Media Empire Is Born In Lowly Internet Teevee Thing

Pat Buchanan: When Will The Gays Stop Oppressing Putin?

WaPo's Richard Cohen None Too Pleased With Hillary Clinton's Age, Vagina

Rick Santorum Does Not Care For Your 'Marxism Talk' About 'The Middle Class,' Which Does Not Exist

Washington Man Sentenced For Dispensing Armed Anti-Smoking Message

Wingnuts Furious: Black Kid Said The Darnedest Thing

Breitbart Unafraid To Ask: Why Is Oprah Winfrey Such A Racist Liar?

Boston Mobster Whitey Bulger's Conviction Inspires Daily Caller To Examine Their Tumescence

Political Correctness Runs Amok As Decent People Not Amused By Rodeo Clown's Hysterical Blackface Routine

WaPo's Jennifer Rubin: John Bolton Is Louis CK And George W. Bush Is Mother Teresa

Oklahoma Up-And-Comer Markwayne Mullin Protects America From Inflation, Math

Tennessee Judge Rejects Messiah And Isn't Even Jewish Probably

Eric Holder: Let's Blow This Joint

Texas Rep: Republicans Could Totally Full-On Impeach Obama If It Weren't For That Meddling Senate

Ted Cruz's Dad Seems Nice

How Is Obama Secretly Gaying Today?

Mitch McConnell Is Your New Justin Bieber

Do You Love Being First Against The Wall? Then Dean & Deluca's $75 Ice Is The Ice For You

Fancy Book-Writing Man Explains Why Zombie Ayn Rand Will Never Die

Deleted Email Of The Day: Stop Libeling Us Jazz Potheads, You Drunks!

At Texas Legislator's Car Dealership, Tasings Will Continue Until Morale Improves

Conservatives Launch New Website To Take Down Institutional Left, No Really For Serious This Time You Guys!

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Dowd Isn't Even The Worst Thing In It, There Are Also Sex Tips For Teens

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Children In Peculiar Institutions

Nice Time: Kentucky Approves New Science Standards That Include Actual Science

Who's Who Of Wingnuttia Gathers For Family Leadership Summit In Iowa To Praise Jesus, Hate Obama

These Baby Octopussies Will Make You Forget All About Our Climate Change Crisis, In This Week's Sci-Blog!

Wonkette's Teen Korner For Teenz: Yolo Swag Twenty-Three Skidoo Edition

Up-And-Coming Oklahoma Rep. Markwayne Mullin Vs. The Birther Princess & The Physically Fit Poors

Anthony Weiner. Dude, What Is Up?

Los Angeles Wonkers: Here Is Your Golden Opportunity To Get The Stupidest Man On The Internet To #PayUp

You Can Have Our Confederate Battle Flag When You Pry It From Our Cold Dead Hands...Again

Scott Walker Lackey Loses Job Because Satan Loves Undocumented Immigrants

Scott Brown's Brother Bruce Arrested For Being Completely Terrifying, Other Stuff

Mitch McConnell's Campaign Manager Somehow Keeps His Job After Saying He Can't Stand McConnell's Old Man Stank

Cancel All Your Friday Nights: MSNBC To Present 'Scream At Stews With Alec Baldwin'

Justice Department Threatens to Rap Banks on Wrist, Again

Adorable 'Australia's Sarah Palin' Will Let The Jews Stay Because They Love Jesus; The Country 'Islam' Not So Much

Hawaii's Senator Brian Schatz Didn't Actually Do Sex On That Sheep

Commies at 'Business Insider' Just Cold Destroying Capitalism Now

Ebony And Daily Caller Locked In Existential Debate About Nature Of Jokes, Reality

What's Bringing On The Apocalypse This Week? How About Immigration Reform?

Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli Personally Lying To All The Sluts About Their Bortions

Rush Limbaugh Saddened By Obama's Un-Dignity, With The Teevee, And The Jay Leno

PSA: No, Men, You Cannot Rape A Child Even If She Is Hot And Slutty And Only Says No Twice

Tony Perkins Will Save The Children From The Perils Of Learning

Life Imitates Michelle Shocked Song Imitating Life: Miami Cops Kill 17-Year-Old Graffiti Artist, Because Why Not

Stupidest Man On Internet Astonished That Muslims In Gitmo Allowed Food And Religion

Nice Time: Liz Warren And Ed Markey Being Total Hippies Again

How Is President Obama Being Un-White Today?

No One Can Overtake Steve King In The Race To The Bottom Of Climate Change Stupidity

Rich Nor-Cal Town With Hilarious Police Blotter Also Whimsical In Its Racial Profiling

Sanjay Gupta Wants To Get 'High' On The Pot Like A Common Jazz Criminal

Never Mind, Racism Not Over Yet: Twitchy Discovers Ebony Magazine, A Mag For The Blacks

Racism Over Forever As Detroit Voters Are Okay With White Guy

Chris Christie Gobbling Up Federal Sandy Muneez To Make Commercials Starring Him

One Time Judge Louie Gohmert Made A Gimp Suit Out Of Duct Tape For This One Defendant

Rick Santorum Says Kids Won't Shower At YMCA Because Abortion, Forgets It's Because Of Teh Ghey

Phyllis Schlafly: Why Is The Supreme Court So Bigoted Against Phyllis Schlafly Just Because She Is A Bigot?

Here Is Your Al Qaeda Conference Call Bingo Card, For Freedom, And Jihad

Terror 'Experts': 'Crazy-Pants' Yemen Plot Goes Up To Eleven

BREAKING! David Vitter Does Thing That Is Kind Of Okay

Obama Breaks Up With Putin, Can't Believe Putin Chose Snowden And Persecuting Gays Over Their Relaaaationship

Quarter-Billionaire Mitt Romney A Total Communist Now (Because He Hadn't Flip-Flopped On That Yet)

Mitt Romney Says Thing, Upsets Wingnuts; No, This Is Not A Rerun From Last August

Rush Limbaugh Decides Valerie Jarrett Did Benghazi, Probably Under Telepathic Orders From Bo The Dog

Fox Nation Simply Does Not Care For Fort Hood Suspect's Fancy Sky Limousine

Penis. Wine. Penis Wine. That Is All, Just Penis Wine.

Tennessee Nice Time: Chattanooga Suburb Gives Gays Oral Care

Girls! Read Sydney Leathers's Eight Feminist Tricks For Getting Sleazy Pols To Virtually Finger-Bang You!

Baptists Warn SCOTUS Of Unitarian Threat

Happy Bin Laden Determined To Strike In U.S. Day!

Gag Reflex: Big Gas Tries To Get Kids To Shut The Frack Up

Slow Clap For The Daily Caller, Everybody. Slow. Clap.

Doctors Prove George W. Bush Has A Heart; Repair It For Him

Republican SuperPAC Has Exciting New Hillary-Slapping Game And More Fun From Last Decade

Amazon's Jeff Bezos Thinks It Would Be Fun To Run A 'News-Paper'

Sydney Leathers Is Your Newest Octomom, With The Pornos, And The Sad

Illinois Residents Can Sleep Safer Now That Police Have Tased, Beanbagged 95-Year-Old Veteran To Death

Super-Smart Mens' Rights Activist Attorney Is Your New Rosa Parks, America

Former Los Angeles GOP Head Tweeted Funny Jokes About Filner & Weiner, Then Got Arrested For Sexting With Teen

Your Monday Nice Time: Chris Wallace Yells At Eric Cantor For Failing at Congress

Colin Powell Did Sexty Emails To Some Hot Romanian Chick, Was Bad At It

RNC To NBC: That Hillary Clinton Movie Is Not Threatening To Us At All, Please Cancel It

Mean Old Bat Barbara Bush Cries At Civil Rights Movie, Suggesting Deep Empathy For Fictionalized Black People

Rep. Ted Yoho Says Obamacare Is Racist Against Tan-Challenged Americans

Politico's Ben White Now A Pissy Junior High School Girl We Guess

Today In Gun Fun Times: Should We Arm Our Precious Snowflake College Students?

Men's Rights Activists Invite Men To 'Stand Their Ground' Against Uppity Women, What Could Possibly Be Wrong With That?

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: All Weiner All The Time Edition

Selfish Jerk Debbie Wasserman Schultz Has Personal Ambitions, Thinks She's A Man

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Happy Factory Urchins

Wingnuts Still Think Gays Are Like Pedophiles And Kidnappers, Because Sex

Wonkette's Teen Korner For Teenz: 'It's The Thought That Counts' Edition

Have A Great Weekend, Try Not To Get Murdered In The Terror Plots!

Screw Your Salmon And Your Virgin Wilderness, Alaska, America Hungers For Molybdenum

Wonkette Sexclusive! Anonymous People On The Internet Say Betsy Rothstein Super Fired From FishbowlDC (UPDATE!)

Happy Birthday, Victoria Jackson, From Your BFF's At Your Wonket!

NRA Will Not Lay Down Its Weary Head Until Teenagers Can Buy Guns Everywhere

Peggy Noonan Is Writing About Furries Now Y'all

Conservative Newspaper Editor Fired For Rude Headline About Putting Something In President's Butt

Totally Sane Congressman: Obama Is Hiding Benghazi Witnesses Away, Probably In FEMA Camps, Why Not

MWM Seeks Discreet Female Who Knows Where Her Delete Key Is

'Ex-Gay Pride' Rally Draws Crowd Of Ten, Makes Us Actually Sad For Them, Oh Well We Are Over It

The New Republic: Why Can't All These Journokids Be More Like That Nice Luke Russert?

Yale Gets Medieval On Rapists With Written Reprimands And Sometimes Even Suspension

Deleted Comment Of The Day: We Get Called On Our Hypocritical Beck / Limbaugh Hatred

12-Year-Old Robs Lemonade Stand At BB Gunpoint; NRA Silent So We'll Assume He Is White

Peter King Compares Rand Paul To Hitler Appeasers, Brilliantly Avoids Godwin's Law

Christmas Comes Early For Sarah Palin's Grifty Thing

Ted Cruz Can't Sit At Cool Kids' Table In Senate Cafeteria, Has Giant Sad

Nice Time (With An Asterisk): JP Morgan To Fork Over Some Actual Cash-ish For Enron-ing California

Congresscritter Yells At Nuns About How Poor People Are All Their Fault

Student Loan Bill Lubes Up At Least Before Screwing Students

Nice Time! Minnesota Gays Get Hitched Up All Legal-Like

Creepy San Diego Mayor Only Did Sexual Harassment To All Those Chicks 'Cause No One Told Him Not To

Russia Grants Snowden Asylum, Because It's Not Like He Is Gay

Michigan College President Really Tired Of Government Always Counting Those 'Dark Ones'

Michigan Lady Might Run For Office Even Though She Has Children, What Is Even Up With That

House GOP Brings More Paycheck Pain to Federal Employees, Ignores Safeword

FishbowlDC's Betsy Rothstein Prints Hilarious Racist Joke, Because 'Class'

Federal Judge Says Catholic Church Can Hide Assets From Abuse Victims, For Freedom

Gawker Got This Drunkest DC Intern Tip EVER, And All We Got Was Eight Million Emails About Cookies

Now There Is A New Monica Lewinsky Sex Tape, Because Why The Hell Not, This Country, Jesus

Wonkette Already Way Ahead On This Russian Vodka Boycott

French Homophobes Strip Down, Oil Up, Go Where The Boys Are (Together, Hating Les Gays)

Naughty Weiner Makes MSNBC Anchor Droid Say Naughty Word

Hero New York Cops Disciplined (UPDATE -- FIVE YEARS AGO) Just For Stopping And Frisking 60-Year-Old Black Police Chief Who Had ID Around His Neck

New York Daily News Made Us All Believe Anthony Weiner Was Still Sexting But That Is A Dirty Lie

Who Is On The Hill's Most Beautiful People Thingy Besides Not You?

Glenn Beck Can't Wait For Rush Limbaugh Memorials All Over America

Ted Cruz: We're Not Shutting Down Government Over Obamacare, Obama Is Shutting Down Government Over Obamacare

Let's Get Ready To Rumble! Chris Christie Versus Rand Paul In A Fight To The Derp

Very Ladylike Weiner Aide Simply Does Not Care For Intern Tell-All

Here Is Your Sponsored Content From The Heritage Foundation That Looks Like A Wonkette Post. Also Too Boobs.

Fine, Here Is Your Wonkpinion On The Bradley Manning Verdict

This Is Just Super Awesome Good White People Dancing, North Carolina Lege

This New Hampshire Rep Just Emailed His Colleagues This Very Good Picture Of Boobs

Get All Your Back To School Fear Of Science & Muslims Now And Avoid The Rush

Texas Republican: Why Won't That Wendy Davis Gal Pay For All O' These Special Sessions, For Openin' Her Fat Lady Trap?

House GOP Will Explain To NASA All About This Space And Science Stuff

Gayphobic Hatemonger Pat Robertson Shockingly Cool With The Sex Changes

How Is The House GOP Helping Al Qaeda And Terrorism Today?

Indiana Officials Help Republican Donor's Charter School Get A++ In Grade Inflation

Arkansas High School Will Arm Teachers To The Teeth Because Safety

Pennsylvania's Screaming Parody Of A Wingnut Police Chief Now Too Radical For 'Oath Keepers'

Formerly Working Reporter Has No Earthly Idea What 'First Amendment' Means

Why Won't Obama Talk More Words About Slashing Social Security And Medicare?

Nice Time: Fox News Accidentally Sends That Muslim's Jesus Book To Number One

The Instapundit Would Like All You Ladies To Know Just How Very Much Democrats Hate You

Darrell Issa Not Desperate At All In Opening New IRS Investigation

Poor Sarah Palin Was Just Constantly Censored By McCain's Elitist Army

Wingnuts: Crayola Will Help The Muslim Hordes Overrun The Infidels

Hero Florida Cops Save Neighborhood, Shoot Man Getting Cigarette From Mom's Car

Zombies Find Cashing In On Farm Subsidies More Lucrative Than Voting

Mitt Romney Has Deleted All Files Related To '47%' Speech, Please Search Again

Why Does Barack Obama Hate Rich People Today?

Fox News Explains It Is Hard For Weiner To Get It Up For Terrorist Wife

Baton Rouge Sheriff Is Sorry Not Sorry That He Arrested You People Just For Being Gay

New Pope Wants Kids Wilding In The Streets

George Will Knows Who To Blame For Detroit Bankruptcy, And It Is 'Single Moms' Of Course

Today In New York Post Journalism: Woman Has Gross Cellulite

Fox News Wants To Know Who Let Some Muslim Write A Jesus Book

Tom Coburn Says Murdering Economy To Stop Obamacare May Backfire

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday, Maureen Dowd Is Eternally Terrible Edition

Eric Holder Enforces Voting Rights Act In Texas, Wingnuts Demand He Cut It Out Or They'll Tell Mom

Sundays With The Christianists: Homeschooled American History That's Almost Like The Real Thing

Wonkette's Teen Korner For Teenz: Good Intentions Edition

Baptists Who Dedicated Tennessee Courthouse To Jebus Astonished Someone Thinks That's A Problem

Your Dumb Old Appendix Had A Purpose After All, Invasive Species Invade, Cool Comets, And More In This Week's Sci-Blog

This Time He Means It About Running For President, Lies Donald Trump

Someone Tell Peggy Noonan The Fake IRS Scandal Ended Weeks Ago, Or Maybe Don't, It's Not Like She Matters

John McCain Promises Huge Tip For Strippers

People On Internet Were Mean To Pepper-Spraying Cop And Now He Will Get All The Monies

On Whom Is San Diego Mayor Bob Filner Creeping Today?

Zimmerman Juror: Oh Yeah He Was Super Guilty, Sorry About That, You Guys

But What Will K-Lo's Reaction Be To This New Yorker Cover Of Anthony Weiner's Danger Dong?

Friday Nice Time: In Brazil, New Pope Calls For Rich To Stop Being Dicks To Poors

It's Cool, The Entire World Is Already Ruined, Don't Even Worry About It

Victoria Jackson Only Half As Crazy As Fox Made Her Look, Still Pretty Crazy

Glenn Beck Wants Letter Sweater Back From Michele Bachmann, Totally Hates Her, Thinks She's A Whore

Thursday Nice Time: Republican And Democrat Join Hands To Not Screw Girls Worldwide

Steve King Explains How Steve King Is Jesus

Secret Conservative Group 'Groundswell' Plotted World Domination Through Unbeatable Combination Of Hashtags And Whining

Rich Tea Party Guy With Dozens Of Supporters Will End Mitch McConnell's Liberal Agenda

Anthony Weiner's Phone Sex Is Bad, And He Should Feel Bad

GOP: Not Having Health Insurance Is The New Black

Victoria Jackson Warns Bill O'Reilly That Communists Will Kill All The Jesus Any Day Now

Barack Obama Personally Doing All The Voter Fraud, All By Himself

Louie Gohmert Says Thing

North Carolina GOP Will Improve Vote Security By Making Sure No One Can Vote

Here Are Your Strange Anthony Weiner Photoshop Contest Things, Congratulations, You All Lost

Bipartisan Nice Time: Here Is Bald George H.W. Bush, Holding This Bad-Ass Baby With Cancer

Happy Day! Latex And Marshmallow Fetishist Glenn Beck Comes Out In Favor Of Birth Control

Elizabeth Warren Yells at Banks Again, Because It Is A Day

Royal British Baby Cheaper Than American Regular Babies Because Free Market Is Always Right

Slate Widget Claims Anthony Weiner Killed Andrew Breitbart

Barry Obama Will Now Grow The Economy With This One Weird Trick

Old Lady Arrested Like Common Criminal Just For Standing Her Driveway's Ground

Congresscritter Steve King's Fan Fiction About Ubermenschen Mexican Drug Mules Is Getting Really Weird, You Guys

Oh Sure, Bryan Fischer Saved Kids From Demons This One Time

Cussy PA Police Chief Calls For Armed March On Tyrants, 'Cleansing' Country Of Libtards, In Unsuccessful Bid To Write For Wonkette

These Millionaire Republican Congressmen Who Took Farm Aid Probably Really Needed The Money

Sen. Roger Wicker: Why Is Science So Mean To Poor Climate-Change Deniers?

Here Is Your Inevitable Anthony Weiner Photomagraphic Sexting Contest, America!

Some Lady: I Did Sexting With Anthony Weiner And All He Offered Was Help Getting Me On This Lousy Politico Panel (UPDATED!)

Why Does Time Magazine Think New Pope Is The Devil?

Rush Limbaugh Worries White People Don't Get Enough Credit For Ending Slavery

GOP: 'I Broke It, I Won't Fix It, But I Will Complain About It Being Broken To Get Re-Elected To Break It Some More'

Nate Silver Breaks Up With NYT But It's Cool Because They Didn't Really Want To Date Him Anymore Anyway

On Royal Baby, Tina Brown Takes One Small Step Back For Women, One Giant Leap Back For Womankind

Wonkette's Pet College Newspaper Asks: If You're On Food Stamps, Why Are You Even In College?

Alabama State Senator Worst Racist Ever For Noticing GOP Racism (Also Because She Is Black)

Cato Institute 'Thinker' Would Like To Remind You That Royal Baby Was Born In Nightmarish Socialized Dystopic Hellscape

To Ease Racial Tensions, Help Buy George Zimmerman Another Gun!

A Weary America Rejoices, For A Royal Baby Is Born Unto Us

Forget Royal Baby: Ted Cruz Has Mandate Of Heaven, Says Ted Cruz's Dad

Ross Douthat Is Sure You Sinners Can Just Go To Europe Or A Blue State For Your Abortions

Stupidest Man On The Internet Fact-Checks 'Doonesbury,' A 1970s-Era Cartoon (Updated)

House GOP Already Failing According To New Standard John Boehner Just Made Up

Sorry About Your Ovaries, America

Texas Deathtrap Roller Coaster Company Will Investigate Itself, For Freedom

Joe Scarborough Says Sean Hannity Is A Racist Vulture Douche

Why Is US America Turning Into Nazi Germany? Antonin Scalia Explains It All

Allen West Says Allen West Never Scared Any White People Because His Mom Was Not A Whore

John McCain's Meds: A Speculative Review

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Are 3/5 Accurate

Lookin' Good, Geraldo Selfie

Helen Thomas Meets Deadline

George Zimmerman's Brother Somehow The Non-Crazy Person In Fox News Interview

Why Did Black TV Pundit, Best-Selling Author And Former White House Aide Keith Boykin Steal That White Lady's Phone?

Gun Fondlers Just Want Equal Time At Aurora Victims' Ceremony To Remember The Poor Confiscated Guns

Modern-Day Founding Father Adam Kokesh To Run For President Because Why Not

Fox, Bloggers Respond To Obama's Speech On Trayvon Martin With Dismay That President Is Black

She's His Daughter! She's His Sister! She's A Complete Stranger Actually! The Mixed-Up Life Of Rep. Steven Cohen

Ambitious GOP Tires Of Screwing Domestic Poors, Broadens Sights To Poors Of Whole Wide World

Stupidest Man On Internet Poses Stupidest Theory: Kill Trayvon Ahead Of Time So He Couldn't Make Drugs At Home

John McCain Returns To Petulant Whiner Mode, Uneasy Nation Breathes Sigh Of Relief

Motor City Has Car, Jackson Five Records Repossessed

Jimmy Carter Says NSA Surveillance Has Killed Democracy; Didn't Notice Other Suspects Holding Bloody Axes (Updated)

Michele Bachmann Is Either Crazy Stupid Or Stupid Crazy Or Both

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why U So Gay-Murdery, Wonkette Nazi Hoors?

Liz Cheney Didn't Mean To Hurt Her Senile Opponent's Feelings

Pennsylvania Proves Government Can Work! (At Passing Laws That Suppress The Minority Vote)

Gay Satanists Pull A Romney All Over Fred Phelps's Mom

BREAKING! HOUSE VOTES TO KILL OBAMACARE! HISTORIC MOVE PORTENDS FUTURE VOTES TO KILL OBAMACARE!

Jennifer Rubin Tongue-Bathes Liz Cheney, But Not In A Gay Way

Guns Don't Kill People, People Shooting Guns Kill People: Your Week In Hilarious Gun Death News

Let's Not Educate Our Kids Anymore, Suggests Genius Utah Senator

GQ Reporter Gets Some Old Man Biden On Her, Will Have All His Babbies Now

Colorado Town May Let Folks Shoot Down Drones, What Could Go Wrong?

Lindsey Graham Wants To Boycott Winter Olympics, Mitt Romney Upset Until He Remembers He Lost

Huge Breakthrough In Wingnut Physics: Pamela Geller Postulates Unified Field Theory Of Nonsense

Maybe Michele Bachmann's Thefty Aide Was Just Looking For Her Stash Of Feminine Pleasure Devices

San Diego Mayor Total Sex Creep, Yet Not a Republican, What Up With That?

Entire City Of Boston De-Balled

Rand Paul Likes The Filibuster Because It's Kept Rachel Maddow Off The Supreme Court...So Far

North Carolina Pretty Much Just Selling Poor People For Dog Food Now

Former Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels Is Just Your Average Everyday Book-Burning University President

Smug Idiots Get Pretty Much Everything Wrong In Stupid 'Gun Control Is Hitler' Billboard

Liz Cheney Will Waterboard Wyoming Until It Makes Her Senator

A Carnival Of Sorts: Tea Party Deadbeats Inspire Exciting New Wonkette Fundraiser

Watch Liz Warren School Some CNBC Doofuses With Facts 'N' History

Larry Pratt: Guns As Much Fun For Kids As Water Pistols, Just Stain Your Clothes A Little Worse

Afternoon Nice Time: Rachel Jeantel Getting College Scholarship For Lettering In Awesomeness

Thomas Sowell: Dead Kid, Gun, George Zimmerman’s Confession 'Insufficient Evidence' To Prosecute George Zimmerman

Filibuster Madness: The Cloturing

Richard Cohen: Why Did All These Black Criminals Shoot And Murder Trayvon Martin?

Terrible Zimmerman Juror Finds Sense Of Shame, Drops Book Deal

Weird Tuesday Nice Time: Rand Paul, Ted Cruz Take Break From Being Dicks

Oh, By The Way, Bradlee Dean Still Suing Rachel Maddow For Quoting Him Verbatim

Creationist & Serial Plagiarist Chuck Norris Shares Insights On 'A Proper Education'

Daily Caller 'Obama Chews Gum' Story Is Your New Proust

Hero Lawsuit Dude Will Stop Apple From Ramming Porn Down Your Throat

Michele Bachman Wants To Spank Obama, Grab His Magic Wand

'Ex-Gay Pride Month' Event Cancelled Because Of Gays Doing Invisible Terrorism

Fox News Lady Explains How Men Are Losing Ground In The Crucial War On Men

A Children's Treasury Of Thoughtful Reactions To The Zimmerman Verdict

American Government Propaganda is Not Actually Propaganda, Says Government Official

The Daily Caller Has Conquered All The Internets, Bow Before The Daily Caller (Update)

Deleted Comments Of The Week: 'You Should Be Running A Death Camp Of Tolerance'

Texas State Legislature Declares War On Feminine Hygiene Products While Debating Ladyparts Regulation Bill

George Zimmerman Acquitted, Satire Not Yet Possible

DC Approves Living Wage Bill Despite Wal-Mart's Threat To Take Its Ball And Go Home

Let's Applaud Elizabeth Warren And John McCain For Their Bank Bill Before Lobbyists Murder It To Death

Russia Tired Of Snowden, Says He Can Have Freedom If He Shuts Up Already

'Manhattanhenge,' The Ass End Of The Solar System, And An Actual Sarcasm Detector, All In This Week's Sci-Blog

Malala Yousafzai Celebrates Her 16th Birthday at U.N., Makes Us Almost Not Cynical For A Little Bit

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed Is Your New James Dyson, America

Rep. Mark Takano Lives Out Every Teacher's Fantasy, Gives 'F' To House GOP's Dumb Writing

Harry Reid Finally Sounds Ready to Bust The Filthy Filibuster, So He Will Definitely Chicken Out Again

In Shocking Move, Johnette Napolitano Quits Concrete DHS Blonde To Go Solo

Morning Nice-Time: Pennsylvania AG Has Better Things To Do Than Defend Gay Marriage Ban

Welfare for Farmers Bill Passes House; Food Stamps Not Included Because Poors Can Suck It

Rhythm And/Or Trucknutz Gonna Get You: Wonkette's Miami Blast Tonight

Man Who Survived Seeing A Lesbian On Food Network Corrects One Noun, Remains Defiantly Butthurt

Google Breaks Hearts Of Liberals By Eating Champion Climate Change Denier Jim Inhofe For Lunch Today

U.S. Is Number One at Being in 28th Place for Health Care!

Business Week Cover Subtly Hints Hedge Funds Have Lost Their Erections Like, You Know, A Floppy Flaccid Penis

The Last Picture Show (Until Tomorrow's Picture Show) From Your Wonkette Drinky Thing And Orgy Or Whatever

Wonkette Saw Dallas From A DC-9 At Night

Hilarious Stories About Donald Rumsfeld, From Our Norman, Oklahoma, Drinky Thing

Wingnuts Furious: Department Of Justice Incites Race War!!!1! Through Mediation And Conflict Resolution Techniques

Radio Wingnuts: Colorado Now Just A Hellish Big Gay Pot Orgy Like North Korea

California Lady Prisoners Got A Great Deal On Unauthorized Sterilizations, Weren't Even Pressured Too Much

Tony Perkins Calls Anti-Discrimination Laws 'Religious Persecution' Because He Is A Terrible Person

Somewhat Sort Of Semi Nice-Time: FBI Nominee Comey Condemns That Waterboarding He Authorized A While Back

Adam Kokesh, Police In Dick-Swinging Contest; Police Winning For Now

Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell Congenitally Unable To Stop Lying About His Secret Monies

Zimmerman Defense Team: Our Guy Is A Pudgy Loser So He Had To Shoot That Super-Fit Black Kid

'Pro-Life' Texas Lady: Well If These Fetuses Are Going To Want Healthcare, Maybe They Are Not Real Babies After All

Justin Bieber Excretes His Manly Essence On Bill Clinton's Face

Tampa Port Chief & GOP Fundraiser Has Fun 'Slumlord' Sideline

Idiot Half-Term Governor Pretends To Consider Applying For Senator Gig Of State That Still Hates Her

How Can We Protect Women From Themselves Today?

Wonkette Seeks to Make Out With Every Member of Miami Sound Machine This Weekend

Wall Street Journal: Homeless People Just In It For All The Free Soup

Which Men On Politichicks' 'Hottest Conservatives' List Would Your Wonkette Do Sex On?

House GOP Drunk Again, Spending All Your Food Stamps On Lottery Tickets, Corporate Farms

Lawrence O'Donnell The Kindest, Warmest, Most Correctest Journalist Lawrence O'Donnell Has Ever Known

Lady Republicans Kinda Sorta Embarrassed How Their Menfolk Can't Stop Having Abortionpalooza

Glenn Beck Has 'Doubts' About Teresa Heinz Kerry's Health, Because Who Ever Heard Of A 74 Year Old Having A Seizure?

Rand Paul's Social Media Dude, The 'Southern Avenger,' Surely Only Southern-Avenging Non-Racist Things

Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell Steps Up Stealing Game, May Surpass Palin As Griftiest Governor Ever

TSA Helpfully Reminds Travelers That Muslims Exist, Sometimes Use Airplanes To Travel

Fox News Lady Very Worried About All These Pagans Forcing Jesus To Take Slut Pills

Totally Sane Coloradan Randy Baumgardner To Beat Mark Udall With His Epic Stache Of Manly Justice

Pope Tells Priests And Nuns To Drive More Boring Cars

South Carolina Sadly Lacking In Zombie Voters

Katy Perry Announces She Will Not Run For Governor Of Texas

Ghost Andrew Breitbart Returns To Pay Attention To Sad Neglected Third Amendment

Amanda Bynes, The Twitchy Team And Think Progress Blogger Dude In Three-Way Tie For Last

Justice Department Now Paying Experienced Lawyers With Exposure Bucks, Whore Diamonds

Sarah Palin Has Super Awesome Taste In Music, Patriotism

Fourth Of July Parade Confederate Watermelon Display Absolutely Not Racist, Not One Little Bit

London Mayor Kills The Malaysian Prime Minister (With 'Jokes')

FISA Court Busy Making Awesome, Secret Law Awesomely, In Secret

Wall Street Journal Wishes Egypt Could Benefit from Its Very Own Pinochet

After Trump's Top-Secret GOP Convention Video Surfaces On Breitbart, A Stunned Nation Demands Romney Take Office

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Revolting Patriots

Deleted Comments Of The Week: A Slushpile Sampler

Scott Walker Bravely Signs Anti-Abortion Law In Private On Friday Afternoon Of Long Holiday Weekend

NSA Recruitment Drive Goes Well, Under the Circumstances

Everybody's All-American Rocket, Head Transplants, And Cephalopod Cloaking Devices In This Week's Sci-Blog

Wonkette's Teen Korner For Teenz: Child Labor Edition

Glenn Beck Doesn't Know Much About Art, But He Knows What He Likes (Jesus, Furries, The Chick From Reno 911, Black Velvet)

Awesome New Tumblr Shames BART Employees For Being Middle-Class, Taking Vacations IMPEACH!

Donald Trump: America Must Make Sweet Love To Dead Khadafi's Corpse, Just Like Donald Trump Did!

Congress On Track To Be Laziest Sacks In History Of Congress Being Lazy Sacks

Fox & Friends Pinch Hitters: Sam Adams Beer Ad Made Baby Jebus Cry

John Kerry Was On Boat Before He Was Off It

Bible-Humpers Have Major Sad That Movie About Tonto Not Actually About Jesus

Peaceful Gandhi-Like Gun Fondler Adam Kokesh Has Final Solution For America

Nice Time: Costa Rica May Have Legalized Gay Marriage, By Accident. Oops!

Ben Shapiro Hates Our British Allies, Thinks We Declared Independence From Cuba

Rick Santorum Will Wish You A Happy Fourth Of July Whether You Want Him To Or Not

John McCain Writes Sternly Worded Letter To Uphold The Sanctity Of Traditional Sexual Harassment

Hillary Clinton Channels Wonkette On Value Of White House Correspondents' Dinner

Good Conservative Colorado Republican Only Wrote Erotica To Help Support Her Family, Duh

America Not Sure What's Going On In This 'Egypt,' Except It's Probably Obama's Fault

Crybaby Businesses Throw Tantrum And Turn Blue Until Obama Caves On Health Insurance

Typical Connecticut Parking Lot Brawl Between Octogenarian Dems And Young Whippersnapper Results From Board Of Ed Race, Just Like You'd Expect

Something Needs To Be Done About All These Men In Texas Having Abortions, Because None Of Them Are Happy Now

Move Over Texas And Arizoney, North Carolina Legislature Is In It To Win It

Relax, Nashville, Your Symphony Hall Is Not Going To Become A Mosque

Townhall Investigative Reportrix Katie Pavlich Uncovers Shocking Truth: Everyone's Pretty 'Whatever' About Wendy Davis

WND Has Hissy Fit Over Gay Marshmallow Rainbows In Crappy Leprechaun Cereal

Wingnuts Just Terribly Offended That Anyone Might Link Wildfire Deaths With Global Warming

Edward Snowden Issues Statement from Wikileaks Website...Or Does He?

Catholic Church Update: Still Terrible, Still Stacking Cash So Tall They Could Climb It

American Babies Cost Three Times as Much as European Babies, For Freedom

Lesbian on Food Network Destroys Childhood Innocence With (Rachel) Ray-Gun of Gayness

Romney Voted Against Himself In 2010 Family Poll, Still Had To Run For President

CNN Asks If 'Cracker' Is As Offensive As That Other Word It Won't Spell Out

Soledad To The Muslin Network! Greta Sniffs Around CNN! Has This New York Times Guy Been Fired Yet? Media!

Dana Loesch Says Dana Loesch Is Your New Martin Luther King, America

Morning Nice-Time: San Diego Chalk Vandal To Go Free, Just Like Bank Execs!

Republicans Crapping Themselves Just In Case Hillary Clinton Decides To President Us In 2016

Police State Attacks Small Businessman Just For Blackmailing Mitt Romney

Nice Time: Enjoy This Completely Routine Federal Memo That Treats Benefits For Gay Spouses As The Boring Thing They Now Are

Who Is Elizabeth Warren Yelling At Today?

'Ex-Gay Pride Month' Event Will Draw Tens, Possibly Dozens to DC

Rick Perry Summons Menfolk Back To Finish The Job On Ladies' Health

Your Handy Wonkette Guide To How You Should Feel About Edward Snowden

Sarah Palin Stars In Quitting Part Two: The Quittening

Wingnut Matt Barber Vows He Will Not Get Gay Married, Even If It Means Death Camps And Jail

You Fools! You Will Not Love Your Precious Wendy Davis Anymore Once You Find Out Her Terrible Secret!

Here, White Racists, We Found Some Black Racists For You

Peggy Noonan Does Not Care For Your Babby-Murdering, Young Lady

Ohio Congresslady Wants The Nanny State Up In Your Boner

Celebrate Independence Day By Shooting Off Your Gun: A July 4th Gun Fun Times Roundup

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Go Down On the Freedom Trail

Bryan Fischer Tries His Hand At Analogies

Weekend Nice-Time: Here Have Some Gay California Weddings, Pfft, Whatever

Wonkette Leaves A Brother To Die In The Fields Of Lawrence, Kansas

Finally, Someone Is Going To Jail For What The Banks Did!

Jump To Your Feet For the Winners of Our Blasphemous 'On Our Knees For America' Photo-Chopping Contest!

Why Must Terrible New Yorker Cover Infantilize This Important Moment In History With Gay Muppets?

Eight Million Scary Stories About The Briny Deep, All In This Week's Sci-Blog!

GOP Has One Word To Win Back All The Ladies: 'Hashtags'

A Frothy Mix Of Questions, Answers, From Dan Savage Straight To You

Bryan Fischer Tries This 'Sarcasm' Thing, Suffers Only Minor Injuries

Immigration Reform Passes Senate By Wide Margin, Fails Senate By Narrow Margin

NRO's Kathryn Jean Lopez Simply Does Not Care For The New Yorker's Sodomite Muppets

Pennsylvania Rep Shuts Gay Democrat's Mouth For Him

Family Research Council's 'On Our Knees For America' Campaign Almost Seems To Invite Trolling...Like Maybe A Photoshop Contest!

We Have The Pentagon's Training Brochures On How To Stop Whistleblowing Spy Stuff

Dan Savage Talks Dirty To Wonkette Live At 1 P.M. Eastern

Oh Look Darrell Issa Is Lying Again, Part One Million Seven Hundred Sixty Thousand Seventy Two

Minnesota Nice Time: Pictures From Your Wonkgy In Minneapolis!

Super Smart Kansas GOP Senator Does Not Know The Difference Between Yes And No

Phyllis Schlafly Abandons Gay-Bashing For A Brief Moment To Be Terrible To Latinos Instead

Wendy Davis Shoves Pink Sneakers Up Rick Perry's Ass, With Words

Genius Orange County Law School Prof Explains That Prop 8 Is Still In Effect, Up Is Down And Black Is White

Rick Perry Takes Break From All That Executin' To Call Second Emergency Bortion Session Because Wendy Davis Was A Teen Mom

Chivalrous Gentleman Erick Erickson Helps GOP With Womyn-Outreach, Tells Wendy Davis To Sit Down, Shut Up

Donald Trump Wonders Why We Aren't Killing More Whistleblowers

Antonin Scalia's New Judicial Philosophy: Us And What Army?

Barack Obama Arrives Home In Africa, Cures AIDS And Stuff

See The Amazing SF Chronicle Front Page That Accidentally Forgot About Gay Marriage! (Update!)

Jerry Falwell's Liberty University Training Death Robot Operators For Jesus

Paula Deen Defends Herself Against Baseless Racism Charges With Adorable Punchline To Racist Joke

Tammy Duckworth Uses Robot Feet To Kick 'Disabled' 'Veteran' Ass (Video)

Formerly Respected Security Guy Richard Clarke: Was Michael Hastings Murdered Via Remote Control?

Screw The Gay Stuff: Sarah Palin Fights To Uphold Sanctity Of Traditional Terrorism

Olympic Fake-Crying Champeen Paula Deen Goes On Today, Cries And Cries, Is Very Sorry For Her

Conservatives Take Gay Marriage Rulings In Stride, Just Kidding

Nancy Pelosi Laughs At Michele Bachmann's Tears, And Probably Her Marriage

Supreme Court Overturns Michele Bachmann's Puny 'God'

Supreme Court Update: Special 'Over-The-Top Nice Time Let's All Gay Marry Our Dogs' Edition

Gavin Newsom Invented Your Gay Marriage: Wonkette Appreciates

All The People Mentioned By The New York Times In The 16 Paragraphs Before They Named Texas Can-O-Whoop-Ass Wendy Davis

Texas Republicans Try To Steal Tiny, Itty-Bitty Abortion Vote, Are Foiled By Ladies What Won't Shut Up

Texas Sen. Bob Deuell Knows How Babby Is Formed: Only By 'Accurate Intercourse'

Texas Senator Lady Yammers On About Abortion For 13 Hours, Probably On The Rag (Updated)

Rick Santorum Thinks It Would Be Fun To Run A Movie Studio

We Prove It With Numbers: If You Are A Child Living In A GOP-Controlled State, You Are Screwed

Zimmerman Defense Opens With Knock-Knock Joke, Strategy May Hinge On Dirty Limericks

Rep. Louie Gohmert Says Kids Don't Need No Stinkin' Sex Ed Because What Are We, The USSR?

Supreme Court Update: Special "Why Are You Not Drunk Already Everything Is Awful" Edition

IRSgate joins Solyndragate and Benghazigate in Fake Scandal Heaven

Having Gone Through Righteous Indignation And Emo Phases, Edward Snowden Now Feeling Cocky

Texas State Rep. Jodie Laubenberg Breaks Glass Stupid Ceiling, Declares Rape Kit = Abortion

David Gregory Asks Important Question About Whether or Not He Should Go to Jail

Cory Booker, Chris Christie Allegedly Received Illegal Pay-To-Play Campaign Cash, How 'Sopranos' Is That?

GOP Not Ready To Abandon Grand Strategy Of Achieving Success By Throwing Tantrums

Donald Trump Heads To Iowa, Locals Not Fap-fapping To Dreams Of President The Hair

GOP Seeks Women Soldiers for War on Women

Paul Ryan Still Focused On Hating The Poors, But In A New Special Way

Supreme Court Update: Special "Screw You Blacks And Browns And Workers Everywhere" Edition

What's New With Edward Snowden, Globetrotting International Fugitive?

Joe Klein Writes Terrible Thing, Is Terrible Person

I’m Sorry, Y’all

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Homeschooled Witch-Finders

She's Really Sorry, Y'all: Six Cynical Ways Paula Deen Can Rehabilitate Her Image

Last Wonk Party Ever, Tonight!!!1! (Until That One In Miami Next Month)

Louie Gohmert Has Had Just About Enough Of These Poors Buying King Crab Legs With Food Stamps

Wonkette's Teen Corner For Teenz: 'Wheels Of Tragedy' Edition

Nice Time At Last: English Lady In Giant Vagina Costume Is Your Newest Superhero

Want To Keep Your Job? Don't Get Domestic Violenced

Jonah Goldberg: If The Kids Love Obama So Much, Let Them Sign Up For Obamacare

NPR Ruins Day With Facts About Violence Against Women

Illinois GOP Dude Resigns After His Harmless Race-Baiting Gets All Blown Out Of Proportion

Scoop Of The Century At Yahoo! News: Jay Carney Is A Press Secretary!

Farm Bill Fail: House GOP Leadership Sucks At Their Job

Hot New Trend: Spank Your Wife In Jesus' Name

Gitmo To Stay Open, Guaranteeing More Hilarity From Madea

Super Nice Time! Pray-Away-The-Gay Group Exodus International Admits They Were Jerks, Are Very Sorry, Will Close!

Idaho GOP Will Save State From Tyranny Of Local Anti-Discrimination Laws (Updated)

Upstate NY Duo Wanted To Do Reverse Terrorism On Muslims With Home-Made Death Ray

Legislative Badass: Rep. Jim McGovern Stands Up For Poor, Hungry; GOP Says STFU

Madison Partiers Celebrate Their Right To Wonk

Obama Thinks We Should Have Fewer Apocalyptic Nuclear Death Toys, Can You Guess Who Disagrees?

Dana Rohrabacher Will Holocaust Science With A Holocaust Of Facts Because Holocaust

More Wednesday Nice-Time! Here's Elizabeth Warren Talking About How Big Business Owns The Courts!

Rep. Phil Gingrey, MD, Wants Schools To Teach Kids About Marriage According To 'The Old Days Of Television'

Ann Romney Shames San Diego City Council Because She Didn't Get Her Beachfront Mansion Permit Fast Enough

Governor Scott, Champion of Public Health, Bans Sick Pay

Wonkette Pours One Out For Michael Hastings

Rick Perry: Texas Is Spread Wide Open, Eagerly Awaits Your Throbbing Business

Sometimes Sorta Kinda Republican Sen. Lisa Murkowski Decides She Hearts Gay Marriage

House GOP Bans Abortions After 20 Weeks, Unemployment Rate Somehow Unaffected

Even the Ads Are Racist On World Net Daily

TSA Keeping Us Safe From Terrorists And Teen Girls

Texas Rep. Michael Burgess: Ban Abortion, Because Fetuses Can't Stop Masturbating

Rick Perry Line-Item Vetoes Funding For Public Integrity Unit Because Some Lady Got A DWI, Makes Sense To Us

Tonight! The Wonk Your Brains Out Orgy & World Tour Is Stormin' Norman, Oklahoma!

Wingnut Patiently Explains That You Cannot Quote Him Because The Umbrella Of Jesus Covers His Words

Supreme Court Makes It Easier to Vote, Much to the Dismay of Conservatives Everywhere

Edward Snowden Has A Little Chat With The World

Budget That Wingnuts Demanded Still On Hold Because Of Wingnuts

EXCLUSIVELY YOURS, James O'Keefe's 13 Most Delusional Passages From His Uncorrected Memoir Galleys

Sure, New Republic Really Thinks Rand Paul Could Be President! Why Would Anyone Joke About That?

John Derbyshire: Military Men Can't Help But Rape Ladies And Ladies Can't Help But Be Liars

Bank of America Whistleblowers Reveal Shocking Bank Wrongdoings, Surprise Surprise

Tonight: Lawrence, Kansas Is Ground Zero For The Wonk Your Brains Out Orgy & World Tour!

Republicans Have New Plan To War On Your Ladyparts With Humor

Rick Perry OUTRAGED!!!! About Benghazi, Can't Find It On A Map

British Spy On World Leaders, Earn Title of World's Worst Hosts

Your Monday Nice Time: Wonket Does A Gay Marriage, Brings Modern Society Closer To Crumbling Into Sea

New Pope Blesses Bikers & Anti-Abortion Activists In Well-Thought-Out Combo Mass

Chicago Wonkers: The Most Boffo-est Wonkers In The US Of A?

Dick Cheney Offers Opinions, Irony Meters Become Sentient Long Enough To Jump From Tall Buildings

Already Focused On Losing In 2016, Republicans Want Paul Ryan For President

Hell Is Other Countries: Sarin In Syria, A New Man In Iran

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Wonder Why God Let Pagans Get Here First

Why Yes, You May Buy Us Dinner In Iowa Tonight!

Rick Perry's Sweet Seduction Secrets: Treat Your Ladies Right By Paying Them Less

Indistinguishable From Magic: Your Friday Sci-Blog On Saturday

Teen Korner For Teenz: Digital Coast Guard Edition

Grift On, Grizzly Grammaw: Sarah Palin Returns To Fox News

White People Dying Out, Will Still Own Everything

Wonk Your Brains Out Orgy & Tour Tries Midwestern Nice! Madison Tonight, Minneapolis Saturday!

Congressional Offspring Remind Us That Father's Day Is Coming

Working Class Hero Judge Rules That People Must Be Paid to do Work

Michele Bachman Opposes Immigration Reform Because Messicans Are All Gay for Democrats

Wingnuts Outraged: Obama Won't Spy On Muslims Like The Founders Wanted

San Diego Diocese: Domestic Violence Victims Attract Wrong Kind Of People To Parent-Teacher Night

Rep. Trent Franks Only Sounds Like A Nazi Because He's '100 percent Unapologetically Pro-life'

Rep Elijah Cummings Smacks Down Darrell Issa, Badass Style

Dave Weigel Tongue-Bathes Roger Ailes, Asks If He Was Gentle Enough

More Nice Time: Immigrant-Hating Iowa Rep. Steve King Terrified, Shamed By Polite Messican Children, Other Browns

GOP Rep. Ralph Hall Has Fun Hanging Out With Gays Until He Realizes That He Is Hanging Out With Gays

Nerd Out Nice Time: Chief Justice Roberts Does A Good Thing

Rep. Trent Franks's Magic Ladyparts Rape Theory Is Literally -- LITERALLY -- Just Like Hitler

Darrell Issa Calls Darrell Issa Reckless in IRS Probe

Maine GOP Legislator: It's A Man's Man's Man's Brain Thing And You Wouldn't Understand

Who Will Be Our Mystery Guest At Wonkette's Chicago Festival Of Wonked-Out Brains, Tonight?

Edward Snowden, We Need To Talk

Old Handsome Joe Biden Controversially Casts Doubt On True Outcome Of 2000 Election

NSA Leaks: Too Many Dare Call It 'Treason'

Peter King & Lindsay Graham: NSA Scandal Proves Americans Need To Be Watched More Closely (Updated)

Fox News Expert Explains Trayvon Martin Died Of 'Street Attitude' Plus Some Bullet Wounds

Gov. Jan Brewer Growing Socialism in Arizona Now, Just Like Judas Did to Jesus

With Nothing Else to Worry About, Congress Cuts Food Stamp Budget

Dubya’s Rottenest Torture Turd John Yoo Has Important Thoughts On NSA Leaks And The Rule Of Law

I’m Sorry, NSA

Someone Please Explain Rand Paul's Job To Rand Paul

Slutty 13-year-old Whore Shouldn't Have Gotten Herself Raped If She Didn't Want To Be Called A Slutty Whore

Was Hillary Too Busy Covering Up State Department's Crackhead Pedobears To Stop Benghazi???

Rand Paul Aide Has Cunning Plan To Stop Gay Marriage, Seeks Lions Willing To Devour Him (Updated)

Time To Shed Real Tears: Former Congresscritter Is Much Better Than You Will Ever Be At Stealing Money

Meet The Pole Dancing, Prose Styling Lindsay Mills, Girlfriend Of NSA Leaker Hero / Traitor Edward Snowden

With Nothing Better To Do, Republicans Try to Ban Abortion Some More

Barack Obama To Give Children All The Whore Pills They Can Stuff Into Their Hello Kitty Backpacks

Sales of '1984' Way Up, Booz Allen Stock Down, 4th Amendment Downgraded To Junk Status

Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker Preps For 2016 White House Run By Proving Government Can't Do Anything Right

Wonk Your Brains Out In St. Louis Tonight!

Hey NSA, If You're Reading This Could You Maybe Do Something About All These Gun Horrors? (Updated)

Catch-2013: Where Are The Snowdens Of Yesteryear?

Politicians Welcome Chance To Discuss This NSA Surveillance Monster They Hid In The Basement

New Poll Shows Americans Like Eating, Republicans Do Not

Fox News George Zimmerman Lawsplainer: Stay Strapped Because You Never Know When Iced Tea Will Attack

Georgia GOP Senate Candidate Paul Broun Fears IRS Papercut More Than Al Qaeda, Because They Are Same Thing

Mean IRS Manager Who Picked On Innocent Conservatives Is A Conservative, Not Trying to Holocaust America

Louie Gohmert's Desperate Found-Footage Plea: Stop Talking About Immigration!

A Children's Treasury Of Pundits Saying Stupid Things About The NSA This Weekend

Larry Klayman Continues Clogging Legal System Toilets With His Own Digestive Expulsions

Teen Korner For Teenz: Digital Keelhauling Edition (You Know, Piracy. For Kids) (Updated)

The Wonked-Out Brains Of Santa Fe

Sundays With The Christianists: American History And How God Made It Happen

Hero Teen Adds Lord's Prayer To His Graduation Speech, Saves America

Ted Nugent Is Very Concerned About All This Rape. Of the Constitution. By Libruls.

We Are All Truth Monsters And We're Being Played [Updated]

Actress Prepares For Ground-Breaking New Role: Inmate In Federal Prison

Creature Features: Your Late Afternoon Friday Morning Sci-Blog!

Like The Poor, Cory Booker And Michele Bachmann Will Always Be With Us

Your Wonkette PRISM Explainer, Part 2 Of Infinite: Which Morons Are Saying What Stupid Things About PRISM?

After Lengthy Downtime, Mitt Romney Powers Up To Explains That Hurricane Sandy Wrecked His Robot Dreams

Your Wonkette Surveillance Explainer: Why All Your Metadata Are Belong To The NSA

British Idiot On Fox Knows What Is Wrong With America (Hint: It Is The Poors, Old Chap)

A Gentle Reminder To Get Your Ass To Santa Fe Tonight, And Also Scottsdale Party Pix Of Girls Girls Girls

American Torture-Hero Allen West Not Really Buying This Whole 'Military Rape' Thing

Study: Republicans Oppose 'Assisted Suicide,' Cool With 'Painless End Of Life'

Here's That Stupid Bad IRS 'Star Trek' Video That Wasted Enough Taxpayer Money to Fund 30 Seconds Of Iraq War

IRSghazi: Now With History's Two Greatest Monsters

Losers and Quitters Whine About President, Not Because They Are Sore Losers Or Anything

America, Meet Your New Forgettable Senate Placeholder: Jeffrey S. Chiesa

Get Cleaner Coal With This One Weird Trick: Sunlight On Photovoltaic Panels

Oh, Hey, Looks Like IRS Didn't Scrutinize Only Conservative Groups. Imagine That!

GOP: Downward Facing Dog Invites Satan To ‘Invade Your Empty Vacuum’

Bill O'Reilly Tells 'Immature' Republican Gals to STFU, Wonders Why The Kids Don’t Vote Republican

How Are You Enjoying Your Surveillance State This Morning?

Wonk Your Brains Out Midwest Southwest Orgy And World Tour Rolls Through Scottsdale Arizona Tonight! Renegade Unofficial Meetup In Albuquerque Thursday!

Mean Flotus Declines Chance For Heart-To-Heart Chat With Heckler With Lame 'I'm Talking Here' Excuse

Jim McDermott Brings Knowledge To IRS Hearings, Guaranteeing He Will Be Ignored

The Lonely Passion Of Chuck Grassley, Counting The Moments Until Obama Calls Again

Circuit Court Judge Edith Jones: How Can I Be Impartial When Everybody Knows Blahs And Browns Are Violent Thugs?

Why Is Obama Ruining College Sexiness With All These Dumb Sexual Harassment Rules?

EPA Contractors Live the Dream in Warehouse Man Caves

Happy Birthday, Dr. Jill Biden! How Will You Celebrate? Wow, Really?

Wife of Alabama State Senator Goes On The Face Books To Stop These Lonely Russian Women Emailing Her Husband (Updated)

GOP: Rape Is Just Nature's Way of Keeping Women Out of Military

Wonkette Gets Its Name In Local Paper, Ghost Breitbart Says Girl Editor Begging For It

We Can Do It: Internet Gets Stupid Rosie The Cleaner Ad Campaign Pulled In 24 Hours

Chris Christie Splits the Baby, Eats It

What Sexy Things Will Your Editrix Be Asking Dan Savage, In Our Live Chat?

Brazilian Preacher Arrested After Offering Followers 'Holy Milk' From His Peen (He Meant Sperms) (Updated: Yeah, It's A Hoax)

Republicans Decide Socialism Is Awesome After Obama Proposes Privatizing Tennessee Valley Authority

Nice Time! High School Votes Adorbs Guys 'Cutest Couple'

Nation Remembers N.J. Sen. Frank Lautenberg For Several Minutes Before Commencing Electoral Freakout

Steven Seagal Is Your New Dennis Rodman, America

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Did Someone Mention Guns?

Your Unofficial Seattle Drinky Thing Debriefing (Safe For Work, No Actual Briefs)

George Zimmerman's Defense Team: Just What This Guy Deserves

Everything We Know About North Korea Comes From Kim Jong-Il's Sushi Chef

In Case You Forgot, Rick Santorum Has Important Thoughts About Freedom

Walmart is Just Fine With All Those Taxpayer Subsidies, Says Walmart

Newly Published Documents Detail Romney's Specific Plan to Ruin White House, Country

Everybody In Utah Is Gay Now And It Is All Your Fault

Tennessee Congresswoman Knows What Women Want (Hint: It's Not Equal Pay)

Donald Trump Steps Up To Fill The Bachmann-Shaped Hole In American Comedy

NRA Asks: What Kind Of Idiot Would Keep His Gun In A Safe Where His Children Can't Even Get To It?

Hero Pennsylvania School Board Will Save Kids From Multiculti Literature, Like The Kind That Bombed Boston

Celebritrash Side-Boob Rag: Obama Worse Than Nixon!

David Plouffe Calls Darrell Issa A Crybaby Car Robber Firebug To His Face (On Twitter)

Conservative Exchanges Democratic Skin Suit For Republican; Democrats Everywhere Yawn, Go Back To Gay-Marrying Aborted Communist Babies

Larry Klayman's Out Of Order! You're Out Of Order! This Whole Trial Is Out Of Order!

Australian Prime Minister's Sandwich Woes Generate Best Headline Of 2013

Reinhart-Rogoff, Austerity Superduo, Even More Full Of B.S. Than Previously Thought

Wanker At 30,000 Feet: United Airlines Sued After Letting Man Treat Aisle Seat As His Very Own Cockpit

Wonket's Teen Korner For Teenz: 'Just A Joke' Edition

Oh Thank God Here Is Your Nice Time At Last

A Silver Lining: For-Profit Prisons Will Let You Keep Pets!

Sadness Consumes Us As Leading Demoncrat Challenger To Bachmann Prematurely Ejaculates From Race

Megyn Kelly, U Mad? Oh Yeah, She Maaaaaaaad

Sorry But You Are Going To Need Some Kittens For This One

Oregon Man Under Arrest For Taking Typos Rather Too Seriously, Also Terrorism

Never Fear, Arkansas, Your Democrat Senator Will Never Come Between You And Getting Murdered With A Gun

New Texas Jury Instructions: Life Sentences For Everybody, All The Time

Let's All Laugh At The Christianist 'Sociologists' With An Actual Sociologist Who Is Not Dumb!

Wonk Your Brains Out Midwest Southwest Orgy And World Tour Starts ... Well, Almost Now!

Here's A New One: Idaho CPA Secretly Wrote White-Supremacist Books, Talked To Hitler In His Head

Deleted Messages Of The Day: Yr Wonkette Is Not Universally Admired

James Comey Will Be New FBI Director As Soon As Glenn Greenwald And John McCain Say So

Christie Says Snooki 'Not A Jersey Girl,' Emergency Conference Call To Springsteen, Kevin Smith Imminent

'Pobody's Nerfect,' Says Daily Caller About Whoopsy-Daisy N-Word Tweet

How Sad, Fox News Is Going To Have To Run A Pathetically Stupid Correction Again

Florida Cops Choke Out Black Boy For Grave Crime Of Mad-Dogging Them

Utah Gun Lobby Guy Might Lose All His Weapons Just For Threatening To Murder Some Folks Or Whatever

New York Tyrant Mayor Michael Bloomberg Joins 'Dangerous Kooks Sent Me Poison, For Freedom' Club

GOP: Obama Court-Packing Or Fudge-Packing Or Something, Who Even Knows

All-Male Fox Panel On Female Breadwinners About What You Would Expect

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford's Crack Video Wasn't Enough, So Let's Throw In A Murder

NYC Mayoral Hopefuls Totally Cool With You Sucking On Your Baby's Freshly Snipped Peen

Brian Fischer Done Thinking About Boy Scouts' Buttocks For Now, Has Thoughts On Ladies Instead

Adam Kokesh Cancels Big March, Continues Call For Revolution Maybe Next Year, Depending On How Things Go

What Do Ladies Want, If They Even Know? A Debate By Two Republican Gentlemen

Idiots Have Some 'Thoughts' On That Washington State 'Bridge'

New York Parks Department Gets In On Hot Hot Sexual Harassment Action

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford: My Press Team Quit, But Everything's Perfectly All Right Now. We're All Fine Here Now, Thank You.

Heritage Foundation Will Sacrifice Its Own Son, Obamacare, To Appease Angry God

All The Proof You Will Ever Need That Abraham Lincoln Was Gay

Marco Rubio Says IRSgate Fauxspiracy Proves We Must Repeal Obamacare Because Why Not

Mad Jewess Mad At Gun-Seizing Abortion-Forcing Holocausting Stockholm Syndrome Jews At Your Wonket

Obama, Christie Tour Sandy-Hit Boardwalk And We Do Not Make Even One Fat Joke About It

Weep Weep Wonket For Your Fallen Hero Michele Bachmann

Deleted E-Mails Of The Week: Progressives Are The True Nazis, And An Important Clarification To Our 2008 St. Patrick's Day Story

Sen. Reid Threatens to Drop a Nuke on Congress, Procedural-Style

Count-Pointercount: Olympia Snowe And Laura Ingraham Have Some Advice For Republicans

Anti-Immigrant Immigrant Forced To Resign From Daughter Of Immigrants Nikki Haley’s Re-Election Campaign

Marines Storm Sexual Harassment Party, Beat Up Navy, Army, Air Force

Nice Time! Supreme Court Says Indiana Slut Clinics Still Allowed To Bankrupt America

Bryan Fischer Still Obsessed With Boy Scouts' Firm Young Buttocks

Obama Is Wrecking The World Because Of His Coke-Fueled Gay Sex Habit (Updated!)

More Legitimate Advice from a GOP Loser: Todd Akin Un-Ironically Discusses Winning

Sad Panda Bob Dole: GOP Not Exactly Overflowing With Ideas. Tea Party: Nuh-Uh!

Voice Of Michigan Wolverines Football Thinks Tiger Woods & All The Blacks Should Be Proud Of Fried Chicken Eating Ways

Wingnuts Outraged: HBO Lady Lena Dunham Pees All Over Memorial Day

Here Is Jim Hoft's Apology From Your Wonkette

Almighty Obama Made Catholic Church Cover Birth Control Before He Was Even President

Point: Obamacare Is Awesome! Counterpoint: Yes It Is!

Sorbonne-Trained Economist Very Upset That Tesla Hasn't Crashed Yet

Barry Xmas, War Is Over! A Wonkette Think Peace

Yr Wonkette Will Soon Have All Of Gateway Pundit's Monies (UPDATED)

Peggy Noonan's New Column Comes Wrapped In Authentic Sense Of Wingnut Victimhood Plus An American Flag, Probably

Who Are You And What Have You Done With Jan Brewer

Ohio School Board Considers Teaching Kids Creationism To Be Even More Dumber

Kansas Genius: If We Cut Taxes On Groceries People Will Just Buy Food All The Time

Teen Korner For Teenz: The Cake Is A Lie Edition

Boston Police Anti-Terror Unit Too Busy Investigating Peaceniks To Notice Tsarnaev Kids

Austerity Declared Winner In Washington State Bridge Collapse

We Will Be The Judge Of How This Child-Selling Judge Should Go To Hell Forever

Senator Lamar Alexander: HHS Chief Kathleen Sebelius Sold Arms To Iran To Fund Obamacare

Fox 'Comedian' Steven Crowder Defends Poor Embattled Jesus From Grave Insult Of People Believing What They Want

The Boy Scouts Go Gay And Everyone Is Butthurt About Buttsecks

George Zimmerman Was Understandably Threatened By Trayvon Martin's Cell Phone Picture Of A Gun

Nice Time! Florida Teen Who Constructed Hydrogen Bomb In School Sentenced To Space Camp

Louie Gohmert Defends His Fellow Brain-Dead Americans

Tesla Motors Pays Back Gummint Loan 9 Years Early, Proving That Green Energy Is A Scam

Steve King Blames Reagan For Electing Obama, Because Messicans

Donald Trump Declares Newsmax The Kindest, Bravest, Warmest, Most Wonderful Website He's Ever Known

Madea Heckles The President

Arkansas GOP Hero Proposes Hilarious Amendment To Put Liz Cheney In Jail

Piers Morgan Responds To London Terror Killing By Uninviting Dana Loesch From His Birthday Party

Wonkette's Primer On Fifth Amendment Rights, Now With More Darrell Issa Insults

Young Barry Obama Totally Tried To Mack On His Best Friend's Main Squeeze, For Real

English Defence League Knows What Will Stop Terrorism: Burn Down Anything That Looks Muslimy

Vatican Advisor Says True Thing

California Parents: Harvey Milk Molesting Children From Beyond The Grave

Thank God This Arizona Republican Was There To Redo Invocation Ruined By Filthy Atheist Secular Humanist, Gross

Josephine County, Oregon: Your New Libertarian Paradise!

Jose Canseco Uses Sweet Constitution Words To Defend Tweets About Rape Accuser

Oklahoma Senate Holds Sneaky Hush-Hush Vote To Defund Planned Parenthood While No One's Looking

How Is Glenn Beck Saying America Got Raped Today? A Wonkette Contest!

Right-Wing Bigot Commits Le Suicide To Wake Up France About Les Gays

Jose Canseco Grows His Steroid-Shrunken Testes Enough To Tweet Rape Accuser's Phone Number, Like A Man

New Children's Book Explains Why Heather's Two Mommies Will Burn Forever In Hell

Republicans Knew About IRSgate Too, Will Now Have To Investigate Themselves

Sarah Palin 'Lives In Fear' Of IRS, We Wonder Why?

Black Republican Virginia Lt. Gov Nominee Loves Segregation, Being Three-Fifths Of A Person

Who Is John McCain Yelling At Now? (Hint: It Is Republicans)

Separating Fiction From Even Weirder Fiction: A Special Fun Wonkette Quiz About The Weather

No Buttsechs For Gay Messicans After All

Nice Time! Arizona State Rep. Gives Secular-Humanist Invocation, Has Not Yet Been Stoned

With Big Hollywood Feminazi Out Of Kentucky Senate Race, Dems Eye Former Miss America Married To Total Felon

Of Course Alex Jones Thinks The Government Did That Tornado To Oklahoma, He Is Alex Jones

Relive Bob Woodward's Epic Swordfight With H.R. Haldeman In 'Watergate: The Videogame'

Tornado Only The Third-Biggest Bag Of Wind In Oklahoma This Week

True Statements By Democrats Causing Critical Pinocchio Shortage At WaPo's 'Fact Checker'

Exciting New Book Allows You To Imagine Sexing Michele Bachmann While Freezing To Death

David Koch Won't Make Sweet Abusive Love To NYC Public Television Any More (Updated)

Apple's iTax: Think Different

Michele Bachmann's God Is One Weird Fella

Tenn Rep. Stephen Fincher Pocketed $9 Million in Ag Subsidies, Says Jesus Hates Food Stamps

Tuesday Nice Time: Barack Obama Totally Cool To Gay Dudes At Black College

Secret Service Investigating Right Wing Radio Host Who Offered To Shoot Hillary Clinton In Her Benghina

Republican Ninja Congressman Who Cut Consulate Security Wants to Impeach Obama NOW!!!!! For Having Insecure Consulate

A Profanity-Free Rebuttal To All The Poor Dears Whose Feewies Got Hurted When We Did The Tornados

Uh Oh Someone Is Politicizing The Tornado In Moore, Time To Get The Pitchforks

Good News! Massive Killer Tornadoes Just The Normal Kind, Not the Global Warming Kind (Updated)

Congress Argues Over Whether Bible Allows Giving Free Food to Poors

Virginia Loses Its Damn Mind, Steals Control of Crazy Train

Heritage Action Encourages GOP to Stop Doing Their Jobs

New Poll: Michele Bachmann Already Losing Her House Race

Atheists Accept Georgia Governor's Kind Offer To Place Literature 'From All Groups' In State Campgrounds

Obama’s Approval Rating Looking Awesome Despite One Million Watergates

Democrats Want To Deprive Women of Chance To Be Called Baby-Murdering Sluts

Tea Party Plans Epic Comeback By Destroying Obama For Reals This Time

Stop! You're Under Arrest For Being A Gay Homosexual Lesbian in Florida

Arkansas Treasurer Goes To Jail For Extortion, But The Boring Kind

Yr Wonkette Regrets: An Apologia

Man Thinks He Killed Breitbart, Wants Money

Whoops Looks Like Your Wonket Is Getting Sued Again Maybe, But Probably Not (Update: Almost Definitely Not!)

Sunday Nice Time: TV Minister/Doctor Who Sold 'Cancer Cure' Of Suntan Lotion And Beef Flavoring Going To So Much Prison, Hooray!

Sundays With The Christianists: A Biology Textbook That Explains Science Is Mostly Atheists Making Things Up

Bryan Fischer: Teh Gheys Can't Be Scouts Because Scout Oath Says No Weaklings

Deleted Comment Of The Day: If We Were Really Progressive We'd Hate Blacks And Mexicans?

You Are Wonkette's Hero!

Why Does Ghost Andrew Breitbart Keep Stealing From The Pointer Sisters?

Teen Korner For Teenz: Please Don't Shoot Us Edition

New Trendy Thing: Local Pols Smoking Crack Like It's 1999

Tea Party Has New Holy Cause: Converting Known 'Atheist' George Soros!

Bradlee Dean: Gay Marriage Results In Plague Of Rocks, Rabies

Raging Volcanoes, Mustard Gas In Clams, Atmospheric Carbon, And 50 More Ways To Die, In This Week's Sci-Blog!

Peggy Noonan Writes Vomitous Spew, Cashes Large Check, Swirls Bourbon in Glass, Sighs Wistfully [UPDATED]

Republicans Fabricated Smoking Gun Emails They Maybe Illegally Leaked; Forgot To Add Smoking Gun

Bill Gates Finally Finds Virus He Might Be Able to Cure

Guest Post From A U.S. Marine About Barack Obama's Shocking And Disgusting Use Of An Umbrella

The Only Thing Worse Than Abercrombie & Fitch Is This Anti-Abercrombie & Fitch Movement

Poors Pooling Their Hobo Beans To Buy Chicago Tribune And Los Angeles Times, Good Luck Poors!

Army 2, Air Force 1: A Thrilling Contest To See Who Can Be The Absolute Worst About Sexual Assault

Clever Title for Donations Page

BREAKING!!1! HOUSE REPEALS OBAMACARE!!!!!!

RNC Spokeswoman Admits Harry Reid Was Right About Romney's Taxes All Along, Whoops

Civil Disobedience Gun March Guy May Not Really 'Get' Gandhi

Reddit Being So Mean To Oppressed White Nationalists

Haw Haw, Dumb Jerk Barack Obama Cannot Even Stand A Little Rain, What A Dumb Jerk

Murderous Charlatan Donald Rumsfeld Still Terrible At Math

U.K. Has Its Own Elizabeth Warren, But She Yells At Google Instead Of Ben Bernanke (Video)

Hero Oklahoma Rep. Leads Charge To Save Poor From Eating Food

Tennessee State Sen. Wreaks Horrific Revenge On Traffic Cam That Nabbed Him Speeding

Even Conservatives Are Liberal In The Greatest Place Ever, British Columbia

Pacific Northwest Wonkettonians: Get Your (Unofficial) Drinky Thing On In Seattle, June 1!

Lupe Fiasco Absolutely Not Bound And Gagged By Management For Tweeting Marxist Stuff

Wednesday Nice Time: Eric Holder Tells Darrell Issa to STFU

We Would Rather Have Snakes On A Plane Than Listen To This Guy Tell Us About Jesus

Screw It, We Are Just Hiring Everyone Now

BP Pays Top Chef To Come To New Orleans, Do Something With All These Eyeless Shrimp

Playing With Your Children Is For Losers, Says Business Insider

The Deficit Is Falling Rapidly, But Who Cares Because Look At All These Forgettable Scandals!

Latest Factory Farm Byproduct: Exploding Foamy Pigdoots

Unsuccessful Dallas City Council Candidate Informs Insufficiently Homophobic Reporter Of His Ball-lessness, Resemblance To Lady Bits

Ted Nugent's Immigration Reform: Let's Make Illegals Be Our Butlers

Uncle Sam Wants YOU! To Stop Sexually Assaulting People

Hitler Obama Deports Religious Home-Schoolers To Germany, Even Though They Are Not Even Mexican

Are You Smarter Than These Gun-Toters?

Hillary Is Going To Come Out! Exclusive! Must Credit Wonkette For Writing About the Enquirer!

Butthurt Christians Oppressed By Sports Thing That Never Happened

Alberto Gonzales Offers Totally Hypothetical Example Of How To Investigate, Say, A Leaked CIA Agent's Name

Surprise, Senator David Vitter Being A Dick

Gap & Wal-Mart To Bangladesh Garment Workers: Go Die In A Fire, LOL

Russia Detains Suspected CIA Agent In Moscow In Bid To Rekindle That Cold War Flame

Dick Cheney Fondly Recalls How 'Ready To Go' Into The Wrong Country Bush Administration Was After 9/11

Angelina Jolie Got Her Boobs Chopped Off, Yay Angelina Jolie!

Lyingest Liar Obama Said 'Terror' Not 'Terrorism' So He Is A Liar And Also IMPEACH!

Nice Time: Joe Biden Does Thing

But What About Gay Messicans?

Stupidest Guest Blogger On Internet Asks: Why You Murder America's Eagle, Obama Man?

Gays Take Minnesota, Gain Crucial Ground In Global War On Marriage

Justice Department Gets All Nixony Up In AP

John McCain Stands Up for America's Oppressed Cable Subscribers

Newt Gingrich Sticks To The Important Stuff: Imagineering New Names For 'Cell Phones'

Sarah Palin Leads 'Not Sure' By 8 Points For 2014 Alaska Senate Race

Amercia, Where You Are Free to Take On Crushing Lifelong Debt

How Did We Respond To Attacks On US Diplomats Before Hillary Clinton Did Them All?

James Dobson So Glad Feminism Is Over and Women Want to Be Mommies Again

GOP to Impeach Obama for Benghazi Just as Soon as They Can Find It On Map

Rand Paul Will Work With Jesus To Help You Cling To Your Guns

IRS To Holocaust America, Says Never Wrong Matt Drudge

Ghost Breitbart: Maybe Hitler Was Gay! (Like Obama, Nudge-Nudge, Wink-Wink)

Michele Bachmann: God Did Benghazi

Women In Their 40s Make Breitbart's Ben Shapiro Sad In His Pants

Wonkette Book Club: We Are All Gay For Rachel Maddow's Book

Deleted Comment Of The Day: 'Your Face Is So Far Up Obama's Ass...'

Zombie Industries 'Discontinues' Its 'The Ex' Shooting Target (Spoiler No It Doesn't)

Stop Hitting Yourself, And Other Advice For Benghazi-Obsessed Wingnuts

Wonket's Teen Korner For Teenz: +10 Charisma Edition

The Blaze Just Asking: Did Imam's One Weird Prayer Damn Navy Seals To Hell At Their Own Funeral?

The Heritage Foundation And The Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Super Racist Week

Failed Socialist Debacle Fannie Mae To Contribute $59.4 Billion Cash Dividend To US Treasury

Hey What's The Deal With The IRS Oppressing Those Poor Teabaggers? Obscure Tax Law Wonksplained

Just One Word: Insects! And More In Your Wonket Sci-Blog!

Theater Just Trying To Give Audiences A Little Fun With Actor Dressed As Gunman, What's The Big Deal?

Friday Nice Time: Hugo Chavez Gets Fired Strawberry Pickers Their Jobs Back

Fox News Was Right About Benghazi All Along and Probably Everything Else Too

In Case You Forgot Ronald Reagan Was A Dick

Eric Bolling Tastefully Imagines Obama Daughters' Violent Deaths In Benghazi

In Ploy To Weaken Obamacare, GOP Geniuses Give Obama More Power Over Obamacare

Why Does The GOP Love Wasting Money On African Food Aid? A Wonksplainer!

Enron Criminal Jeff Skilling Gets 10 Years Off For White Behavior

Point-Counterpoint: Are Millennials Lazy Entitled Narcissists?

GOP Benghazi Hearings Don't Support Conspiracy Claims, As If That Matters

Which Part Of Politico Are You Most Excited To Pay To Read?

Noted Veejay Bill Donahue Reviews New Bowie Video, Gives It Zero Stars

Family Research Council: Why Is Gay Barack Obama Raping All Our Soldiers?

Daily Caller Pauses To Laugh At Grenade Accidents, Women Being Terrible

Electric Car Maker Tesla Motors Beats Projections, Posts Quarterly Profit, Capitalism A Little Sad But Taking It OK

Wingnut Group Wants To Impeach Obama For Wrecking Stock Market, Dow Hits New Record

Wonkette Buys Man

With 'Rot' In Missile Crews And All The Rapiness, Air Force Faces Severe Purity Of Essence Gap

Time To Make The Budget! A Wonksplainer

Niall Ferguson Mansplains Why He Is Sorry About Being Right For Bashing Gays

Deadbeat Loser Ex-Rep. Joe Walsh Would Like You To Send Him Monies to 'Grow Up & Be Free'

Indiana University Taking Important Steps to Ensure Our Children Is Learning in Diseased Environment

Minnesota Terror Suspect: Patriot, Gun Fondler, Juggalo

Republicans Publicly Masturbate to BENGHAZIIIIIIII!!!! On Taxpayers' Dime All Day

Mark Sanford Briefly Relevant Again For Last Time In His Life

Rush Limbaugh, Naturally, Is Very Concerned About Why Barack Obama Abducted And Raped Those Cleveland Girls

Harry Reid Tells Canadian Anchor Babby Ted Cruz to STFU, GTFO, DIAF

Oh, Those Missing Girls? Cleveland PD Is Going To Have Some Splaining To Do

Yes Disney Is Trying To Trademark The Words 'Dia De Los Muertos,' Because It Is Not Like Anyone Else Is Using Them

South Carolina Dem Chair Has Totally Believable Lie About Dumb Thing He Said About Nikki Haley

Politifact: Why Is Martina Navratilova Lying By Saying All These True Things?

Lauryn Hill, Joe Francis Both Going To Prison For Crime Of Being Too Rad

March Of Armed Lunatics On Nation's Capital To Be 'Well-Choreographed,' Thank Heavens

Chris Christie Got Weight-Reduction Surgery And You People Will Be Nice Time About It Because We Say So

Elizabeth Smart Politely And In Nice Mormon Girl Way Tells Abstinence Crowd To Bite Her

Dennis Prager: Kids Should Be More Hungry

Jenny Sanford's 2010 Book Suggests Mark Sanford Maybe A Bit Of A Dick

Head Of Air Force Sexual Assault Unit Loves To ALLEGEDLY Sexually Assault Strange Women In Parking Lots

Fox News Commentator: Stop Teen Sluttery by Giving Babies Away

Texas Fertilizer Plant Continues to Express its Freedom

Minor Columnist Discovers Secret to Fixing America: Get Rid of All Poor Lonely Mommies

Woah: Fox & Friends Nearly (Accidentally?) Practiced a Tiny Smidgen of Journalism

Heritage Foundation: Immigration Reform Will Bankrupt Entire Solar System

Here is Your Handy Wonkette Guide to Not Panicking About 3D-Printed Guns

Texas Lawmakers Celebrate 'Gun Day' With Gun Legislation Spree

Everything Turning Up Horse Poop for Michele Bachmann

Drudge Siren! Elizabeth Colbert Busch's Life Of Crime!

Roger Ailes Shuts Geraldo Rivera's Mouth For Him

Why Is The NRA Censoring This Innocent Dead Obama Mannequin That Bleeds When You Shoot Him?

It Has Been Far Too Long Since We Were Mean To Charles Krauthammer

Sundays With The Christianists: A Biology Textbook With Dinosaurs On Noah's Ark

What Are We Blaming On the Gays Today?

Louisiana Senate Kind Of Hates Real Science, But Pretty Much Fine With Voodoo

(Activist) Teen Korner For (Activist) Teenz: You Got Your Politics On My Facebook!

Super-Rich Republicans Have Become Totally Selfless And Enlightened About The Whole Gay Marriage Deal

Wisconsin Considers Forbidding Poors From Buying Cheese

Bright Side! Climate Change Death Spiral Will Bring Cheaper Gas, Jobs!

Boss Hogg Takes Over As NRA President

Breitbart's Ben Shapiro Having Vapors Over Gay Sportsball Figure's Private School Not Bullying Him Enough

Mitch McConnell Makes Funny Joke About How Nobody Wants To Have Drinks With Him

Greek 'Golden Dawn' Neo-Nazi MP Slugs Little Girl, But On Accident

Alex Jones: Asking People If They Meant It When They Threatened To Shoot Someone Is Worse Than Hitler

Daily Caller: Why Do All These 'P*ssy' Journalists Think Five-Year-Olds Should Not Have Guns?

A Children's Treasury Of Captain America Chris Evans Giving Major Side-Eye To Breitbart's Ben Shapiro

Wingnuts Furious: Joe Biden's Got A Real Purty Mouth

Jerry Brown's Stormtroopers Might Actually Pry Some Guns From Some Cold Dead Hands, and Other Gun News

'White Student Union' So Mad About Getting Hit With May Day Bags of Pee

Again Thomas Friedman Writes Same Column Again

Fox News 'Expert' Outlines Benghazi Rescue Plan That Would Have Worked Great Except For The Time Travel Part

Very Lucid NH Legislator Could Just Tell Those Blowed-Off Boston Legs Were Faked By Evil Government

ALEC Is Meeting In Oklahoma City; What Should Commie Mom Put On Her Protest Sign?

Texas Pastor Tried To Make Teen Girl Strip, But Probably Just Wanted To Share Bible Lessons

Glenn Beck Wants His Tax Dollar Back Because Terrorism

Tennessee Politician Feels Unfairly Criticized For Innocent Let's-Point-Guns-At-Muslims Message

Obama Does Not Want Babies To Not Have Babies

Hero Taxi Passenger Totally Did Not Fracture That Muslim Cabbie's Jaw, On Tape

Oh Hey We Are Close To Buying A Human Person/Creating A Jerb

Suspect in Ricin Mailings Had Something Nasty In The Dojo

Wonkette's New Best Friend Daily Mail Tempts Us With Scintillating Saudi Secrets About The Boston Bomber

All Teenagers Are Terrorists, Florida Edition

Breitbart Says Obama To Force Pentagon To Feed Christian Soldiers To Lions, More Or Less

Alabama Birthers Very Excited: State Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore Will Make Obama Just Go Away

Is Elizabeth Colbert Busch A Deadbeat 'Bortion-Having Crime-Doer? We Are Just Asking

Ted Cruz Would Like To President Us Even Though He Was Born In Socialist Canada (Which is Not America)

Your May Day Playlist: Songs For The Working Man And Girl

Dumb Gays Now Ruining Immigration Bill Too

Raise Less Corn, More Hell

Happy Blogging About Pigford Day!

Mitt Romney Wants All You 22-Year-Olds To Get Knocked Up Now, For Our Savior

Pennsylvania Governor Trying Very Hard To Lose Unemployed Vote: All My State's Jobless Are Drug Addict Losers

Louie Gohmert: Boston Bombings Happened Because Eric Holder Gay-Married To Islam

Utah Lady Arrested For Documenting Animal Abuse Because She Is An Animal Raper Obviously

Former Members Of Congress Seek Evidence of Alien Life, Their Own Continued Relevance

Alaska Teabaggers Find Exciting Fresh New Face For U.S. Senate (It Is Sarah Palin)

Mitch McConnell Ad Wildly Popular With Whatever Bot He's Paying For YouTube Views

Your Tuesday Nice Time: DC Imam Marries Gay Couples, For Creeping Sharia

Mark Sanford Not Allowed To Fly Airplanes At His Children Anymore

What Are Your Modern Job-Creating Economic Libertarian Supermen Driving Today?

In Space Mark Sanford Cannot Hear You Scream

Hero Arizona Gov Jan Brewer Signs Bill Defending Right To Life Of Poor Defenseless Guns

‘Irate Boston Man’ Unloads Epic Rant At Alex Jones Acolyte, Earning Love & Gratitude Of Millions

Jim Inhofe Introduces Bill to Provide Desperately Needed Bullets for Starved American Guns

1 in 5 Pennsylvania Science Teachers In Evolution Survey Seem Confused About This 'Science' Stuff

Insane 'Life League' Deeply Butthurt: NY Times Rejected Dumb Ad Saying Planned Parenthood Gives Porn To Kids

Patriotic WND Columnist Doesn't See Why Bombing Suspects Get All These 'Constitutional Rights'

Cranky Sarah Palin Did Not Want to Go to Your Nerd Prom, Anyway

Sandra Day O'Connor Finally Realizes Bush v. Gore Ruling Was Terrible

Pennsylvania Town Plan to Curb 'Disorderly Conduct' Includes Evicting Battered Women

Senators Who Voted Against Gun Background Checks Very Unpopular In Home States Now, How Weird

Frank Luntz Caught Telling Truth, Has Totally Mature Reaction

Mark Steyn: Why Did These UCLA Academics Blow Up The Boston Marathon? (Hint: Shmashmortion!)

Here Is Your Precious 'President' Obama Telling Jokes At Some Party Or Whatever

Sundays With The Christianists: A Biology Textbook For A Very Young Earth

Ricin Letters Might Have Been Clumsy Frame-Up, Script Treatment For Coen Brothers Movie

Marsha Blackburn Wants To Know If Boston Bombers Had Obamaphones, Because That's An Awesome Question

FishbowlDC Writes Eight Million Word Hit Piece About Party They Got Thrown Out Of, For Journalism

Hero GOP Senator's Office Tells Gays To Go Grow Their Own Food and Gasoline

Wonkette Teen Korner For Teenz: It's Not Me, It's You Edition

Black Chick Lawmakers Get All Uppity At Nice White Man Explaining Genocide At Them

Tennessee Hog Farmer/Representative: Why Does The Humane Society Let Us Keep Raping These Pigs?

Famous Austerity Economists: Just Because Our Data Is No Longer Operative Doesn't Mean We Were Wrong

Sad Dubai Bus Driver Tried To Rape Wrong Female Sailor

Learn ABC's 11 Weird Tricks To Surviving A Mass Shooting!

Nation's Travelers Can Return to Being Inconvenienced By TSA Now That Air Traffic Controllers Back to Work

Peggy Noonan Cleverly Notes That Bush Is Not Obama, And Obama Is Not Bush

Alex Jones Will Help You Find Your New Conspiracy Soul Mate, Today!

Country Legend George Jones Stopped Loving Her Today: Early Proponent Of Integration Through Sexing Everyone

The End Is Near: Time Running Out To Join Amazing Jesus Pyramid Scheme

Awesome Asian Frat Dudes Totally Sorry They Did All That Blackface Stuff A Second Time

Lying Liarpants Tennessee Sen. Stacey Campfield Wins Right To Keep Lying

Here Are Your Joe Biden/Jessica Biel/Justin Timberlake Sexy Caption Contest Winners!

Get Your Mommy-Son Hot Middle Ages Fantasy Date Night Action On At Chick-fil-A

Classes Canceled At Dartmouth So Political Correctness Can Run Amok

Whose Old Lady Is Old Handsome Joe Biden Stealing Now?

GOP Freshman Crybabies Want Their Chance To Throw Meaningless Hissyfit About Obamacare Too

Jimmy Carter Explains All The Awesome Things George W. Bush Did, After Jimmy Carter Asked Him To

Here Is Rick Santorum Spreading Leadership To High Schoolers In Totally Non-Political Way

Whom Should We Be Raping Today?

Meet Your New Canadian Boyfriend, Justin Trudeau, Who Totally Exists

Barbara Bush As Sick Of All These Bushes As The Rest Of Us

Barack Obama Ignoring Immigration Laws, Probably Jaywalking While Doing Rape and Murder

Meet The Old White Michigan Lady Clerk Who Uses N-Word In Not At All Racist Way To Describe Black Official

Contest! Caption This Sextorter GOP Creep In An Elephant Costume, With The Gingriches!

Iowa GOP Still Butthurt About How Much Their Supreme Court Loves The Gays

Joe Biden Yells At Terrorists (Video)

Girl, Rand Paul Will Drone You All Night Long

Dana Perino Writes Gross Love Letter To Secret Boyfriend George W. Bush

Donald Trump Thinks Up Totally Sick Burn: Jon Stewart Is A Jew

Fox Wingnuts Still Terrified of Scary 'Very Dangerous' Muslim in Congress Who Probably Hates America Because Muslim

New York Times Lady Boss Still Not Allowed To Be As Big A Dick As The Man Bosses

CNN Taking Revenge On Snarky Viewers By Inflicting Newt Gingrich On Them

Paul Ryan’s 'Sole Intern' Is The Delightful Sextortin’ Sociopath You Expected Him To Be

West Virginia Rep. To Taker Schoolkids: Let Them Eat Janitoring

Elvis Has Left The Building

Why Is Michelle Obama Visiting Bin Laden's Son In The Hospital After He Did The Boston Bombings?

Serious Scientist Man Explains That Gay Marriage Will Kill You Worser Than Smoking

President Obama To Eat Live Fetuses on TV Or Something Like That

Ron Fournier: Judge George W. Bush By His Bro-Ness, Not His Horribleness

Jennifer Rubin Makes Strong Case For Third Bush Term

Your Morning Nice Time: Nevada To Have Gay Marriage Maybe, Hot Gay Senator Definitely

WSJ Columnist Explains Conspiracy Theory for Gabby Giffords Editorial, Crawls Back Under Rock

Your Monday Nice Time: Teamster Thugs Block Westboro Idjits From Victim’s Funeral

Biggest Victim of Last Week Was Mark Sanford, Says Mark Sanford

Human Rights Hero Sues Sexist Gym Because Of Ladies-Only Yoga Classes

In Which Wonket Returns To Its Regularly Scheduled Catholic Church Bashing

Koch Brothers Buying the Liberal Media Now

Not Knowing What Else To Do, Amanda Palmer Writes Terrible Poem About Dzhokhar Tsarnaev

Immigration Reform Could Have Prevented 9/11 or Something

Daily Mail Totally Jelly Of New York Post's Boston Bombing Coverage

Who Is A Better Artist, George W. Bush or Jose Canseco?

Looks Like Glenn Beck Has At Least Four Listeners In The House Who Want To Know About Saudi 'Bomber'

Peggy Noonan And Maureen Dowd Double-Team The President

Donald Trump Reminds Us: Black People Not Allowed In Park

Pretty Sure This Arkansas Republican Calling For Shooting Of Fellow Republicans Will Claim He Meant 'With Votes'

Sundays With The Christianists: A Biology Textbook To Take On The Ark With You

What Happens Next Time We’re Attacked?

Your Guide To The Boston Manhunt Friday News Dump

Tamerlan Tsarnaev Came To The U.S. In His Teens: Is That Why He Was Such A Jerk?

Hey, Let's Have Some Nice Time: 78-Year-Old Marathon Man Is The Best Of All Possible Marathon Men

Wonkette's Teen Korner For Teenz: 'Splodey Edition

Boston Manhunt Ends Without Need For Waterboarding Or Wayne LaPierre

Lindsey Graham Does Not Care For Stupid Constitutional Rights If Bad People Get To Have Them

Wonkette At Your Service: How Locked-Down Boston Area Stoners Can Survive Pre-4/20 Raids

Maine Governor: University Wind Turbine Uses 'Little Electric Motor' Or Maybe Witchcraft

Megyn Kelly's Flow: Pretty Fly For A White Girl

Hey, Let's All Have Some Old Handsome Joe Biden!

Texas Fertilizer Plant Explosion Proves Priceless Value Of Freedom

Ghost Breitbart's Cold Dead Fingers: Shoot Em Up Yeehaw!

Family Research Council Knows Who Is To Blame For Boston Bombing: Sluts And Abortionists

Oh Look, An Actual Shadow Government Conspiracy Called 'Skunk Works' Is Happening In Michigan

A Note On Empathy, Plus Some Weird Stuff About Eating Cicadas, In This Week's Sci-Blog

Sources Confirm: With News That Boston Bombers Were Chechen Muslims, Pam Geller's Sheets A Total Loss

Glenn Beck Ready For Impeachment Already, Because Of Saudi Bomber Cover-Up, What?

Dictators' Errand Boy/Fox News Democrat Lanny Davis Explains Left Is Hateful

Luke Russert Is Boston Bombing's Edward R. Murrow

FBI Presser: Help Your Wonket Racially Profile The Boston Massacre Suspects

Tennessee Legislator Passes Resolution Honoring Himself For Being So Great At Being Himself

Totally Brave Anonymous NRO Writer Does Not Care For Gabby Giffords Calling People 'Cowards'

Three New Hampshire GOP Reps Want To Impeach Everyone Else, Because Tyranny

Nice Time: Wellesley All 'Hell Yeah' To Insolent West Virginia Anti-Abstinence Teen

Federal Government Either Deporting or Not Deporting Guy Who Definitely Bombed Boston and Either Way We’re Outraged

WaPo's Jennifer Rubin Simply Does Not Care For Barack Obama's 'Petulance'

Suspect in Ricin Mailings Saw Something Nasty In The Woodshed

Insolent West Virginia Teen Infringes On Speaker's Right To Slut-Shame Students During School Abstinence Assembly

Gabby Giffords Bullies Senate, NYT Editorial Page, Again

EVERYONE IS GOING INSANE

'Instapundit' Tells Whats-Her-Name, That Lady Who Got Shot In The Face, To Stop 'Bullying' People

Texas Teacher Explains She's Far Too Racist To Have Molested That Black Seven Year Old

Like Crazed Person With Gun, Senate Kills Everything It Sees

Mark Sanford Just Can't Stop Doing Stupid Things In Public, Trespassing Edition

CNN Reporters Looking A Bit Glum Over Epically Messing Their Bed On Boston Bombing (Video)

WND Idiot Erik Rush Calls For Death To All Muslims, Finds Subsequent Death Threats Lazy And Boring

Louie Gohmert Ponders: Can Anyone Tell These Arabs And Messicans Apart?

Your Morning Nice Time: Watch New Zealand Burst Into Maori Love Song After Gay Marriage Is Legalized

Conspiracy Theorists Ask Public To Take Them Seriously, Blame Family Guy For Boston Massacre

What Gateway Sexual Activity Are We Teaching Our Children Today?

Minnesota Radio Host Has Best-Ever Apology For Telling Newtown Parents To 'Go To Hell'

Glenn Beck Harnesses His Mighty Intellect, Ciphers Out Why No American Could Have Done Boston

Missouri Legislator Explains How If You Don't Want Him To Email You It Probably Means You Are Gay

Your Complete Guide To Running Next Year's Boston Marathon

Stupidest Man On Internet Applies His Forensic Skillz To Boston Bombing

Glenn Beck: The Only Logical Response To Boston Marathon Bombing Is To Make Glenn Beck Wealthier

Apparently There Is No Shortage Of Dicks To Be Eaten, Tea Party Nation Edition

Craigslist Casual Encounters Section Admirably Fills Aching Void In Boston’s Souls/Holes

Why You Probably Should Not Worry About North Korea On Top Of Everything Else Right Now

You Will Want To Read This Gawker Story About The Sexy Man In The Hat

Is Bill O'Reilly A Terrorist? We Are Just Asking Questions

Hey, Has Anybody Else Been As Stupid As This Guy Yet?

People Who Can Eat A Bag of Dicks About The Boston Massacre

K-Lo Ticked Boston Marathon Tragedy Didn't Happen While She Was in Town

Hero GOP Reps Fight Back Against Tyranny Of Healthy School Lunches

A Children's Treasury of NYT Commenters Who Love Eternal Detention

Idiot Republican Excited to End Non-Existent Federal Funding of Abortion

Sleep Easy, Tennesseans! James 'Pack Your Bags' Yeager Got His Carry Permit Back

Adorable Child Brings Semi-Automatic Weapon To New Hampshire Gun Rally

National Tragedy Averted: George W. Bush Speaks, Likes Hisself Just Fine

Sending Explosives Through The Mail Is Illegal And Bad Even If You Send Them To Sheriff Joe

Skinflint Obamas Avoid The Taxman By 'Giving' All Their Money to 'Charity'

Wonkette Book Club: This Al Capp Bio Is A First-Rate Book About A Real Jerk

New York Teacher Creates Worst Writing Assignment Ever: Learn About Nazi Germany By Explaining Why Jews Are Evil!

Dana Perino Drops Jay-Z Diss Track, Embarrasses Every White Person Everywhere

Patriotic Millionaire Brings Facts To Fox Ideology Fight

Georgia Governor Nathan Deal Won't Endorse Black Teens And White Teens Dancing Together, Because Liberals

Meet This Nice GOP Pennsylvania Mayor Who Tried To Rape A Young Man At Gunpoint

Wonket Teen Korner For Teenz, Homophobia Edition

Why Is Liz Warren Yelling At Bank Regulators Today? (Video)

Donald Trump And His Wife Are Awful And Their Son Tastes Like Caviar

A Children's Treasury Of Reactions As Al Jazeera America's Sharia Plot Creeps Into Detroit

You Give Me Dengue Fever, And More In This Week's Very Tardy Sci-Blog!

South Carolina Congressdude: Gun Background Checks Will Rwanda Us To Death

Hey How Is It Going In Our Quest To Buy An Entire Person? An Update!

A Children's Treasury Of Hot New Pix Of Barack Obama, For You To Fap To

If Rick Santorum Can't Gay-Bash At Our Children, It Is Just Like Hitler

Montana Legislator Dave Hagstrom Makes Run At Title With Homophobe/Die-Poors One-Two Punch

Ann Coulter Would Like Some Attention Again Please

What Do You Think About Stacey Campfield's Imaginary Girlfriend? Is She Imaginary? (Yes)

Mitch McConnell Got Bugged Like Watergate Except Not And Everyone Sucks

Fox News Is Very Confused By You Kids And Your Jay-Z And Your Hippity Hop Songs

Today’s Gun News Takes Delightfully Refreshing Turn For The Surreal

Congratulations On Your Entrepreneuring, Willow Palin!

Arkansas Senate Votes To Cut Sex Ed Funding So It Can Be No. 1 At Teen Pregnancy

Tennessee Superdude Stacey Campfield Congratulates 8-Year-Old On Being A 'Prop'

Patti Smith Meets Pope, Provides Wonket With Nicest Time Ever

Charming 'Pro-Life' Folks Remember Dr. Tiller By Threatening To Murder Everyone Working At Clinic

Your Precious Little Boyfriend Maryland Gov. Martin O'Malley Taxing The Heavens And God Himself

Start Your Morning Off With Sheriff Joe In A Corset (Because We Hate You)

Your Morning Nice Time: Missouri University Has Gay Kids' Backs

North Carolina Republican Loves Praying, But Only The Jesus Kind Because Otherwise It Is Terrorism

Your Evening Nice Time: Rad Metal Dudes Record Hilarious Parody Of Traditional Marriage Folk

Taking Firefighters Hostage, So Hot Right Now (Updated)

Glenda Jackson Literally Rips Into Margaret Thatcher's Mouldering Corpse During Parliament Memorial

Secret Gays-Satan Axis Of Evil Exposed By Intrepid Right-Wing Blogger Dude

Republicans To Meet In Hollywood Den Of Iniquity, We Feel Like We Have Heard This Somewhere Before?

Cuckolded Hubby Wants $10 Million Because School Shrink Banged His Wife; Thanks Obama!

Senators Maybe Agree On Gun Background Checks; NRA Psychics Predict That Shootings Will Still Happen

What Was Your Favorite Part Of Rand Paul's 'History Of Democrat Racism' At Historically Black Howard University?

Banks 'Pleased' To Be Paying Pittance To Poors Whose Homes They Stole

Sorry, Kooch, But Court Says Virginians May Keep Their Blowjobs And Buttsex

Bobby Jindal's Plan To Turn Louisiana Into Somalia Nearly Complete

Anthony Weiner Lets It All Hang Out

Bob Barr To Attempt Worst Comeback Tour Since Great White

Even Intentional Racists Hate That Godawful Brad Paisley Song

Nice Old Kansas Fella Is Newest Accidental Racist

RNC Chair Reince Priebus Will Buy President Pizza, To Save Money, For Freedom

Ted Nugent Has More 'Metaphors' About Shooting People To Death, Again

Former Tennessee Pol Nabbed In High-Speed Fap-Fest

Abomination of Nature Liz Cheney Wants To Be In The Senate, Of Course

Crazy Armageddon Family Commits Difficult Reverse-Double Elian Gonzalez Triple-Axel, Kidnaps Kids, Flees To Cuba

Mitch McConnell's Crack Oppo Researchers Reveal: Ashley Judd Is A Democrat!

North Carolina Bill Would Require Criminal Background Checks For Food Stamp Applicants, Won't Even Give Them Guns

Our Irrational Gun Optimism Has Been Crushed By Another Horrible Accidental Shooting Because Why Not

Tennessee Legal Genius Stacey Campfield Doing His Best To Avoid Paying Heaps Of Money To Guy He Libeled

Hillary Clinton Elected President of Running for President in 2016

Brad Paisley And LL Cool J Combine To Form Veritable Voltron Of Ear-Murdering Racism-Fighting (Updated)

Wingnuts Furious: Obama Tweeted About Roger Ebert's Death More Quickly Than About Margaret Thatcher's

Great Britain Bursts Into Song Over Death Of Margaret Thatcher

Thatcher's Dead; Twitter Users Worried That Cher's Dead

If You Don’t Sufficiently Hate Gay Marriage We’ll Drop You In Lake Of Fire, Detroit Archbishop Basically Says

Enjoy This Charming 1984 'Children's Book' About Margaret Thatcher

Massachusetts School Out-Horribles Everyone By Ensuring Poor Kids Starve, For Freedom

Bronx Democrat Caught Accepting Bribes On Tape Has Awesome Alibi: He Was Reading The Bible

In Which We Are Irrationally Hopeful That Not Everyone Is a Total Idiot About Gun Control

Tucker Carlson Weighs In On Black Lifeguards (Hint: Hiring Black Lifeguards Is The Same As Jim Crow)

Margaret Thatcher Dead; Never Got To Meet Her Idol, Sarah Palin

Sorry Ladies, Super Sexy Sexxxter Todd Kincannon Is Off the Market

Hero Judge Teabags Birther To Tune Of $177 Large

Sundays With The Christianists: Home-Schooled Biology So Bad It Lost A Lawsuit

Bob Woodward Continues To Be Totally Awesome Guy

My Jimmies Remain Rustled: Wonket Teen Korner For Teenz, Religion Edition

Breitbart’s Brandon Darby: Aryan Brotherhood Can’t Be Racist Because They Have Mexican Friends

Friday Nice Time Vetoes With The Gays And Their Friends

Super-Christian Radio Guy Generously Remains 'Neutral' On Whether Shooting Federal Agents Is A Good Thing

John Boehner Really Seriously Considered Obama Budget For Whole Minutes Before Saying The Hell With It

Liberty University Allows Guns For Jesus In Classrooms, Kissing Still Of The Devil

Breitbart's Ben Shapiro Is Totes Offended At Obama’s Disgusting Support For Self-Government

Here Are One Million Words About Why You Gays Are Filthy And The Catholic Church Still Hates You

When The Moon Is In The Seventh House And Io Aligns With Mars, Plus More In Your Weekly Sci-Blog!

Fox & Friends Stand Up For Sexist Pig Barack Obama, Because Bros Before Hos

Chris Matthews Cannot Believe Wife Beating -- In The Home, Even! -- Is, Like, A Real Thing

Thursday Sad Time: Liberal-Hearted Lord Of Snark Roger Ebert Dead At 70

Good News: Most Americans Reject Conspiracy Theories! Bad News: A Big Chunk Of Americans Believe Them!

South Carolina Republicans Sad Elizabeth Colbert Busch Isn’t Uglier

Spanking Lovers Sean Hannity and Michelle Malkin Worry That Sportsball Players Are Getting Too Wussy

Anchor Baby Michelle Malkin So Mad About Immigrants For A Change

Jim Hoft And Judicial Watch: Black Lifeguards Will Murder All The Children With Drowning

Objective News Anchor Wishes Obama Would Tell His Elitist Hollywood Scum Friends to End Gun Violence Forever

FAA Lets Exxon Decide Whether Aircraft Can Photograph Oil Spill, You Know, For Safety

Pro-lifey Oklahoma State Rep Doesn't Care About Your Smartypants Kid's 'Potential To Benefit Society'

Let's All Be Friends With Sarah Palin's Number One Fan 'M. Joseph Sheppard,' He Seems Nice

Arizona Fires Veterans' Administration Secretary Just For Telling Truth About Ladies And The Rag

More Nice Time! These Children Don't Want To Go To Separate (But Equal?) Proms

Your Thursday Nice Time: Magic Johnson Loves His Live Gay Son

Leave Dave Agema Alone, Cries Lispy Homophobe Stalker Andrew Shirvell

Tom Delay Dreams Of The Good Times When You Could Kick Ladies And Homos Around

Barack Obama Thinks Giving Back Part of His Salary Will Shut Up the Screeching Howler Monkeys

North Carolina To Tax Elitists For Sending Kids To College

Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli Really Doesn’t Want You Having Sex In Your Butts

This Month's Bake Sale And Topless Car Wash Fundraiser: Help Wonket Buy Doktor Zoom!

Energy Secretary Nominee Has Scientist Hair!

Totally Not Lying Men's Rights Activist Is Your Newest James O'Keefe!

Disgraced Republican Horndog Mark Sanford Wins Thing

James O'Keefe Totally PWNS Piers Morgan And Robert DeNiro On Guns, Hahahaha LOL

North Carolina Patriots Simply Do Not Care For United States Constitution Tellin' Them What To Do

Let Reagan's Budget Director Explain At You About Gold And The Fed And Other Cool Ron Paul Stuff

Was Loser Congressman Thad McCotter House Of Cardsed By Evil Staffer? Sure Why Not

RNC Bigot/Ex-Pilot Dave Agema Talks About His Issues Inside Homosexual 'Flight Attendant Realm'

Louie Gohmert: If You Limit The Number Of Bullets In A Clip, Polygamists Will Gay-Marry Your Dog

Prepare For Your Newest Reason For Getting Laid Off, America: You Just Got Insourced!

Your Tuesday Nice Time: GOP Sen. Mark Kirk Favors Marriage Equality Without Even Having A Gay Son Or Anything

Slow News Day Except For Those Seemingly Coordinated Nazi Attacks On Public Officials

Bored Wingnuts Invent 'Pastor Problem' for Obama Because Hey, Why Not, Nothing Else Is Working

Pat Robertson Celebrates The Beautiful Miracle Of Not Knowing Stuff

Apparently There Is Nothing Left To Be Mad About: Sean Hannity Jumps On Obama Daughters Vacation Train

Hero Kansas Republicans Stand Up For Women's God-Given Right To Bear Their Daddy’s Baby

Tennessee To Stop Feeding Its Dumb Kids

How Are We Beating Up On Teachers Today?

Loser Congresscritter Thoughtfully Gives Departing Staff Extra Money For Hookers, Blow

Report: GOP Tried to Hire Lady Gaga to Play Her Sex Music at RNC

Monday Nice-Time: Obama's War On Easter Continues

Old Fart Bill Kristol: It is 'Pathetic' To Listen To Kids These Days Because They 'Are Sometimes Wrong'

Do YOU Live in the 'Least Free' State in the Country?

Donald Trump Complains U.S. Border With Europe Too Secure, Keeping All the Good Whites Out

Will Tax-Dodging Shakespeare Become The New Ayn Rand?

Missouri, We Need To Talk About Jim Hoft

Oh No, Conservatives In Epic Twit-Fight Against Common Frauder Sarah Palin, And It Is All The Fault Of Your Wonket

Georgia GOP Chair Worried 'I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry' Will Be A Real Thing

Jim Carrey Trolls Fox Angerbears, and Other News From The World Of Guns

Now It Is Dumb Stupid Jerk Joe Biden Who Keeps Going On Vacation

Good Christian Wingnuts Furious Obama Forced Google To Honor Some Brown Dude Instead of Jesus

Jesus Undead Again We Guess

Argue Amongst Yourselves: Announcing A Rough Draft Of The Wonket Drinky Thing Midwest/Southwest June World Tour!

Dana Loesch Speaks, Remarkably Does Not Shatter All Glass In Thousand-Mile Radius

Announcing Wonket's Teen Korner! For Teenz!

In Attempt To Reconnect With Gay Fans, Michelle Shocked Advocates Safe Sex

Utah Gun Lobbyist's AR-15 Stolen Because SUV Couldn't Defend Itself

Fox News Very Sad People Aren't Yelling At People On Food Stamps (More)

Gays Wrecking Everything: Part Eleventy-Billion In a Series

Armed Indiana Gentlemen Show Gun-Protesting Moms How A Polite Society Works

Wind Farms, Wetlands, And All The Tentacle Porn Your Weekly Sci-Blog Can Hold

How Is Michelle Obama Murdering Jesus And Easter Today?

Alaska Rep. Don Young Sorry He Called All You Spics 'Wetbacks'

New Pope Already Pissing Off The Santorum Wing Of The Catholic Church

Everyone So Mad At Terrible Michigan RNC Committeeman Homophobe Dave Agema Being Terrible

Shhh! Don't Tell Anyone About Mitch McConnell's Secret Plan To Overturn Obamacare

Is That Sarah Palin's Hand In Your Pocket Or Is She Just Happy To See You?

Stupidest Man On Internet Proclaims Only Armed Guard Could Have Stopped Newtown If They Were In Exactly Right Spot And Lanza Didn't Shoot Them First

Willie Nelson Continues Unbroken 79-Year Bestness Streak

Hero Wyoming Judge Defends Privacy Of Oppressed Corporate Ground-Poisoners

George Zimmerman's Brother, Still Not A Racist, Says Tweets About Black Murderers Were About Danger Of Teens

Terrible Harpy Nancy Pelosi Will Murder Capitalism By Letting Sick People Stay Home

Greatest Living American Politician Answers Idiotic Constituent Email: 'Deaaaad Honky'

Hey When Did That Jerk Start Working There? A Guide To 2013’s Least Important Media Hirings

Idaho Teacher Said 'Vagina' During Class On Reproduction But Probably Won't Get Fired

Larry Klayman: That Judge Was A Jew!

Bill O'Reilly Right About A Thing

Bradlee Dean, Who Has Never Advocated Beating Children, Advocates Beating Children Again

Didn't You Get The Memo, Park Police? Louie Gohmert Can Park Anydamn Place He Pleases!

Untangling Megan McArdle's Feelings About The Gays: An Exegesis We Undertake So You Don't Have To

Universe Implodes Under Combined Weight of Maggie Gallagher, Kathryn Jean Lopez's Giant Brains

North Carolina Democrat Kay Hagan, Profile In Courage

General Petraeus Gives Flowers And Candy to America, Says He's Sorry About Banging Not-Mrs. Petraeus

Washington Post Does War On Easter Because It Hates Jesus, God

Gay Marriage Killing Straight Parents Everywhere, Quick, Someone Save The Children

Erick Erickson Pretty Certain Gay Marriage Is Step One Of Leftist Holocaust Against Christians

Terrible Gucci Fanboy, Sports Mythmaker Buzz Bissinger Proves Why Marginal Tax Rates Should Be 100 Percent

Matthew Boyle’s Latest Crusade For Breitbart’s Corpse: Let’s Put Those Awful Obama Daughters In Their Place

Hero Oregon Math Teacher Suspended Just For Telling Students Planned Parenthood Would Turn Them Into Streetwalking Prosties!

Interweb Tea Leaves Predict Supreme Court Probably Going To Make Everyone Gay Marry Each Other Now Or Not

Big Baby David Vitter Would Like To Lie At You About Obamaphones Now and Forever

Tennessee Narrowly Escapes Sharia Scourge of Clean Feet

Worst Hero EMT Ever Refuses To Unleash Her Ta-Tas For Gravely Wounded Soldier

In Which Wonkette Tries To Bait Larry Klayman Into Suing Us Also, Too

Bryan Fischer Just Can't Stop Thinking About Gays Having All The Gay Sex, Because Gay Sex Is So Gay And Wrong (Also Gay)

Tennessee's Health Care Plan: Call Now For A Chance to Apply For A Chance To Win

Journey To The Center Of The Derp: Ted Nugent Tries To Mash All Wingnut Buttons At Once

Larry Klayman Soothes His Weary Soul By Once Again Writing Hillary Clinton Themed Erotica

Former South Carolina GOP Head Loves The Troops So Much He Wishes This One Vet Had 'Come Home In A Body Bag'

Gun News Roundup: Wayne LaPierre Is A Vile Sack of Garbage, Plus Some Things You Might Have Not Already Known

Civil Rights Activist Mark Traina Would Like To Know: Is Your Wonkette A 'Jewish Dyke'?

The New York Times Very Concerned You Might Be Butthurt About People Exercising Constitutional Rights

North Dakota Passes Abortion Bill Guaranteed To Make Even More Of Its Population Flee

George Zimmerman's Brother Not Really Helping

Teabaggers Boycotting Lefty Socialist Fox News Until It Stops Covering Up Unheard Story Of Place Called 'Benghazi'

Wingnuts: Pro-'Agenda 21' Feds Murdering All The Mississippi Lawmakers One By One

Sponsored! This Proud Dad Paid Us Sweet Cash Money To Listen To His Son's Awesome Album For Nerds!

Yeah, We Think This One Weird 'Free Energy' Ad Is Crap, Also Too

Newsmax Shocker: Stupid Dumb Jerk Joe Biden Slept In Hotel, Is Your New Marie Antoinette

Rich People Do Not Give To Charity, Shocker

Your 'Our Friend The Coalmine' Earth Day Art Contest Winners!

Rep. Peter King Leaks Government Secrets To Threaten National Security Some More

Rich Tech Execs Just As Awful As Rich Wall Street Execs, Just In Different Way

Academic Freedom In Peril: Patriot Teacher Reprimanded For Innocent 'How Is Obama Just Like Stalin?' Homework

Ramblin’ Man Bradlee Dean Chased Out Of Schools, Town, For Being The Worst

Fox News Finds Iraq's Missing WMDs Right Where Saddam Hid Them, In Syria, Iran, Sudan, North Korea And Probably France

What Kind Of Flibbertigibbet Single Lady Hasn't Already Started Saving For Her 'Baby Nurse' Fund?

Special New Pope Nice Time Is Going To Happen All The Time So Deal With It

Earth: It's A Great Neighborhood Until The Vogons Need Their Bypass, And More In Your Weekly Sci-Blog!

Colorado Legalizes Civil Unions, Moves To Desegregate Drinking Fountains Next

Adult Babies Rick Santorum And Newt Gingrich Almost Joined Forces To Beat Romney But Decided To Throw Tantrums Instead

Tennessee Hero Stacey Campfield Protects His Constituents From Having Decent Sex

Rightwing Radio Host Has Giant Sad That It Got Better For Hillary Clinton

Toxic Xenophobe Michelle Malkin's Twitchy: Still A Idiot (Updated!)

West Virginia Newspaper Shares Reader's Awesome 'Kill Everybody' Voicemail

Beware 'Scamsters In Religious Garb,' Says ... Wait For It ... Pat Robertson

The Iraq War - 20 Friedman Unit Edition

Let's All Enter Utah's 'We Love Oil And Gas' Poster Contest, For Earth Day!

Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss Would Like You To Know How Gay He's Not

Disgraced Jailbird Jack Abramoff Takes Rightful Place As Matthew Boyle's Voice Of Moral Authority

Joe 'You Lie!' Wilson Books Flight To Israel To Have Fun Debate With American President, Apparently

Texas Doctor Senator Idiot Lady Says No Abortions Because Men Bleed From Their Butts

Fox News Comedian Steven Crowder Caps Off Week From Hell By Pissing Off Trans Community

Fox News to Poor People: Liberals Keeping You on Democrat Plantation by Infringing on Your Right to Shoot Each Other

End Times Fetishist Congressman To Chair Climate Committee, Murder All Your Animals For Freedom

Obama's Sweet Ride Breaks Down In Israel Because The Wingnuts Needed A New Metaphor

Bloodthirsty Chickenhawks Can't Decide Whether Iraq Invasion Was The Best Ever or The Bestest Ever!!!

Grab Your Wallet, You Are Not Leaving Without Your 'Shut The F*ck Up Luke Russert' Coffee Cup

Well Well Well, Look Who Hates Israel

Happy Conservative Warriors Defeated by Mysterious CPAC Plague Caused By Liberals Probably

Black Guy Writes Pretty Awesome Letter About Jews

Daily Caller Guy Pretty Weird About Sex

Lamestream Media Hunting Down Poor Michele Bachmann Like Wild Dog

Assassination Joke Sheriff Very Sorry All You 'Nazis' Can't Keep Your Hurtful Criticism To Yourself

Mark Levin Will Drown In Own Spittle Before Admitting Americans Maybe Not That Conservative

Another Carl Hiaasen Character Escapes Into Reality, Guns Blazing, In Foiled Walmart Scooter Getaway

House Conservatives Offer Up New Budget Full Of Really Great Ideas That Everyone Loves

Elizabeth Warren Will Give Us All The Moneys Now

Massachusetts Sheriff Makes Funny Comedy Joke About How Obama Should Get Shot, Why Don't You People Have A Sense Of Humor?

Old Handsome Joe Biden Will Take All Of Your Communion And You Will Like It

NRA Wants To Legalize Silencers, Because 'Hunting' And 'Self-Defense'

Lost Your House? Got No Job? Just Send Pat Robertson $20 A Month, And God Will Give You A New One

Can't Say They Didn't Warn Us: Gays Finally End Straight Marriage Once And For All

Shocker: Fox News Rape Jokester Steve Crowder Wasn’t Victim Of Legitimate Union Thug Assault

Hero Senator Ted Cruz Will Death Panel Everyone With M.S.

Florida Person With Very Own Arsenal Kills Only Self For A Change

Diaper Fetishist And Rancid Chickenhawk Boil Unite To Defeat Some Mexican

AP Scoop: Dominican Republic Hookers in Menendez Story Were Not Trustworthy After All

Steven Crowder’s Attempt At An Ashley Judd Rape Joke Somehow Makes Daniel Tosh Seem Endearing

In Complete Surprise To No One, New Reports Confirm Richard Nixon Was Not A Nice Person, No Not At All

Shiftless Minorities and Sluts: What Will It Take For You To Love The GOP Again?

Skateboard Punk Rock Folk Singer Lefty Michelle Shocked Does Not Like 'Fags'

Noted Anti-Rape Activists At The NRA Surprisingly Cool With Domestic Abuse

Oh No We Have Been Blinded By Our Sarah Palin-Induced Rage

Totally Great 'The Bible' Mini-Series Explains That Barack Obama Is The Debbil

The Week in Guns: Please Proceed With Your Mansplaining, Jerks

Frederick Douglass Republicans Wrong About Frederick Douglass, Everything Else

E-Book Review: Presidents Are Expensive. Why Won't Obama Work For Free?

Wonkette Infiltrates CPAC As Sarah Palin Reads Joke About Obama's Teleprompter From Teleprompter

All The CPAC News That's Fit To Live-Bloog

Let's See If Sarah Palin Can Finish Her CPAC Speech Without Quitting Halfway Through

Banks Might Like White Men Just as Much as the GOP Does

False-Flagging Lieberals Obviously Behind Nice Young Man Spewing White Power Stuff All Over CPAC

Class War Has A Fresh New Face: Chelsea Clinton And Her $10.5 Million NYC Pad

Sequester Eliminates Position Of White House Taster, President To Starve

Hero GOP Idaho Legislator Will Sit At Front Of Bus For States Rights and Freedom From Healthcare

Iraq War Totally Worth Its New Six-Trillion-Dollar Price Tag

Young Fresh With-It Dude Mitch McConnell Delighted With His Hilarious Funny About Hillary Clinton, Aged Crone

Dear Hero 47% Dude: Please Do Not Go To Law School

Bad Sci-Fi Video For CPAC Calls Tea Party 'A Movement On Fire,' Is Sadly Not About Flaming Dysentery

Hunky Dory Life On Mars: Your Weekly Sci-Blog!

Hero Sen. Rob Portman Courageously Endorses Equal Rights For His Family Members

White House Tours Now More Important Than Eating, Praying, Pretty Much Everything In Universe

National Organization For Marriage Does Not Think Much Of You Straight Adopters Either

Dianne Feinstein Goes To Ted Cruz's Work, Slaps Tea Party Dick From His Mouth Hole

White House Addresses Nation's Critical Shortage Of Biden

No, Old Handsome Joe Biden Is Not Cool With You Slapping Your Lady (Unless It Is A Sexy Slap)

Conservatives Still Unskewing Polls With Super-Smart Anti-Gay Math

What Do You Mean Connecticut's 'Women's Day' Isn't About Boobs?

Tennessee Legislators Stand Up For Sad, Gay-Hating Therapists

It Is Time For Pope Francis To Release His (Or Her) Birth Certificate, Whatever, Who Can Ever Possibly Know?

Special Semi-Nice New Pope Time: Maybe He Is Not So Bad?

Texas Senator And Know-Nothing Ted Cruz Has Exciting New Reason To Repeal Obamacare

Big New Buzzfeed Scoop On Grifty Right-Wing Bloggers Maybe Not Quite As Big As Last One

Attention Lonely San Francisco Wingnuts: Pam Geller Needs You For Her Dumb Bus Ad Lawsuit

Wells Fargo Bills Elderly Disabled Veteran To Death Over Typo

Peggy Noonan Simply Does Not Care For All You Heathens Mockinge Her Inerrante Churche

Because There Are So Many, Another Romney, One 'Ronna Romney,' May Run For Carl Levin's Senate Seat

Pretty Much Nation's Only Black Lady Republican Official Resigns For Being The Griftiest

Nation's Most Obese State Passes 'New York Sux' Bill, RC Cola & Moon Pie Stocks Rebound

Government Very Good At Keeping Secrets For Its Best Friends Forever, The Banks

GQ's Michael Wolff, 59, Has Just About Had Enough Sass From Young Whippersnapper, 50

Sarah Palin Wants You To Un-Commercialize Christmas By Buying Her Stupid Christmas Book

Sadness Abounds: CPAC To Be Less Sexxxxxy This Year

Paul Ryan Unveils Budget, Makes 'White Rabbit' Our New National Anthem

‘Concerned Minnesotan’ Explains How Mixing Sperm, Butt Enzymes Causes AIDS

Whatever, Mitt Romney, It Is Your Birthday, Now Go Suck An Egg

GQ's Michael Wolff Will Never Get A Table At The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe (Updated!)

Dennis Prager Urges Kids To Take Up Tobacco In Place Of Their Marijuana Cigarettes

Bitter Defeated Ex-Congressman Joe Walsh Explains At Americans That They Are Stupid Losers

Ex-Detroit Mayor/Ben's Chili Bowl Aficionado Kwame Kilpatrick Going To Jail For Long, Long, Long Time

Radio Lady Wants To Abolish Homosexuality

Wonkette Global Watch: Just How Freaked Out Should We Be About North Korea This Time?

Homosexual Wingnut Wants Lindsey Graham's Seat

Where Is Orly Taitz When We Need Her Most?

Clarence Thomas's Wife, Ginny Thomas, Does Not Think The Supreme Court Is All That

Michelle Obama Answers Questions On Twitter, With Predictable Results

Spring Break With Chuck Norris Sounds About As Lame As You Would Expect

Senate Republicans Getting Down To Important Senate Business Of Whining About Their Office Space

Super Successful Lawyer Larry Klayman Is Your New Patrick Henry, America

Other Things We Are Mad About From 2005

Ladies Don’t Want To Write Op-Eds Like ‘Ann Coulter Or Wonkette’ Says WaPo Op-Ed Lady (Updated!)

You Can Pry The Smith & Wesson From Lady’s Cold Dead Hoo-Haw, And Other Notable Gun News

Female SCOTUS Justices Gettin' Mighty Uppity With Their 'Questions' And Such

A Wonkette Think Piece: Is The Guy Who Did That Fake John Waters Obituary A Screaming Racist? Or Is He Mocking Racism? We Don't Knoooow!!

Sundays With The Christianists: Sex Education That Knows Just How Very Naughty You've Been

In Case You Were Wondering, We Think This Survivalist Ad Is Crap, Too

A Childrens' Treasury Of People You Never Wanted To Think About Ever Again

Alan Keyes Reveals His Eleventy-Million-Word-Plan For Keyesian Ascendance Over The Traitor Glenn Beck

Honestly, You Guys, 'Not Raping' Is Actually Really Easy

Mommyblogging! New Mexico Jailers Send Man To His Room For Two Years, By Accident!

Hey Ladies! GOP To Solve Budget Impasse By Taking Away Your Birth Control (Again)

FishbowlDC: Nah Mang, We Didn't Libel That Lady With The Social Diseases, The One Who Was 'DTF'

Here Is A Funny Joke: Say That John Waters Died. But Really, He's Alive! Get It?

James O'Keefe: 'History Will Absolve Me! Also Send Cash!'

We All Live In Autonomous Exploration Submarines: Your Weekly Sci-Blog

Work: Should You Pay to Do It?

Peggy Noonan Didn't Like Her Hotel Room. Thanks Obama!

You May Be Surprised To Learn That Rand Paul's Filibuster Full Of Blithering Idiocy

Let's All Watch Retiring Sen. Carl Levin Yelling At Bankers Before It Was Cool

Wonket Sexclusive: Totally Blameless Crime-Stopper James O'Keefe To Pay $100,000 To ACORN Criminal

86-Year-Old Minnesota Lady With Dementia Revealed As Vote Fraud Ringleader

'Official' North Korean Website Offering American-Made Propaganda For The Discerning Hipster

John McCain and Lindsey Graham: Rand Paul Should Shut Up Because He Is Not John McCain or Lindsey Graham

Mitt Romney Back In Private Equity, Everybody Hide Your Pensions

Joe Walsh's Children's Long National Nightmare Is Over

JC Penney's Boys Department Catalog Model Luke Russert: Why Is Obama Forcing Louie Gohmert To Put Him Under House Arrest?

America Celebrates Decade Of Wedded Bliss To Iraq By Going Broke, Linking Petraeus To Torture

Arkansas Limits Abortions To Six Or Seven Minutes After Conception

Surprisingly, Lanny Davis As Disingenuous On Internet As He Is In Real Life

In Which We Wait For Rand Paul To Have To Pee

Happy Fun Gingrich Offers To Be Human Sacrifice On Donald Trump's Dumb Teevee Show

Atlantic Guy Continues To Mansplain Why It’s OK To Work For Free

Bill O'Reilly Pretty Sure This Gay Colorado Lawmaker Wants To Molest All The Kids

A Not Really All That Brief History Of Ted Nugent's Illustrious Career In Reality Teevee

In Bid To Out-Hollywood Ashley Judd, Mitch McConnell Campaign Releases Dystopian Horror Film

Jim Hoft Finally Officially Designated As The Dumbest Man On The Internet With Reed Irvine Award

Very Not-Dumb Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert Introduces Bill To Place Obama Under House Arrest

Here, Let the Atlantic Explain At You About Why They Do Not Pay People For Their Work

Let's All Have A Heart Attack Along With Bill O'Reilly

It's Okay, White People! Black Man With Guns Does Not Want To Murder You!

Heroic Republicans Will Murder Zombie ACORN Again And Again For Freedumb

Breaking News Drudge Siren Red Alert And Such: Fidel Castro Still Not Dead

Earnest Christian Teen Creates Awful Online 'Rap' Artifact That Will Haunt Her Life Forever

Retroactively Liveblooging The Paul Krugman-Joe Scarborough Steel Cage Death Match Of Death

LifeNews Finally Proves Link Between Abortion And Breast Cancer (By Making It Up)

All Logic And Reason Still Says Gay Marriage Is Gross

Swiss Communists Will Be Next To Kill Whitey, By Capping Executive Pay

If You Look At Pix Of Lady Parts On Campus Then The Terrorists Have Already Won

Friends of Wonkette: Help Us Decide Which Of Our Epic Blunders To Submit To The Breitbart Awards

Serious Book Club Live Chat No Poop Jokes Allowed: The Arab Spring, Social Media, And Them Damn Twitters

Larry Klayman, In Perfectly Sane 'Obama Killing Whitey' Column, Outs Secret Meetings With Bob Woodward

Iowa Rep. Asks Whole State: Is My Granddaughter A Whore?

Daily Caller's Menendez Hooker: I Can't Believe We Made Up The Whole Thing (Updated!)

Your Forty-Third Reminder Of Inaugural Wonket Book Club Livechat With Author & NPR Guy Andy Carvin Tomorrow!

Horrible Woman Too Horrible To Attend Conference Of Horrible People

Everyone Is Making Money Off Malaysia Except Us And We Are Sad And Mad

Mitt Romney Is Literally The Worst Choice Ever For Detroit's Emergency Manager

In Blatant Bid For House Science Committee, Washington State Rep Calls Bicylists Polluters

Bob Woodward: I Am Terrible In Bed

Republican Sequester Strategy As Smart And Honest As All Their Other Ones

Daily Caller To Ashley Judd: We Saw Your Boobs

Your Gun Fun Times Roundup: What Politicians Are We Threatening To Murder With Guns Today?

Mitt Romney And His Royale Princesse Deign To Visit Their Ungrateful Subjects Again

Sundays With The Christianists: Sex Education For Your Date With Jesus

Connecticut State Rep. Makes Peener Joke To Teen Girl Who Mentioned Snakes

Obama Crosses Nerd Streams, Every Molecule Of Internet Explodes At Speed Of Light

Genius Cultural Observer Thaddeus McCotter Believes Breitbart and Co. Exude The Punk Rock Aesthetic, Is Wrong

Heroic Right Wing Columnists Taking Malaysian Bribe Money, Is That Not OK?

Conservatives Unable To Contain Their Glee As The Sequester Punishes Insolent Subhumans

Peggy Noonan Will Now Slur Her One-Million Word Book Report At You

Bloomberg Businessweek: Why Are All These Colored People Wrecking Everything Again?

Sea Slug Penises, Tentacle Porn, And Other Terrible Sci-Blog Things

Long National Nightmare Over: Jailbird Scooter Libby's Voting Rights Restored!

U.S. America Not Locking As Many Black Folk Into Prison Forever Hooray!

Ghost Andrew Breitbart Still Dead, A Ghost

New American Hero Will Drive With Hazard Lights On To Save Us From Sequestration

Here, Let Us Explain At You About The Voting Rights Act

Liberal Monster Eric Cantor Going To FEMA Camp All Your Guns If You Offer Your Little Lady Some 'Guidance'

Philly Cop Videotaped Punching Woman In Face Found Not Guilty Because Videotape Might Have Missed Moments Where Cop Wasn't Punching Her In Face

Bob Woodward Hereby Sentenced To Remedial Journalism School For Treason To The Fourth Estate

Joseph Farah Determines 'We' Had More Freedom in 1776 Than Today (For Certain Values Of 'We')

Republicans (Maybe) Stop Beating Their Wives

U.N. Actually Responsible For Something Terrible: Black Helicopters Were Full Of Cholera The Whole Time

Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Ping Pong Balls And Michelle Malkin

Instapundit Wants GOP To Be Hep And Groovy Like Now And Happening 30-Year-Old Flick 'Footloose'

Genius-Doctor Indiana Republicans Approve Religion-Based Ultrasounds, How Nice Of Them

N.H. State Rep. Has Refreshingly Non-Judgmental Views On Wife Beating, 'Cause Some People Are Into That, He Guesses

Massachusetts Parents Whining: Letters To Parents Real Problem With Childhood Obesity

GOP Finger-Pointing Blame-Gaming Everyone Possible (Obama) Over This Sequester Nonsense

Pew Poll Demonstrates That Americans, Republicans, Not *That* Stupid

Your Morning Nice-Time: Let's All Watch Keith Ellison Yell At Sean Hannity!

Elizabeth Warren Hands Ben Bernanke His Own Ass

We Cry Real Tears As Pat Buchanan Sounds Reasonable, World Ends

Your Smile-Time Schadenfreude Headline Of The Day: Michele Bachmann Is 'Very Proud' That She 'Didn't Get Anything Wrong' in GOP Primary Debates

Anti-McConnell Super-PAC Tweets Stupid Racist Things About Mitch McConnell's Wife

Oklahoma State Senate Bill: Employers Ain't Gotta Insure Contraceptives Because Women Are Meant To Be Mommies

Public Health Hero C. Everett Koop Once Again Puts Biology Above Politics, Dies

Glenn Reynolds Will Rescue The Lost Boys From The Tyranny Of MILF Island

Sportsmanship Nice Time Will Brighten Your Stupid Day

Conservatives Attacking Ashley Judd Mistakenly Focus On Her Awesome Political Beliefs Instead Of Her Crappy Movies

Wonkette Readers' Inexplicable Fondness For Michelle Obama Deemed 'Creepy,' Cultlike

Palace Coup: Your Editrix Is Gone; Today We Declare The Glorious People's Blogging Collective Of Zoom

Here Is Old Handsome Joe Biden To Dampen Your Panties

Idaho Gun Fondlers Bravely Resist Tyrant Hussein Obama's Imaginary Gun Confiscation Orders

Wonket Cedes Political Humor Crown To Michelle Malkin, World’s Most Hilarious Pundit

Nice Christian Ladies One Million Moms Very Angry At All This Rampant Sexing of Talking Pigs

Banks Joining Up With Payday Lenders To Find Creative Ways To Screw Poors

Here Is Just A Video Of Michelle Obama Dancing, For Fun And Nice-Time!

Texas Dingbat Ted Cruz Will Explain At You That Harvard Law Is Full of Government-Overthrowing Communists

Appearance Of Powerful Black Woman At The Oscars Provokes Predictable Pavlovian Response In Prickish Political Press

Here Are Your 'Winning' Bradlee Dean Pix 'N Lawyer Letters (You Win Nothing!)

New Michigan Democratic Party Chairman Lon Johnson Is NOT The Lee Strasberg Of Porn Lon Johnson

Rand Paul Offers Common Sense Solution of Ruining Schools to Save Education

Montana: Your Paradise of Corporation-Voting and Roadkill-Eating Awaits

Sundays With The Christianists: Sex Education For Godly Virgins Who Intend To Stay That Way

Wonkette Book Club Update: We've Scored A Livechat With Author, NPR Guy, And New Puppy Owner Andy Carvin

Very Sane Tea Party Man Warns Of Obama's Army Of Blacks

Angry Teabaggers To March Around With Guns All Day Today, What Could Go Wrong?

Wonket's Super Happy Love Shine Fun Pal (Who Is Not At All A Deranged Assbag) Bradlee Dean Explains How Word Salad Will Save America From Tyranny

Wonkette Bradlee Dean Photoshop Funtimes And Legal Letter Contest!

Hero Student Teacher Stops Racist Math Problems Dead

Poor BP Whining About Excessive Fines

Bell Grifter Mayor Defense: It's Not Your Fault If You're Rolling In Stolen Money As Long As You Are Dumb

Walmart Proudly Announces Its Worker-To-Prison Program

First Amendment Hero Bradlee Dean Would Like To Give Your Wonkette Some Legal Fees

C_R_Eature F_Eatures: Your First Weekly Sci-Blog!

Your Annotated Guide To Tony Perkins Wanting To Sacrifice Gay Boy Scouts

WND Columnist Complains About Continuing 'Slander' Of Joe McCarthy, Without An Ounce Of Irony

Ready The FEMA Camps: Obama Coming For Your Rascal So You Can't Run Or Hide

Andrew Sullivan Gets Bad Beard Trim, Hates New York And Its Empty Promises

Black Conservative Larry Elder Finding New Creative Ways To Blame Black Moms For Mass Shootings, Grift Sweet Wingnut Welfare

Let's All Blame The Gays For The Pope's Retirement

Montana Law Enforcement Will Protect You From Other Law Enforcement Because Freedom

Drudge Siren! Turns Out A Bunch of Youtube Videos Are Not The Same As College

Laura Bush, Profile In Courage

Time Magazine Helpfully Explains Why A Quick Visit To The ER Costs As Much As A Semester At Harvard

Your Thursday Nice-Time: Small-Town Mississippi Newspaper Owner Tells Homophobes To Get Bent

Daily Caller Dances On Ghost Andrew Breitbart's Internet Grave

Nebraska Sen. Goes On Amazing Hours-Long Filibuster, Calls Out Fellow Pols' Crimes By Name, With Wrath Of God And Black Jesus

Fox News Pretty Sure Al Jazeera Is Going To Terrorist Us All

Groggy Old Mitch McConnell Bothering Pentagon About Nonsense Again

Anti-Abortion Guy So Mad Strangers In His House Did Not Agree With Him

Former Sen. Pete Domenici Loves Secrets, Hates Contraceptives

Poor Crackers Over At Stormfront Reduced To Lowly Pledge Drive/Mommyblogging In Effort To Keep Hate Alive

Please Nobody Tell The Yahoo! Commenters About Michelle Obama's New Portrait

Jesse Jackson Jr. Pleads Guilty To Purchasing Awesome Things

Fox Still Bitching About Presidential Debate, Now, In Late February 2013

Contest! Can You Parse This Ghost Of Breitbart 'Friends Of Hamas' Non-Retraction?

Arizona Town Hall Folk Murder John McCain, Tear Lifeless Body To Shreds With Their Teeth

Tea Party: We Put Karl Rove In That Nazi Uniform *By Accident*

Ghost Andrew Breitbart Stands By His Story On Terror Group That Does Not Exist

Richard Cohen Wants To Kiss Men But Does Not Want To Kiss Ladies You Guys

Idaho State Senator Loves States' Rights But Not For Demon Weed

Donald Trump And Lawyer Unfamiliar With This 'Constitution' Of Which You Speak

Attorney General Eric Holder Trying To Murder All The Homeschoolers (Again)

Fox Nation: Queen Michelle Obama Bogarting All The Powder

Scott Brown Ironically Makes Himself Look Worse By Declaring Multiple Decades Of Sobriety

Charles Krauthammer To Bill O'Reilly: Let Obama Golf

Renowned Sociologist John Rocker Has Genius Plan To Solve Violence In Chicago (Moar Gunz, Less Blacks)

Conspiracy O' The Week: Obama Will Declare Christians Insane, Put Them In Asylums, Feed On Their Souls

Tom Friedman, King of Nonsense, Has Something to Say About 'Solutions' And 'Compromise'

Fox's Greg Gutfeld Live Tweets His Own Cross-Country Nervous Breakdown

Help Us Help You Help Us!

Now We Are Sad, Because Jesus Is Only Our Homeboy

It Is Cute When White People Try To Have Thoughts About Slavery

Sundays With The Christianists: Sex Education From People Who Think You're All Filthy Perverts

Idaho Man Slaps Black Baby On Plane, Is Not A Racist

John McCain's Hurt Feelings Will Run Your Life Forever, America

Who Should Fox News Hire Next?

John Boehner To Poors: We Want To Pay You Less To Help You

Here, Let Liz Warren Help You Enjoy The Rest of Your Day!

Pols Having Secret Spawn All Over The Place!

Is Your 8-Year-Old Too Slutty? Of Course She Is!

U.S. Winning War On Sluts Through Proud Tradition Of Self-Inflicted Stupidity

Americans Very Angry King Barack And Ugly Wife Did Not Have Mac And Cheese With Cut-Up Hot Dogs For Valentine's Dinner

Dig Your Ground: Shovel-Toting Student Freaks Out Idaho Middle School, Resulting In Lockdown

Your Valentine's Nice Time, In Which We Are Nice To Really Really Grody Folks For Really No Reason At All

Your Wonkette Book Club Will Now Dominate Your Media Diet With This Book About Covering The Arab Spring With A Smartphone

Banks Will Now Review Themselves to Find Out if They Did Your Foreclosure Right

Field & Stream 'Gun Nuts' Columnist Zapruders Sarah Palin

RNC Committeeman Dave Agema: Hey Y'All Know If This Onion Story About 'Bama's Slow Sad Son Is True?

If You Notice That $9 Is More Than $7.25, Are You A Communist?

A Valentine Poem To The One Your Wonket Loves Most Of All

Your Valentine's Cry-Time: John Boehner Hates His Wife

Sequestration Approaches, Utah Senator Mike Lee Writes Nice Poem

Marco Rubio Champions The Downtrodden, Opposes Paying Them

FreedomWorks: Your New Source For Hillary Clinton Sexxxxxxytime…With Pandas!

Matthew Boyle To Spend Valentine's Day Alone, Cockblocking Bob Menendez

CNN: Good Thing Dorner Was Killed In That Fire, Because California Courts Would Have Ruined All The Fun

South Carolina Legislator Forming Militia Immune To Federal Law, What Could Go Wrong

A Children’s Treasury Of Nugentian SOTU Antics

Politico's Super-Awesome SOTU Fact-Check Is Super-Awesome, A Fact-Check

Rand Paul Has Smartest Economic Idea Since 9-9-9

Tea Party Nation: Hitler Hitler Hitler Hitler Hitler Hitler Hitler. Also: Hitler

Marco Rubio Can't Wait To Get Out Of Middle Class Hell-Hole

Governor Rick Snyder Celebrates Black History Month By Taking Over Detroit

Here Is All We Are Going To Say On Man-Drinks-Water-Gate

John Galliano, What Is Wrong With You?

Straightest Man In The World Steven Crowder Upset The Olympics Taking Away His Fancy Wrasslin'

When Is The GOP Response To The State of the Union? When Is The Tea Party Response To The State of the Union? When Is 'My Little Pony' On?

What Time Is The State Of The Union Live Blog? What Channel Is The SOTU Live-Bloog?

What Time Is The State Of The Union? What Channel Is The State Of The Union?

Richard Cohen Bravely Argues We Should Arm Syrian Rebels Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

We Are Sorry We Forgot Your Birthday, Sarah Palin!

Sheriff Joe's Posse Would Like To Surprise Your Children With An Armed Sex Offender

Join The Navy, See New Places, Meet New People, And Return To Broken Dreams And Limited Health Insurance

What Kind Of 'Foreplay' Is John Boehner Looking For?

Jennifer Rubin Valiantly Crusades Against Obama For The Pope's Honor

NYT: Second-Term Obama Getting Kind Of Uppity

Michelle Obama Invites Awesome Haitian Lady To SOTU FLOTUS Box

'It’s The Deficit, Stupid,' Says Fantastically Stupid Man Advising Obama On State Of The Union

This Man Would Like To Be Texas's Lieutenant Gov, Because Guns Guns Guns Guns Guns

Unemployed Loser Ex-Congressman Joe Walsh Goes Back To What He's Best At: Not Feeding His Kids

FreedomWorks: Protection From Domestic Violence Is For Wusses

Nugent To Attend State Of The Union; Living Will Envy The Dead

Totally Not Crazy Nevada Assembly Dem Arrested (Again) Trying To Grab Cops' Guns

Israel To Praying Ladies: You Can't Have It Yahweh

Latest Wingnut Meme: CIA Nominee Brennan Is Secret Muslim Infil-Traitor, Just Like In That 'Homeland' Teevee Show

Independent Women's Forum Furious At Your Wonket!

Assume Wingnuts Furious Over SNL's Cut Chuck Hagel Sketch

'Leftists' Say Mean Things About Saintly Pope: A Children's Treasury Of Instant Butthurt

Andrea Peyser Wants To Knock Up Your Pre-Teen

Michele Bachmann Still On House Intelligence Committee

Pope Pulls A Palin

Steven Seagal, American Hero, Trains Armed Vigilante Posse In Arizona

Your Sunday Nice Time! Everything Working Out Awesome For Gay Ohio Cop!

Sundays With The Christianists: A 'World History' Book That's Ready For Apocalypse, Now

Congress Trying Pot Again

Fox: If Ladies Insist On Wearing Pants, No One Will Know Who Has To Shovel Out From Nemo

Arkansas Will Not Be Squatted In!

Does Fox Nation (The Website) Lie As Much As Fox News (The Cable Channel)? Probably!

How Is Obama/The UN/Illuminati Forces Taking Michigan's Guns Away Today?

Condoleezza Rice Now Smacking People In The Face With Her Balls

Greatest Living President Is Also Fantastic Painter

What A Star We Lost When Barack Obama Beat Alan Keyes

Hateful Jerks Demand Hateful Jerk Be Fired For Calling Another Hateful Jerk A Hater

Congratulations, Iowa Womyn! You May Already Be A Murderer!

Today We Are All This Lady Brandishing A Semi At Chuck E. Cheese

Idiot Defeated Congressman Joe Walsh: Why Does Michelle Obama Hate Black Kids Who Die By Guns?

Disneyland White-Power Rabbit Makes Black Children Cry

Lutheran Pastor Sorry For His Terrible Sin: Praying With Other Religions At Sandy Hook Vigil

North Carolina Gov Attempts To Appoint Fox To Guard Education Henhouse

Yeah, No, Seriously, Los Angeles Spree-Killer Cop Is Really, *REALLY* Liberal

Bankers Might Have to Cough Up Tip Money In Exchange For Ruining The Economy, Our Lives

Big Joel Johnson, State Representative, Wants To Be Michigan's Vagina Inspector

Fired LAPD Officer Going Django On Everyone's Asses

Bill O'Reilly Making Even Less Sense Than Usual, Lauds Ted Nugent's Doubleplus Goodthink

Chris Christie To Lady Doctor: Shut Up, Lady Doctor

Rand Paul Outraged That Low-Flow Toilets Can't Handle His Monster Dumps

Wait A Minute, Did You Know The Westboro Baptist Church Girls Are Super Pretty?

Justice Sonia Sotomayor Personally Selling Pepsi To Dying Fat Kids, Yalies Outraged

Alabama State Senator Basing Abortion Legislation On Old-Timey Bible Songs

Fox News Pointing Out, Un-Pointing Out Hillary Clinton's Obvious Facelift

Rep. Paul Broun Not Content With Making House GOP Look Dumb, Will Run For Senate Instead

Jerry Brown Toilet-Talks Rick Perry: Your Anti-Cali Ad Is 'Barely A Fart'

Rep. Dana Rohrabacher's New Very Sane Benghazi Theory: Obama Let Ambassador Die To Win Reelection

Our Cup Runneth Over: Worst Psychiatrist Ever and Worst Mustache Ever May Both Run For Senate

Police Chief Calls Pro-Choice Woman 'Scum-Sucking Slut' On Facebook, Rewarded With Investigation

To Promote Freedom, Idaho Senator Wants To Require All Students To Read 'Atlas Shrugged'

Your Sweetheart Needs Scary Panties For Valentine's

Forget How Sexist This New Florida Logo Is, Let's Talk About What They Paid For It

Genius of History David Barton Finds Reliable Gun Facts In Louis L'Amour Novel

World's Wealthiest People To Poors: Let Them Not Eat

Detroit's Abandoned Packard Plant Was Never A Concentration Camp, You Guys

Hot New Conspiracy Theory: Wimpy Gun-Fearing Tyrant Obama Sending Death Squads To Murder Gun Fondlers

Great American Shooting Fad Continues: Take Two, Doggie Style

Internet's Stupidest Man Cannot Believe The Nerve On This Obama, Yelling At All The Cameramen Like That

Fox Bravely Continues Wars On Nature, Math

Wingnuts Furious: Texas Kids Design Imaginary Flags For Nonexistent Pretend Socialist Nation

Rove v. Walsh: The Battle To Be the Worstest Loser Begins!

Terrible Strom Thurmond's Nice Daughter Has Died

Happy Eighteenth Birthday, Trayvon Martin, Racism Is Over

Racist, Sexist People Think Michelle Obama Is Fat Because Of Racism, Sexism

Erick Erickson: Let's All Hit Other People's Children With Belts!

Republican Who Tweeted About Trayvon Martin As A Drug-Addled Gay Hustler Would Like To Show You His Penis

Glenn Beck's 'The Blaze' Asks Brave Question About Beyoncé's 'Illuminati Symbol' During Halftime Show

Sexy Mommy Superbowl Halftime Makes National Review Very Uncomfortable

News Media Squeals With Delight About Michelle Obama 'Vogue' Possibility

Tagg Romney Now To Maybe Run For Ann Romney's Senate Seat: Full Eyes Clear Hearts Can't Lose

Earth's Sentient Population Urges John McCain To Just Shut The Hell Up Already, Please

American Exceptionalism Blows Fuse

South Carolina Republican Bravely Tweets Similarities Between Trayvon Martin, Super Bowl

Hero Oregon Baker Refuses To Bake Sodomite Wedding Cake, So There

Move Over, Feminist Whores, Now Kevin Swanson Has Thoughts On Gays NAMBLAing All The Homeschooled Children

A Children's Treasury Of Photoshops Of Barack Obama Hunting Varmints

Yes, Please

Sundays With the Christianists: A 'World History' Textbook That Neither Trusts Nor Verifies

On The Pill? Tiny Dead Fetuses Are Eating Your Innards

Yes, It Has Come To This: White House Releases Long-Form Photo Of Obama Firing A Gun

Super-Excited Conserva-Texans Give 'Democrat' Happy Ending

Conservatives To Facebook: Screw You Guys, We're Going Home

John Kerry, World's Perfectest Diplomat

Shooting People: So Hot Right Now!

Glenn Beck Going To Be So Sad, You Guys

Are You On The NRA's 'Enemies List'? Hint: The Answer Is Yes!

Arkansas Senator Jason Rapert Not Having Any A You My-Nor-I-Ties Tellin' Him What To Do, Yeehaw

Tennessee Homophobe And New Wonket Coverboy Stacey Campfield Is A Real Weird Guy

Idaho State Senator Says Obamacare Just Like The Holocaust, Because Of Course It Is

National Review: Only A Monster Would Say The Nazis Didn't Make Sense

Fox 'Comedian' Steven Crowder, Married For 45 Minutes, Would Like To Give You Marriage Advice

Legal Genius Stacey Campfield Finds Way Around Getting His Garbage Written About

Get A Snack, Rubio And Vitter Are Having A Diaper-Hooker-Immigrant Catfight

Victoria Jackson Just Asking, 'Why Isn't There A White History Month,' Is Not Racist

Missouri Bill About Gun Instruction For First Graders Only Half As Awful As It Sounds

Idiot Tennessee Senator Behind 'Report Gay Kids' Bill Explains He Just Wants To Help Young Sodomites

Sorry Louisiana Olds, Children, Poors And AIDS-Havers, Bobby Jindal Is Taking Your Medicaid

What Is Old Man McCain Yelling At Clouds Today?

Good Job, Facebook, You Saved This Gay Dog!

How Is Obama Murdering Ronald Reagan With His Bare Black Hands Today?

NYPD Rescues New Yorkers From Seven-Year-Old School Child

Michelle Malkin Fights For Truth: Can Gun-Grabber Gabby Giffords Even Write Stuff?

Persecuted Job Creators Not Being Taxed To Death By States, Don't Worry

Sen. Mo Cowan Becomes Most Prestigious Temp In Massachusetts

Australia's 'First Bloke' Talks Prostate Exams From Asian Women (Video)

Your Afternoon Nice Time: Jim Nabors Gay-Marries Longtime BFF, Civilization Still Standing

New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez Really Should Not Be Sexing Under-Age Prostitutes

Tennessee Lawmakers To Gay Kids: We're Outing You To Parents For Your Own Good

Your Lunchtime Cry-Time: Gabby Giffords Speaks To Congress About Guns

Phyllis Schlafly On Women In Combat: Men Who Rape Them Will Be Accused Of Rape!

Joe Biden, Done Killing That Dog, Now Murdering Small Businesses With His Very Existence

In What 'Sex Act' Was Arnold Schwarzenegger Engaged When Snapped By Bob Guccione's Camera?

Alleged Skeet Murderer Barack Obama Afraid Of Guns (Because He Is Gay)

Maybe Anthony 'Haha His Name Is Weiner' Weiner Is Running For Office Again Or Something

Wingnut Congresswoman Demands To See Obama's Longform Skeet-Shooting Video

FishbowlDC Manages Not To Libel Anyone In Story On Color Of Joe Scarborough's Sweater

Romney Advisor Wants Free Gay Abortions For Everyone!

Obama Trying To Take Too Many Guns, Says Man Who Shot Old Man In The Face

Paul Krugman Brings Facts To Ideology Fight

Wingnuts Furious About Three-Month-Old Veep Debate And Zzzzzzz

Fox News Victim Of Obama Campaign To Destroy Fox News, Says Fox News

Lindsey Graham: Murderess Hillary Clinton Got Away With Murder (Again)

Would The Parents Of Newtown Shooting Victims Just Shut Up Already

'The New Republic' Singularly Unsuccessful At Purging Its Jews

Senate Approves Sandy Relief, Senate Still Littered With Bastards

Victoria Jackson, Allen West Still Suffering From Wingnut Vocabulary Disorder

Detroit's Libertarian Belle Isle Plan Basically Gayer Fire Island With Lower Taxes

Same-Sex Marriage Opponents Have A Grand New Incoherent Argument: Marriage Is For Dumbs

Tennessee To Poor Children: Failed Geometry? No Food for You!

What Will Sarah Palin Do Next? An Exercise in Wild Speculation

Now Joe Biden Has Killed A Dog, Just To Watch It Die

We Are Reasonably Sure This Is Not The OKCupid Profile Of Famous Hooker Ashley Dupre

Your Lunchtime Nice-Time: Barack And Hillary Love And Cuddle All Up On Each Other

North Carolina GOP, Saving Poors One Lotto Ticket at a Time

David Mamet: David Mamet Needs Guns Because Of Affirmative Action And Such

Gretchen Carlson Tries Valiantly To Shut Up Dumb Co-Anchors Wondering If Hillary Clinton Was 'Pushed' Onto Her Head

Millions of Americans Can Breathe Sigh Of Relief Now That We Are Safe From Unlocked Phones

How Are Arizona Republicans Performing Patriot Fellatio Today? (SFW)

Gun Industry: Make Sure Your Kid Gets His Gun First So He Won't Feel Left Out

Sundays With The Christianists: A 'World History' Textbook That Spins One For The Gipper

Public Broadcasting Finally Sacks Up And Hires A Real Man Who Will Tell The Truth About Obama

Un-Senator Scott Brown Filled With Twitter Ennui Over Who Knows What

Jesus: Don't Let Your Daughters Go To College To Turn Into Ugly Feminist Whores

Austrian Turks Go To 'Red Alert' Over Star Wars Lego Set

What Did John McCain And The Romneys Talk About During Their Lunch?

Hero Dad Stands Ground Against Daughter's 3.6 GPA

GOP Learns It Can Screw With Obama By Simply Not Showing Up

America’s Most Awful, Sexty Ex-Mayor Goes Back To Jail

Funmeister Newt Gingrich Says GOP Needs To Be A 'Happy Party'

Your Boyfriend Had Fun At The Inauguration (Video)

Iowa Rep. Steve King Stars In Tragic Tale 'A Christmas Without Guns'

'I'm Not Crazy,' Says Nevada Gun-Threat Pol In Shirtless Interview, 'You're The One Who's Crazy'

Good Luck In Your Future Endeavors, Timothy Geithner!

BREAKING: Florida Republicans Don't Want To Steal The White House

Now Orly Taitz Is Gonna Arrest The President, Uh Huh

Caption This Teabag Abortocaust Terrist Truck!

MSNBC's Goldie Taylor Knows 57 Ways To Kill Gossip Rag 'FishbowlDC'

Idiot Senator Complains About Lack Of Benghazi Briefings He Skipped, Just Like The Other Idiots (UPDATE!)

New Mexico Will Prosecute You for Borting Your Rape Baby, Because You Are Borting 'The Evidence'

Michelle Malkin: No One Is Mad Enough About Benghazi Except Michelle Malkin

Rep. Paul Broun Says Obama Upholds 'Soviet' Constitution; Nation Sighs & Rolls Eyes

What Can We Learn From This Horrible Story About Mentally Disabled People In Dungeons?

Let's Learn From Our Stupid Advertiser How To Hide Guns From The Government

Mean Lawyer Booed Paul Ryan, We All Weep For Paul Ryan

Worst Psychiatrist Ever Keith Ablow Blames Gun Control Agenda On Sad Orphan Obama

Nation Celebrates Roe v. Wade Birthday With Scary Videos, Hypocrisy, Balloons

Leon Panetta Ruining American Samurai Honor Code

Fox News Is Losing the War On Analogies

Dumb South Dakota Pol Really Sorry He Told Black Reporter To Go Back To Kenya

We Feel Like Rand Paul May Be Forgetting A 'Worst Tragedy Since 9/11'

Let's Watch Hillary Clinton Yell At Some Idiot Senator!

How Did It Take Five Whole Weeks To Blame These Shootings On Welfare Mom Fraud?

Texas Schools Implement Carefully Crafted Law By Teaching Bible As 100% Fact

If Guns Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Shoot Their Own Peckers Off

Why Spend $17.95 On ‘Erotic’ Obama Fan-Fic, When You Can Get Your Cow At Wonket For Free?

Ted Nugent And His Buddies Would Like To Re-Enact The Revolutionary War For You

Ghost Breitbart Celebrates MLK Day By Trashing 'Roots' & Linking To Stormfront

Instead Of Another College Shooting Story, Here Are Pictures Of A Studly FMDMILF

Good News America! Beyonce Lip-Synched The National Anthem, So We Can Finally Impeach?

The Unbearable Cuteness of Being (The Obamas)

Phil 'Not Tiger Woods' Mickelson May Quit Golf To Teach Obama, Moochers A Lesson

There Are People In This World Who Simply Do Not Care For Michelle Obama

Let's Learn About The Mitt Romney BFF Who Wants To Steal A Public Park, Secede From Michigan!

A Children's Treasury Of Old Handsome Joe Biden Inauguration-Day Greatness, God Love Him

A Children's Treasury Of Inauguration-Day Stupids

What Could John Boehner Have Possibly Said To Incite Michelle Obama's Stinkeye?

Wingnuts Furious: Hypocrite Obama Not Serving Sprouts With Side Of Sprouts For Inauguration Lunch

Jennifer Granholm Just Not Used To All The Stupid Things Rick Santorum Says

Announcing The Winners Of Your Wonkette Maryland Gay Marriage Extravaganza

Live-Blogging Whatever Is Pre-Empting 'The Price Is Right' Today

If Only There Were A Word That Meant Something Goes Horribly Awry To Describe This Lupe Fiasco Inaugural Concert

CNN: Was Martin Luther King Jr Conservative? Some Say! But Others Don't!

Will NRA Agree This Assemblyman Should Not Have A Gun? Probably, He Is A Democrat

Pamela Geller: Why Is America Being So Mean To Domestic Terrorists?

Let's Talk About The President's Sex Life!

Sundays With The Christianists: A 'World History' Textbook That Loves The Smell Of Napalm In the Morning

Humble Maryland Bureaucrat Has Catheter, Will Make You Tend To It

Bradlee Dean Would Like Us To Beat The Murder Out Of The Children

Chicago Police: Feel Free To Homicide People Over Stolen Toothpaste

Charlie Daniels Explains He's Not A Racist, Just An Unhinged Paranoid

Business Owners Being Dicks: Your Week In Review

Mississippi Schools Best In Nation At Sending Kids To Jail

Betsy Rothstein, FishbowlDC Sued Just For Calling Some Publicist A Slut Every Week For A Year

Drudge Sirens! Former NOLA Mayor Ray Nagin Charged With Taking Bribes Just Like In Treme!

NRA President: Barack Obama Is Threatening To Murder Me

Plagiarizing Cast Of Glee To Perform At Inaugural Ball, Turn Nation Gay

This Poor Fox Lady Said 'Inniggeral' (Video)

Peggy Noonan: How Is Wimpy Self-Pitying Richard Milhous Obama Bullying The Nation Today?

Deadspin Tells Donald Trump What America Has Been Thinking For Years

Happy Birthday Michelle Obama We Made You A Pome

Here's A Surprise: School Vouchers Help Spread Creationism

Why Is The FBI Cocaining Marion Barry To Death?

Orly Taitz To Court: Is Barack Obama His Own Secret Body-Double Indonesian Spy?

Rush Limbaugh Would Like Some Attention Please, Also To Shoot Women/Fetuses With Guns

GOP Schedules Plantation Fun-Times For Minority Outreach

Bobby Jindal Here To Help Grandma Die Sad Painful Death, For Real, Hooray!

Your Morning Nice-Time: Dems Wish Republickans A Verye Merrye And Bounteouss Daye

House Republicans Have Zero Problem Raising Ceiling On Cash For Oppressing Gays

Only Local Law Enforcement Can Protect You From The Tyranny Of Federal Law Enforcement

Valerie Jarrett Just Making Up Badass Obama Quotes

Obama Hates Children, Deserves No Secret Service Protection

Why Does Liberal Weenie Antonin Scalia Not Love Guns At All?

Andrea Mitchell: Reagan Supported Gun Laws; Gun Dude: Who, That Senile Old Man?

Michele Bachmann Campaign Aides Fighting Over Who Was Slimiest Slime Ever

Wal-Mart Offers Veterans The Fabulous Prize Of Maybe Working At Wal-Mart

Gracious House Of Representatives To NJ, CT And NY: Fine, Here’s Your Stupid Hurricane Money

Liveblogging the End Of Freedom (Yet Again) As Barry Steals All The Guns

NRA: Why Does Uppity Obama Refuse To Let Sasha And Malia Die From Guns Like Regular American Children?

Matt Drudge Has Melancholy Breakup With America, Tweets Sad Poetry

Michael Savage: Don't Let The Flu Mandarins Put Autism In You

Tenured Academic At State University Complains About Laziness Of Shiftless Unemployeds

Genius Of History David Barton Claims Founding Fathers Were Awesomest At Guns

This Fox Illustration Of A Gun Pointed At Obama's Head Is Just A Really Good Illustration (Of A Gun Pointed At Obama's Head)

Daily Caller Scoop: Why Are We Paying Literally Hundreds Of Dollars For Bill Clinton's Soft-Core Porn?

Cool Bro Ranks All The Ugliest Feminists, As If That Is Not Redundant (NSFW)

Drunky Maryland Pol: Gay Marriage Crashed That Boat, Injured That 5-Year-Old Girl

Newtown Truthers Approach Center Of Conspiracy: This Nice Old Man Dog-Walker

Alabama Sex Ed Law: Tell Kids Being Gay Is A Crime

Today In Impeachment Fantasies, Steve Stockman Edition

Yes Virginia, You Elected These Idiot GOP Legislators

Ayn Rand Dating Site Marginally Less Horrifying Than 'Ayn Rand Dating Site' Might Imply

The Fix: Is John Boehner Hitting The Bottle?

[Delta] House Teabaggers Plan Gingrich-Worthy Stupid And Futile Gesture

Obama Says GOP Wants To Go Get Sushi, Not Pay

Attention Maryland Gays: Wonkette Will Marry You So Good (UPDATE)

Known Black Person Colin Powell Simply Does Not Care For Sarah Palin Being A Balls-Out Racist

Mark Sanford To Admit Affair With 2014 Election

Oh Whoops, Add 'Assaulted A Stewardess' To Charges Against Rand Paul's Drunky Underage Son (Updated!)

Let These Chickenhawks Explain You Why Chuck Hagel/Military Service Are Irrelevant In Post-9/11 World

Go Galt In Detroit's Centrally Planned Puerto Rico For Rich Jerks

Bobby Jindal Will Be Louisiana's Reverse Robin Hood

Gun Show At Cow Palace Draws Patriots Ready To Fight 'Revolution'

Glennbeckistan: Your Libertarian-Commune Paradise Awaits

A Children's Treasury Of People Standing On Graves, Like That Awful Piers Morgan

Sundays With The Christianists: A 'World History' Textbook That's Better Dead Than Read

Ohio Religious School Devises Fun Science Project About Dangers Of Asbestos

Fox News Does Its Part In War On Science, Demands 'Recount' Of Weather Temperatures

RFK Junior: The Truth Is Out There

Obama Administration Crushes Nerds' Dreams, Will Not Build Death Star

Hero Patriot Dad Will Shed Blood Again If School Nazis Wreck Pledge Of Allegiance

Whoops Looks Like Tennessee Is Going To Start Taking Dude's Guns Away?

Schools To Get Blowed Up By Terrorists, Says Man Who Really Really Wants To Carry Gun At Schools

It's Cool, Everybody, Gun Nut Says He Won't Have To Kill Us All 'Yet'

Larry Elder Tells Jerry Brown 'I'm Not Kissing Your Butt,' Teaches Us All About Debate

Fox's Megyn Kelly Accidentally Commits Journalism About Guns

Genius Gun Guy Wishes Django Unchained Were Real

Would Somebody Explain To Fox News How Money Works Please (UPDATE)

Did Wingnut Joseph Farah Announce Himself As Inaugural Prayer Breakfast's Honored Guest? Probably, Sure, Why Not

Michele Bachmann Stiffing Campaign Staffers, Offending Lord

Government Agencies Just Buying Each Other Hookers Now

Sheriff Joe Arpaio's Posse Just Lousy With 'Bad Guys With Guns'

Ted Nugent: Shooting Everyone In Sight Is The New Civil Disobedience

Bernie Sanders Will Pogrom Capitalism By Not Letting Banks Regulate Themselves

Gay Mafia Forces Obama To Cancel Presidential Inauguration; Hugo Chavez To Take Oath Of Office Instead

Fox's 'The Five': Algebra Is Liberal Terrorism

Paul Ryan Focusing On Jobs With New Bill About One-Celled Embryos

Tattooed Face Guy For King Of Universe, Please

Chuck Hagel Loves Terrorism Like Al Jazeera Loves Beheading People

Joe Scarborough Yells Over All The Ladies, Snaps His Fingers At Them, To Prove That He Is Not A Chauvinist

Allen West Helping Raise Funds For Islam, What A Nice Guy

Jury: KBR Caused Troops' Cancer; KBR: Pay Up, America!

Wackaloon Candidate For Nevada Governor Ready For Civil War, Obama To Kill Him

Marine Will Not Allow Senator/'Some Woman' To Legislate His Personal Assault Rifles

Celebrating Hippie Corpse Richard Nixon's 100th Birthday

Why Raise the Gas Tax When You Can Kick Virginia Hippies Instead

Rich Abdill Is Your New Editrix (Limited Time Only, Must Have Coupon At Time Of Purchase)

Glenn Beck Has The Internet You've All Been Waiting For

Drudge Says Obama Is Hitler And Stalin, Yawn

NRA Just Keeps On Getting NRA-ier

Alabama Sen. Jeff Sessions: Are There No Workhouses?

Comments From Indian Gang Rape Defendants' Lawyer Unlikely To Win New Fans For Lawyers

Dick Armey Sorry He Dished To Most Sinister Far-Left Outlet On The Planet, 'Media Matters'

Stupidest Man On Internet Delighted: 175 Cold-Weather Deaths In India Mean That Climate Change Is Fake

Cheer Up Congress, At Least You Are More Popular Than That Dude Who Knocked Up Rielle Hunter

Andrew Sullivan Wants To Know Why Women Americans Don't Want To Overturn The Civil Rights Act, Endorse Fetal Personhood

NRO: Allies? We Don't Need No Stinking Allies

Wendy's Would Like To Get In On This Unsanitary Food Service Thing By Refusing Employee Health Care

David Frum Was Super-High When He Wrote This Column On Smoking Drugs

Victoria Jackson: Biking Is The Gateway Drug To Socialism, Hell

What Else Should Be On New York Restaurant's $2000 Plate Of Pasta?

South Carolina Restaurant To Illegal Aliens: 'Eat Me'

Things We Learned From Our Neighbor Last Night, About 'The Jews'

Alex Jones Yells, Adopts Bad British Accent While Calmly Explaining His Serious Concerns

Mitch McConnell Has New Enemy No. One: Smokey The Bear

Who Would Republicans Deign To Accept As Obama's Secretary Of Defense?

Connecticut Rep. To Gabby Giffords: Newtown Ain't Big Enough For The Both Of Us

WND Will Impeach Chief Justice For Swearing In Whats-His-Name, The Black Guy

Log Cabin Republicans And Chuck Hagel: The Stupid That Dare Not Speak Its Name

Ghost Andrew Breitbart Helped Convince John Boehner That Nobody Was Going To Overthrow Him

What Is Wrong With Greg Gutfeld?

Rand Paul's Drunky Underage Son Arrested For Being Too Awesome

Good News, Everyone! Rich People Had A Very Nice 2012!

Seemingly Racist Delaware Park Signs Merely Really Stupid, Not Apartheid For Your Spanishes

Who Is Barack Obama Raping Today, Charles Krauthammer?

Sundays With The Christianists: A 'World History' Textbook To Protect Homeschooled Darlings From The Big Mean U.N.

Los Angeles Would Like To Get In On This Rape Cop Game Please

Hey, NRA, Here's A Teacher With A Gun...Yay?

This Freaky-Deaky Priest For Pope

Birther Queen Orly Taitz Explains to Judge: She Is Pretty Much Thurgood Marshall, Yo

Michelle Malkin Knows Just Who Is To Blame For Withholding Sandy Relief (It Is Obama Duh)

Barack Obama Ruining Detroit With Illegitimate Babies, Unwed Whore Moms

Here Is Victoria Jackson Not Being Totally Mentally Ill About Als Gore And Jazeera

Texas Senator John Cornyn: We Must Burn The Government To Save It

Friday Nice-Time: A Love Letter to Rosa DeLauro

Why Wouldn't Al Gore Sell His Teevee Channel To Awesome Fair Journalists At Glenn Beck's 'The Blaze'?

Bill O'Reilly Has Some Thoughts About Asians, Pinheads

Watch Breathlessly As Your New 113th Congress Does Nothing: A New Wonkette Feature

Have You Heard The One About The Woman Who Wasn't Raped 'Cause She Isn't Married?

Meet The (Alleged) Preteen-Loving Pastor Of The Church That Awarded WND For 'Trustworthy' (Alleged) Journalism

Are You An Old Crazy Community College Professor? Then You Too Can Write For 'The Hill'

Daily Caller Discovers Who Is Destroying The Earth (It Is Leonardo DiCaprio)

Whatcha Doing, Gays? Oh, Just Giving Birth To Satan Out Of Your Butts? Carry On!

Biden Tells Jerk Baby Not To Be Afraid Of Democrats

Gingrich Sugar-Daddy Took Our Manhood, Say Peons

'Don't Worry About That,' Cops Tell Women Before Giving Them Roadside Handies

Why Are We Impeaching President Obama Today?

Today's John Boehner Update, In Which Peter King Dashes Our Dreams of Continued Fightsies

WorldNetDaily Named America's Second-Most-Trustworthy News Source: It's a Major Award!

Story About Losing Orange County Republican Leaves Out That He Is Drunk And Creepy

Being Hillary Clinton's Aide Officially Most Baller Job Ever

Pamela Geller: Obama Is Naziest Nazi Who Ever Nazied, Totally Gonna Kill All The Jews

Wisconsin Pol: Why Do We Care About Kwanzaa When It Wasn't Even on The Cosby Show?

Even House GOP Hates House GOP Today

Daily Caller Writer Was Just Asking Responsible Questions About Hillary Clinton Faking It

Reports: Congress Expected To Continue Acting Insane

You Guys, John Boehner Said A Swear!

Joe Biden: Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangster

Unveiling Wonket's 2012 Hu-Man Of The Year

2012: Year Of The Short-Fingered Vulgarian

For Fox & Friends, It Was A Very Bad Year

Your Year In Wars On Women, Religion, Christmas, Various Aspects Of Reality

Your Rockin' Wonkin' New Year's Eve Playlist